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Other Entertainment => Muzak => Topic started by: Avaitor on December 27, 2010, 11:19:00 PM

Title: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on December 27, 2010, 11:19:00 PM
I'll post some more reasons later, but this one is a good starting place.

"So [Taylor Swift is] in a class by herself when it comes to turning all that romantic turmoil into great songs. At this point, she's like the new Morrissey, except with even more eyeliner."

From Rolling Stone, the same magazine that called Pinkerton the worst album of the year and Kid A the best of the 00's. Surely a great work.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on December 27, 2010, 11:22:44 PM
But Morrissey sucked too.  I never understood why people liked him or his music.  I can understand and like The Cure, but Morrissey?  Sorry, no.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on December 27, 2010, 11:23:10 PM
Rolling Stone has never been relevant.

They trashed every single Led Zeppelin album to shreds when they came out, and have changed little since.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:25:39 PM
Quote from: Desensitized on December 27, 2010, 11:23:10 PM
They trashed every single Led Zeppelin album to shreds when they came out, and have changed little since.
Good lord, they're worse than fucking Pitchfork.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on December 27, 2010, 11:29:01 PM
Pitchfork is just as shitty.

Year one: "Ooh, this album of trash can drumming and German influenced cartoon voice-over work is original and genius!"

Year two: "Album two is more of the same and now they suck because music has evolved. I hear Radiohead has an album about farting due soon!"

One is about garbage mainstream music, the other is about garbage indie music. Like night and day.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on December 27, 2010, 11:29:19 PM
Quote from: SNES Chalmers on December 27, 2010, 11:22:44 PM
But Morrissey sucked too.  I never understood why people liked him or his music.  I can understand and like The Cure, but Morrissey?  Sorry, no.
I like how simplistic Morrisey's lyrics are, but at the same time how he adds so much into every decibel.

His post-Smiths stuff I'm not as big on, but I can play anything by them all day.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:32:52 PM
Does anyone else here hate Radiohead? Their music puts me to sleep.

Tool and Dream Theater also do the same thing to me.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on December 27, 2010, 11:34:14 PM
Yes, and yes.  Don't know about the third one though.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on December 27, 2010, 11:34:28 PM
I like High & Dry by Radiohead, but yeah I agree.

They don't write "songs", they write "pieces" and are the exact type of self-important douchebags that I hate in real life. Why would I want to listen to an album by those smarmy assholes?
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on December 27, 2010, 11:37:22 PM
I tried to play Kid A and The Bends the other day and got bored with them so fast.

They might be the best stuff they have ever done, but I'd much rather listen to what inspired them, like actual krautrock or Jeff Buckley, than Radiohead themselves.

Dream Theater is just generic prog with some Maiden-esq riffs. Everyone in the band is talented, except for James LaBrie who just fucking blows, but their music is so. Fucking. Boring.

And Tool basically rewrites the same songs again and again. "Complicated" bass line, "deep" lyrics about how Maynard is a fucking weirdo, a few predictable guitar breaks, Maynard screams some more, dull jammy ending, wash, rinse, repeat.

I can't stand any of these bands.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:41:07 PM
This is why I love you guys.

Read this video's comments if you want to rage. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0) Thousands upon thousands of pages of people jerking off to the "deep" video, song, and band -- when in reality it's all just strange for the sake of being strange and is more than a little pretentious.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on December 27, 2010, 11:42:59 PM
I also still really hate Disturbed and all of Corey Taylor's shitty bands, but that's another(TZ related) story.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on December 27, 2010, 11:44:26 PM
Let me just say that what I like about music are songs. Beginnings, middles, and ends. I don't care how long it is, but meandering for countless minutes while droning on about nothing while singing lyrics that make no fucking sense because it's "art", is exactly what I hate about art.

Film, books, television, movies, and of course, music. Don't beat around the bush, get to the point and do it with style. Don't waste our time because you think what you have to give us is some grand gesture or whatever.

