Let's Play....er Read The Hunger Games (an experiment in literary criticism).

[Foggle]

An announcement is made by Claudius Templesmith, there has been a rule change this year. This gets Katniss' attention as there really aren't any rules at all to the Hunger Games. The change is simple: if two tribunes from the same district are still alive at the end, they both win. Does this mean Katniss DOESN'T have to kill Peeta after all!?!?

Truly wonderful storytelling.

[Avaitor]

Oh, just you wait.

[Lord Dalek]

After a brief time away... PART THREE (of only three parts....thank god)

CHAPTER NINETEEN: The Moment We've All Been Dreading

Katniss starts tracking Peeta, now knowing that he isn't her enemy anymore (and probably never was to begin with). She eventually finds him, the master of camoflage, completely obfuscated down at the river. Peeta's not in the best shape, suffering from various burns, tracker jacker stings, and a major injury dealt to him by Cato that's developing gangrene. Katniss drags him to shelter and they embrace (the book makes it damn clear that's all for show, the movie... not so much) for warmth. Somewhere Gale is throwing up the squirrel he ate for dinner.

Peeta's sponsors have been non-existent during this whole ordeal which has led him into this rut. Haymitch therefore probably favored Katniss more because they were too damn alike. This becomes pretty obvious when another parachute appears containing warm broth. In the film this came with a sarcastic note slamming Katniss not getting into the starcrossed lover storyline Haymitch has created, but here Katniss has to figure out for herself (JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS GODDAMN BOOK!!!!).

Anyhoo Katniss now has to do two things.

A: Successfully heal Peeta...yeah that ain't happening.

B: Win the games...which would be a lot easier WITHOUT Peeta.

Ain't The Hunger Games grand?

[Foggle]

the master of camoflage,

I was expecting a Master Of Disguise clip. THANK GOD it wasn't one.

[Spark Of Spirit]

the master of camoflage,

I was expecting a Master Of Disguise clip. THANK GOD it wasn't one.

You're just made because you didn't get into the Turtle Club.

[Foggle]

You're just made because you didn't get into the Turtle Club.

You are the conductor of the potty train.

[Lord Dalek]

the master of camoflage,

I was expecting a Master Of Disguise clip. THANK GOD it wasn't one.

Please don't remind me that film exists.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER TWENTY: Soup, Lies, And Videotape

Hooray a chapter that's nothing but Peeta not eating his soup! 

Oh ok SOMETHING HAPPENS. Templesmith gets on the PR again. Its feast time, but considering there's only six left (Katniss, Peeta, Thresh, Foxface, Cato, and Clove aka Crazy Knife Girl) the gamemakers have decided food isn't what's going to get them to come down from the mountain. No its going to be something else more potent.... SOMETHING THEY ACTUALLY NEED!

Katniss knows that she has to go. Peeta's suffering from blood poisoning and will probably die if she doesn't. Peeta however doesn't want to see Katniss put herself on the line for him. Katniss finally balks...if only there was a way to keep Peeta from know-oh hey its a Parachute!

Inside the parachute are drugs but not the kind Peeta actually needs. Its a knockout drug designed to put someone out for up to 24 hours. No why would anyone expect you to use that when they-ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh Haymitch, you sir are as smart as the devil. Katniss combines the sleepytime syrup with some mashed berries then shoves it down Peeta's throat. He eventually figures it out but not before nighty night.

[Rosalinas Spare Wand]

So she's been carrying his boring ass through the book trying to make their dynamic work, and now she's literally going to carry him to the finishline. Truly the greatest love story ever told.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Dr. Everdeen, Medicine Woman

Katniss...after three more pages of endless "I wonder what Gale is doing!"-style mental droning, heads out for the cornucopia and the feast. Although she has the night vision goggles, she's well and truly deaf in her left ear from the blast and that limits her senses. This is not a good thing.

Arriving at the site, she's surprised to see Foxface dart out and grab her share of the feast without much trouble. Expecting a similar situation, Katniss is instead attacked by Clove who nails Katniss in the forehead with her knife collection. Clover has the upper hand but makes a terrible terrible mistake... MONOLOGUES!

Its one thing to gloat about killing Rue in front of Katniss, its another to do the same thing while Thresh, the big guy also from District 11 is standing nearby. Before Clove can finish Katniss off, she's speared to death by Thresh who spares Katniss as a means of returning the favor for her tribute to Rue...but not before he steals District 2's share of the feast as a giant fuck you to Cato. Ah Thresh, I wish you'd been in the novel more, you're more of a bad ass than Peeta ever was.

Anyway, Katniss flees back to Peeta, injecting him with the antitoxin before finally passing out from bloodloss. Hoorayz?

[Foggle]

Wtf, Fresh sounds like a bro. Why can't Cat Ness fuck him instead of PETA?

[Spark Of Spirit]

Thresh was awesome. He really should have been in the story more.

[Dr. Insomniac]

The trilogy would be 17 times better if Thresh won the Hunger Games and became the main protagonist. Trufax.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Hungry Game

You know the pattern... exciting chapter/boring chapter/exciting chapter which makes this the... ugh... boring chapter... unless you're a Kaniss/Peeta shipper. 

So basically the roles are reversed, Katniss is in worse shape because of her head wound and Peeta's now fit as a fiddle. yaaaaaaaaaaaay. The Gamemakers have decided to create a perpetual thunderstorm around them forcing them to starve from lack of game so instead its time for BAAAAAACKSTORY... and FORCED ROMANCE!

...yeah I fucking hated this chapter so lets get this done quick...

A. We can all agree Thresh is a badass on the scale of Madison Cowan. Katniss wishes he was from District 12. He might have been their friend if this hadn't happened.

B. Peeta tells Katniss the story of the first time he developed a crush on Katniss. The language he uses is surprisingly tender and forthright leading Katniss to... oh god...

C. A pot of lamb stew plus french bread which is apparently Haymitch-ese for "Second Base".

Not making this up.

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B. Peeta tells Katniss the story of the first time he developed a crush on Katniss. The language he uses is surprisingly tender and forthright leading Katniss to... oh god...

C. A pot of lamb stew plus french bread which is apparently Haymitch-ese for "Second Base".

Not making this up.

What the shit.