Let's Play....er Read The Hunger Games (an experiment in literary criticism).

[Dr. Insomniac]

Because of Katniss, remember?

Indeed.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: I WAS HOPING TO SPEND THIS ENTIRE ENTRY INSULTING DARIUS AND WHY WE SHOULDN'T CARE ABOUT HIM BUT THEN STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED...

You know what? Fuck Darius. He's some character I don't give a shit about who was not developed, never mentioned before Chapter Fifteen, and is just YET ANOTHER reason for Katniss to feel guilt and get all pouty (As if Collins hasn't given us enough). I'm not going to talk about him anymore. This is a long chapter and that's like ten pages of filler (just like the Avox Girl chapter from book one) that you can easily skip.

So.......... TRAINING! Haymitch has actually instructed Katniss and Peeta to try to make alliances early this time. Since they're the youngest, they'll either be picked off fast or get mobbed for being lovebirds (albeit fake ones). Katniss has some difficulity. For one she's constantly followed by Creepy Finnick. Yeah I'm calling him that from now on. Reading the book, I expect Finnick to have a voice sounding somewhere in between Lanipator's Mr. Popo and the Department Store Kid from A Christmas Story, he's that weirdly awkward. Johanna Mason's kinda brittle, mainly because she kinda blew her strategy load last time. And Brutus (a Career Tribune from District 2 who's like 40 or something) is just a jackass.

Katniss eventually settles with Beetee and Wiress, a pair of septuagenarians from District 3, which I think is either supposed to be Silicon Valley or Redwood, WA. Beetee is, like the District 3 boy who reactivated the minefield in the previous book, a technological genius. Wiress appears to have had a stroke recently causing her to jabber on about things that don't matter. Already the film adaptation of this is casting itself, Amanda Plummer you're up. Because the two aren't all there, they've earned the affection nicknames "Nuts" and "Volts". I admit that's actually kinda clever.

It all boils down to another show for the Gamemakers. This time they've put up a force field around their box because of Katniss's little roast piggie trick. Katniss finds a bunch of Avoxes cleaning up an apparent mess made by Peeta. The Gamemakers look less disinterested and more agitated this time to boot. Considering that Peeta must have really pissed them off, Katniss's strategy can only do worse...

To that end she hangs a practice dummy with a noose she has made with her great noose skills and paints a name on it in nice bright red letters...

"Seneca Crane"

[Lord Dalek]

More Hunger Games to come after a very stiff drink.

[Avaitor]

Does it get that bad?

[Dr. Insomniac]

Does it get that bad?

Yeppers.

[Lord Dalek]

It just occurs to me I actually stopped reading in the middle of Chapter 17 last night so.... YEAH post modified I guess.

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Terminate With Extreme Prejudice

Yeah that really did it. Remind us of ol' Dancing Bag. Even with their forcefield, the Gamemakers are scared shitless yet again. Following this Katniss asks Peeta what on Earth could he have done to piss Heavensbee off that much. He reveals he painted a picture.... OF RUE. Lifeless, defenseless, little Rue. Truly the face of the crap the Districts have been Bataan Deathmarching through for the last few moths... no thanks to whiny bitch.

And what do Katniss and Peeta get for their bout of middlefingering? Perfect 12's. Never happened before. Now they're the Bob Baffert trained horse on Derby Day. THE EVIL PRESIDENT SNOW(TM) has basically stacked the deck. Now EVERYBODY is going to be trying to kill them off so the Vegas (or whatever district Vegas used to be in) oddsmakers can blow a fuse. THIS IS A BRILLIANT PLAN.

Ironically what this actually does is bring Katniss and Peeta back together again... for better or worse. They know they're going to die within a week so best spend as much time as they can. Peeta even though he was crestfallen at the end of the last book, still harbors emotion for Katniss and here it seems the feeling is mutual.

OH BTW... I haven't mentioned this yet but its implied that Kat and Peet have been having safe consensual sex for some time, resuming in this chapter. KIDS BOOK EVERYBODY!!!!! Tell that to Portia and Flavius they freak out immediately.

UGH ITS THE CAESAR FLICKERMAN SHOW TIME! Katniss is being ordered to wear a white dress ordered by THE EVIL PRESIDENT SNOW mainly as a nasty joke for the fact her wedding is being canned. The other tribunes think she (and by proxy Peeta who is in a tux) look rediculous. Sure whatever, tell that to the Tribunes of District 8 with their flaming cowbells during the parade.

Interviews are quickly sped through. These guys are old pros. They know how to play Flickerman for whatever its worth now, and the audience is in Lifetime Television for Women mode crying their eyes out. Katniss's interview begins with her apologizing to the audience that they won't be coming to her sham wedding... which is now permanently off, giving them one more Anthea Redfern routine when suddenly the dress starts.... ugh... CATCHING FIRE. DUH DUH DUM.

Oh Cinna you wacky prankster. Katniss discovers that her stupid wedding dress has been burned away to reveal a similiar dress in coal grey with white on the sleeves....

Katniss realizes her dress has become... the Mockingjay.

[Dr. Insomniac]

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

[Lord Dalek]

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: The End of The Beginning of The End

Oh Cinna... you are so dead... WHOOPS SPOILED.

Yeah Snow isn't thrilled about how his cheapass dress has morphed into the posterart for Black Swan (seriously I'd rather have THAT crazy narrator than this) so time for Peeta to save Katniss's ass again (seriously... why?)...

PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE IS TAKEN VERBATUM FROM THE BOOK AND IS 100% AUTHORIZED BY ITS PUBLISHER WHO COINCEDENTLY ALSO RUNS BOOK FAIRS AND CATALOGS ACROSS THE COUNTY. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

I am pregnant.

...that's it, I'm outta here.





















...Oh all right. The Audience is now really angry and really depressed. Its one thing to kill 23 people but apparently 24 is right out. Its funny, I'm reminded of Abrown's rather brain dead (as far as some moron who hasn't read the books and/or doesn't understand ancient Rome and Reign of Terror France goes) analysis of the movie complaining about how he didn't understand why nobody in the Capitol thought the games were evil and refused to go along with it. Well there's your answer, we're ok as long as its Battle Royale. Turn it into Swift's Modest Proposal and that's enough for the Capitol to go rogue. Satire bites...

Well... the final night has begun and in this case it will probably be the last time Katniss sees Haymitch giving her some shitty advice she'll later regret. Day comes and the preparation for combat begins again. The tribunes are reinjected with new trackers (not sure why though), and Katniss has a nearly identical pep talk with Cinna just as in the conclusion of Part I of the previous book.

HOWEVER... (DUH DUH DUH)

As Katniss is loaded onto her pedestal she is horrified to see a group of Peacekeepers burst into her preparation room. The two PKs grab Cinna and proceed to smack the shit out of him before dragging him away leaving a bloody trail. Officers beating up a deffenseless black guy as innocent bystanders look on. I'm starting to think this is Collins commentary on Rodney King and the LA Riots.

Well to make matters worse water begins to pour in from above Katniss. This is going to be very good news for Finnick.

THIS IS THE END OF PART TWO. YES I TOO AM SURPRISED YOU ARE STILL READING THIS AS WELL.

[Avaitor]

Jesus, what a stupid twist.

[Spark Of Spirit]

Two parts and barely anything has happened. So boring.

[Rynnec]

Dear god, I've read fanfic that have better writing and pacing than this.

[Foggle]

I am pregnant.

[Rynnec]

I am pregnant.

Relevant.

[Kiddington]

This is such a fantastic book. I totally can't wait until the next movie.