YouTube Horrorthon / The Horror List - NEWS / October & Halloween Festivities

[No-Personality]

I know this doesn't exactly belong here and feel free to move it in a few days or whatever, but I just received news about 10 minutes ago (while I was writing) that my electricity might be shut off this week. Of course, me being who I am, just the idea of this has me so paranoid that I can't even concentrate on movies and thinking about them. I might not even be able to watch a movie or write. Or eat. I'm kind of weird when it comes to stress: I completely shut down. So, the flow of the list may be stopped dead in its' tracks for awhile. I don't know. It depends on when the bill is due and how much that is and other bills are due and I don't get paid for 6 days and I am flat broke after last week's bills and 2 of my housemates are out of work and the other one who has a job only got $100 last week and he has a cell-phone bill due soon.

Have I mentioned that I hate Republicans recently? Let's see one of those fucking 1%ers actually worry about something like this for once!

[Foggle]

Sorry to hear about that man. Hopefully everything turns out okay.

[Avaitor]

That blows man. I'm hoping for the best.

[No-Personality]

Same here.

I've wound down a little now and I think I'll be able to get the next set (or 4) up before 2AM. From there, it's touch and go at best. This might end up being drawn out through October. If so, I'll re-write it in November.

[No-Personality]

October obligations are going to suck up almost all of my free time, so... I'm afraid this project is going to probably be put entirely on the backburner until the start of November.



But... it will be back.

[Avaitor]

Aww. I'll miss it until you resume.

[No-Personality]

I was planning on having an October horror marathon to brush up on my knowledge, hopefully sharpening me for when I finish the Top 100 countdown. What better way to do that then to junkie out on stuff I've never seen before / need to see again? My roots are in the VHS rental era and direct-to-video / cable in the 90's, so I think watching movies on YouTube will recreate that experience better than DVD or Netflix. Since rental VHS in the late 90's (when I turned of-age to rent R and Unrated flicks) not world-renowned for the best quality, I'm at home watching these blurry prints. It's better than nothing. So, trash collecting (Ahoy!) I go. With a list of about 40 or more flicks I've never seen before, here's my little YouTube October 2012 Horrorthon (part 1):



Movie #1: The Granny (1995 / directed by Luca Bercovici) -

The "comedic" performances are flimsy and too broad. This, of course, is because the cast has just about zero talent (except that I've seen Stella Stevens do good work elsewhere). I'd call them annoying but I liked the movie's ideas. Most of them. Unfortunately, the movie's never been released on DVD so, being forced to watch it on YouTube, I can't quite tell how good the gore FX were. It was all a blur. The actress playing Kelly wasn't too bad though. It's amusing enough. The 80-90 minutes fly by. Jackie Gleason(?spelling?)'s trophy wife from The Toy has a bit part here. As to be expected, she's fantastic. She should have gotten a bigger part.



Movie #2: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984 / directed by Charles E. Sellier, Jr.) -

What an interesting pile of suck. I actually think it started off incredibly strong. The mood was dark and solid, that scene with the grandfather scaring the kid was excellent. The killer Santa scene that followed was flawed (great kid: abandoning his family like that, doesn't even try to save the baby brother- must have really loved them; also- why bother showing us the Santa being a crusty bum who gripes over $30 being the most he can steal?) but I was willing for the sake of the religious stuff (which also works SHOCKINGLY well, in a campy way) to say: it's important to get the kid traumatized. The scenes at the orphanage- I had no problem with. Then, Billy turns into an adult. I was willing to overlook his silly Andy Barclay thing about Santa (especially because the movie isn't shy about showing male skin and this "boy"s got some muscles) but... WTF at the wannabe-Bruce Springsteen tune'd commercial-ready Christmas montage?? After that, it just gets dumber. And dumber. And dumber. Ultimately, the movie loses the entertaining quality to its' awfulness and becomes painfully awful. However... I've been in more pain before. Worst scene (and I've got a list): the little girl on Santa's lap. Um... I do believe even in the 80's parents would not be so cool with a grown man whispering to their children like that. "Wow, he's great- isn't he?" Yeah, lady; he might have just told your daughter he likes to watch little girls peeing for all you know!



