Animation Revelation's Animation Blog

We all know about Avengers: United They Stand. A legendarily bad show they barely lasted a full 13 episode run on the old FOX Kids’ block before being quickly binned and forgotten by everyone who experienced its lousiness first hand. But now, we have a new Avengers show out, so a look back at the previous animated incarnation of these characters seems like the most sensible idea at this point in time. If you thought this show was bad for the standards of the time, then you can imagine just how well this dated. Which is terribly.

The main problem with this show is that it was a cartoon made in the 1990s that was made is if it was still the 1980s. Standards had changed in the decade since poorly written romps like Thundercats and He-Man originally hit the air, Batman: The Animated Series had changed a lot of the rules, and it seems strange that Marvel of all companies did not seem to realize this. I take that back, there is ONE thing that takes inspiration from the 90s, and that’s the absolutely pointless inclusion of transformations as if the Avengers were the freaking Power Rangers. Why superheroes need to wear Power Ranger armor is beyond this reviewer, but as far as excuses to make toys go, this was poorly implemented into the core show as the armor is nothing but a pointless (and poorly designed) cosmetic change that just makes the characters look even more ridiculous. Superhero costumes alone can be considered outlandish, but imagine adding on a thick layer of armor on top of that. Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds, and sometimes they where other suits on top of that, making the whole look of the show absolutely dumb.

In a related story, I often wear two hats on my head.

And Hawkeye wears a suit over his armor on his suit.

But this is not where the poor decisions end, as the writing is quite possibly some of the worst you will ever see in not just a Marvel show, but probably the entire decade. Not only swimming in dozens of cliches at once, but managing to have the most confusing plot development possible for these simplistic plots featuring dialogue out of a fourth grade creative writing assignment. How something like this was deemed acceptable for the standards of the time is mind blowing, and it results in a series that was not only awful when it was released, but has managed to age even worse into an absolute joke of show.

For example, the very first episode primarily deals with stuff indiscriminately blowing up, the president being attacked by robots, and the Avengers saving him… only to be chewed out by the government for no real reason. Hawkeye leaves the team because, well, it doesn’t really make any sense, actually. The plot is forced through the typical cliche motions for reasons that don’t have any coherent reason for happening, the show just expects you to accept this stuff happening because it just does. If that isn’t the formula for a fourth grade level story, then fourth graders must be better writers than I originally thought. Actually, they probably are.

The series doesn’t get any better after this point either. You get to see the most boring interpretation of Kang The Conqueror yet, watch Hawkeye leave the team at least three more times (and have just as many voice changes), more cornball acting and confusing as all get out direction and dialogue – Hell, maybe that’s why Hawkeye keeps leaving. It’s almost like the show wants- no, needs- to remind you of everything going on all the time because the writer couldn’t be bothered to. It’s a tough feat to write something that is simplistic to the point of being insulting AND managing to be incoherent at the same time, but United They Stand pulls off this balancing act flawlessly. It really is an accomplishment. Oh! Don’t forget those out of nowhere toy plugs! Why integrate it into the plot when you can just show them off out of nowhere? Plot or toys, what do you think an action show should focus on front and center? Exactly.

Toys! You aren’t gonna find the plot over there, Falcon!

Watching the first episode and the first question on everyone’s mind is “where are Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man?” Well, they aren’t here save for a cameo each in a random episode (Thor doesn’t even appear at all), even though they go out of their way to show them in the opening theme. The leader of the Mighty Morphin’ Avengers is Hank “wife beating” Pym AKA Ant-Man AKA the most boring Avenger ever. Why was this change made? I don’t know, it’s probably the same reason the animation and direction is ripped straight out of GI Joe and the voice acting is two steps away from a parody of 80s action cartoons. But it’s most likely because Marvel Animation clearly has no idea what anyone wants out the Avengers. Don’t believe me? Well, how about the fact that not a single voice actor fits their character? Hawkeye doesn’t even sound like he’s in the right show, its like he’s voicing a Rob Liefeld character. Scarlett Witch has the most overly cooked accent I’ve ever seen, Tigra (A tiger/human hybrid) is afraid of water for no reason, Wasp barely ever does anything except randomly scream for Hank (Or Henry depending on the episode) and Falcon frequently engages in missions in which his power is totally useless. Are we expected to relate with these characters when Marvel themselves can’t figure out how their own characters are supposed to behave?

