What Are You Reading?

[Foggle]

It would be about as dumb as it being revealed that Alfred hires actors to play villains that Batman must defeat so Bruce can keep his sanity... Oh wait. 

Please tell me this is not a real thing that really happened. PLEASE.

[Dr. Insomniac]

It would be about as dumb as it being revealed that Alfred hires actors to play villains that Batman must defeat so Bruce can keep his sanity... Oh wait. 

Please tell me this is not a real thing that really happened. PLEASE.

Happened... in a non-canon oneshot by Gaiman. It's much, much better than it sounds.

[Spark Of Spirit]

It would be about as dumb as it being revealed that Alfred hires actors to play villains that Batman must defeat so Bruce can keep his sanity... Oh wait. 

Please tell me this is not a real thing that really happened. PLEASE.

Neil Gaiman even came up with it!

To ensure Bruce's happiness, Alfred does something drastic. He hires an old friend, Eddie Nash, from the acting troupe to play a villain for Bruce. With the combined efforts of Eddie and Alfred, they come up with the "Riddle Master", which evolves into the Riddler, and thus the game begins. Bruce, as Batman, would go out each night to fight the duo's staged crimes. When there was no crime to fight, Alfred would call his thespian friends to excite Bruce. Alfred finally realizes that the game must go further, that Bruce needs a "Moby Dick to his Ahab," and with white greasepaint, red lipstick, and a green wig, Alfred transforms himself into the Joker. The game continues for a while, but nothing good lasts forever.

Bruce has become a brilliant detective, and figures out that Alfred is indeed the Joker and his friends have been playing villains. Bruce, enraged, asks Alfred why he would do such a thing. Alfred simply responds "Because you needed it, sir." In the night, the Bat-Signal shines in the sky, and Bruce explains that as he is still Batman, whether he was real or not, he must heed the call. Alfred tells Bruce that there is no need for him to go out, that it was just a game. Bruce ask Alfred if Batman would ever give up, Alfred responds "No, Sir. I do not believe Batman would ever lie down and die." Alfred sees the Bat-Signal and states that he did not call anyone to turn it on, Bruce tells Alfred that Batman is needed now more than ever before.

At a local zoo, Eddie Nash is armed, has taken children hostage and has been calling for Batman the whole time. Batman approaches the gun wielding Eddie and tries to coax him out of such nonsense, telling him he's completely aware of the ruse. Eddie, who has fully embraced the role of the Riddler, solidly refuses, and wishes to only go by the name Riddler. Batman takes a step forward, asking for Eddie's gun. When it looks as if Eddie is going to hand it over to Batman, Eddie pulls the trigger and Batman falls to the ground, as the children run away in fear.

Back at the funeral, narrator-Batman remarks upon how ridiculous the story was. "Do you know how much of that story is impossible? Alfred couldn't have been the Joker. I mean, I can see the Joker. Sitting there, I can...am I dead?"

Deep stuff.

[Foggle]

[Dr. Insomniac]

And screw you guys. I loved this story.

[Spark Of Spirit]

I don't even have any issue with the rest of the story, it's just that particular part is... dumb.

[Dr. Insomniac]

Even dumber than Kevin Smith's run?

[Foggle]

Even dumber than Kevin Smith's run?

Nothing is dumber than Kevin Smith's run. Nothing.

[Spark Of Spirit]

Even dumber than Kevin Smith's run?

Smith's run would be at like #3, this would be at like #9 on a top ten.

[Dr. Ensatsu-ken]

So then, what would be #1? I'm honestly really curious.

[Dr. Insomniac]

So then, what would be #1? I'm honestly really curious.

Is it ASSBAR?

[Foggle]

So then, what would be #1? I'm honestly really curious.

And #2.

[Avaitor]

Well I hope this page restores your faith in comics a little.

[Spark Of Spirit]

What they did to Jason Todd might be my #2. Ironically, I really liked the way Vietti handled it in the movie and that might be one of my favorite Batman stories. But the lazy way the comics have handled it is pretty much everything I don't like about them.

So then, what would be #1? I'm honestly really curious.

Is it ASSBAR?

Isn't that everyone's #1? It doesn't get more embarrassing than that.

Though this new Freeze thing might shoot him up the list!

[Foggle]

What is ASSBAR?