Gargoyles

[Avaitor]

Okay, so Disney's site put every episode up to watch, more or less. Think this is a good thing? Think again. According to a representative of a big community whose goal is to have Disney release or finish releasing most of its work, including the Disney Afternoon, the executives who put the show up think that this is "good enough" for those who want the rest of the show on DVD, and are even more likely to not finish releasing it.

I've written to Disney before, but I will send another e-mail, in hopes of persuading them to not let this affect their release schedule. Beforehand, there were tentative plans to put the rest of the show on DVD. This could cancel them.

[GregX]

Looks like I need to make another phone call.

[Avaitor]

Well, looks like it's Miller Time. Inspired by a convo Greg and I had the other day, I'd like to introduce to you, All-Star Gargoyles. incestual

If Frank Miller was to work on Gargoyles, this is what would happen:

• Eliza would be a lesbian, because how dare a strong female character who doesn't fawn over every male she sees exist!
• Well, she would be a lesbian, until Xanatos rapes her, and is vindicated for doing so.
• Goliath will have a death toll on his hands bigger than Wolverine and the Punisher's combined, with most of his casualties consisting of cops rather than his actual enemies.
• Hudson will have a crush for Goliath which is so creepy and borderline that would make Chris Hensen blush.
• Lexington would be written as such a blatant stereotype that even Chris Colfer would be offended.
• Demona will wear considerably skimpier outfits, and go around New York in them like it's nothing.
• Early on, Bronx would be tortured and decapitated by Demona, just cause.
• Owen will have a Jekyll-Hyde complex with Puck, and will constantly change into one disguise or the other at any random moment.
• Macbeth becomes a total dumbass, almost like Cobra Commander in 80's Joe.
• Lady Macbeth will also be added into the story, just so she, Macbeth and Demona can have a menage a trois, and will kill herself shortly after.
• Remember how early on in the show, you'd see the clan adapt to and remark upon modern conveniences? Expect stuff like this every episode/issue, with frequent monologues by Goliath.

I think that's a good starter.

[Dr. Insomniac]

Alan Moore's Gargoyles-a-go-go.

• Xanatos would make random remarks about how modern culture sucks and that his world is more barbaric than Goliath's.
• Goliath rapes Eliza, and Eliza forgives him and understands why he did what he had to do.
• Demona looks like an Old One with absolutely nothing that could correspond to a human idea of personality.
• All the interesting plotlines would be shoved into a pamphlet hidden in the DVD box, because why show when you can tell?
• Entire episodes are planned to explain how Gargoyle sex works.
• Instead of Macbeth, the main Shakespearean character will be Ventidius. And 90% of his dialogue will only make sense if you read Timon of Athens.
• Most arcs will be told via pictures of 19th century liquor brands that only appear for a second.
• Broadway's revealed to be the latest in a long line of Broadways, all the way back from the Golden Age Broadway that smashed rocks into slant-eyed Oriental wizards.
• None of the story will be resolved because Alan Moore got arrested for bludgeoning a Disney exec.

[GregX]

If Gargoyles were an 80's Toon.

- Goliath and his clan would never have evacuated the castle. And Xanatos never returns to the Eyrie after his initial defeat, instead relocating to a secret underground lair of evil, with all dark colors and robot servants and a skull motif.

- Elisa Maza would have been a man. She?d have probably been Matt Bluestone, actually (though not named Bluestone, because that's too Jewish). But if she did exist as a woman, she would be the perpetual damsel in distress, and probably a reporter instead of a cop. And she would be white.

- Goliath would have no character flaws, whatsoever.

- New gargoyles would appear, as members of Goliath?s clan, out of no where.

- Angela would have worn pink. Hell, Angela would have BEEN pink! And she wouldn?t have been Goliath?s daughter because that would imply sex happened.

- Lexington would be such a savant, he could build space ships, time machines, dimensional gateways, and anything.

- Brooklyn would talk like Michelangelo in the 80?s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He?d also be Angela?s love interest.

- Broadway would be, well, do I need to tell you what kind of stereotype he?d be?

- Bronx might have been able to speak, or at least, make noises that would sound halfway between speech and a gargoyle beast?s growls.

- Xanatos would have been a straight up criminal ?mastermind? who?s plans never worked. The Pack would have been his incompetent henchmen. Owen wouldn?t exist. Demona and Sevarius would be his two more competent, but still unsuccessful henchmen. He would also frequently throw temper tantrums while taking Demona?s and Sevarius?s ideas and claiming them as his own.

- Demona would not be Goliath?s ex-mate (because that would mean they once had sex). She?d either be Goliath?s former friend, former rival, or rival sister. I imagine she?d serve as Xanatos?s Starscream? with a matching track record.

- Sevarius as a mad scientist would be an expert in EVERYTHING.