Because of this instant disconnection from anything happening (the most natural voice is the damn robot, which makes no sense), and poor direction from the wrong decade, watching United They Stand is like fighting the urge to wonder out loud if someone secretly wished the 90s never happened and kids still swallowed the poorly written junk they were being fed a decade ago. That thought is almost as insulting as how this show ended up being, but I rather believe it was because whoever made this simply didn’t care. Why do I get this impression? Well, let’s look at the characters:

For instance: Hawkeye is the cool guy that doesn’t take no guff (and is more or less Wolverine), Ant Man is Duke from GI Joe just as Wasp is Scarlett, Wanda might as well not even be there as she’s totally inconsequential and literally offers nothing to the team except a goofy voice (really, really goofy), and the rest, well, are just sort of there. The characters are the most boring I’ve ever seen in a superhero cartoon from the 90s, they give us no reason to cheer for them or relate to their trials -if they even have trials, and most of whom don’t even really do anything except occasionally destroy a robot in a badly directed manner, because they rarely ever seem to fight humans except sometimes knocking them over by tossing a rock or something. The action sequences are also frequently the same basic thing every episode with the same characters performing the same moves in almost the same way, making the show a real chore to watch even from a mindless action perspective.

They should have just made the show about him.

Eventually Captain America and Iron Man guest star on the show in separate episodes (Thor never appears), however they fail to save the show from the boring bland-fest that it is in every other episode. They might as well not even be there -which they aren’t for the other episodes neither of them appear, as they add nothing to the show much like every other character here. Oh, and their plots are quite possibly the worst in the entire show’s run including Iron Man barely even being a factor in his own episode. While many blame their lack of presence for the show’s failings, they really are a non-factor here.

The absolute worst aspect here, is that the show not only doesn’t get better as it goes along, it is that it gets worse. The first episode was one of the worst pilots of a show that I have ever seen, with poor voice acting, direction, animation, and the a plot that made me long for GI Joe. How does it get worse from this point? Well they actually make the characters dumber for them to work, with characters getting themselves into completely illogical sticky situations, and plots that the real Avengers would have seen coming a mile away. Not only is it an insult to the original characters by making them really dumbed down from their comic book versions, but again, it makes the resulting show an absolute pain to watch. There is no hyperbole here, United They Stand is most likely the worst superhero cartoon of the 90s, and probably ranks in the top ten worst of all time.

Thankfully, Marvel weren’t entirely incompetent here. The show was canceled rather fast and completely buried and forgotten, as even Marvel knew this was a real stinker. Eventually the Avengers would get a real chance at animated glory with the more recent Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, a FAR more faithful adaption with a staff behind it that clearly cares for their characters. If anything else, it should hopefully replace the existence of this from the minds of Avengers and superhero fans and leave this crap where it belongs- Forgotten in the mists of time.

Yes, Wanda, I agree. At least it’s finally over.

Now I want to see a show with a giant inflatable dinosaur fighting crime with a giant gun in his mouth. Good job, Avengers!

Originally posted on Friday, May 13, 2011.

Four shorts this month- two new blog entries and two previous entries, “Mickey’s Service Station” and “Thru the Mirror”. Instead of repeating my opinions on them, just read these.

Now for the new shorts-

The Band Concert (1935)

Here we go, one of the big ones. This cartoon is regarded as being one of the most important from the 1930’s for being Mickey’s first fully Technicolor cartoon. Although the Silly Symphonies became colorized a couple of years prior to the release of this short, Mickey’s undying popularity allowed the studio to be cheap and continue making his shorts in black and white for the time being. This cartoon was an important transition not just for the studio but for animation and film in general, further contributing to the lasting appeal of colorization.

