2012
03.30

Late last year, I was getting caught up on one of the Summer’s better anime titles: We Still Don’t Know the Name of the Flower we Saw that Day (or Ano Hana if you like fake Japanese shorthand). At 11 episodes total, I was able to plow through the episodes in less than a week. The series was about a group of estranged friends trying to get over their differences after the ghost of one of their other childhood friends comes back in hopes of fulfilling a wish in order to cross over. While the death of their friend left the rest of the cast with some obvious flaws character-wise, you were still able to care about each of them, having been shown what their friendship used to be like oh so many years ago.

Not true for We’ll Be Waiting that Summer.

We’ll Be Waiting that Summer (or Ano Natsu in fake Japanese shorthand) is a short 12-episode series about a group of teens, and shares the same director as Ano Hana. Sadly the list of similarities stops there.

The main protagonist is Kaito, who essentially looks and acts exactly like Kensuke from Evangelion. For reasons initially not explained, he has an obsession with recording everything on an 8mm handheld camera. He’s out recording one day when, in a plot twist similar to that of a certain Abrams/Spielberg movie, he happens to be caught in the middle of an alien ship crash landing to Earth. He wakes up the next day at home with no recollection of the crash, and heads to school where he’s introduced to a foxy new transfer student. In an attempt to get closer to the student, Kaito’s friend asks some upperclassmen (new transfer student included) if they’d like to make a film with them over break.

Up until this point, the series does a good job of setting up the cast of characters and how the viewers expect them to act. However, things take a turn for the trite when the gang conveniently wins a vacation to Okinawa, where the majority of the series’ love triangle nonsense happens. This, not-so-coincidentally enough, is also where the series begins to falter and I immediately start to lose interest in any of the characters. Normally when it comes to character A liking B, but B liking C, types of stories, even in the case that the ship you support fails, the story is still able to make it up to you by having the unpaired character finish their character arc in a way that isn’t just essentially saying “deal with it.” Not true for Ano Natsu. Once hints of characters showing an interest in other characters show up, the entire cast begins to act frustratingly irrationally to the point that you’re not just questioning their actions—you’re completely in opposition to them. With three episodes to go, I could barely stand where the plot has brought the characters, and things were only made worse when I was reminded that the series was also part sci-fi.


By the end of the series, there’s something that some people might suggest resemble a conclusion in which focus goes to neither character A ending up with character B, or A with C, but the entire cast as a whole, with all loose ends tied up as the credits roll. It’s one of those series I would recommend if there wasn’t any other series that did a better job with the same theme, but since there are then I’ll just say skip this and watch Ano Hana instead. At least then you’ll cry for all the right reasons.

2012
03.29

With the Winter Programs come to a close, it’s time to share with the rest of the class what we’ve been watching.

First up: Nisemonogatari.

Sequel series, or sequels in general, are tricky beasts to deal with. At the bare minimum, viewers expect that the same charm and quirks from the original be carried over, to the tune of a new, refreshing plot. The problem with that in terms of Nisemonogatari (or Impostory if you’re looking for a good English equivalent portmanteau) is that its predecessor Bakemonogatari had all its charm in having main lead Araragi be introduced to the heroine of the arc, making decent chit-chat with them until he realizes they’re suffering some kind of ailment (read: demon possession). While the possession isn’t exactly your traditional form of possession, usually leading to the lead girl having a certain quirk than a full-on Exorcism-style possession, the means used to cure the possession isn’t exactly textbook either. In a nutshell, Bakemonogatari was able to mix in elements of the harem genre along with the essence of a paranormal while all under the guise of slice-of-life style dialogue that could have only come from a light novel adaptation.

Nisemonogatari is split up into two arcs: Karen Bee and Tsukihi Phoenix.

With the majority of the cast from Bakemonogatari present, the series is already at a disadvantage in that viewers have lost that element of the unknown. That said, the first arc makes an attempt at recapturing what its predecessor series did without coming off as too redundant. What we’re presented with feels like a series of strung-together vignettes, as Araragi interacts with each and every one of his haremettes, with most interactions being acts of happenstance which may or may not come off as too convenient depending on your tolerance level of fan-service. Yes, what came off as parodies last go-round come off as more intentional this time, with each and every haremette interaction having some level of sexual subtext to the point that I’m not really sure “sub” is a good choice of prefix. And just knowing that the Araragi sisters will be joining the ranks of the other haremettes is disturbing to say the least. Fun to watch in small doses, yes, but still… disturbing.

Perhaps it’s the sharp decrease in artistic cutaways that brings so much attention to the haremettes this time. The random cuts to live-action still-lifes and massive amounts of text, while distracting in Bakemonogatari made the series stand out and gave viewers something to mesmerize themselves when idle chit-chat between characters got a bit too dry. This time around, the artistic license is limited to abnormal scenery, with the Araragi household being filled with endless supplies of spiral staircases and the outside world consisting of barren wasteland with the occasional old-school car whizzing by. In terms of the world, you’re still given the impression that Araragi is as alone as ever with exception to the rest of the cast, but without Studio Shaft’s random cut-aways, things just feel a bit off.

The same can be said about the arcs’ protagonists. While we are presented with the standard paranormal ailments with Araragi’s sisters, the primary antagonistic focus is given to Kaiki and Yozuru in the first and second arc of the series, respectively. The two give off a vibe similar to Oshino in that they’re adults with an excessive knowledge of the paranormal. But unlike the more likable Oshino, these two are more focused on the extermination of paranormal beings without any care for the person being possessed. It sounds like it could form an interesting plot and eventual setup between the adults and teens. But the way both antagonists are treated in the end is such a painfully low payoff, especially given the standards of anime showdowns, that I can’t help but feel cheated in some way.

That’s not to say that I found the series overall to suck this time. On the contrary, there were bits and pieces from the series that I did find enjoyable. Araragi’s continued interactions with the rest of the cast, while leaning towards a more blatant harem anime, are still intriguing in that they’re all (thinly) veiled by some kind of mundane talk, from board games to standing on your head, to the absolute best way to win at rock-paper-scissors. In terms of the antagonists in Kaiki and Yozuru, while they were bland for the most part, they still provided some level of backstory that fleshed out the rest of the –monogatari world outside of Araragi’s little bubble. It may not have been the best material out there, but it was still something to keep me someone entertained throughout.

What really made the series for me, though, was the sheer amount of screen time given by the vampire girl that’s older than she looks: Shinobu.

While Bakemonogatari teased us by having the vampire loli sitting in the corner of the occasional episode, fans were given a treat by the final episode of Bake when she’s not only made use of, she resolves the conflict of the final harem in the most badass way possible. Seeing what she was capable of without any spoken lines set my expectations through the roof by the time Nise was announced.

What resulted did not disappoint. Were we given any kind of explanation as to why Shinobu didn’t talk last season as opposed to this one? She just didn’t feel like it. Did it seem completely out of character for her to pop out of Araragi’s shadow and talk up a storm in what I can only assume is the Japanese equivalent of ye old English? Maybe, but I didn’t care. Throughout the entirety of Nisemonogatari, Shinobu was a complete scene stealer. I’ll even go as far as saying that she was this season’s Senjougahara in that her screen time could have worked alone, but was especially memorable in that she dominates any and all conversations she’s involved in, which is something considering just how much dialogue is in this series. Fanboying aside, she also provides a level of character depth that I think was attempted with the series protagonists as well, but wasn’t nearly done as well. Maybe it’s because Kizumonogatari was possibly supposed to have been released before Nise, but either way, the number of references to something that’s yet to have been animated draws more interest than it does bog down the story. Characters have been making offhanded reference to Araragi being a vampire since Bake, so to have additional offhanded comments coming from the vampire herself in Nise only to realize that she’s now in the form of a little girl that lives in the shadows of Araragi in a sort of master/slave relationship (which is which, is up in the air, really) is intriguing to say the least.

In a nutshell: Nisemonogatari offers some of what its predecessor did in the harem department, but ends much too abruptly due to weak (read: uninspired and bored) antagonists. Regardless, seeds planting the prequel series of Kizumonogatari is enough to keep me interested in the series as a whole.

2012
03.26

You know those shitty Christian propaganda cartoons used by fellas like Kirk Cameron to brainwash their children? Well, today we’re going to analyze one! So grab your popcorn and your Bible, ‘cuz it’s time to get downright sacrilegious in this motherfucker!

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. You know how “thou shalt not steal” is one of those Ten Commandment doohickeys? Well, there’s absolutely no way I’d ever pay money for this awful cartoon, so I watched it on YouTube instead of buying it. Wait, is streaming stealing? …It technically isn’t? Well, then disregard my confession, Father. Have a lovely day!

The Pilgrim’s Progress

The opening text of Baptista Films’ 1978 epic promises “the best in full action animation production.”

Pilgrims

Yeah, no.

And if the video’s opening text is such a blatant lie, then how can the audience possibly be expected to believe in the authenticity of the presented story?

Anyway, the cartoon opens with some generic gospel music. WHAT A SURPRISE. From there, the narrator begins telling us about John Bunyan’s “literary and religious masterpiece” which apparently “ranked second to The Bible as the world’s bestseller.” Forgive me if I seem skeptical, but I doubt that any intricate literature sales records were kept in and preserved from the 1600′s, so I’m inclined to believe that the narrator is simply pulling this “fact” out of his ass.

Our story begins with a man named Christian (subtle) melodramatically lamenting that his city is too sinful and, because of this, will be “burnt with fire.” I’m not sure what else you could burn a city with, but whatever. Some ugly elves overhear his anguished rantings and sensibly assume that the man is spewing forth some kind of crazy gibberish. Then everybody laughs at him unconvincingly. His feelings clearly hurt, Christian departs immediately from the city, valiantly leaving his wife and children behind to presumably be burnt to death in the anti-sin fire. What a great father.