I'm not deriding long songs, though. One of my favorite songs is 16 minutes long and they make every second count within. It's what you do with the time that counts.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:48:17 PM
Quote from: SNES Chalmers on December 27, 2010, 11:42:59 PM
I also still really hate Disturbed and all of Corey Taylor's shitty bands, but that's another(TZ related) story.
Disturbed sucks, too, but I'd rather listen to them than Tool, tbh.

I'd never heard of Corey Taylor, and after looking him up on Wikipedia and finding this picture (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/da/Corey_Taylor_at_Allstate_Arena_2009.jpg/400px-Corey_Taylor_at_Allstate_Arena_2009.jpg), I wish I still hadn't. Fuck. Slipknot.

Quote from: Desensitized on December 27, 2010, 11:44:26 PM
Film, books, television, movies, and of course, music. Don't beat around the bush, get to the point and do it with style. Don't waste our time because you think what you have to give us is some grand gesture or whatever.

I'm not deriding long songs, though. One of my favorite songs is 16 minutes long and they make every second count within. It's what you do with the time that counts.
Oh yeah, long songs can be amazing if done correctly.

I tend to accept "artsy" stuff in film or print more than in music, since it fits the medium more, IMO. I don't usually enjoy it, though (and yet, I love David Lynch's works, for whatever reason).
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on December 27, 2010, 11:48:38 PM
Quote from: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:41:07 PM
This is why I love you guys.

Read this video's comments if you want to rage. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5sIXUbMgF0) Thousands upon thousands of pages of people jerking off to the "deep" video, song, and band -- when in reality it's all just strange for the sake of being strange and is more than a little pretentious.
After I read one guy's comment about how many dislikes the video got, I gave it another myself. ;D
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on December 27, 2010, 11:53:58 PM
Quote from: Foggle on December 27, 2010, 11:48:17 PM
Quote from: Desensitized on December 27, 2010, 11:44:26 PM
Film, books, television, movies, and of course, music. Don't beat around the bush, get to the point and do it with style. Don't waste our time because you think what you have to give us is some grand gesture or whatever.

I'm not deriding long songs, though. One of my favorite songs is 16 minutes long and they make every second count within. It's what you do with the time that counts.
Oh yeah, long songs can be amazing if done correctly.

I tend to accept "artsy" stuff in film or print more than in music, since it fits the medium more, IMO. I don't usually enjoy it, though (and yet, I love David Lynch's works, for whatever reason).
In film, I also feel the same, but in a different way. If it's arty, but still contains things that matter like good pacing, writing, and moving imagery (like Blue Velvet) while trying to put something across, I'll enjoy it. If it's a mess that meanders because it has no idea what the fuck it's doing (like Alien 3), then it's shit.

Different mediums and all that, but I get bored if too much time is wasted. It's not a short attention span thing, it's more of a "why are you spending so much time on this when I understood what you meant ten minutes ago" type of thing.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: No-Personality on January 14, 2011, 09:35:00 AM
If the prevailing / majority opinion here is that criticising music is pointless: than I agree. Talent is one thing (and very hard to judge, I think- at least hard to make everyone agree with once you have judged), but quality of music is very much I think determined by the listener. The ultimate reason why I think I'm right about this: you put on your headphones and you're the only one listening. How is anyone else's opinion relevant then? A TV, video system, and movie theater you usually have to share with others. But your music experience is always your own and no one else's.

But on the other hand, I appreciate musical criticism. I put little stock in it, but that doesn't mean I think it's all meaningless.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Angus on January 20, 2011, 12:01:50 AM
Wow, I didn't know talking about being a 15 year old girl is as melancholic as Morrissey's lyrics.

I'd like to find more bands that have strong musical instrument abilities though. Been too long since American Idol turned pop music into vocalist focused stuff.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on January 20, 2011, 03:35:46 AM
I tend to think the mainstream likes to go too far in one direction. I appreciate strong musicianship, but then you have people praising the likes of Dream Theater who couldn't write a decent song to save their lives. Few bands know how to make that balance, so instead rip off punk music by sticking to two chords or so and writing the same two songs over and over.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on February 18, 2011, 12:38:51 PM
Heads up guys: new Radiohead officially comes out tomorrow.