It’s also a great short. Mickey leads a band concert being performed by familiar faces, as Donald wrecks havoc throughout. Some of Donald’s actions are intentional, but a fair amount are harmless, and he doesn’t mean to cause any damage to Mickey or the gang, which makes it a funny short. It’s not just Donald that becomes a problem, as a bee and a tornado wrecks things near the end as well.

Despite that, Mickey gets his big finish while Donald gets booed off, and the cartoon ends triumphantly.

Mother Pluto (1936)

In this one, Pluto inexplicably becomes the father to a group of chicks on the farm. He has to watch for them, feed them, and everything. While it’s a tough burden for Pluto to handle himself, being just a dog, he does his best and shows that he has heart. By the end, the mother hen discovers her children are missing and takes matters into her own hands.

This is a more cute short than a funny one, but fun to watch nonetheless. Pluto has a likable personality by himself, and is a surprisingly good father. It’s nice to see him care fore other creatures like them, since he tends to be more hostile to cats or other ones most of the time. This is just a good, warm cartoon to watch for just about anyone.

Two good shorts, and the second is all about Pluto rather than his owner. This was a pretty good, if small, haul

Originally posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011.

What I expected.

In the not-too-distant future, there lives a girl named Madoka Kaname who wishes that she could overcome her submissiveness and be something in this world. And luckily for her, this world is full of magical girls who earn their worth by killing monstrous beings known as witches. With the help of her animal companion, Kyubey, Madoka must make her wish and become the strongest magical girl to–

–OH MY GOD, THAT GIRL JUST GOT HER HEAD BIT OFF.

What I got.

You remember how Narutaru started out just like any other Pokemon knockoff? Or how Now and Then, Here and There’s first episode was the same as those of the endless hordes of shonen series? Well, this trend continues with Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Shaft’s demolition and exploration of the magical girl genre. And if you know so much as a single detail about how deconstructions work, chances are you can tell where things are going to go for poor Madoka.

Directed by the guy who developed Nanoha, designed by the creator of Hidamari Sketch, and—what most defines this show—written by the man who did Fate/Zero, Madoka Magica is a conundrum of a concoction. Initially starting out as saccharine as your average episode of Barney and Friends, it instantly shifts into almost Lovecraftian territory before you least expect it, with the monster-of-the-week style quickly losing its linear format in favor of becoming something akin to Evangelion (with the origins of the witches possibly being even grimmer than those of the Angels). The very concept of the magical girl gets shoved through a woodchipper as we see every single one of their tropes completely turned on its head.

And don’t worry. It’s not ultraviolent or exploitative like Elfen Lied. While it’s dark, it handles those themes with subtlety instead of going “LOL WE’RE BEING MATURE!” Though death and tragedy definitely go hand-in-hand with this series, it’s only played for shock once before being portrayed in a finer manner.

What sets this show apart is the utter intricacy that went through it. It’s stuffed with so much subtle foreshadowing and symbolism that going back and watching the early episodes feels like a completely different experience altogether. Originally unremarkable and vague scenes gradually gain more weight as each episode passes. With each arc, we get hit right in the face with plot points that in retrospect turn out to be thickly rooted into the show’s mythos all this time. The scripting is done with such concise care, having very few moments that feel like filler. In fact, it occasionally leaves itself little time to breathe. It’s one of those shows you have to watch all at once and then some in order to get the full effect.

The direction for this show is utterly insane. Ignore the fact that the character design makes the cast from K-ON! look realistically proportioned, it’s everything else that gives this series its distinction. Shinbo fills the scenery with allusions to works such as Goethe’s Faust, Guernica, Mephisto, The Little Mermaid, and even other deconstructionist shows such as Bokurano and Revolutionary Girl Utena. Each and every one of the battles shift the style from standard moe into oblique and avant-garde, with the witches resembling something out of Henry Selick’s sketchbook. To see such basic character art combine with the otherworldly nature of the witches makes for an absolutely nice contrast. As for the animation, it varies. Sometimes, such as the last two episodes, it is glorious to watch. But on other moments…

Alas, for such an intriguing plot, it’s not complemented well by quite a bland cast of characters. Despite the fact that it’s in her role to be as such, Madoka’s too pure for my taste. She just feels like a slightly more self-adjusted Shinji Ikari. Sayaka, while a bit more rounded, ends up being more like a satellite for other characters than someone who could stand by herself. Other cast members get more evident personalities, but plot reasons mean that they get little time to express them. Really, out of all the Puella Magi, Homura was the only one who struck me as sympathetic. To elaborate would be a massive spoiler, so I’ll just say she serves as the epitome of what this show’s aiming for.