On his journey, Christian meets an albino named Evangelist who tells him to walk toward the sun and then knock on some gates. Hobbling forth on his merry way, he is stopped by a total douche and a drooling manchild (named Obstinate and Pliable, respectively) who try to get him to come back to the city with them. Well, Obstinate tries, anyway… Pliable just kinda’ stands there and picks his nose until he eventually decides to join Christian on his quest. They immediately take off, leaving Obstinate behind. Christian explains the goal of his adventure to Pliable, who moves by hunching over and swimming through the air.

Pliable

Pliable's walk cycle truly must be seen to be believed.

The pair decide to go for a leisurely swim in the swamp, and Pliable’s horrifyingly slow yet slurred diction serves as both accidental nightmare fuel and a grim reminder that the exact same person did the voice acting for every character in this production. He then runs away for some reason. Evangelist teleports in to explain that the disgusting slough is basically just an allegory for people who aren’t completely faithful Christians. At least, that’s what it sounds like. Which I suppose makes sense in the context of this story.

Venturing to the top of a hill, Christian meets Mr. Worldly Wiseman, who informs him that going to the Wicket Gate is totally bogus and filled with bad vibes. He advises Christian to head for the town of Morality instead, where he knows some men who can help get him off and do things with his load. Or something like that. At this point, the animation becomes even choppier than before, sometimes using still frames in lieu of actually bothering to make the characters move. And we’re only 9 minutes in!

As Christian prepares to enter Morality, it is suddenly set aflame. Apparently the lawfully good and morally sound people of the town weren’t religious enough, so they deserved to die. Glad to see justice was served! Evangelist shows up again to call Christian a dumbass. He begs Evangelist to give him another chance… and then the video cuts out and accidentally plays the scene where the town burns down again while the visual quality shits its britches.

Evangelist

Disneyesque.

“Your sin is great!” Evangelist tells him cheerfully, and then disappears. When Christian finally reaches the gate, he meets Goodwill, who explains that Beelzebub is a serious prick that just sits up in his castle all day shooting arrows at innocent passersby. He then tells our hero to walk down a long narrow path, cluing him in to the fact that “the right are straight.” There is a sudden jump cut, and Christian is now in The Interpreter’s house. This man ushers him to a “private room” where he “shows him many things.” After that, Christian sets off again filled with more vigor than before. This seems to completely contradict Goodwill’s earlier statement.

According to the narrator, Christian begins to run down the path at this point, but the animation itself shows him as moving at a snail’s pace. Christian, upon reaching the cross where Jesus Christ was crucified, is brought to the realization that Christ’s horrific death was the fault of both him and many others like him, so he kneels down and prays for about a minute. He doesn’t get too into it, though, so it can only be assumed that Christian doesn’t really give a shit and is in this entirely for his own personal gain. Oh, and I hope you like bad gospel music.

Kneeling

The scene lingers on this still shot for about 30 seconds, then spends another 30 seconds zooming out. There is no real animation whatsoever.

The “Shining Ones” show up and tell him that his sins are forgiven. So the cartoon’s over now, right? Wrong! We’re only just getting started. Christian continues his journey to the Celestial City, and encounters three guys sleeping on the grass along the way. Since this is clearly against the nature preserve’s sanitation codes, he decides to wake the fellows up and get them back on the road. He does this by gently caressing one of the men’s faces and then grabbing another by the hair and repeatedly slamming the poor guy’s head against his own chest. They don’t wake up, and the scene abruptly ends.

Fade in on two bumbling idiots named Formalist (who wears a gothic lolita dress) and Hypocrisy (who is basically Obstinate with different clothing) hopping over a stone wall. Formalist explains that walking to the Wicket Gate would have taken too long, so he considered climbing the wall to be the best option. The audio here is very choppy and obviously spliced together from two very different takes of the same line reading. To be fair, I am, quite frankly, impressed that this is actually the first instance of such a problem occurring in Baptista’s <$50 budget production. Ending the dialogue there, Formalist and Hypocrisy both take wrong turns on the path, so the former becomes lost for all eternity and the latter dies. Our God sure is merciful, huh?

Two hilariously animated and deathly afraid people run into the shot and warn Christian about some lions up ahead with the beautifully-written line, “we know not if they slept or not.” Christian approaches the lions, which look suspiciously like panthers, and then the scene immediately ends. It doesn’t cut to black or fade out or anything, it just suddenly starts playing a new segment in the middle of the previous one. Great editing, guys.

In this new scene, Christian explains that he fell asleep and lost his scroll. Huh. I must have missed that part. He then meets Discretion, who is voiced by Microsoft Anna, and she introduces him to some other women (off-screen, of course). He explains to them that his wife and children did not come with him on his journey, but that he prayed to God for Him to show them the right path. God must have had a lot on His plate that day, though, since they’re almost definitely dead by now.

Another inexplicable jump cut with no transition whatsoever brings us to the next morning. The women give Christian “God’s armor,” which is a complete set of cosmetic items with names that one might expect to find in a religious MMORPG. The names of all the various items pop up in white letters whenever they’re shown off, but unfortunately the sword shines so brightly in the middle of the screen that its name is unreadable.

Armor

"Time to sell this shit at the auction house!"

After sliding down a small hill, Christian meets DevilmanApollyon, who has quite possibly the most laughable “scary” voice I’ve ever heard. Apollyon screams at him, which sounds something like the screeches of four women being tortured simultaneously. He reads his lines at Christian in a very bored-sounding tone, and then starts throwing fireballs at him. Christian’s shield deflects the attacks with more “women being tortured” sounds, and then the demon pushes him to the floor and prepares to rape him. Suddenly, Christian announces that “the Lord is the strength of [his] life,” which causes Apollyon to stub his toe and then fly away in fear like a little bitch. Forget Cowboy Bebop, The Pilgrim’s Progress is what truly sets the bar for badass animated fight scenes.

And then the animators apparently started doing LSD, because the next scene and its accompanying funk rock soundtrack make about as much sense as Begotten. After a couple minutes of unintelligible imagery, an omniscient voice quotes The Bible and someone hits the light switch. Christian runs out of “the valley of the shadow of death” unharmed with his newfound friend, Faithful. The pair travels through the town of Vanity Fair, and because they don’t buy anything, they are stoned, beaten, and imprisoned by the merchants. Capitalism at its finest.

At their trial, the court’s jury (which is composed entirely of disgustingly ugly people) finds them guilty of treason for loving God, so they are sentenced to death. Then, within the span of no more than five seconds, flying horses blow up the wall and rescue Christian. The scene then switches to a shot of a burning fire, implying the death of his friend. As the fire rages on, the narrator cheerfully chimes in with the line, “Faithful was withdrawn from the pilgrimage.” That’s pretty fucking morbid.

A man named Hopeful joins Christian on his journey (off-screen, of course), and they stop to rest for the night under the protection of a large rock. The next morning, they are awoken by an angry voice, which informs them that they are trespassing on his land. So-called Giant Despair proceeds to throw them in his dungeon, — which, unlike his “house,” is an actual building — mispronounce the word “trespassers,” and whip them.

Giant Despair

"GIANT DESPAIR ANGRY! GIANT DESPAIR KEEP GIRLY MEN IN TOWER!"

After a few days of crying and posting on his LiveJournal, Christian remembers that he has a key in his pocket and randomly decides to try using it on the locked door… and it works! Never mind that the lock is literally 1000 times larger than the key, Christian and Hopeful are now free! Giant Despair attempts to stop the dynamic duo from escaping, but fails miserably by tripping over his nonexistent shoelaces.

Nearing the end of their journey, Christian and Hopeful meet four shepherds, which the single voice actor uses to showcase his astounding(ly awful) vocal range.  They help our heroes by warning them of the dangers ahead and telling them to take heed of certain troublesome areas. It’s kind of ironic that the devout Christians are told what to do by shepherds, which would fit in with the rest of this cartoon’s allegories by implying that they’re nothing more than sheep, but I digress.

In the next scene, the only black character in the entire cartoon shows up to deviously trick our brave white Christian male heroes. They become trapped under a net that could have easily been cut by Christian’s sword for roughly two seconds before Evangelist pops up again to free them. They then meet Atheist, who laughs at them for believing in the Celestial City and doesn’t do much else.

Atheist Reaction

Christian's faith is clearly shaken by Atheist's Godless words.

In yet another utterly pointless scene, the sheepheroes arrive in Beulah Land, a beautiful place which apparently doesn’t even compare to the Celestial City. Moving on, Christian and Hopeful are forced to pass through The River Of Death (how spooky!). More awful gospel music plays over a montage of clips from previous events in the cartoon, and then the video ends with the two friends walking into the clouds together.

———

While the allegories may be horribly dated and the story itself somewhat hypocritical, John Bunyan’s original Pilgrim’s Progress is definitely an important work in the history of religious literature. Baptista Films’ cartoon adaptation? Complete and utter pap. Not only is it poorly made and insultingly constructed, so much was cut out of and altered from the original work that it is literally incomprehensible. Any meaning that may have been present in Bunyan’s book is lost in the translation from text to shitty cartoon, and thus The Pilgrim’s Progress serves only as an example of what happens when propaganda with the intention of reinforcing an idea is hastily slapped together instead of carefully constructed. I honestly can’t see even the most devout Christian child thinking this trash is good. In fact, my thoughts on this production were already summed up quite well five months ago by YouTube’s sports513 in the cartoon’s comments section:

yo i dont know whats worse, your mothers poor anal sex or the fact that i spent 36 minutes watchin this piece of shit you fucking white ass fuck. i would rather lick sixteen homeless guys assholes then watching this again, go find a hole and dont ever talk to anyone ever again you selfish fuck.

Peace out and God bless!

– Foggle

2012
03.25

As a budding writer, I’d say I’m a man who knows his craft. Or, at least, I thought I knew. That all changed a few hours ago. What you are about to witness is the single most amazing piece of literary fiction ever conceived.

Okay, not really; it’s a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfiction. For those of you who’ve been living under a rock for the past year, MLP: FiM is a cartoon comedy about candy-colored ponies singing and hugging and all that cute friendy stuff. It’s very popular on the internet and has spawned one of the largest and most obnoxious fandoms I’ve ever seen outside of anime. (Before I get crucified, please note that I don’t think all or even most MLP fans are annoying… just the really hardcore ones who spam image macros all day and draw porn of it.) But this feature isn’t about my opinion on the show or the so-called “bronies.” No, it’s about DarkVGNeko’s epic masterpiece: A Twist In Fate.