It's already leaked and apparently it's not even that good or "innovative" by their standards, but it's Radiohead so it's already destined for album of the year status, and don't expect critics or hipsters to shut up about it for weeks.

Meanwhile I think I'll buy PJ Harvey's new album, which is pretty damn solid, just to give it a little well-deserved push.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on February 19, 2011, 12:08:59 AM
I still feel burned by the latest Aquabats album. I just hate it when bands play it too safe, you know?

Don't even know why I'm posting this here, it's not like anyone's even going to review the damn thing.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on July 04, 2011, 01:43:58 PM
New Dream Theater single. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oasnbzEMV08)

My god, this blows. Petrucci's lead is boring as sin, the synth is obnoxious, LaBrie can't sing at all anymore, and while the new drummer is competent, it really seems like Portnoy was the driving force behind the band. I posted this here since we talked about DT in this thread before, and it's safe to say that the band doesn't deserve any amount of praise nowadays.

But yeah, enjoy. If you can.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on July 04, 2011, 02:24:14 PM
Quote from: Avaitor on July 04, 2011, 01:43:58 PM
New Dream Theater single. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oasnbzEMV08)
Ugh. :srs: Seeing shit like Dream Theater get critical acclaim while stuff like this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5ACDQdf3w4) is overlooked just depresses me.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Katie Holt on July 04, 2011, 05:11:29 PM
Quote from: Desensitized on February 19, 2011, 12:08:59 AM
I still feel burned by the latest Aquabats album. I just hate it when bands play it too safe, you know?

Don't even know why I'm posting this here, it's not like anyone's even going to review the damn thing.
Eh. Personally I love it. Not my favorite album of theirs but it still ranks real high.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on July 28, 2011, 01:25:30 PM
Hmm, who do you guys think is crazier now, Varg (http://www.burzum.org/eng/library/war_in_europe01.shtml) or Morrissey (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/norway/8667682/Morrissey-compares-fast-food-to-Norway-massacre.html)?
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 04:19:29 PM
Uh... (http://www.rollingstone.com/music/photos/readers-poll-the-best-punk-rock-bands-of-all-time-20110802/10-bad-brains-0986384)

I know some of you guys really like earlier Green Day, but can you justify their ranking on here? I meant, at any other slot, I wouldn't think GD's inclusion would be a big deal. They wouldn't make my top 10 (if I had my way, I'd replace them with Crass), but I wouldn't bat an eye if they did make it that high. And the list is fine with it's other 9 slots. But #1? Really?
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on August 05, 2011, 04:31:08 PM
#1 punk band of all time? No, I wouldn't as I don't think they're pure punk enough to rank so high. My list would be as such:

1. The Ramones
2. New York Dolls
3. The Clash
4. The Undertones
5. Stiff Little Fingers
6. Green Day
7. The Smoking Popes
8. The Stooges
9. Wire
10. Gang Of Four

My favorite album of theirs isn't even a punk album.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 04:39:22 PM
Mine:

10- either X or Wire depending on my mood
9- Killing Joke
8- Descendents
7- Amebix
6- The Stooges
5- The Ramones
4- Bad Brains
3- Crass
2- The Clash
1- Dead Kennedys

Although if we're going by "greatest" instead of personal favorites, although I tried to factor both into that, I'd put NYD in and the Clash at #1. Still not sure if Green Day would make it or not.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on August 05, 2011, 05:26:44 PM
I like Green Day, but about half of their best material isn't even punk so it's hard to consider them the best punk band ever.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Lord Dalek on August 05, 2011, 06:13:34 PM
There's an obvious lack here...

1. Sex Pistols
2. Joy Division
3. The Stooges (Raw Power/Metallic KO lineup)
4. Ramones
5. The Clash
6. Television
7. The Creation
8. New York Dolls
9. Patti Smith
10. The MC5

Honorable mentions...
The Beasties when they're doing actual punk (IE: "Some Old Bullshit", "Aglio e Olio"), Echo & The Bunnymen, Elvis C. up to and including "Trust".

