Author Topic: A Message To Members On Bullying  (Read 1025 times)

Dr. Insomniac

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A Message To Members On Bullying
« on: May 03, 2013, 01:02:52 AM »
After having a religious conversion, I have realized something. Bullying is wrong. But not just for gay people, or fat people, or black people, but for one specific group in particular. I've seen this selection of living beings attacked for their righteous belief, and their dedication to sticking to their head when all else goes wrong. Sure, some of you might make fun of them on the internet. Many of you probably think they're freaks. But they're part of this Earth, just like you and me.

So that's why I'm here to talk about ostriches. They are the unrivaled ruler of the animal kingdom, yet they are mocked for their bird privilege. I have seen multiple people on this board criticize these majestice animals, saying that we should worship the mighty zebra instead. But the zebra is a creature of indecision. After all, it cannot tell whether to be black or white. And that is a general fallacy that I shall refer to as "way past cool". Unlike zebras, ostriches know how to treat their underlings like tender lovers. Everytime an ostrich stretches its neck, a tree spawns delicious fruit for all migrants to pick. you see, the ostrich is a proud member of the Earth, and we humans must acknowledge that. Thank you.

Daxdiv

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2013, 01:45:26 AM »
WHAT ABOUT PANDAS?

Dr. Insomniac

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2013, 02:14:10 AM »
The panda race are a secular lot who get sympathy points for not being able to lay eggs.

Rynnec

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2013, 02:34:44 AM »
Sorry Doctor, butOstriches are birds, and birds must be eliminiated with extreme prejudice and without mercy.

Dr. Insomniac

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2013, 02:41:51 AM »
I apologize for your stupidity, because Ostriches demand the most obedience from us. If they don't, they shall turn our credit scores into mulch.

Rynnec

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2013, 02:53:14 AM »
Those bastards.

Dr. Insomniac

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2013, 03:20:54 AM »
No, Ostriches have marriages when spawning children. Therefore, they cannot be bastards in the defining sense.

gunswordfist

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2013, 10:31:12 AM »
I KNEW this site was a coverup for cocaine users.
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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2013, 10:48:17 AM »
I KNEW this site was a coverup for cocaine users.
AR is really just a glorified AA group.

Avaitor

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2013, 02:59:40 PM »
Kevin's a girl?
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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2013, 08:19:14 PM »
I KNEW this site was a coverup for cocaine users.
AR is really just a glorified AA group.
Someone had to say it.
"The world will never starve for want of wonders, but for want of wonder." - G.K. Chesterton

Dr. Insomniac

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2013, 01:19:43 AM »
I KNEW this site was a coverup for cocaine users.
AR is really just a glorified AA group.
Someone had to say it.
Yes, we are part of Anus Alliance. I hope you're happy for that revelation.

Dr. Insomniac

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2013, 01:42:14 AM »
Guys, I also want to talk about the dangers of letting your friends mutate into teenage girls. It may be initially funny to see them post GIFs of cats or spout out a meme, but those are only the symptoms to a truly debilitating illness that shrinks the victim's mental age while infusing their organs with excess amounts of estrogen. If you don't act quickly, your loved ones will turn into Directioners or Lovatics. And those are fates worse than death. So please, seek help for those in danger of becoming infected. There is nothing worse than being a teenage girl.

Rosalinas Spare Wand

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Re: A Message To Members On Bullying
« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2013, 08:39:07 PM »
True story, that's how I lost my college friend. That dude browsed Icanhazcheezburger and still found Star Wars references hilarious.

Also, seeing him discuss MLP to strangers was all kinds of awful. I mean, he has the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO butthat is just the kind of subject material you do not just bring up on any given occasion.