FanFiction.net’s short summary of the story lets us know what we’re in for here, and it ain’t pretty:

A Twist In Fate » by DarkVGNeko – A young gamer finds himself transported to Ponyville. How will he live in a world without video games. Rated M because of naughty stuff in later on chapters. Includes main 6 as well as others.
Rated: M – English – Humor/Romance – Chapters: 42 – Words: 96,381

As my good friend Dr. Insomniac so eloquently put it on Twitter, “LOLOL YOU’RE READING A NOVEL ABOUT PONY SEX.” Yes, yes I am. And so shall you. The story itself is in indented italics while my comments are normally formatted and unitalicized. Oh, and don’t worry; this is an abridged version with all the unfunny parts chopped out. Fun will be had by all on this day!

Before we begin, here’s a little food for thought from the author’s profile page:

now for my fan character

Name: Jean(This is me but i won’t give out my real name. and no i am not 15, i made him younger because i felt like it)

Right off the bat, the author admits that his pony/human sex fanfic is a self-insertion fantasy piece.

Age: 15(during the story A Twist in Fate. I might make him older if i come up with a way to make the story longer.)

So it’s not just pony/human sex… it’s underage pony/human sex. Wonderful.

Likes: Video Games, Mtn Dew, pizza pockets, Lucky Charms cereal, women.

Equine women, maybe.

On a sidenote(Jean is perverted as fuck you will see that throughout his story)

Lovely. And now that we know all about our lovable protagonist, let’s get this party started! We begin our journey near the beginning of chapter 2.

It was another beautiful day in Ponyville. The clouds have been all bucked away by the Pegasus earlier. The sky was a flawless color of blue and sun completed the scenery with a bright yellow shine. It was hot today but not unbearable as it had been during the past first 2 weeks of summer. Twilight Sparkle took time and notice how beautiful summer was in Ponyville. She had just finished reading the 12 books she had planned to read today and was now on her way to Zecora’s house to ask about the new tea she made.

I’m pretty sure Twilight Sparkle is the main character of My Little Pony. She’s purple or something. Don’t really care enough to look it up. No idea who the fuck Zecora is, but she’s not important right now.

“I hope she made something with apples again. That apple tea she made last time was the best tea I ever had.” She said to herself licking her lips. As she made her way through Everfree forest she noticed a creature lying on the road face down. The creature had on strange black clothes which looked as if they had been burned by something.

“AC-130 above!” Jean yelled as he rolled over. “This will give us some cover for now!” he yelled again as he kicked his legs in the air almost as if running from or to something. Twilight inched her way closer to him as Jean began to snore.

“E-Excuse me.” She said. Jean didn’t respond. She placed one hoof on his chest than gently shook him. “Tossing stun grenade.” He said turning on his side towards Twilight. She looked at his face than blushed.

Jean is dreaming about Call Of Duty. I skipped over the explanation of that part, sorry.

“He’s so cute…whatever he is.” She said to herself. Jean was still asleep.

Okay, so one of the ponies finds the main character cute from the get-go. I can already tell that this is going to be brilliant.

“Uh, hello?” Twilight yelled. Jean just rolled over

“Five more minutes mom I am almost at level 3 where I get to pilot the chopper.” He yawned.

God, this is so depressing to read.

“Hmmm, I may need some help waking him up.” She said to herself

I’m sure you can figure out where this is going. Skipping ahead a bit…

“Frag out!” Jean yelled turning on his side again showing his face towards the two. Rainbow Dash blushed as she saw his face.

“He’s…so…cute,” Rainbow Dash said walking towards him. “We should wake him up”

Two ponies on his dick already. What a pimp!

Twilight shrugged “Well I tried to wake him up he keeps rolling over shouting nonsense.” Twilight sighed

Rainbow Dash thought for a minute.

“Well you didn’t try hard enough. You see you don’t have enough experience with males and how to wake them up.” Rainbow Dash said

“How do you wake a man up?” Twilight Sparkle asked rolling her eyes.

“Watch,” Rainbow Dash said. “His thing should be…right…there it is.” She said gently rubbing her hoof on Jean’s genitals through his pants.

“Wake up cutie.” She whispered in his ear

Rainbow Dash

Imagine this thing jerking you off. IMAGINE IT.

Also, I’d just like to point out that I was originally posting this shit up on Twitter before I decided that this story was far too grand to be confined to 140 characters at a time. While I was doing that, some of the lines directly preceding the above picture were retweeted and/or favorited by two different bronies. Go ahead and let that sink in for a minute.

“Rainbow Dash what are you doing?” Twilight asked this time her face grew redder.

Before Rainbow Dash could speak Jean slowly began to stir than seconds later he sat up.

“What’s happening?” Jean asked. He looked down. Rainbow Dash slowly removed her hoof.

“Wha-what is this?” Jean asked slowly moving away from the blue pegasus.

You’re being molested by a horse, Jean.

“Sorry about my friend, she is a bit…forward.” Twilight said. Jean turned around to see the purple pony smile.

“Did you just talk?” Jean asked trying to back away from the purple pony

“Uh, yes.” Twilight said

“Ahhhhh, help me Master Chief!” Jean yelled as he curled up into the fetal position against a tree.

“Calm down cutie, we aren’t going to hurt you.” Rainbow Dash said slowly walking towards him.

fleet_captain_rainbow_dash (4:07:55 PM): Good… Understand the first whippings are to get you used to it.
fleet_captain_rainbow_dash (4:09:10 PM): I want to also know how much pain you can take… And, some boys enjoy pain.
jeandagamer (4:09:24 PM): okay
fleet_captain_rainbow_dash (4:09:38 PM): Don’t worry, you will not be hurt… I will never hurt you.

Jean stopped shaking and looked at the blue pegasus.”You have wings? How cool.” Jean said as he crawled toward Rainbow Dash. He then began to pet her which made Rainbow Dash almost moan in pleasure. Jean than turned his attention towards Twilight who was blushing and looking off to the left.”

Cool and you must be the talking pony…Wait a minute you have a horn…that must make you a unicorn. Dude that is so awesome.” He said as went over to pet her.

I’m not sure a normal 15 year old boy would think a pastel-colored unicorn is “dude so awesome,” but what do I know?

She wanted to say stop but the way he was rubbing her body made feel very good.

“Hey, I can talk to.” Rainbow Dash said walking towards Jean.

“Whoa, two cute ponies who can talk. Wow I think I must have finally went crazy.” Jean said as looked at them both. He then stood up and began to dust off his back. Twilight and Rainbow Dash both looked away blushing at Jeans comment.

“So what insane asylum is this,” Jean asked.

Believe me, Jean, I’m asking the same question right now.

“And how much did they pay you to dress up like that? Huh? Was it 60 bucks or maybe 80?”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash both stared at each other. Than looked up at him.

“This isn’t an insane Asylum. You are in Everfree Forest which is part of Equistria.” Twilight said.

I find it kind of funny that the man writing a story about fucking these ponies can’t even spell the name of their home country correctly.

“Equistria? Wait why am I here? What happened to America?… I need to get back home Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 comes out soon…soooooooo not cool dude!” Jean said as he rubbing his face.

Damn it, Jean, why must you bring such great shame upon my homeland?

“What’s Call of Duty?” Rainbow Dash asked

“Are you kidding? Call of Duty is the best video game next to Halo.” Jean said. Then he sighed

“What’s a video game?” Twilight asked. Jean laughed

“I guess that means you guys don’t have video games here. Never mind it would be too hard for me to explain. Anyway…uh…my name is Jean by the way. I guess since you two talk you have names as well?” Jean asked squatting down holding out his hand. Rainbow Dash quickly rushed in front of Twilight Sparkle and put her hoof in his.

“The names Rainbow Dash, I am the best flier in Cloudsdale.” She said. Jean smiled at her which made her blush.

“You’re the one who woke me up? Is that how they wake people up here?” he asked. Rainbow Dash face was now all red.

“Hehe, sorry about that. That’s not how we wake up everypony. it’s just…that…never mind.” She said.

“We usually just fisthoof each other!”

“I guess there are more of you talking ponies? Are they as good looking as you two are?” Jean asked. They both giggled.

“I guess,” Twilight said trying to hide her blush from Jean. “We could show you around if you want.” Twilight said looking at Ponyville. Jean looked at her than at the spot where was sleeping not too long ago. “I think I finally went crazy…I guess I have no choice but just go with it.” Jean thought to himself. He turned to the two girls.

“I would love to.” He said. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and began to fly, she then turned to Jean.

“Just follow us cutie.” She whispered into Jeans ear.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight said angrily

“Calm down would ya. You can have you turn next time.” She said flying away from Jean. Jean stood there and blushed as his thoughts wondered. “Did she just call me cutie,” Jean asked himself. “No, no, no, she is a horse. I can’t fall for a horse…that isn’t right.”

That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all day, Jean. Onto chapter 3, which opens with a note from the author!

I am trying to decide if I should put the clop scene in the next chapter. If you think I should than feel free to tell me in the review thing.

For those of you who are blissfully unaware, “clopping” is what horsefuckers call “jerking off to porn of candy-colored cartoon ponies.” Feel free to laugh and/or vomit at the connotation that this story will contain a sex scene involving ponies, but the author isn’t quite sure where he’ll put it yet, and he wants his readers to help him decide.

Jean followed the two down through Ponyville. The crowds of ponies stopped and stared as Jean continued to follow the two ponies.

“Tough crowd. Then again these ponies might not have ever seen a creature like me.” Jean thought to himself.

“Whoa, what is he?” one of the little fillies asked her mom

“I don’t know but he sure is cute.” The mother said

Jean: professional sex god.

“Look how long his hair is. It suites him very well.” Another pony said from the crowd. Some of the other ponies just stopped and stared at Jean. He was taken a back from the positive comments everypony gave him. Back at home, almost everyone made fun of his long hair and his height. He began to blush as he rubbed his hair.