Movie #3: Nightmares (1983 / directed by Joseph Sargent) -

Anthology film, four stories, they suck. Yadda yadda yadda. The first one starts off with promise (the woman in her car doesn't feel like she can trust anyone), is predictable as all hell, and ends extremely abruptly with a moral twist. Next! Emilio Estevez is an angsty teen who abuses his parents because he's obsessed (ala- Christine) with a video game which turns out to have its' own masterminding personality. Lame! Yawn. Kind of another moral twist. Next! Lance Henriksen is a preacher who's lost his faith, flashbacks (with b.s. dialogue you've heard a million times before: "how can God allow so much suffering," eat me), predictable tragedy (he can't stop dying kids from dying, boo hoo), Duel monster truck chases him then vanishes: Sign From God, now his faith is restored. Hmmm: empty-headed and entirely insulting. Worst of the 4. Next! Alien's Veronica Cartwright and The Thing '82's Richard Masur are husband and wife with rat infestation in their home. Now... this one's not your typical garbage. There actually seems to be a point here and it's not just childish moral hogwash. Not only is the monster rat attack really scary toward the climax but Masur and Cartwright actually have tapped into a serious American problem. He's literally domineering and controlling to the point of being a psychopath but he gives himself an excuse for it: money problems. But, his rants have a definite political slant to them. I've heard these arguments myself. THIS YEAR. Verbatim. The only thing missing is "I work for a living" (she doesn't have a job) and these arguments could be applied to the problem some people have with people on welfare, social security, or government assistance. The movie even establishes tensions at his job during the first breakfast scene. Well, anyway, then the rat attacks and... I was on the edge of my seat... THEN... the house goes Exorcist on us. That's right: the rat has supernatural powers. Check, please!



Movie #4: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987 / directed by Lee Harry) -

Um...

I...

This movie...

is a work of genius.

I don't have a single complaint. Not. One. It was brilliant. Every scene was smart. Eric Freeman was terrible. And I loved every second of him. The filmmakers were trying to make a REALLY good movie and, by majority opinion, they failed by casting this guy. But... he's fucking hilarious. Every last second of him onscreen is wonderful. The Chip scenes are the only sections of the movie I couldn't read. But every other scene was perfect. They re-used clips from the first movie in a way that almost made me think it was a good movie. The movie theater scene also set-up a pre-Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer commentary on modern movie killers and serial killing right in the heart of America (even though this movie looks older, bright and sickeningly polished- which, again, I'm not complaining about). This thing was smart. It used sex both as a witting movie element (on movies) and more intelligently than the first film (in this case- I'm talking about the sex crime / moral judgment aspect in particular). It was highly unpredictable, sharp as a knife, expertly shot and edited, and fantastically entertaining. I had a smile on my face you could MEASURE. Along with Exorcist II, this is one of the funniest horror films I have ever seen in my life. I haven't had this much fun with a movie in a long time. I highly recommend it.



Movie #5: Curtains (1983 / directed by Lee Harry) -

This would have made one excellent Tales from the Crypt episode. As a film, it starts and stays strong for almost 50 minutes. After that, it remains a pure tension machine for... no reason. To develop characters who are going to die? Not really- except for maybe 3 of the 6 women auditioning, you can't tell the difference between them. There are just 5 brunettes allowing themselves to be treated like shit by the world's leading sadist. John Vernon is so boring in this movie. Lynn Griffin is the only person worth liking (because her character isn't buying into the whole Game of Bitterness song and dance all but her and I think the garage victim - that's this movie's idea of character development - were playing) and I guess that alone should make the ending obvious. There's only one truly standout murder sequence. So, until the "seduce me with a mask" scene, it's Samantha Eggar's show. Then she basically disappears and... did anyone care whodunit? Awful ending too.



Movie #6: Night of the Demons (1988 / directed by Kevin Tenney) -

Wow... Trick 'R Treat has an 80's equivalent. And it's only mere fractions more tolerable. If you're in love with pointless, entirely funless (and fearless) movies that gladly insult your intelligence and have nothing to offer except one redeeming song (Bauhaus- who's shocked?), some quality dancing choreography (Mimi/Amelia Kinkade, you dance alone), and a little decent mood pissed away on some of the most annoying "characters" this side of Cheerleader Camp, this pile of colon-scoop is for you. However, Satan help me, it is slightly better than Camp too. Now that I've said that (given how truly awful this was), I'm going to go wash my hands off with the nearest blue liquid I can find. Watch Killer Party instead. It's not good either but compared to this- you won't regret the wasted 90 minutes.



Movie #7: Night of the Demons 2 (1994 / directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith) -

Damn you, sequel! You had so much potential!! Right from minute 1, this thing is cooking- the prologue is incredible: smart camerawork, sharp editing, amusing (if stupid) characters acting out a very critical view of religion. By movie's end? Throw all that out the window. The tyrannical, full-of-shit Sister Gloria who's been nothing short of a silly antagonist for the first hour suddenly becomes an "I kick ass for the lord" hero with ninja skills... This is a classic conflict of interest. Teen sexuality and religion are not shown as a healthy mix here, so eventually the movie begins unwittingly demonizing sexuality and praising the sister's brainless, judgmental view of Godful living. If you have any fun, prepare to die, get the shit beaten out of you, or turn into a demon (only one of which is exorcised and gets to rejoin the cast of the living- future Marcia Brady, Christine Taylor). Also... did we really need all those stupid one-liners? No. We didn't need any of them. Ug. However, the first hour works quite well. The cast is excellent, some of the effects are good, the characters actually have a little development to them. And, since the sister was the bad guy and the movie gave us a good Priest to balance out her judgmentality (I don't care if that's a real word or not, I'm using it)- religion wasn't totally disrespected. But given how reasonable his character was and the lengths to which the movie goes to show how wrong and stupid he is- Good Religion never stood a chance.



