11.12
Issue #6 or “That Episode with the Elf-thing!”
Okay, this is going to be harder issue to tackle, fellow bat-fans. What we have here is a 5th dimension midget elf with the powers to manipulate reality and the demeanor of small spoiled child trying to buddy up with Batman. It is no exaggeration to say that his might be Batman’s biggest challenge yet, as he has never really dealt with a foe he could not hit before now nor one he couldn’t reason with on some level. But at the same time, it’s the first time he’s dealt with someone that has no particular ill will to him causing trouble.
This is clearly a more comedic episode that wouldn’t appear out of place in other ’90s-era Warner Bros. comedy shows or an off-kilter superhero parody like Freakazoid! What sets this apart from those is that despite being so crazy, it still remains 100% in canon and never strays over the line into becoming a pure farce. It still retains the edge that Batman is known for, but shows a more explosive side that might have never been shown in animated form if not for TB&TB.
In other words, it’s an important episode.
So pull up the barbecue and burn us some grub, because this episode is going to melt your icy heart! (The next one will hopefully be better, I’m sorry. These are hard to come up with and they are always oh-so-terrible) Enjoy this week’s installment of the Batman bonanza!
#6 – Legends of the Dark Mite!
Written by: Paul Dini
Directed by: Ben Jones
Principle Cast:
Diedrich Bader as Batman
Paul Reubens as Batmite
Dee Bradley Baker as Ace the Bat-hound
Jim Piddock as Calendar Man
It’s a good night for a bank heist, as two grizzled thugs explode their way into the Gotham bank for a little withdrawal. Unfortunately for them, after arriving in the vault they are met with the shadow of the greatest hero in the known universe. Who is it? Well, if you guessed Batman you’d be right in this case. But something is not quite right here.
Just as Batman approaches the criminals, a narration appears seemingly out of nowhere to direct what is happening. Both the criminals and the hero are flummoxed by this disembodied voice, but pass it off as nothing more than the wind. The Caped Crusader tells the two criminals to give up their scheme and come along quietly. Being thugs they… comply and follow Batman’s orders.
WHAT? Boring! Who wants to see criminals learn from their evil ways when Batman could be beating sense into them instead!?
This might come into play later.
Without warning, the mugs are pulled over to the giant sack of money and are made to attack Batman with it, without their consent. They even apologize for hitting Batman despite the voice’s protests that he can take it, and even our hero believes their cries of innocence. The voice pushes them on further to keep attacking Batman but they won’t have it and raise their hands once more in defeat.
Batman wins again.
But the voice won’t have it.
The crooks are given machine guns and a random assortment of back-up thugs that are transported instantly to their location. Batman dispatches them with ease, but still the two original criminals show no will to fight. It looks good for Batman until the transported mugs are transformed into… ninjas. Yes, Batman is now fighting ninjas.
Something ain’t quite right here.
The voice appears to be having a great time when Batman finally has enough and asks him to show his face. Excitedly, the voice grants his request. He is transported to the middle of Gotham where he meets the weird creature causing the chaos. He calls himself “Batmite”. Though he calls himself Batman’s number one fan, our hero wastes no time trying to get away from him.
It’s hard to blame Bats. The longer Batmite talks, the more he sounds like a psycho fan-boy who would prefer to keep Batman in a glass case then let him be who he is and catch the bad guys. Batmite misses the point a lot. He says he’s from the 5th dimension and has powers we could only interpret as magic, though it doesn’t quite explain why he’s bothering our hero.
The pest explains that he arrived because he was tired of seeing Batman share his superhero duties with “losers” like Green Arrow, the Flash, and Plastic-Man, and decides to show everyone why Batman is the greatest hero of them all. Though it’s unclear if even Batmite knows why he’s such a great hero. Batman could not appear to care less before he once again tries to send him home, this time with a friendly gesture. But of course, Batmite has plans of his own.
First thing to do is to change Batman’s costume. He tries to find the best image of Batman through his magical means, but all he comes up with are looks that go too far in a specific direction.
“Imposing, but too Dracula!”
“Too dashing!”
“Too campy!”
“Too icky!”
“Too confusing!”
“Too psycho!”
Batman tells his diminutive doppelganger to cut it out. Our hero doesn’t fight crime because he likes to (though he actually very much enjoys it), he fights it because he’s needed. To try to force who he is to a specific image misses the whole point.