Read between the lines here and this story becomes really, really sad.

The girl ponies walked even closer. Rainbow Dash notice.

“Hey, I found him first so back off.” She said. Some listened others didn’t care.

“Hey, we get a chance at him too you know. We don’t have enough stallions here to be greedy.” One of the woman ponies protested.

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Jean thought to himself.

It means that you’ve been brought into a matriarchal society in which all the men are shared between the most powerful alpha females. You’ve become the horses’ sex slave, bro.

“Uh…yes my name is Jean and I am a human being who came from America.” He smiled warmly trying to hide his nervousness. All the ponies went “Aww,” as the others giggled.

“Why couldn’t I get this much attention back home?” Jean said to himself. His stomach than growled all the ponies stopped and stared.

“Yeah sorry, uh that was my stomach,” Jean said scratching his head. “Is there a restaurant here?” all the ponies giggled.

“Come with me.” Twilight said. Jean stood up, nodded, and began following Twilight. Rainbow Dash followed them by air.

“You know once you get over no video games and ponies talking and flying, this place isn’t so-ooooh who am I kidding. I don’t think I can go on any longer without fragging noobs.“Jean thought to himself as they stopped in front of Sugar Cube Corner.

Because being trapped in a world where your friends and family don’t exist, ponies try to rape you, and you have to live off of eating sugar cubes would be fucking awesome if it had video games.

Jean looked up at the sign. “Sugar Cube Corner…I thought horses only ate salt licks and HEY!” Jean was interrupted by Rainbow Dash rubbing her face against his genitals through his pants.

“Oh, sorry. I was just making sure those girls didn’t rip any part of your clothes.” Rainbow Dash lied. Twilight stared at her angrily.

I tried pulling this on a girl once. I was in the hospital for three weeks afterward.

“Please refrain from molesting him Rainbow Dash. We just met him and the last thing we want to do is scare him off with your sexual advances.” Twilight said she than noticed that his zipper was broken and part of his dark blue underwear showed through his slightly burned pants. Knowing what was under the second set pair of clothing she bit her lip.

“Maybe if I am lucky, I could get him to sleep at my house tonight.” She thought to herself.

Now, I don’t know too much about this show, but this seems a bit out of character to me. …It is out of character, right?

“Um Twilight, what are you staring at?” Jean asked. Rainbow Dash smiled

“I know what she’s looking at. It starts with a D and ends with an-”

Well, it’s obviously not his dick, then. “An” only precedes vowels.

“So what do you want?” they both asked. “But then again…Wait what am I thinking. These are ponies there is no way I would fall for ponies. That’s like buying Sonic Adventures for the 360.” He said to himself.

No, it’s like buying Kinectimals for the express purpose of masturbating to it.

“Uh, a chocolate donut with sprinkles.” He said

“What kind of sprinkles?” Twilight asked

“I think he would prefer rainbow sprinkles right? Than it would be almost like eating my pu-”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight interrupted Rainbow Dash

“What? I told you, you can have your turn with him after I’m done… but you must promise to give him back.” Rainbow Dash said devilishly smiling at Twilight. Twilight blushed.

“Who decided you get to have him first?” Twilight questioned angrily.

“Wait why are they fighting over me? It can’t be- No, nononononono, the day I fall for a pony is the day that I lose my mind…completely. What would James Bond do in this situation? No no no, he would probably either kill everyone or let his hormones get the best of him and fuck every girl pony he comes in contact with…That reminds me. I never did try out that new 007 game for the Wii. I wonder if it’s any good…Damnit Jean focus.” Jean thought of a way to defuse the situation.

“Hey girls, please stop fighting. It would seem that you two were friends before I came here. I don’t want to cause a rift between you two. If it would please the both of you, I would be both of you ponies…uh…whatever you want me to be. As for who gets to have me first…I’m not sure I’ am ready for that…yet.

“Yet.”

Just than an orange pony walked in through the front door. She quickly scanned the area than spotted Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle who were staring down each other. She than saw a tall human trying to separate them.

“What in tarnation is going on in here.” She shouted. The two quickly turned their attention to the orange pony as she made her way towards them.

“And what in Equstria is this thing?” she asked looking up at Jean. He smiled and squatted down and held out his hand.

“Hi miss, my name is Jean and I am a human. What’s your name?” he asked smiling once again. The orange pony blushed at his politeness.

“Ah m, uh, Ah’m Applejack, I run the apple orchard over yonder.” She said pointing outside the shop.

“You run an apple orchard? That must take a lot of hard work and thinking to raise apple trees. Your pretty for a farmer.” Jean said than he mentally kicked himself. “Why am I complementing a pony? Oh gods…don’t tell me I have already begun to go crazy! Fuck this must be what they meant when they talked about video game withdrawal…I hope!” Jean mentally screamed at himself.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours since you arrived in Ponyville, Jean. That’s not video game withdrawal; that’s straight-up horse fetishizing.

if you ask me. I would mind him bucking my-”

“Well you have to wait in line.” Rainbow dash interrupted

“Which means since I saw him first, I get to have him first. ” Twilight said

“But- fine, it’s only fair that since Twilight saw him first.” Rainbow Dash lied. “Sike, hehehe. I have a plan to get him alone with me.” She said to herself.

“Jeez this is worse than time I went 0 for 9 in Halo….That was the worst match…no worse night of my life.” Jean said to himself.

“Uh girls, like I said I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of relationship yet.” Jean said scratching the back of his head. The three girls looked at him.

“We know that, but that doesn’t mean we each can’t spend some alone time with does it?” Rainbow Dash said with lust in her voice

“I definitely will not try to fuck you,” Rainbow Dash said with lust in her voice. “Definitely not.”

“Are you sure just one cupcake will satisfy you Jean.” Twilight asked looking up him.

“Because I can totally get my girl Pinkie Pie to bake you some more.”

“Ah, see ya not much of an eater. Maybe you’ll change your mind iffen I offered ya some of my pie.” AppleJack said with lust in her voice.

“That means I want you to eat my pussy,” AppleJack clarified with lust in her voice.

“Yeah because you girls know that he would only go for my pie” Rainbow Dash said flying closer towards Jean’s face almost as if she was about to kiss him.

“We never did get to ask you. Are you a virgin?” She asked. She was so close Jean cold feel the warmness of her breath against his skin. She smelled sweet to him.

“I uh, ye-”

“Hey you guys,” Pinkie Interrupted appearing behind Twilight who was too angered by Rainbow Dash’s advances.

“GODDAMN IT PINKIE PIE,” Rainbow Dash screamed with lust in her voice.

“Ok girls Pinkie just handed me invitations to Jean’s welcome party. We will make sure he feels very welcome and introduce him to our other friends.” Twilight whispered

“Oh I’ll make him feel welcome alright. Welcome in my mouth.” Rainbow Dash said happily

“No you won’t, because he’ll be too busy bucking my sweet rolls.” AppleJack said proudly

“Girls stop, we already agreed I get to ride him tonight because I found him first.

“Now where’s my saddle…”

Now we have to show him to Rarity’s. So she could fix up his clothes.” Twilight said

“Why?” AppleJack and Rainbow Dash asked looking back at Jean. As Jean began to sit on the ground there was a loud rip. His pants had finally split apart from the back and as he stood up his pants fell down to his ankles. Jean covered himself nervously smiling at the girls.

“Sorry they just ripped off of me.” He said blushing.

“I say we let him in like that. It would be more easy for me just pull his dick out.” Rainbow Dash said

“That would be nice but he would be inside of me instead.” Twilight said dreamily staring at the spot Jean was covering with his hands. AppleJack was just staring as if she could see through his hand.

“Hmmmm, I know a couple of ways to get him to cum.” AppleJack said to herself

GODDAMN IT WHY DID SOMEONE WRITE SELF-INSERTION BESTIALITY ABOUT A KIDS’ SHOW

Authors note: Hey guy’s so here it is Chapter 4, some semi cloptastic things in this chapter. I have to admit it was hard for me to type the word dick (hey what do you know I just typed it again without a problem). It was hard for me during Biology class to read aloud about the human body and the difference between males and females (the worst school day of my life. Imagine a 13 year old boy who only knew about video games and Pokémon cards)

The sex scenes will be amazing, I’m sure.

Oh and now I will go down the list of things from my previous chapters and previous reviews (yes this A. N is going to be long.) I will calm down on the COD references as much as possible (maybe XD) Second Jean is not 10 year old he is 15 years old.

So Jean was originally 10 years old in those first three chapters. This story just got a lot creepier.

The air is so clean here and there are no assholes that go around asking for money and…,” Jean looked at Twilight who tilted her head in confusion “Yeah this place is so much better.” Jean said.

“Except for the whole no video games shit. Why couldn’t that lighting thing transported my room and video games as well….I blame the fucking economy. It was probably cheaper on the lighting to-…..what the hell am I thinking…Oh that’s right, I’m not fucking thinking because I lost my mind the minute I woke up here in happy pony friendly no fucking video game and no cheeseburger grass munching sun shine land.” Jean said to himself mentally

At least he’s staying positive in this awkward situation.

I noticed that your pants have a rip in the front. Let me help you with that.” Twilight said as she walked in front of Jean then used her hooves to pull down his pants.

“Hey, what are you-” Jean was interrupted by Twilight rubbing her face against his manhood. Overwhelmed with pleasure, Jean fell to the ground as Twilight moved in between his legs. She used her mouth to pull down his underwear. His manhood flopped out semi erect.

“Twilight I-”Jean was interrupted by Twilight lips. She kissed him passionately.

“That’s not helping!”

“Just relax Jean, I read a book about how to do this.” She said smiling lustfully at him. She slowly moved her head in between Jean’s leg and stopped at his manhood. She licked his shaft until he became fully erect.

“Are you ready? I’m going to put the whole thing in my mouth.” She said, Jean in a daze shook his head yes. Twilight than opened her mouth

“Twilight!” Rainbow Dash yelled startling her and Jean. Twilight quickly turned around.