Hell even that one weird Chipmunks album is better than fucking Green Day. Ick. 

Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 06:17:59 PM
Post-punk and new wave are totally different things and should be classified as such, IMO. That's why my list lacks JD or other post-punk bands, as well as hardcore acts that verge on alternative, like Husker Du.

I also wouldn't put Television on there since they only have one good album to their name, and Never Mind the Bollocks just doesn't hold up much.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on August 05, 2011, 06:22:36 PM
I'd put Green Day over the Sex Pistols, no question. The Replacements outdid everything the Sex Pistols tried to do and surpassed them in every conceivable way, and their manager's previous band Eddie & The Hot Rods were way better.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 06:35:56 PM
And since we're doing this for punk and prog, let me add in a list for the other most classifiable subgenre of rock.

10- Morbid Angel
9- Celtic Frost
8- Candlemass
7- Slayer
6- Burzum
5- Motorhead
4- Death
3- Judas Priest
2- Iron Maiden
1- Black Sabbath

I nearly put Metallica in, but I still think that they get more credit then they deserve. Maybe also Venom and Possessed for impact, but their music kind of sucks in retrospect.

As for the top 2, those can alternate for me. I'll admit that Dio's run in Sabbath helped raise this up a little however, since if anyone else replaced Ozzy, then Maiden could easily take their place. But those three (4 if you count The Devil You Know) albums are equal to or greater than those highly influential Ozzy LPs.

Oh, and Deep Purple aren't metal. Sorry.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Lord Dalek on August 05, 2011, 06:42:30 PM
I'd smack you over the head with my non-existant vinyl of Tyranny and Mutation but... eh.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 06:53:36 PM
BOC's another band I find hard to consider metal.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Lord Dalek on August 05, 2011, 06:57:41 PM
Quote from: Avaitor on August 05, 2011, 06:53:36 PM
BOC's another band I find hard to consider metal.
Well BOC's technically "light metal". Whatever the hell that means.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on August 05, 2011, 08:43:24 PM
Hmm, Rolling Stone...

Yeah, I can't see myself ever putting Green Day at the top of a best punk bands list, despite how much I do like them.  I agree with some of their other choices and their placements, notably Misfits, Black Flag, Ramones, and Dead Kennedys, but putting Green Day there is only going to piss off punk fans more than they already are with the band.

And the less I have to say about The Sex Pistols, the better.  I'll never understand the high regard for them, Bollocks really isn't that great of an album.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on August 06, 2011, 10:57:53 AM
On another note, why do people like The Cure?

Robert Smith just sounds like a whiny little prick in everything they've ever done, and there were so many better new wave bands out there.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on August 06, 2011, 01:08:53 PM
I liked them more when I was younger(they are actually perfect as a high school era band), but I still like some of their songs, like Friday I'm in Love.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on August 06, 2011, 05:08:05 PM
Wait, they seriously put Green Day as number 1? :lol: If they're going to include pop-punk, they might as well have also put psychobilly, punk funk, and gypsy punk in there... which they should have, 'cuz that shit's amazing.

QuoteThen again, nobody saw American Idiot coming. The brilliant 2004 rock opera
I don't even have a fucking reaction image for this.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Commode on August 06, 2011, 06:03:40 PM
Like I said, Hmm, Rolling Stone...  They have always held the album in high regard.  I don't mind the album myself, in fact I like it more now than I did back in about 2005 when the singles were getting batshit airplay, but it ain't even half as brilliant as Nimrod or Warning musically.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on August 06, 2011, 06:25:19 PM
Quote from: Foggle on August 06, 2011, 05:08:05 PMIf they're going to include pop-punk, they might as well have also put psychobilly, punk funk, and gypsy punk in there...
It's Rolling Stone, they're a glorified payola factory. Unless they're on Fat Wreck or Epitaph (the irony considering the "owners") no one is going to pay them to give them the coverage. It's not about quality with that place.

