Let's Play....er Read The Hunger Games (an experiment in literary criticism).

[Dr. Insomniac]

Don't forget the groosling.

[Avaitor]

And the cheese bread.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER TWELVE - Bad CSO

Apon returning Katniss is shocked to find the electrical fence that cuts off the Seam from the forest has been turned on for the first time in years (no doubt due to Romulus Thread). Climbing the thing is out of the question so there's only one choice... go over it! To that end, Katniss finds a big tree that will get her over the fence, she jumps off and....



















Gets roasted. THE END!

Nah, she makes it but with a couple fractures. She'll have to whip a story pretty fast now because her house is surely bugged. Returning home Katniss is shocked to find more Peacekeepers, real ones this time, hanging around (said Peacekeepers are probably annoyed she's still alive to boot). The Peacekeepers inform Katniss that the fence is now on 24/7 and that she should tell Gale as such. They then immediately leave. Well that was easy I guess.

Mom notices Katniss is wounded and Katniss claims she slipped on a patch of ice. That's enough to convince Mom (who is none too bright in these books if you can tell), so its off to bed to recover. Over the next few weeks Katniss only emerges to watch the television, hoping to get a glimpse of the alleged stock footage of District 13 that Bonnie and Twill were yammering about. The first sign is a Capitol propaganda film showing the devastated remains of the Justice Center, just barely in the overscan area can you make out the shadow of a Mockingjay flying by.

The second sign comes during a news brief about new restrictions due to radiation levels. A Capitol reporter in protective gear gives a spiel about what District 13 did was evil and yaddy yadda, but that's not important. What is the appearance of that same Mockingjay shadow that appears on the roof of the Justice Center. Katniss is convinced, they've clearly just chromakeyed this reporter into stock footage. Why? What has the Capitol got to hide? SOUNDS LIKE A FIERCELY THICKENING PLOT!

[Avaitor]

You should seriously just play Dr. Evil clips every time Collins alludes to the Capitol being evil.

Although I don't think there's enough Austin Powers footage to fulfill that quota.

[Lord Dalek]

You should seriously just play Dr. Evil clips every time Collins alludes to the Capitol being evil.

Although I don't think there's enough Austin Powers footage to fulfill that quota.

Yeah I've been kicking myself over not using the "I've got a gun in my room" bit.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER TWELVE: WELL ITS ABOUT TIME COLLINS...

Winter turns to spring but things are no better in District 12. Starvation is worse, beatings more common, and wedding day is approaching for the Everdeens and Mellarks. Katniss is able to walk again, and just in time too because here comes the moronic stylists (and Cinna, who is still awesome) from the Capitol. Katniss is photographed in a variety of wedding dresses so that the studio audience of Flickerman can choose which would THEY prefer (how this system works, I do not know).

Katniss has a brief exchange with Haymitch about District 13 and the possibility of Rebellion. Haymitch isn't thrilled with the whole idea considering that if a revolt in 12 were to work it would have to be all in. They're so massively underpopulated, underfed, and underarmed that the effects would devastating. Furthermore, he's still not convinced that the Capitol's usage of bad colour separation overlay and stock footage isn't simply for budgetary reasons (HAH! This IS just like Doctor Who!).

Anyhoo the crowd votes on Katniss's terrible wedding dress, but there's an added attraction: the formal announcement of the third Quarter Quell. Snow goes over the previous Quells and then announces the quirk of this year's event....


...ITS A TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS!

Katniss has to play the Hunger Games... AGAIN. hooray.........

[Dr. Insomniac]

God, that took longer than an Inuyasha arc.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: The Hangover Part III

Katniss takes the news rather unwell. And by that I mean: throws a temper tantrum, hides in an abandoned basement, and gets drunk with Haymitch. No seriously, all that happens in the expanse of five pages in this chapter. Hooey Collins, you really know how to dial up the shit when you want to. The reason for this is Katniss needs to talk to Haymitch since there's more than one surviving Male tribune to choose from in the reaping. Haymitch tells Katniss that even if he were to get reaped, Peeta would likely just volunteer to take his place. To that end they make an agreement, last time Haymitch went out of his way to keep Katniss alive, this time he'll do it for Peeta.