“Have you no shame Twi? Out here on the road?” AppleJack asked biting Twilights tail and dragging her away from Jeans legs. Rainbow Dash was staring at Jeans cock.

“Yeah you wouldn’t know what to do with this anyway.” Rainbow Dash said walking closer to Jean’s manhood than. She then opened her mouth and slowly closed her lips around Jean cock. Jean moaned in pleasure as Rainbow Dash worked her tongue around the tip of his dick. AppleJack bit Rainbow Dash’s tail and pulling her away from Jean’s dick.

“What in the hay are y’all thinking Rainbow Dash and Twilight? We are supposed to be escorting Jean to Rarity’s Boutique so he could get his clothes fixed.” AppleJack said slowly moving her backside towards Jean still erect manhood.

Horses are fighting over an underage human’s penis. ARE YOU MASTURBATING YET?

Holy shit that was my first kiss…that was my first time ever getting touched by a girl…

I’d kill myself, honestly. Right then and there. Samurai style.

no wait…that one time that one girl from gym class smacked my butt during P.E class. She was ho- focus Jean you just let two ponies give you a blowjob. It felt good but I won’t let them get the best of me. For now on I will try to be like Shadow from Sonic Adventures 2 expect I won’t be emo and I will be 10 times nicer

So you won’t be anything at all like Shadow, then.

“I tell ya, if he was here 3 years ago and was livin on the farm with me. We would be having 4 little fillies runnin around and be happily married by now.” Applejack said trotting after Jean.

IS APPLEJACK EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO GET PREGNANT

“No you won’t because I he would be too busy at my house giving me his baby makers by the bucket loads.” Rainbow Dash said as she flew after them.

“Hey, didn’t we just agree that I get him first! If anypony gets his sperm it’s going to be me!” Twilight yelled running after them. The sun over head was still high in the sky. All around nature shined in the summer sun. Jean noticed how beautiful nature was here. At first he didn’t give more than a passing glance.

“The nature here sure is beautiful when horses aren’t trying to fuck me!”

“Hey Jean wait up!” AppleJack called Jean tried to ignore her but ended up turning around.

“Yes?” Jean asked AppleJack kept walking until she was only inches away from his right leg.

The author’s punctuation and sentence structure have gotten worse. He probably wrote this chapter with one hand.

“We have to introduce you to Rarity first she may not take too kindly to a cute giant walking into her place.” Applejack said. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle soon caught up to the two who were standing inches away from Rarity’s door.

How would he even fit through the door? The entryways are probably pony-sized and he’s 6 feet tall and OH GOD WHY AM I SPENDING TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS

“Don’t be so scared Jean, I promise that your first time will be with me and I will make sure tonight will be the best night of your life.” Twilight said lustfully. Jean at first was disgusted until she put her left hoof on his cock. Slowly he began to relax.

Jean was repulsed by the horse flirting with him until she started jerking him off. Then he was alright with it!

Suddenly Sweetiebell opened the door almost causing Jean to stumble forward.

“I thought I heard someone outsi- whoa. Are you a giant mister?” Sweetiebell asked. Jean turned around and smiled.

“Uh no, not really. I am just a human being from a place called America.” Jean said. Sweetiebell smiled back. “She kinda reminds me of my sister…if she was smaller with white fur and colored her hair two tones.” He said to himself.

“I can’t wait to fuck her!”

AppleJack began to rub her flank up and down Jean’s cock.

“You can stop now AppleJack, we both know what you’re doing.” Twilight said. Her face was red with anger.

“Yeah, shouldn’t you be getting back to Sweet Apple Acres to buck apples or something?” Rainbow Dash asked raising an eyebrow. Jean was in a daze, he couldn’t believe how good this felt to him.

“Oh my gosh, I completely forgot!” AppleJack Yelled she got up and turned around. She brought her face close to Jean’s. “I’ll see ya later sugar cube, next time we meet maybe you could let me ride your bull without a saddle.” She said than kissed him deeply on the lips.

“Hey!” Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash yelled at the top of their lungs. AppleJack broke the kiss and walked passed them smiling.

“Why am I letting this happen? Why am I enjoying this? Why am I asking myself questions? Why did they make Sonic Unleashed? That game was horrible… I have to hold it together, I can’t keep letting myself get overwhelmed with pleasure…That’s it, I will not allow myself to fuck a pony… as soon as I get some privacy I will have to rub one out.” Jean sighed as he stood up.

I love how Jean just goes along with it every time one of the ponies tries to seduce him. Sure, he claims to find it morally reprehensible, but we all know that he’s just lying to himself.

“You never told us.” Rainbow Dash said snuggling against Jean’s right arm. He thought about pulling his arm away but didn’t want to seem rude.

“About what?” he asked

“About your virginity. Did you lose it already?” She asked, Jean sighed.

“Nope.”

Truly a heartfelt conversation.

“How come cutie?”

“Well…you see…I don’t really know. I never thought about that stuff.”

“Are you serious? Every male has thought about doing it at least 20 times a day until they either clop off or they finally get some.” She said moving herself in front of Jean. She then turned around and sat on his lap.

“I-uh…Rainbow Dash what are you-”

“Shhh, you can keep saying that you’re not ready as many times as you want but the truth is that you want to fuck the first thing that’s a female and would let you. “

“Uh, n-”

“Then why is your cock hard as a rock?”

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that this is a self-insertion fanfic.

“Damnit I can’t let this happened. Think of none sexual things like…the Marcus Pheniox fighting the horde…Master Chief versus Captain Price,” Rainbow Dash began to rub her flank on his hard member.”Cortana bending over…Felicia lying down with her legs open…losing the battle against resisting pony ass rubbing on my cock. Oh gawd someone please interrupt before I end up fucking this horse.” Jean was about to reach for Rainbow Dash’s butt when Twilight and Rarity came around the side of the house.

I’m so desensitized to this shit by now that my first reaction to this paragraph was “who the fuck is Felicia?”

…Meanwhile back on Earth…

“Jean! Big brother where did you go?” Jean’s little sister asked

“I think he stepped out for a minute. He’ll be back.” His little sister said to her friend.

“Aww man I wanted to meet him. All the middle School girls and the High School girls were talking about how cute he was.” Her friend said. Jean’s little sister just rolled her eyes

This scene may be completely irrelevant to the story itself, but it’s also extremely insightful in far too many other ways.

I hope you guys love this chapter; I sacrificed going to the store and buying my 360 in order to finish writing this part

Come off it, mate, we all know this is purely for your personal pleasure.

what does Lemon mean? Is that some sort of slang you guys use here and what exactly does OC mean?

Cute.

…Pinkie Pie’s room…

“Oh Gummy I wished you could’ve saw him.” Pinkie said gathering party supplies from her closet

“He is sooooooo, cute. I just want to lock him up in my room and do the naughty hug with him all night.” She said Gummy stared off into the distance before blinking one eye than the other. It then shuffled to the end of Pinkie’s bed and bit it.

“Your right Gummy, I can’t have him completely to myself. Ohhhhh, how I wish there were more stallions here. Then we wouldn’t have to share them with 6 or 7 other girl ponies….Then again he isn’t a pony….maybe Twilight knows a spell that can help get me pregnant with his baby batter….but then Twilight would want him too. Hmmmmmm.”

I’m writing a novel about the inner workings of a serial killer’s mind right now, and I’m thinking of using this scene as inspiration.

…Rarity’s Boutique…

Jean was still holding his manhood as he watched the two ponies whisper amongst each other. Rarity giggled.

“Gawd this is worse than playing a team death match against a bunch of noobtubers camping in their spawn.” Jean said to himself

“Ok, first I must take your measurements darling. I will first start with your waist but I need you to hold your arms up.” Rarity said as Twilight walked closer towards him. Jean stared at them confused than blushed.

“Wait, that means I have to let my-”

“Don’t worry about it Jean, I will make sure to keep it hidden.” Twilight said smiling at him. Jean knew where she wanted to hide his manhood and sighed.

“I guess I have no choice.” Jean said to himself as he slowly raised his arms.

YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE, JEAN. JUST PUT YOUR RIPPED CLOTHES BACK ON AND LEAVE FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

Twilight’s face got closer to Jean’s manhood.

“So, you won’t mind if I finished what I started earlier right?” Twilight asked not taking her eyes off of Jeans cock. Jean swallowed.

“I guess-…wait you mean right here in front of-.”

“Don’t worry about me darling…I’m just surprised that Twilight was this forward with anyone before.” Rarity said smiling at Twilight.

“Don’t worry Jean, I will make it feel just as good as I did before.” Twilight said. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. She at first played with the tip of his cock with her tongue before putting the whole thing in her mouth. A wave of pleasure coursed through Jean’s body as his legs began to shake. Twilight took Jeans manhood out and motioned to Rarity to join her. Rarity walked casually towards him before licking Jean’s manhood along with Twilight. Jean slowly fell down on his butt as the two still licked him. Jean bit his lip as Rarity and Twilight took turns taking his member as deep in their throat as possible without gaging.

Horses are deepthroating an underage teen. HORSES ARE DEEPTHROATING AN UNDERAGE TEEN.

“Oh gawd, you two….I am about to- ahhhh!” Jean’s cum sprayed from his cock to all over Twilight’s and Rarity’s face they both kissed each other than began to lick cum off each other’s face. Jean fell on his back with a small thud and stared at the ceiling.

“Damnit, I let it happen. I let two ponies give me a blowjob than I came all over their faces. I can’t let them get me.

Hate to break it to ya, buddy, but they already got you. You just pulled off a double money shot.

I-I will have to do somethi-”Jean sat up and stared at the two ponies as they made out. “Great 25 kill streak on a sunny day that’s sexy as hell…

Yeah, ponies licking cum off of each others’ faces is so erotic.

“Ready for round 2 stud?” Twilight asked. Jean then backed up

“Hope you have enough energy to satisfy both of us Jean.” Rarity said as both her and Twilight walked slowly towards him.

He’s a 15 year old virgin, you idiots. He won’t be able to satisfy either of you.