Hmm.
Batmite says he understands, but clearly doesn’t as he decides to put Batman to a fight to the death with his greatest foe which is… Gorilla Grodd? No, it should be Solomon Grundy! No, Shaggy Man would be a better choice! Batman whispers to Batmite before his next choice and succeeds in his quick gamble to get the villain he wants to face.
“Calendar Man.”
“Calendar Man!”
“Calendar Man?”
Unfortunately for the vile villain he is caught in mid-scheme when transported to the Gotham street and has no intention of fighting. Batman whispers to him to take a dive, which Calendar Man does…, in the hammiest way possible. Calendar Man deserves his own show.
But, Batman has finally succeeded in taking down Batmite’s villain of choice. Surely, NOW he will leave the hero alone?
Nope.
Batmite declares that the fight wasn’t “fair” and that Calendar Man needs a boost. So using his powers he transforms Calendar Man into Calendar King who has abilities of his own. He can now bring any holiday icon of his choice to life. For someone who doesn’t like camp so much, Batmite sure doesn’t mind bringing it out against Batman. What happens next is pretty off the wall, even for “The Brave & The Bold” standards.
“First, an army of Halloween Jack-O-Lanterns. Next, a legion of biker Santas. A company of uber-patriotic Uncle Sams. Happy holidays, Batman!”
Yes, he actually fights those things. It’s quite a messy battle, too. It’s not everyday you get to see a motorcycle simultaneously crash into and explode in someone’s face.
Eventually, even mutant Easter bunnies even join the fray.
Batmite’s ideas are campier than anything that actually appeared in TB&TB so far, it’s quite amusing to think about. Especially considering what he decides on much later in the show’s run… but that’s for another day. There are Silver Age and even Golden Age influences abound in TB&TB, but nothing on the level of this weirdness. Batmite should know better, especially since the reason he grows tired of this stuff is because it’s too campy. You can only blame yourself, friend!
But then he decides to take it to a neutral party to judge for us. That’s right; Batmite takes us to a fan convention to see if Batman is staying true to his roots.
It’s like getting a root canal when all you want is a check-up.
The panel has a clip playing of the very scene in question, and several fans are allowed to ask questions about what has been happening to our caped crusader. Why doesn’t he just ask them if they want a Calendar Man show? That’s what I’d like to know. You ask them something like this and, well, you’re really asking for it.
Batmite, we hardly knew ye.
“I always felt that Batman was best suited in the role of gritty, urban, crime detective. But now you have him up against Santas and Easter Bunnies! I’m sorry, but that’s not my Batman!”
That sounds familiar. But then again, it might feel a bit out of place in retrospect considering the reaction TB&TB actually had, but early reactions were very similar to our friendly nerd friend’s. Nonetheless, those that hate the show are in a small minority nowadays since most other fans gave it a proper chance.
“Most”, anyway.
The panel responds with a single written statement that Batmite reads aloud.
“Batman’s rich history allows him to be interpreted in a multitude of ways. To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation but it is no less valid and true to the character’s roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy.”
The best part of this statement is the best part of TB&TB as a whole that it rarely gets credit for. Though this being the first season, they probably didn’t know yet, neither did Paul Dini. They actually did the “tortured avenger” as well, in fact, they did just about everything in 65 episodes that Batman was known for whereas most Batman shows (even the excellent ‘90s show) only choose one piece of the puzzle and run with the one they are chosen.
Throughout its run, it would go everywhere from the Golden Age to the Silver Age to the Bronze Age to the distant past and to the far off future and from the afterlife to the outliers of space- Batman goes anywhere he is needed. And is that not exactly what makes him so enduring? In fact, that might be why I, “Spark Of Spirit” (formerly “Desensitized” of long ago) decided to create these very issues you’re reading in the first place to help spread the word among fellow animation fans. But I’m breaking the fourth wall now, and we can’t have that.
Batman topples Calendar King, transforming him back into Calendar Man to which Batmite sends him back to wherever it was he was taken from. Batmite is ready to go for more, but Batman tries to talk him out of it.
After all, he wouldn’t want him to waste time waging pointless battles when there’s a legitimate war on crime out there, would he? No true Bat-fan could want that!
To make sure, he buys him off with an official signed Batarang.
Now, what fan could pass that up?