Instead of the protagonists, most of my interest lies within the supposedly adorable albino weasel thingy, Kyubey. And it’s precisely because of how our basic morals simply don’t make sense to him. He’s a completely inhuman being that simply cannot understand the concept of empathy. And yet, the series makes it clear that just because he’s a Faustian dealer doesn’t necessarily make him evil. It just makes him amoral, a completely neutral being that views its relationship with the Puella Magi as farmers do with cattle. And the show does a superb job characterizing him as such.

That’s not to say the characters are bad by any means. The show does a good effort in analyzing some of what makes them tick. It’s just that they don’t have much depth to them, which could probably be chalked to the series’ brevity than to the fault of the writer’s ability.

The voicing gives you a well-done grasp as to how much desperation the characters are going through. It helps that they got an actual teenager to play the titular character, as well as a large case of averting typecasting here, such as one of the cast originally known for playing Fuuko playing a grisly antihero here. My only complaint would be that Kyubey’s actress could have changed her tone a bit. And if you’ve seen .Hack//Sign, you’ll have a pretty good idea as to what the soundtrack’s like.

Overall, Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a refreshing shift from the usual. While the ending’s a tad polarizing, and the drama does become rather excessive, it’s certainly something I’d recommend.

Rating: 8/10

Originally posted on Tuesday, April 26, 2011.

A bit of a late entry here, but we at Animation Revelation (or at least yours truly) has been paying attention to The Film Experience‘s Hit Me With Your Best Shot series. Covering everything from La Dolce Vita and The Night of the Hunter to Bring It On and X-Men, the blog series is a showcase for outstanding or poignant single shots from any types of movies.

Although we’re all fairly big film buffs here, AR is a primarily animation-related site, which is why we haven’t participated in any of these yet. Noticing that an episode is up featuring Disney’s classic Beauty and the Beast, however, I decided that now would be as good of a time as ever for me to share one of my favorites.

Call me cliche, but I went with the very first shot after the opening credits roll. The aesthetics in the forest are astounding. Notice the green on the lighted trees as opposed to the bushels on the left The glimpses of plant life we can obtain. The vibrant spring dripping down as we zoom up to the castle. There’s even signs of moss on the rocks.

Beauty and the Beast is a film with problems in its animation. Numerous problems. But one of its high points is the attention to detail put in its visuals. Following this shot of the forest, we see rose glass images telling the Beast’s story which look even more stunning. Then there is all the craft inside the castle, how every little detail can be picked up and detected. Even lesser locations like Belle’s cottage or the library are brilliantly designed if you care to look hard enough.

I could go with a lot of shots throughout the film, but without even rewatching it, I could instantly think of this one fitting my ideal.

If there are any future entries for animated movies, I’ll try to participate again. I notice that Akira was on there at one point, but was replaced by BATB. If it comes back on the schedule, I’ll be up for that.

Originally posted on Wednesday, April 13, 2011.

Here we go, five shorts this month. How do they fare for me? Let’s see.

Mickey’s Service Station (1935)

This time I start off with a black and white short. In it, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy run a gas service station that are given 10 minutes to fix a squeak in Pete’s car. Funny since this short is only about 7 minutes long, and it takes about 2 to give them the time to work on it.

Not much in terms of story, but it’s a cute short. The three have good chemistry with each other as they try to fix the car’s problems, but only make it worse. Tons of funny predicaments occur from their meddling, including Goofy getting into a fight with his own hand and Pete getting what is coming to him. A simple classic comedy bit that doesn’t lose its entertainment value throughout.