Spike burst through the door

“Stop you creature Rarity is mi-”Spike stopped himself as soon as Rarity and Twilight turn around. There was still some of Jean’s seed on their faces.

I guess Spike… never saw him cumming. YEAHHHHH!

…Sugar Cube Corner…

Rainbow Dash knocked on the door with her hoof. Pinkie Pie opened the door

“Hey Pinkie Pie Twilight sent me over to help you set up for the party.” Rainbow Dash said with a smile.

“Great! You’re just in time to help me bake cupcakes!”

“So uh Pinkie Pie what do you think of Jean?” Rainbow Dash said as she walked over to the box of streamers.

“Oh I think he’s soooo cutesy wootsy Pinkie said hooping a little higher almost hitting the ceiling. Rainbow Dash turned to her than stared

“Ohhhhhh, I hope he decides to stay with us. That way I can join his herd and give him lots of children.” She said as she hopped into the kitchen.

“Oh shoot I forgot that I can’t have him to myself,” Rainbow Dash sighed as she took a streamer into her mouth. “No matter, I will mate with him first and I will be the best mare he has in his herd. I have to hurry up with these decorations first so I can set up for my plan to have Jean alone.” She giggled to herself as she thought about having her first time with Jean.

“Tonight I will milk him dry.” Rainbow Dash giggled to herself hanging one of the streamers to the wall.

Does Rainbow Dash ever think about anything other than sex?

I still don’t know who Jean should have his first time with.

It’s not really a hard decision, DarkVGNeko. Just pick your favorite color.

As always everpony ENJOY THIS CHAPTER/PART hehehe *sigh*

I SHOULD BE THE ONE SIGHING HERE YOU GODDAMN ZOOPHILE

“I know just the thing to get that cutie creature to come to me.” Pinkie Pie said to herself as she returned to help Mrs. Cake bake more cupcakes. Mrs. Cake noticed a big smile forming on Pinkie’s lips. She couldn’t help but ask.

“What has you smiling so dear?” Mrs. Cake asked

“Just thinking about the new creature that has joined us. His name is Jean and he is soo-”

“Cute, yeah I already heard of him from all the other mares.” Ms. Cake said rolling her eyes.

“Pretty much all the stallions feel threaten by him for grabbing center stage.” Mrs. Cake said.

“Yeah but I will be the first one to do the naughty hug with him.” Pinkie said to herself eyeing the bottle of apple flavored alcohol sitting on the counter not too far away from her.

Apple cider is non-alcoholic, Pinkie.

…Rarity’s Boutique…

Spike jaw reached the ground as he saw Jean sitting on the floor with his manhood hanging out and the two mares with white stuff on their faces.

“W-wha-what are you two doing?” Spike asked picking his jaw up.

Rarity smiled nervously and scratched her head.

“Just welcoming a new…guest.” Rarity said Twilight nodded.

There’s semen on your face, Rarity. No one’s falling for your shit.

Spike stared at the two than sighed. “I know what you two were doing. I know what sex is from reading Twilights book Rarity. I jus-…Never mind. Have fun.” Spike said slowly walking out. Rarity was about to say something but thought against it.

“What just happened?” Jean asked with a confused look on his face. Both Rarity and Twilight turned to him. They were about to take another step but stopped.

“Before we continue this I must talk to Spike for a second until then, would you kindly show Jean upstairs to the shower?” Rarity asked as she magically levitated a towel over to her than wiped her face.

Twilight nodded as she nudged Jean on the leg to get up. Jean slowly stood up and followed her upstairs. Rarity ran outside after Spike.

“Spike, wait!” Rarity called after him.
“You disgusting strumpet,” he responded angrily without turning around or stopping. “I am heading off to the volcano, and you shall never hear from me again.”
“Why do you have to go? Where are you going?” It was at this moment that Rarity realized she had broken the poor dragon’s tiny heart. “What are going to do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?”
“I’m not going there to die. I’m going to find out if I’m really alive.” Spike began walking faster toward Mt. Ponlof.

MEANWHILE AT GREEN APPLE ACRES

“Listen, I’ll make you a deal. After I have my way with Jean you can go next without any interruptions.” Rainbow Dash said staring into AppleJack’s eyes.

“Hmmmmmm.” AppleJack hummed to herself thinking about Rainbow Dash’s offer.

“I have him after you? Why do you want him first?”

“I want us to both lose our-…uh um well I just like to be first at everything that’s all.” Rainbow Dash smiled as Applejack glared at her.

“You’re worst at lying then a chicken is at trying to fly. I know he’s a virgin and you want to break him in.” AppleJack said circling Rainbow Dash.

“Shoot, she found out.” Rainbow Dash said to herself

Found out? Your intentions couldn’t be more obvious if you wrote a fanfic about having sex with Jean and posted it on the internet.

…Rarity’s bathroom…

“Ok, Jean just get in, and I’ll turn the water on for you.” Twilight said still staring at Jean’s lower half trying to see through his hands.

“That’s nice and all, Twilight, but I showered a couple times just last week. I think I know how they work.”

“Uhhh, maybe I should do it and…you could…leave?” Jean said Twilight frowned.

“Ok, well I’ll be right here if you need me.” Twilight said.

“I DON’T NEED YOU. I’M SHOWERING.”

Jean turned and stepped into the tub which was surprisingly big enough for him.

Horses are horizontally longer than humans, Jean.

Jean than turned around and stared at Twilight who was still watching him. Jean sighed.”What the hell, I have to be a man and tell her that I don’t won’t to do anything sexual with her….or be somewhat of a man.” Jean said to himself. Before he could say anything Twilight took a step closer towards the shower stall.

“You know before you came here, I only worried about my studies and the magic of friendship.” Twilight looked down at the floor then up back at Jean.

“And now I only worry about jamming your cock inside my tight horse asshole. Priorities, man!”

“Ooooooooh great an unwanted cut scene that explains one of the characters background. Maybe I should just let her fuck me…That way I won’t have to be talked to death…

Animal/human sex: preferable to boredom.

Sometimes I wish I could just save my progress at home like I can in a video game. That way if I get into some freaky shit like this I could just press start and go back to my last save point.”Jean thought to himself

“I wanted to learn everything about magic…but then I came upon a book that taught about sex. I wanted to try this with somepony…but that would mean I have to find somepony I really like. And to go out on a date means time away from my studies but then you showed up and….” Twilight stopped and bit her lip.

“Yeah courtesy of Zapdos suddenly using thunder strike on me…damn bird…Maybe I should stay away from video games.”

“I know we are two different species and they do different things from where you’re from but I just want you to know…that I really like you a lot and…” Twilight said entering the shower completely.

“Wait why? We just met not too long ago.” Jean said sitting down and spreading his legs so that Twilight could fit. Suddenly Jean realized what he had just down and mentally kicked himself again.

Your subconscious never lies, bro.

“Does it really matter? Do you want me to stop?” Twilight asked. Before Jean could answer she kissed him deeply again this time he kissed back instantly wrapping his arm gently around her neck.

“I might as well give it to her. Who knows how long she will keep bothering me.” Jean thought to himself

A real ladies’ man.

Twilight broke the kiss minutes later. She then put her hooves on his hands gently pushed them away revealing once again his semi-erect manhood

And breaking all of his fingers in the process.

“I want to try a sex possession with you. It’s perfect for this place.” She said as she turned around

“Now, first I’m going to recite this incantation from the Necronomicon…”

“Twilight what are you doin-”Jean was interrupted by Twilight lifting up her tail and revealing her mare hood. All he could do was just stare.

Jean’s manhood became fully erected as he stood up as he saw drops of clear liquid slowly drip down her back legs.

“Why is it…wet?” Jean asked

You really should have paid better attention in Biology, Jean.

“Please don’t ask question Jean. Just stick it in.” Twilight said almost in a begging tone.

“I don’t know where to put it.” Jean said standing up.

“Put your hands on my marehood.” Twilight said.

NOBODY PHRASES IT LIKE THAT DARKVGNEKO

Jean blushed as he slowly put his hands on her soft wet lips.

“Now spread it slowly.” Twilight said. Jean did he then notice a small red fleshy hole

“That’s where you put it.” She said.

“I would never have guessed.”

Jean understood a little and stood up and grabbed his manhood and slowly approached Twilight pussy. The tip of Jeans cock touched Twilights folds as he slowly pushed himself inside. Just as the tip was going in Rarity opened the door to the bathroom.

“Twilight? Jean? Are you guys in-”Rarity stopped as she opened the curtain to the shower.

“Oh, my!” She gasped

“This is…awkward.” Jean said to himself

Awkward… yeah, that’s the word for it.

“Listen you two we don’t have time for this right now. Twilight you will have to wait to jump his bones for now. I need him to be clean so that I may measure and clothe him properly.” Rarity winked at Twilight.

“But don’t worry, you’ll get him first just remember our plan.” Rarity whispered into Twilight ear. Twilight nodded and stepped out of the shower.

Author’s Note: Wow I never knew how much work it is to keep writing these things. This one I have worked on all day yesterday and completed it around midnight. 2,806 words I wrote for you guys(not including the A.N. I was about to make this chapter 6 but decided that I better keep this in chapter 5 the last part. Chapter 6 will be where all the fun begins

I can hardly contain my excitement.

“Where are we and whose house is this?” Jean asked

“It’s one of our friends house. Her name is Fluttershy, but be warned she’s kinda…-”

“Let me guess shy?” Jean interrupted Twilight.

“Yeah, how did you know?” Twilight asked staring at Jean

“Her name pretty much gives it away.” Jean said. Twilight giggled a little realizing that the last three letters of her friends name spell shy.

Riveting.

Fluttershy slowly popped her head out from behind the door and stared immediately at Jean. She was about to slam the door shut but then she noticed Jean was smiling at her.

“Hi.” Jean said Fluttershy epped as she slammed the door shut.

WHAT

Jean squatted down so that his eyes met Twilights. She blushed a little and closed her eyes expecting a kiss. Jean sighed again.

“Listen Twilight you’re a nice…pony or mare thing but don’t you think we should take time to get to know each other?” Jean asked. Twilight opened her eyes.