Batmite finally takes the hint and leaves, which sends Batman back in the bank with the two dazed delinquents where we started from. It was almost as if no time had passed at all. The pair is still standing idly by when Batman returns to their side once again and they ask him the question that is burning on their minds.
“Hey, Bats, did you hear this weird kind of voice heckling you?”
“No.”
He takes the defenseless duo down and brings them to justice. Breaking into a bank is still a crime, even if you’re not stealing anything. After a long night of crime-fighting it’s time to return to the Batcave.
Ace the Bat-hound is waiting for him when he arrives and our hero tells him the whole crazy story. Dealing with such a total creep and freaky pest can really wear on your nerves. Boy, what a night. But, something isn’t quite right again as another Ace appears behind the dog. Are there actually two Aces?
No, you can already guess who it is.
Batmite is enraged after being called a creep and a pest and takes our hero with him as he teleports away.
Now what happens next is a little difficult to explain with all the mutant aliens, exploding saucers, and trippy views, so a short explanation will have to do. Batmite basically throws Batman to the freaky mutant alien wolves (so to speak) and lets them have at him. If Batman thinks he’s such a great hero, then he can get out of this without any issue. He’s going to play with Batman like a toy until he breaks!
But Batman decides that he has had enough.
He would rather die than become a mere toy for some overpowered freak’s delusions of grandeur. But Batman can’t give up, right? Batmite knows that much! Batman has a code of honor!
So Batman tells him that if he knows so much about being Batman, then he should don the cape and cowl himself. After all, it should be so easy, right?
The only thing to do to satiate his desire for Bat-action is to become the hero he has admired for so long. So he uses his powers to become Batman and leaves to fight crime on his own. There’s only one major problem. He has no training, no skills, and no sense about him. In short, the brat is out of his league.
After destroying the world on his first attempt, Batmite takes a tumble into the depths of his own imagination. It looks like he isn’t quite on the level of Batman after all.
Being a hero isn’t quite as simple as the real Batman makes it look. Even though Batman narrates an easy scenario for him, he can’t quite cut the mustard and falls apart at every given moment. He just can’t quite understand exactly why Batman does what he does or why he appears to know how to battle his opponents as well as he does.
Not only that, but now he has to deal with a cavalcade of villains all at once!
Batmite gives up his heroic pursuit and runs for the hills. He can’t quite escape the evil villain’s grip no matter how far he runs and quickly finds himself running without road. Batman tries to get him to face his enemies, but it’s of no use since he is letting his imagination run away with him.
It looks like his manipulation of free will from the episode’s beginning is working against him now. Even Batmite doesn’t know the true depths of his powers.
After being thoroughly smashed to pieces over and over he finally admits that he’s no hero. He needs Batman’s help. It only takes a quick jump for Batman to join the fray and easily topple each monstrous creation of Batmite’s imagination. While our hero easily dispatches his foes, Batmite gets a confidence boost and concentrates his powers to settle his imagination down and bring Batman back home while defeating his enemies.
Batmite apologizes for being a pest and confesses that he’s no hero. While that might be true, it still wasn’t as if our hero’s life was in any real danger. He’s just an idiot, not a villain. Batman congratulates him for his efforts to become better and should use his own skills to become a true hero in his own right. After all, we can’t all be Batman, but we can all be better people… or better 5th dimension elf-things with obnoxious powers. Either way.
After a long night, it’s time to get some rest. Bats just hopes to Ace that Batmite has finally settled down.
Meanwhile in another location, Green Arrow is out fighting crime when suddenly-
Yeah, why not?
This episode is a first for many reasons, one being that it is the first proper adaption of Batmite in animated form, and the second being that it has quite a few fourth wall moments that are even more insane than this show is known for. But despite its craziness there were a few moments of realization for Batmite’s confused bratty nature and for Batman to understand a bit more about how others might see him outside of the job. So its a double realization even if a lot of nutty stuff is going on.
One thing to keep in mind, however, is that no other serious superhero show could quite get away with an episode like this, nor could the more comedic ones have the moments of sincerity that come near the end without goofing on it. It’s quite the healthy mix that only TB&TB could get away with and would continue to get away with until Batmite ruined it all (Long story).
While this episode might veer more on the comedic side, the following episode might have you wondering if this is the same show that had Batmite on it causing havoc just before. But I assure you, it is the very same show- and that’s what makes it so great.
Until next time, Bat-fans! Same brave blog, same bold place!