Katniss returns home and eventually vomits out all of Haymitch's booze into her new toilet. Kids book people, KIDS BOOK. Mom and Prim who we have never cared about and will never care about again do a vigil on her, it should be touching but I just don't care.

REAPING DAY! Everything comes to pass, Katniss name is drawn from the girls container (all the strips in there are her name), and Haymitch gets reaped only to get replaced by Peeta. The two are quickly kicked onto the train by Thread as part of some sort of "new policy" and its back into the jungle again. Oh god.

Last thing: Katniss isn't convinced that the terms of this Quarter Quell were agreed on 75 years ago. Its just too "convenient".

[Dr. Insomniac]

Even the characters realize that the Capitol's being evil for the sake of being evil.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Late Night Video

So we're back on our way to the Capitol...again. This time the trip is even more sullen and muted. Peeta's consumed by who the two will have to fight and Katniss is wrapped in the dread that this time she will not be coming home. This takes a lot of good natured repartee out of dinner with the ever-ditzy Effie Trinket.

Since I haven't mentioned them yet I should discuss Katniss's reoccurring nightmares that have haunted her through the book. They entail being mauled by the mutations that attacked her, Cano, and Peeta that last night at the Cornucopia. This isn't like in... say... Aliens where the nightmares were an impetus for Ripley to finally deal with the things that terrified her once and for all. Oh no, its more of a feeling of growing inevitability in this book. One I wish we wouldn't have to deal with so soon.

Unable to sleep, she leaves her room to find Peeta watching old videotapes of previous Hunger Games. They've basically gone through them all before hitting #50, the one Haymitch one. Because Haymitch has never wanted to discuss his time in the arena with anybody and its not hard to see why. Double the contestants, more hardships, more guilt. One of the District 12 tribunes Katniss recognizes is Maysilee Donner, a girl whom her mother had been friends with in school. Donner eventually forms an alliance with Haymitch and the two keep each other alive for a while. At this point the similarites between the 50th and 74th Hunger Games start becoming more rapidly evident.

Like Katniss, Haymitch figured out a way to abuse the system. In this case he turned the arena and its magnetic field into a weapon to fill off the final Career tribune from District 1. It's a move that has more than made him a little unlikable in the eyes of the Capitol. Katniss begins to understand Haymitch a little more out of this.

...and Haymitch who was in the room the whole time watching them watching him sorta agrees.

[Spark Of Spirit]

This time- it's personal!

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Geriatrics on Parade

Quick chapter, so quick that the book actually skips over Katniss and Peeta's arrival at the Capitol and goes straight to the Tribune Parade. We meet new bland dreamboat Finnick Odair here for the first time (think of him as an even duller version of Gale, the Robert Pattinson to his Stephen Moyer if you will) as well as Johanna Mason (she was actually mentioned a couple times in the previous book as the crazy whiny bitch from District 7 but we're getting her name here for the first). In response to last years flames by Cinna, everybody's on fire in the parade (to often comical effects at times) except Katniss and Peeta who in the process upstage all the other tribunes again.

Katniss isn't thrilled about the degree of hero worship she's getting from some of the tributes (namely Creepy Finnick) and proceeds to go through her usual isolated and pouty routine. BUT FIRST! We're introduced to some new Avox.... a kid named Darius who's only there for us to go OH NOES!!!!! AY DIOS MIO!!!! about.

Next chapter I am going to go on a rant about Darius because I fucking hate this character, just as much as I headed Little Red Headed Girl in the last book. STOP WASTING TIME WITH THESE ADDED ON CHARITY CASE CHARACTERS COLLINS!!!!

[Foggle]

everybody's on fire in the parade

what

[Lord Dalek]

everybody's on fire in the parade

what

Synthetically.

[Spark Of Spirit]

Because of Katniss, remember?