“We could do that after you and I…you know.”

“We shouldn’t rush into anything here Twiligh-”

“You don’t like me?” Twilight asked looking as though she was about to cry

“Nonononono, it’s not that I don’t like you it’s just-”

“But you were so willing to mate me in the shower.” Twilight said taking another step towards Jean. Jean swallowed hard remembering what he was about to do in Rarity’s shower.

“Yeah true bu-” Twilight interrupted Jean with a kiss then she broke it seconds later.

“I think I read somewhere in my science class or was it the discovery channel that female’s act very aggressive during the mating season. But what season does that take place?” Jean thought to himself.

This season, I’d assume.

“Nice to meet you Fluttershy, my name is Jean.” He said sticking out his hand. Fluttershy flinched alittle.

“Sorry about that, I just wanted to shake your hand.” Jean said Fluttershy slowly looked up at him. Their eyes met and for the first time Fluttershy was at ease. She couldn’t help but star deep into Jean’s eyes. Fluttershy smiled and slowly stuck her hoof out. Jean gently grabbed it and slowly shook it up and down. Fluttershy was still staring deeply at Jean’s eyes as he smiled back. Fluttershy was about to lean in for a kiss but stopped herself.

“This isn’t like me. I was about to kiss a strange creature…a strange but cute creature…I can’t be in heat can I?” Fluttershy said to herself as she turned from Jean to Rarity who smiled

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Fucking

“Should we get going to Pinkie’s party?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight sighed

“Yeah, but it was supposed to be kept secret from Jean.” Twilight said

“Party?” Jean asked

“Why of coarse stud I mean Jean but it was supposed to be a surprise as it said in the invitations Pinkie sent out. Pinkie Pie is throwing you a Welcome party so you can meet everypony.” Rarity said walking towards him

“Is that’s why I am wearing this tux?” Jean asked.

“Yes it is.” Rarity said.

“Great a Welcome party, welcome as an welcome to the rest of my fucking life here in nice nice land…

“Nice nice land?” JEAN, THESE HORSES SPEND EVERY SECOND OF THEIR WAKING LIVES TRYING TO RAPE YOU

Which also means that these ponies want me to stay here…No I can’t stay here without my Game Info Magazines and my energy drinks and soda and my video games. I didn’t get a chance to play MW3 yet….I drank 3 12packs of mtn dew just for the 1 hour and 30 minutes of extra xp time. They will go unused…”Jean looked at the three smiling ponies that stood in front of him.

“But it would probably hurt them to know that I want to leave this place…and since there is no other way to get back home…I might as well make the best of my existence’s here-ooooooooooh please gawd if you could hear me. Just kill me now…I don’t care how just kill me nooooooooowwww.” Jean cried to himself.

Just kill yourself, dude. It’s what any sane man would do.

“We don’t have ta get Jean drunk just ta get him to buck us. And I don’t really care that you want his virginity first. As long as you remember that we have ta share our bucking time. Especially when spring comes around.” AppleJack said stopping in front of Rainbow Dash.

“I know that, but-”

“But nothing Rainbow Dash. We are not going to get Jean drunk. We are going to use our…sweet apple pies to get him.” AppleJack said

“Apple pies?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Food?”

I like how Rainbow Dash completely forgot the meaning of AppleJack’s innuendo in the span of a few hours.

“I have just the game that would allow us a chance alone with him tonight…spin the bottle.” Rainbow Dash said with a smile.

The next part is honestly too stupid for me to comprehend. Basically, Jean goes to the party, which is in the middle of the street, and then some lesbian pony princesses show up or something. They can also read minds apparently. Forgive me for not giving a shit about the no doubt vast and deep MLP lore.

“You’re quite the funny human aren’t you?” Celestia asked smiling. Luna licked her lips as she took another step towards Jean.

“We never heard of a human before like my sister has but we are willing to…open thy self-up to knew creatures.” Luna said. Twilight jumped in between them.

“How about we start this party and let Jean relax and enjoy himself.” Twilight said. Both Luna and Celestia nodded but as soon as they were about to say something one of the guard stallions whispered into Celestia’s ear.

“Oh my, well I guess I have to start right away. Luna we have something that needs our attention in Manehattan.” Celestia said Luna sighed. She walked up closer to Jean and motioned him to bend over. Jean complied and bent over.

Really, Jean? Really? You’re going to bend over just like that?

“We shall come back soon to…talk more with you in private cutie.” Luna whispered into Jean’s ear and turned around and walked to Celestia.

“Well see everypony later me and my sister have important matters to attend to down in Manehattan. ” Celestia said aloud. She turn towards Jean and winked as she and Luna flew off.

Oh.

“I have to get Jean alone somehow…Oh pony I wished Rarity would’ve never interrupted. If it wasn’t for her… *sigh* I have to be patient and follow the plan she laid out.” Twilight said as she turned to Jean who was trying to answer every one of the other ponies’ questions.

I assume “pony” is a swear word in Equestria.

AppleJack and Rainbow Dash made their way through the crowd and joined up with Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy.

“Listen up every pony I know that every girl here wants a piece of Jean. We can only get him by getting rid of the competition.” Rainbow Dash said to the four ponies.

“That’s why I brought these guns.”

Rainbow Dash realized they were missing somepony.

Pardon me for a second, guys; gonna’ go on a short rant here. Why the fuck do the ponies use words like “everypony,” “somepony,” “anypony,” etc? Did Lauren Faust not realize that ponies have bodies just like humans do? (God knows DarkVGNeko does.) I’ll tell you a secret — words such as “somebody” would also apply to horses. Disputing this fact is like saying that a Macintosh desktop computer isn’t a PC. I actually get 20% madder every time I see or hear a pony version of a word.

“Hold on.” Rainbow Dash said. She flew up and searched for Twilight. She spotted the purple pony as she tried to get Jean’s attention. Rainbow Dash whistled and called out to her. Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash as she waved her to come here. Twilight teleported over to where there was a clearing from the crowd. The six ponies formed a circle.

“Ok we are going to work together to get all these other mares away from Jean. After that, it’s everypony for her selves. Got that?” Rainbow said. The five ponies nodded in unison.

Ps. I promise to never make another boring chapter like this one was and feel free to point out any mistakes I made.

How about you promise to never make another chapter period? Oh, and since you asked, here’s one of the mistakes made in your story: PONIES ARE TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH AN UNDERAGE HUMAN

Author’s Note: Hey guy’s well here it is. Clop Scene!

Oh no.

1 thank you everypony for reading my story and for giving me positive reviews and to all the people who didn’t give reviews but read my story. The numbers are shocking and making me nervous at the same time

The simple fact that anyone actually gave this story a positive review shocks and makes me nervous at the same time.

Check out Doomlord1234′s story he will put my oc Jean in his story and I am curious how and can’t wait to see.

Hopefully in a chapter entitled “The Death Of Jean.”

As always everypony…ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!

The name of this chapter is “Jean’s First Time.” I hope you’re ready.

“Let’s just get on with this plan already. The crowd of mares are getting a little too friendly with our stud.” Rarity said as she saw one of the ponies rub her face against Jean’s crouch.

“Oh uh hey, um that’s not…hey please don’t unzip tha- ooooooh gawd what are you.” Jean could only watch in ecstasy as one of mares unzipped his pants than pulled down both his underwear and pants. Another mare came and pushed the other out of the way and put his manhood in her mouth and began to suck.

What a great party.

Jean snapped out of his ecstasy and looked up into the sky as the rain drops soaked into his suite and his hair. “Wow, another interruption to keep me a virgin. I can’t believe I am saying this but thank gawd . I wish I could’ve had this luck all the time. I would be a MLG pro by now…than again I don’t need luck.” Jean thought to himself as he pulled up his underwear and pants. Twilight ran to Jean beating all of her other friends to him.

“Hey Jean, are you alright?” Twilight asked watching him zip up his pants.

“Yeah, thank gawd for the ac-13-…I mean rain. But why did rain so suddenly?” Jean asked looking up.

“That was Rainbow Dash she caused it to rain here.” Fluttershy said walking closer to Jean

Friendship really is magic!

“Oh AppleJack could you be a dear and tell Jean to get out of the rain before he catches a cold and ruins the suite I made him?…oh and the others to? Thank you.” Rarity said walking inside.

Why would his hotel room be affected by the rain?

MEANWHILE IN A BARN

“It’s a good thing we were able to make it inside my families old barn with nopony else here.” AppleBloom said seductively closing the doors. Spike stared nervously at her.

“Uhhh…yeah. Hehe yeah…here we are…alone.” Spike said walking backwards into a corner.

“Why are ya looking so nervous like Spike?” AppleBloom asked trotting slowly towards him. Spike opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by AppleBloom’s lips as she used one hoof to rub his chest then slowly sliding down to Spike’s crotch. He started to resist but stopped and kissed back. The kiss lasted for several minutes before AppleBloom broke it.

“I’ve been wantin ta tell you how I really feel about you but I stopped myself as soon as I saw you make pretty eyes at Rarity.” AppleBloom said. Spike felt his dragonhood appear from his under scales and began to blush.

HIS DRAGONHOOD

(Don’t worry guy’s I won’t skip over this clop scene but you will have to wait until next chapter XD.)

I’d hope not. I couldn’t bear the thought of missing a possible clop scene.

Jean sat in between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle who were glaring at each other.

“I get him first you get him second.” Twilight said

“I get him first and you get him when I feel like it.” Rainbow Dash said

“Oh gawd I wish could use shadow clone Jitsu…so my clones can just fuck them and I would be sitting somewhere relaxing…to bad fate only works in favor of pissing me the hell off. I wonder if I make believe hard enough would I invasion myself inside the game of DeadSpace 2…nonono that’s stupid…how about…yeah the land of Mobius. I can chill out with the old fashioned Sonic eating chilidogs until we throw up.” Jean said to himself

Hmm… forced pony/human sex or grotesque death by Necromorphs? I’d take the latter.

“Oh girls why don’t you let me have Jean first and you can play argue somewhere else.” Pinkie said walking seductively towards Jean. They all watch as Pinkie Pie kissed him deeply on the lips then pushing him to the ground.