QuoteThen again, nobody saw American Idiot coming. The brilliant 2004 rock opera
I don't even have a fucking reaction image for this.
[/quote]Anybody who listened to anything they did after Dookie could have called that coming. But they didn't because they weren't listening. 90% of their reviews read like they didn't even listen to the album, and I'd wager they didn't.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 01:45:18 PM
NME is holding up a poll asking for what would be the most important songs released in their 60 years of running. They have a wide selection of songs to vote for. Except, wait... there's no metal songs in there at all!

I HATE this long-standing elitism against metal from music critics. What, because most metal acts don't go political they aren't worth being mentioned in the same light as Radiohead or whatever is beloved now?

Can they seriously justify how "Rehab" or "Common People" have made more of an impact to the music industry than "Black Sabbath" or "Phantom of the Opera"? Because I sure can't. And I like Pulp!
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 03:40:51 PM
Music critics hate: Jazz, pre-60s Rock, the Beach Boys (Pet Sounds aside... and even that), Progressive Rock, Metal, any pre-Ramones punk band not named the Stooges, Comedy Rock, Ska, Gospel, mainstream 70s and 80s Rock, and Blues.

Some exceptions aside, it's easy to tell they're more interested in appearing "cool", than writing about music.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 03:42:50 PM
None of that made their list, aside from one Elvis song and a couple of Beach Boys.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 03:46:24 PM
It's sort of like how Rolling Stone ranked Pinkerton as the worst album of 1996, then retroactively changed it since it became "cool" in the underground.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on June 22, 2012, 03:47:43 PM
Quote from: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 03:40:51 PM
Music critics hate: Jazz, any pre-Ramones punk band not named the Stooges, Comedy Rock, Ska, Blues
:burn:
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 04:14:14 PM
Quote from: Foggle on June 22, 2012, 03:47:43 PM
Quote from: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 03:40:51 PM
Music critics hate: Jazz, any pre-Ramones punk band not named the Stooges, Comedy Rock, Ska, Blues
:burn:
It's kind of weird that music critics seem exactly like they were in the late 80s. Because that's pretty much what it feels like.

Why I remember it like it was yesterday when Rolling Stone gave Justin Timberlake's first album 5 stars.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 04:15:23 PM
Rolling Stone actually gives out 5 stars for albums? I thought they only did that for Stones and Dylan remasters.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Spark Of Spirit on June 22, 2012, 04:19:03 PM
Quote from: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 04:15:23 PM
Rolling Stone actually gives out 5 stars for albums? I thought they only did that for Stones and Dylan remasters.
And then I remembered how long ago that album came out.

You're probably right. I doubt they do it anymore.

But let's be honest, it's not like we've been overloaded with 5 star classics in the last few years.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 04:26:12 PM
In the past 10 years, I the only 5 star albums I can think of were made by Agalloch, The Kills and John Darnielle.
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Foggle on June 22, 2012, 04:33:55 PM
Quote from: Avaitor on June 22, 2012, 04:26:12 PM
In the past 10 years, I the only 5 star albums I can think of were made by Agalloch, The Kills and John Darnielle.
And THD...
Title: Re: Music Critics Suck
Post by: Avaitor on March 15, 2013, 07:28:08 PM
Rolling Stone's article on Iron Maiden's new beer.

Quote"It?s been nearly 30 years since Iron Maiden unleashed "The Trooper" on Piece of Mind, and now the metal giants are releasing a new brew bearing the track?s name. Collaborating with Robinsons Brewery in England ? who trace their roots to the 19th century ? Iron Maiden has crafted Trooper, a new 4.7% ABV ale that touts notes of citrus and a blend of Cascade, Bobec and Goldings hops."
]

If this was for Radiohead, they'd interview the entire band about the drink and probably give them the cover as well, but for Maiden, they just write one paragraph and try to get it over with as soon as they can, and use a lot of info that would likely go over most readers' heads.

Bias much?