Alpine Climbers (1936)

Another trio short, this time replacing Goofy with Pluto and done in color. Mickey, Donald and Pluto live up to their names and climb up a mountain while facing different situations. Mickey finds some eagle eggs and tries to protect himself from their family, while Donald attempts to get back at a goat that bugged him. Meanwhile, Pluto chases one of the baby eagles that just hatched and gets lost along the way. He ends up being saved by what looks like the prototype for Nana from Peter Pan.

It’s a standard Disney short, but has some charm. Probably the most memorable part is that Pluto was force fed some rum by the rescue dog, and acts drunk after drinking it. It’s a funny concept, something you wouldn’t see in a kid’s cartoon nowadays, but the sequence does feel a little dragged on.

The entire cartoon feels dragged on, actually, which makes it suffer in the long run. Disney has done better cartoons teaming up Mickey and his pals, and at about 9 minutes long, this one feels like its length. It’s not an awful short, but far from their best.

Mickey’s Rival (1936)

Fun fact: Mickey’s name was nearly Mortimer. Walt nearly called the mouse that, until his wife intervened. Eventually the name Mickey stuck and the rest is history.

This cartoon introduces us to the new Mortimer Mouse- a competitor for Minnie, and an old friend who catches her and Mickey on a picnic. He eventually upstages Mickey and gets invited to their lunch. Mickey doesn’t fall for Mortimer’s act for a second and attempts to show his worth for Minnie, even participating in a bullfight, which Mortimer won’t.

A good cartoon. Mickey is likable here in his plight to prove his worth to Minnie, and Mortimer is a fair rival for him. He ‘s bigger than Mic, but is more on his level than Pete and is a little more fun to mess with, too. Mortimer didn’t appear much in the classic age, but this was a fun debut.

Mickey’s Polo Team (1936)

A little self-explanatory, but there’s more to this than just the gang. Mickey, Donald, Goofy and the Big Bad Wolf are playing a game of polo against each other, alongside a slew of celebrities, some of which include Laurel and Hardy, Harpo Marx, and Charlie Chaplin.

Part of the fun of this cartoon comes from noting the caricatures of certain celebrities from the era, like seeing the Three Little Pigs sit next to Shirley Temple or Clarabelle swoon over Clark Gable and his big ears. Then some of the polo playing caricatures renact their own bits, like how you get to see Laurel and Hardy fight and Harpo mess around with Donald.

If you’re a fan of 1930’s Hollywood, especially the more comedic side, you’ll love this. If you’re not as familiar with the stars from this era and typically watch these cartoons just for Mickey and the gang, you might still get a kick out of it, since they’re still in character and still are charming. Me, I love old-school Hollywood and find this cartoon very refreshing, so I’d consider it the highlight of my set.

Mickey’s Kangaroo (1935)

And I end this month off with a black and white short starring Mickey and his pooch. Mickey gets a gift from Australia, which turns out to be a boxing kangaroo. It even comes with a baby kangaroo! Fun until Pluto’s jealousy kicks in.

This is more Pluto’s cartoon than Mickey’s. He even gets to speak a little through his teeth. Pluto might be a little too quick to judge against the kangaroos, however, which sets it back a little. The moment the kangaroo jumps out of the package, Pluto already wants it gone. There’s a difference between being jealous of your best friend spending time with a less-worthy chum and plotting a vendetta without even knowing who you’re against.

By the end, Pluto softens up to the little guy, and the big one plays a little too rough with Mickey, but it’s still a fairly weak short in terms of plotting overall. Light on humor, as well.

Five cartoons, and each one go all over the place for me, from highly entertaining to forgettable. As much as I’m enjoying seeing some of these cartoons again, I am starting to get annoyed by how many Mickey shorts I’m getting, especially when he ends up being the least interesting character in the shorts. I’d love to get some solo Donald or Goofy shorts in here, but I don’t think that’s happening. Until then, I’ll enjoy what I’m getting to look over.

Originally posted on Monday, March 28, 2011.