HOW DOES A HORSE WALK SEDUCTIVELY

“What do you think you’re doing?” Rainbow Dash yelled using her head to push Pinkie off of Jean.

“And I am just getting ponied left and right. Maybe I should tell them to flip a coin or something and the pony that wins get to have me first…but then the other five would want it to. *Sigh* Well I have to suck it up. They did help me in some way…I think. Damn anime, they always make situations like this seem enjoyable. DAMN YOU FULL METAL PANIC FOR MAKING IT SEEM THAT HAVING GIRLS FIGHT OVER YOU IS AWSOME!” Jean yelled to himself then cleared his throat loud enough for every pony to hear as he sat up.

I think Jean is losing his sense of perspective on the situation here. I’m quite sure he would have enjoyed girls fighting over him but these are fucking ponies. I mean, say what you will about shitty harem anime, but at least the characters are human.

Also, thanks DarkVGNeko for forever ruining my enjoyment of Full Metal Panic.

“Why don’t we play a game to lighten the mood?” Jean asked. Everypony except for Fluttershy smiled devilishly at him. Jean gulped

“Ok, we will play spin the bottle.” Everypony yelled in unison with the exception of Fluttershy who blushed.

“Uh, spin the bottle?” Jean asked

“Yeah, who every the bottle points to has to do whatever the spinner tells them to do.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I know how to play it, asshole. That was a rhetorical question.”

“Agreed!” everypony with the exception of Fluttershy and Jean.

“Well…I don’t-” Jean stopped and looked at all the ponies stare at him with sadness in their eyes with the exception of Fluttershy who was still blushing and looking off to the right.

“Alright fine.” Jean said Pinkie brought a bottle from the kitchen and placed it inside the circle the group formed along with Jean

“Ok who goes first?” AppleJack asked

“Since this is a party for Jean he will go first.” Pinkie said before biting into a cupcake.

“Mmm… I can taste the rainbow!”

“My turn.” Twilight said before Rainbow Dash could get a word out. Twilight used her front left hoof to hit the tip of the bottle causing it to spin. Jean gasped as the bottle pointed at him.

…Did he really not see this coming?

“Oh, gawd!” Jean thought as Twilight smiled at him. Rainbow Dash sighed and the rest “Awwed” knowing what Twilight was going to request.

“I want you to spend 10 minutes in the closet with me.” Twilight said standing up on her hooves. Jean sighed as he stood up and followed her into the closet. Twilight and Jean stepped inside before Twilight used her magic to close the door.

“I’m keeping track of time!” yelled Rainbow Dash looking at the clock

“I may not be able to have his virginity but I sure as hay will have his foal batter inside me tonight.” Rainbow Dash said to herself as the others watched the door magically close.

Human sperm wouldn’t create a foal, Rainbow Dash.

…Inside the closet…

It was a little roomy for the two

If any part of a residence is “too roomy” for sex, you’re doing it wrong.

but Twilight didn’t care as she stared up at Jean in the darkness. She hopped on her back hooves and put her front hooves around Jean’s waist. Her head only came up to the bottom of his ribs.

I am so hard right now.

“Well we only have 10 minutes, shall we continue from where we left off?” Twilight asked. Jean nodded feeling his manhood become erect. Jean bent over and kissed Twilight deeply she kissed back for a couple of seconds than broke the kiss.

“We don’t have much time for that.” Twilight said turning around and lifting up her tail. Jean unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock from his underwear.

“Are you sure you wan-”

“Please don’t ask me any more questions Jean because the answer is always yes for you.” Twilight said interrupting him.

“Really? Cool! Go ahead and put this burning candle in your asshole and let the hot wax drip all over your pussy while I shit in your mouth, then.”

He then moved forward pressing his manhood on her marehood and rubbed it up and down until he found the spot and slowly pushed himself in. Twilight bit her lip trying not to scream in pain as Jean broke her hymen.

“Are you alright?” Jean asked

“Ye-yes. Don’t worry about it Jean this is my first time. Please continue.” Twilight begged. Jean nodded his head as he began to move himself back and forth holding onto Twilight’s flanks.

Now I want a steak.

He went slow at first but then sped up.

WHAT A TWIST

Twilight moaned softly in pleasure trying her best to not let herself be heard by her friends outside. Jean bit his lip harder as he felt pressure build up inside him. Minutes later both Twilight and Jean felt their climax coming around.

“Twilight…I’m going to cum soon.” Jean said in Twilight ear

I love how the supposed “clop scene” is less descriptive and “erotic” than any of the other sexual situations in this story.

“Me…ah…to…un…I want you…unnn…to release it inside of meeee ah!” Twilight gasped finally reaching her climax causing her marehood to tighten up. Jean gave Twilight one last thrust before he released a big warm load of cum deep inside her. Jean had so much to give her that some of it dripped from her marehood down her leg and onto the floor. After a minute passed Jean released his grip from Twilight’s flanks and sat down.

“That was…*huff*…great Jean.” She said turning around then laying on top of him.

The author is clearly an expert on virginal sex.

“I know we just met Jean…but I love you.” She whispered in his ear.

“I-I love you to.” Jean said not believing the words he spoke.

Self. Insertion. Fanfic. I believe those words.

“I guess we should hurry up and clean ourselves up.” Twilight said baking up.

“Shit, Twilight, pass the bong!”

Jean stood up and quickly put his pants on. Twilight searched in the dark for paper towels. She quickly found them and them magically to Jean.”Could you wipe some of your seed off me…if we were at home I would’ve let it run but I don’t want them to know the…details.” Twilight said.

What, exactly, is there to hide? You guys just fucked and everyone knew about it beforehand.

Jean nodded as he squatted down and quickly used the paper towels to wipe his cum off of her legs and outside her marehood.

“Is it possible that you could get pregnant by me?” Jean asked stuffing the paper in a corner.

“Not sure, what would you do I became pregnant with your foal or foals?” Twilight asked turning around.

“Kill you and then myself.”

“I will help you raise them of coarse and then marry you.” Jean said. Twilight kissed him deeply.

“WAIT A MINUTE HAVE I GONE MAD…I JUST FUCKED A PONY AND LIKED IT…hahaha for some reason that song is in my hea-…FOCUS JEAN YOU JUST HAD SEX WITH A PONY…IN A CLOSET…AND THEN TOLD HER THAT IF SHE GOT PREGNANT THAT YOU WOULD HELP RAISE WHATEVER KIND OF HYBRID SHE GIVES BIRTH TO…YOUR FUCKING FIRST TIME WAS WITH A HOARSE…WHAT WOULD MY MOM SAY.” Jean thought

She’d kill you and then herself.

…Back somewhere in the Eastbay of California (that’s where Jean lives with his family) This happened…

Jean’s mom felt a small shock go through her as she put the key to the door of her house. Jean’s dad saw this and put his hands on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong dear?” His dad ask

“I don’t know…I just feel like something isn’t right with…I don’t know what but something is wrong.” She said staring at her husband.

Beautiful.

Well, folks, those were the first 9 chapters of DarkVGNeko’s magnum opus. So far there are still 33 left unread, but the story’s not yet over. Will I do commentary for the rest of this wonderful epic? That’s all up to you, dear readers!

But before I go, I have a few extra tidbits to share from the author’s profile page:

Future Plans(plans may changes suddenly so all what you see here isn’t set in stone) updated 3/13/12

A Twist in Fate 2:Letting go of the Controller (putting notes together…story will be started a week or so after A Twist in Fate)

The Last Twist in Fate

A Twist in Fate Spin Off: What if Fate didn’t Twist right away?

Plans on redoing A Twist in Fate soon

That’s right, not only is he planning two sequels and a spin-off to A Twist In Fate, he’s also planning on doing a remake of the original story. I wish you could see my face right now.

Oh, and here’s some fun stuff from the story’s reviews section:

Dark.Sides.Of.Life
Keep it up. cant wait for ch 3

NocturneD
sounds good so far

Jolting8
I’d like to see you try to do a clopseen. BTW, I liking this story! Keep up the good work mate!

Makkelulu
Soo weird, yet so sexy… o.O

Viigor
Dude this is written in a so blatantly hilarious way that I can only assume you are making a parody of all those self indulget HiE clopfics that get so many reviews (to my surprise). That is your intention right?

I’d probably be inclined to agree with Viigor if there weren’t 42 fucking chapters comprising 96,381 total words written over the course of four months with three sequels planned.

Topjack
Odd, very odd, but also a good kind of odd. Though you’ve somehow managed to make them rather perverted without making them feel too ooc,very impressive.

Gh0st’s buddy
Nice chapter. Once again you have made an awesome chapter keep up the good work.

Rougelover
intresting story cool chapter mate

Ryder MLP
Way too damn good! This was a good chapter part!

NecromancerX69
This is getting awesome(lucky bastard) keep up the good work xD

Gh0st’s buddy
Dude your story is Funny and awesome at the sane time as always. I can’t wait to read more.

Gh0st’s buddy
Sweet another great chapter. Can’t wait for the next one.

Doomlord1234
Anyways, another awesome clop chapter haha :3 yes I clop to ponies DEAL WITH IT.

nobodyreallyimportant
also, that was the best suprise curse ever. of all time. “great 25 kill streak on a sunny day” i am so using that now.

Black Tribal
Keep on writin’! The story is starting to get REAL interesting now and everyone is lovin’ it!

NecromancerX69
boring… BORING! Man how can you say that if this story is getting awesome! please keep up the epic work and updates coming.

Gh0st’s buddy
Nice chapter. I can’t wait to see who he gets with first.

NecromancerX69
Ah awesome as always please keep up the good work xD

Doomlord1234
Ahh. That was a good Clop! haha keep goin’!

Gh0st’s buddy
Yay a very nice clop chapter mate, good job man. I can’t wait to see the next chapter.

Well, guys, that’s a wrap! Stay safe and healthy in the coming months… unless, of course, you found this story in any way arousing. If you did, please kill yourself. You’ll be doing the rest of the world a favor.

– Foggle