- The major plot line would have involved Xanatos wanting to gather together the three great talismans so he could rule the world. This would never get resolved.

- Xanatos would wear a mask and you?d never see his face. Probably a cape, too. Also, you?d never hear the name ?David.? He would just be ?Xanatos.?

- Alex Xanatos would never exist. Once again, that would imply that sex once happened.

- Thailog would exist and remain loyal to Xanatos. Or he would exist for one episode and one episode only and we would have a ?Who is the real Goliath? contest where our heroes can?t tell the difference between the Goliath they know and the one who doesn?t know anyone?s name or his way around the castle.

- The motorcycle and helicopter would have been in every episode.

- At some point, Goliath, Hudson and Brooklyn would have gained elemental control over fire, water, and ice respectively.

- William Shakespeare? Who is that? Some English fart? He doesn?t sell toys.

- Goliath and Xanatos would join forces to battle an evil drug dealer! Because drugs are so evil, even the evil criminal masterminds think they?re bad!

- History would be mutable. In any give time travel episode, the bad guy would change history?For some reason the change would be visible in the present and the characters would notice?without explanation?Lex would build the time machine, and they?d go back in time to fix the problem.

[Dr. Insomniac]

If Gargoyles were an A-1 Pictures anime.

• Goliath now looks like a pretty, pale-skinned, teenage boy with only fangs to prove that he isn't human.
• Eliza's white with chestnut-colored hair. Also, her appearances on the show depend on how well her body pillows sell.
• Lexington is now camper than several John Waters movie taped together, with a yellow bowl haircut and the preference of being called "Rexi-kun".
• Brooklyn is now the brooding, anti-social rival that wishes to settle a score with his brother who just also happened to survive the Wyvern massacre.
• Broadway only appears for riceball jokes.
• Bronx looks like a Bulbasaur.
• Hudson is the only cool character, except he only appears for a few seconds each arc.
• Gargoyles have evolutionary forms and defined power levels.
• Demona is played by Rie Kugimiya. Her catchphrase is "Goriasu-tachi no baka!". And when the gang get her cornered after every time she tries to kill the humans, Demona blushes and just runs away in a sobbing fit.
• Xanatos is 17 years old, with a motivation that stems purely out of mommy issues.
• Owen is now Xanatos' hot stepsister that he performs forbidden love on.
• Angela becomes Navi from Legend of Zelda.
• Coldstone is now an old guru that spits out puns while ending every sentence with "-puru".
• Sevarius is involved in an arc where he tries to steal Eliza's Japanese purity away, depriving her of maiden status in the eyes of otaku all over the world.
• Fox gets D-sized breasts at the price of no dialogue.
• Pretentious choir music that sounds Latin but clearly isn't plays for every single goddamn scene.
• People ship GoliathXThailog more than they already do.
• The Clan will suddenly get an albino loli for a sidekick sometime in the middle of the first season.

[Spark Of Spirit]

Alan Moore's Gargoyles-a-go-go.

Was expecting Warren Ellis. 

[Avaitor]

One thing I'll say about all of these posts is that as little as YJ has done for me as a whole, I appreciate Weisman all the more for his skills.

[Avaitor]

You know how Veronica Mars was able to get a movie greenlit thanks to having a Kickstarter fund be held? Greg W posted this.

Greg B and I talked about it, and we seem to agree that the most reasonable thing Weisman can aim for on Kickstarter is to raise the cash necessary to do a run of comics based off of one of his Gargoyles concepts. I don't know if I could afford to send a donation in, but I'm greatly interested in this.

[talonmalon333]

So after almost a year, my friends and I are done rewatching the main DCAU shows (Batman, Batman Beyond, Superman, and Justice League). Having absolutely no desire to go back to Static Shock, we decided to leave the DCAU for now and check out Gargoyles, which I've actually never seen more than a few episodes of.

Can I have some confirmation that this will be one of the best decisions I'll ever make?

[Dr. Insomniac]

No, it's truly awful. Run while you can. /oppositeday

[Foggle]

No, it's truly awful. Run while you can. /oppositeday

You should skip directly to Goliath Chronicles, the best part of Gargoyles.

[talonmalon333]

Man, these are the best recommendations ever. I'll just skip to Goliath Chronicles, and then go back and watch Static Shock.

[Avaitor]

Don't forget The Zeta Project!

[Dr. Ensatsu-ken]

I only ever saw that one cross-over episode with Batman Beyond (not the other crossover episode that was part of the BB series, but the crossover episode that was an official episode from The Zeta Project). I then realized that I would not bother watching the rest of the show, and in general I like to pretend that it doesn't exist, or at least like to convince myself that its not part of the DCAU, even though it technically is. I mean, I'm not a fan of Static Shock, either, but at least I can accept that show's existence. The Zeta Project is just downright embarrassing, though.