Episode 1

We pan out to a bleak town, where we hear someone bitch about the monotony of it all. Not even a minute passes by, and it already gets tiring, with such crisp dialogue as, “There’s no place I’d rather not go ever again.” As we get more scenery of the setting, our lead, Tomoya, walks into the path of a red haired girl who inexplicably mutters “Pan-pan,” the Japanese word that children use to say bread. Why a high-school girl says this to herself, I don’t know. She asks Tomoya if he likes this school, and how she loves it “very, very much,” only to lament about how everything good changes no matter what. Then, he corrects her by saying that they can all just find new things to be happy about. A moment later; they immediate become best friends, I guess.

And so, we get introduced to the saccharine world of Clannad, one of the most talked-about anime in recent years as well as the third leading cause of Type-2 diabetes.

For those with a keen eye on the dialogue, you’ll be noticing that I’m watching the dub by ADV’s reanimated corpse. And before you go on about how much it sucks in comparison to the sub, I agree with you. Outside of seasoned veterans like Luci Christian or Hilary Haag, the entire cast is full of either miscasts or amateurs, which isn’t helped by shit dialogue written by people who apparently BabelFish’d the original Japanese scripts instead of properly adapting them.

After the opening, we cut to our lead walking back to the dorm, then to cut once again to seeing some blonde kid named Sunohara getting beaten down by men who look twice his age. Tomoya walks into the situation, and just laughs it off that he’s getting fucking assaulted here. Soon, the dorm mother pops out, scares the guys off, and leading the show to cut yet again to Sunohara’s room. Sunohara and Tomoya are talking to each other, and we already get a sense that the kid has more estrogen in him than most of the girls on this show. Honestly, it’s like his voice actor just got his groin bludgeoned a second before recording.

Immediately after that, we cut something entirely different. In an empty room filled with nothing but a girl who looks kind of like the one from a few minutes ago, we get the following narration:

“This is a world that has ended. Nothing is born, nothing dies. Not even passing time exists. If I were looking for somewhere to be born, I don’t think I should choose this world. And in this world, such as it is, there is someone. I wonder if she can see me. I haven’t been born into this world. A girl living alone in a world that has ended. A girl living in this empty and still world. For some reason, I am bothered by that girl.”

…

I’ve read instruction manuals with better prose than this. Next, we switch to a scene with Tomoya at class. A bunch of nameless characters are making tactful comments about how our lead does nothing with his life. Then, a purple-haired girl named Ryou walks up to Tomoya and complains about how he doesn’t come to class on time, but being a doormat; she fails at getting her point across. Ryou switches the subject to something about fortune-telling, and for some reason uses playing cards to predict Tomoya’s future. She ends up spilling the cards and somehow uses this to foretell how he’ll be late in tomorrow’s class due to a romantic meeting with a girl. Tomoya has a rare moment of clarity and snarks on how specific that was, only for Ryou to say that it was “Maiden’s inspiration.” A keener eye would say that she’s pulling shit out her ass, but before anything like that ever happens, someone throws a dictionary right at Tomoya only for it to go out the window like a steroid-induced home run.

Enter Kyou, Ryou’s older sister and the ensemble bitch of the show. When hearing about the fortune, Kyou just laughs it off, calling Tomoya “lover-boy”, and our scene once again abruptly ends. God, I know the brevity’s the soul of wit, but this is not proper direction. You need to have fluidity to make scenes work, not cuts that try to aim for Chris Nolan only to fall short of Marc Forster.

Tomoya walks through the halls while hearing a couple of guys talking about a ghost. With that blatant foreshadowing out of the way, our lead goes outside to see the red-haired girl eating lunch, or as the pisspoor dubbing puts it, “her lunchtime meal.” Once again, she asks him if he likes this school, and gushes about how much she loves it. But this time, it gets elaborated a little with the girl lamenting how she had to repeat a year due to being sick, and having to be in school while all her friends have since graduated. Tomoya asks her if she hasn’t went to any clubs like Drama in order to be among friends, which the girl remarks that she’s too physically weak to join any of them. One wonders why this girl isn’t in some kind of ward hopped up on vitamins if she’s that fragile instead out in the open, but I digress. The two then notice Kyou and Ryou at the top of a school building, presumably pretending that they’re Captain Jack or something. Tomoya tries to get red-haired girl to say hi to them, only for them to leave off without even noticing.