Movie #8: Night of the Demons 3 (1997 / directed by Jim Kaufman) -

The second film had characters you were allowed to like, this film does not. But... it is actually smarter with characters. Which is why it is so disappointing to watch it devolve into fucking one-liners and puns. It starts with a vanful of disposable characters being fairly annoying but when they arrive at the convenience store, something resembling an actual point forms. The clerk was a racist who pulled a gun on the black guy, the long-haired asshole in the car actually comes to his defense (sensing the clerk is up to no good and wants to give him trouble because he's black), and after the shootout, the clerk steals the money from the register and plans to blame it on the "reckless" teens. Guess what? The cop-detective guy sees through it, where any other movie would have this guy be a brainless stereotype who just wants blood / revenge / hates the youth, etc. Meanwhile, the dark haired cop on the scene is a shoot-first kind of guy who never intended to be fair with the kids. This is called... WRITING! And, to me, it was also unexpected. The cops are actually characters, though they don't get much screentime. And intelligent decisions were made regarding who they were and what they were going to do according to what kind of person they were. This is then applied to the vanful of teens... for awhile. Sadly, the movie doesn't know how to be smart and have these characters get possessed and attack each other without having to go into CGI and packing itself to the hilt with illogical behavior. Eventually, it gets dumber and dumber until 1 hour has gone by and it feels like 2. Technically, this film made fewer mistakes than the second film but the second film is better.



Movie #9: The Mutilator (1985 / directed by Buddy Cooper) -

I should have taken the hint after the prologue, the intolerable opening credits music, and the utterly stupid "10% Senior Discount" scene. Unfortunately, I got sucked in by how likable the "characters" were. They don't really have character but they're not sexist, aggressive, too obnoxious. They have their fun, they don't hurt anyone. I was ready to give this a coast-along 2.5/5 rating based on the fact that the movie showed us the killer every step of the way and that, along with the robotic music score, sucked out all of the fear there might have been. And then... the movie broke one of my 2 cardinal rules: you do not graphically mutilate a woman's pelvic or genital area onscreen. It is nothing but misogynistic and will always be. And, I think until male genital mutilation is shown as casually (in a film not about revenge - I Spit on Your Grave, Serpent and the Rainbow - or where the murders are all sexual to begin with- Friday the 13th Part IV), you have to agree with me that movies have always been far too casual about sexualized violence toward women. It's NEVER been the same with men. And while I wouldn't really expect men to exactly get up-in-arms if a movie ever did come out where all the murders were specifically hateful of men (Teeth, maybe?; haven't seen it), if a movie like that did exist- I would hold it to this exact same standard. Genital mutilation is a spineless, gutless thing to put onscreen and it's not horror. It's hate.



Movie #10: Night Warning / The Butcher, the Baker, and the Nightmare Maker (1982 / directed by William Asher) -

Woo-wee, is this one LOADED! I barely see the point of trying to even analyze it. There are several substantial murders with a bit of blood (be there an unrated/uncut version floating out there somewhere?), but not as much as you'd expect for one of the infamous "Video Nasties." It seems maybe this film made that cut for its' story content instead. Which, again, I don't really want to bother with. I'll just say: the detective is way too into this and comes off as the real predator as opposed to the basketball coach and Susan Tyrell... LICKS the actor playing her son in this movie. See, the former is genuinely disturbing and the latter is ridiculous. To the movie's credit, there's no question what side of the issues it falls on. It's got a very big heart and I appreciate that. But, as a horror film, it is very messy. If any of it was aiming for camp, it failed. I was excited to see Susan Tyrell in the credits but I was hoping they wouldn't make her plot into: Psycho Hag Tries to Force Herself Onto Men and Won't Take No for an Answer. As a frumpy, hair-tussled loony, she's not the Bette Davis type. And for every adult character getting involved in the boy's life- we don't see him having any life of his own that isn't tied directly into Tyrell's story. I loved Julia Duffy in this movie and even her character - the strongest and most brave - is abruptly just thrown like a lamb to Tyrell's lion. And I'll be damned if it isn't the World's Greatest Cinematic Stretch to make that bloodbath at the end look like the work of a 17-year old boy who spends over 40% of the movie in a drugged-out daze.