My life is a mess.

[Markness]

I really need to get some things out of my mind. My life has been extremely unhappy and turbulent this whole year so far. I wish I could go back to how I was pre-COVID. Yes, I was depressed then but at least I could still get out of bed without much trouble, I could still read for enjoyment, I could play video games on a consistent level, I got to visit with my older cousins, and I had hope I would have a girlfriend come into my life.

I struggle to get up mainly because I have bad dreams or even when I've rested for 7 hours, I still feel sleepy. This might have to do with the medications I am on. I want to read but it's hard to get motivated when few, if any, people share your interests, the conversation fizzles out or never starts, and the trends are difficult to keep up with. I barely touch my video game consoles because for similar reasons. My older cousins are too scared to visit, even on my birthday, due to fearing they will get COVID. I also can't even get a coffee date despite my best efforts and most people I know are in long term relationships or are married. I am 33 years old but my social skills are far behind what they should be.

[Dr. Insomniac]

I know how that feels. Even after sleeping as much as possible, or having the free time to do what we want, there's occasionally this void keep some of us from doing the things that make us happy. And I don't know how people can remove that void and live their life to the fullest, I've certainly struggled there, you're not alone in having these thoughts.

[Foggle]

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough year. Can definitely relate on both the struggling to get up and lack of motivation. Doesn't matter how long I sleep, usually I'm gonna head back to bed for another 2 hours right after breakfast and then not be able to do much of anything before work. I just never feel well-rested at all, because of my depression I assume. The void that ruins my motivation comes and goes, no idea how to manage it aside from just forcing myself to do things that make me happy, but that's easier said than done and doesn't always work. I'm sure you'll have brighter days ahead of you soon, even if it's just once the pandemic dies down. <3

[Mustang]

First and foremost, sorry for your struggles. I can't say I was depressed or anything like that but I can say stress was building up for me. I can sort of relate in terms of finding things that can keep me motivated (you can probably tell in some of my older posts talking about losing interest in certain games I usually play). In terms of sleep, I can hardly get any at all (There would be stretches of me being up for 48-72 hours). Could be a combination of sleep apnea and sinus issues as well as caffeine intake.

That being said I "FORCE" myself to do something. I'm back to watching anime. I'm playing games (replaying more or less). Even if I gotta tune into one of these content creators I will do it just to keep myself occupied. More importantly, get to a doctor or some form of therapy. For the first time in my life I have a doctor that's in shape and gives me the motivation I need to get back into shape (I can't stand overweight doctors telling me to lose weight when they're bigger than me). Just talking to someone may help ease your mind.

As strange as this may sound, I've been watching a lot of youtube videos on chiropractors. Mostly Dr. Brenda Mondragon. At first I was watching cause I thought she was hot, then that fascination turned into more of a therapeutic relief because her sessions had me thinking that I might need to get form of deep tissue therapy. I've been looking into acupuncture therapy because of her as well. Sometimes her videos would put me to sleep as well.

And then, just workout. Because I haven't been able to get to a gym because of covid, I have these resistant bands and just going through a 20-30 minute workout session takes a load off my mind. Most of my motivation comes after a good workout (now I just gotta get my nutrition in check). Currently going through a phase now where I'm getting about 2-3 hours of sleep but I try to not get upset about it.

If you're not working, try getting a job as well. Honestly, the busier you are imo, the less likely you worry about much. Keep your head up and stay strong.

[Markness]

I am sorry for the late reply. Thank you, guys!  I feel better in some ways and hopefully can post more soon.