But we’re done with that pseudo-poignant moment, because suddenly… wild bikers appear! Apparently, the bikers are pissed that they couldn’t go to this school, with one kid remarking, “This school has the highest rate of kids going to college in the town,” even though we haven’t seen so much as an actual teacher yet. However, these guys quickly get their asses handed to them by a gray-haired girl
called Tomoyo.

Some people bring a knife to a gun fight. Real men bring a pan.

GAZE INTO THE SKIRT OF DREDD!

With that over, we immediately get to another scene with Tomoya looking out the window, then to another scene with Tomoya and the red-haired girl, who we learn is named Nagisa Furukawa, introducing themselves. It’s just the first episode, and the director can’t fucking keep focus on a single scene for more than a few seconds. And as soon as I type these words, we cut to Sunohara calling Tomoyo out. He gets KO’d, and cue scene yet fucking again.

Tomoya then walks to the clubs and sees Nagisa open a door, only to find a room filled with boxes and chairs. She notices him, and goes, “What are you doing with your hand up there?” With this little game of “bad touch” over, Tomoya talks about how the club has been on hiatus since March, though notes how there’s a chance it can always start up again. Nagisa inexplicably gets savvy and asks about why he’s being so nice to her after only being around each other a few times, only to just smile and nod like the dumbass she is.

We then get a montage of Tomoya walking around town, finishing with him wandering into the Furakawa’s bakery. He meets Mrs. Furukawa, and the woman looks like she gave birth to Nagisa when she was still in the womb herself. Tomoya tries some of the bread, with a cracker baked in (who the hell puts the crispy part in the inside?). Of course, he says pretty much what everyone else would say, and the poor bint runs off and cries. Mr, Furukawa comes in, and threatens Tomoya with a fucking metal bat for not saying the bread is good, only to become bros with him after hearing that he goes to the same school as Nagisa. Then at dinner, he bitches at him for thinking that he’s Nagisa’s boyfriend, only to give him a “Believe in yourself” speech about getting the girl he loves.

Daddy’s off his meds…

This guy would be more at home fighting alongside Gai Daigouji or beating the fuck out of Anti-Spirals instead of wasting his time being a slice-of-life dad. His voice also amplifies how jarring it is, since the actor sounds like some kind of vicious wifebeater than anything else.

Moving on, the Furukawas make jokes about changing Tomoya’s name, and this scene alone makes me confused as to why fans of the sub hate this version. Instead of finding a Woolsey-esque way to translate this into English, they directly adapt it so it’s laced with Japanese terminology and alienates anyone who doesn’t know what “Ginga” means or the context behind “Tomoya Okazaki Eternal”, perfect for all you weaboos out there.

After a dinner montage, Tomoya comes back home and finds an old guy asleep on the corner. This guy turns out to be his dad, whose mere waking is enough to send Tomoya into a hissy fit and run out the house. We get some more exposition where Tomoya talks about how his mom died and his dad’s a gambler who drinks a lot. And since that apparently only needed a couple sentences to cover, we cut to a random spotlight of Nagisa asking to bring him to a special place.

“If you like, I’ll take you to a special place in town. A place where all your wishes come true.”

Hope you brought protection, kid.

And with that, the first episode is over, and I need to fucking detox this shit out of my system.

Originally posted on Monday, March 28, 2011.

As we continue down the rabbit hole, we now arrive at the infamous Games episodes. The Games era, at the time, was considered a huge affront to the concept of Ren & Stimpy. It leaned far heavier on gross-out gags than any other kind of humor, and episodes themselves frequently devolved into nothing more than a contest to see if the next joke could out gross the previous. To fans, this was seen as sacrilege, but in reality… it was already heading in this direction. Sven Hoek already showed that the writers were willing to throw out coherency at the expense of the same thing being repeated for the entirety of the episode, and Son Of Stimpy proved that they could linger on a stupid unfunny joke for 20 minutes straight. The Games episodes all but ignored any potential the early episodes showed and simply continued on the path John K had set forward for them before he, ahem, left when season 2 was wrapping up.

The Games episodes in summary is the exact same thing as it was before only with someone new in charge, basically Bob Camp instead of John K. The real difference? The Games episodes are the same as the early episodes except worse in every aspect. It’s not that every episode is especially terrible or anything, but there is literally nothing here that even attempts to outdo the better material from season 1 or 2, and the show simply seemed content with chugging out the same basic thing over and over again. So, it’s basically more Ren & Stimpy. Nothing new, and nothing original. For 3 seasons.

But the worst problem with these episodes is that they’re REALLY, REALLY boring. While episodes like ‘Black Hole’ were gross, at least they tried to be interesting about it. Watching an episode like ‘An Abe Divided’ or ‘Aloha Hoek’ that offer nothing but tired gag after tired gross out gag is just painful. It feels as if the writers were merely writing what people expected from Ren & Stimpy instead of doing what they wanted to and it shows. The Games episodes are just a long boring slog of watching an already fading show slowly falling off a cliff like so much stupid coyote, and just like said coyote the staff never learned a damn thing.

The best way to describe it is that it’s almost like that guy at the party who gets drunk and hits on every girl he sees, and tried to pick fights with all the guys there. You’d figure that guest would just leave and save everyone from the embarrassment, right? But no, Ren & Stimpy’s Games episodes lasted 3 painfully brutal seasons of slow death while everyone watched it with a disgusted look on their faces.

Slow death.

What did Ren & Stimpy fans get for sticking with the show? A Pinocchio parody with eggs instead of puppets and gross out gags instead of charm. That’s right, the episode ‘Egg Yolkeo’ consists of nothing but tired joke after tired joke based on the old Disney film. It’s not like it isn’t the easiest parody to do already, but throw in the safest gross jokes you can think of and you start to feel bad for Ren & Stimpy fans. For a show that prided itself on being crazy and edgy, this is really embarrassing material. The “Fat Elvis” comparison works really well to describe the quality dip in these episodes, the only difference is that Elvis knew when to hang it up.

Not only is the writing atrocious, but so is the general animation and direction. ‘Aloha Hoek’ for instance, has extremely terrible pacing where nothing really happens for the entire first 2/3 of the episode until a crab family shows up, Ren walks a fly, he rides the fly and drowns, then Ren & Stimpy turn into Barney and Fred dressed as soviet spies who escape in a sub. Within three minutes. The other nine minutes consist of nothing but standard ‘survival’ jokes that you are probably already forming in your head as you read this. Not only is this extremely uneven in pacing, the pay off doesn’t make any sense in the context of the plot and the ending is simply designed to be confusing adding nothing to the episode.

The animation of these seasons is also “sub-Ren & Stimpy” quality, feeling a lot less loose and almost like someone trying to “do” Ren & Stimpy, and it hurts the episodes tremendously. At least as bad as some of the early episodes could get, the animation was more smooth and decent to look at, this is just ugly and flat. For a show that was pretty much all about the animation this is a pretty big deal. While the direction tried its hardest to hide it, it just couldn’t escape the fact that it was simply not up to par with the early material.

The way that you can tell that the writers and animators just didn’t care anymore is in how little anything changes between the three Games seasons. There was no effort to improve the show at all during these seasons. You can literally watch any episode and they will all be completely indistinguishable from each other, not just in quality, but in how similar the episodes start to become, it’s almost like a reheated meal. Take a bite, put it in fridge, reheat it, take a bite, and so on. Not only does it all taste the same, but it starts to feel less and less worth the hassle of taking out of the fridge with every bite and the longer it stays in the fridge the worse it’s going to get. You’ve got episodes like ‘My Shiny Friend’ which could literally be from any other show out there and offers nothing memorable whatsoever about it, and dross like ‘Who’s Stupid Now?’ which is little more than a “role swap” episode. Truly riveting ideas. I can’t stop yawning thinking about it.

The typical Games experience! (Not from a Games episode, but it sure fits)

While I may have criticized material like ‘Son Of Stimpy’ at least it tried to be original. When you’ve got a team that just doesn’t care, a lack of direction due to missing creative staff, and animation that is inferior in every way to what came before, it’s not hard to see why no one noticed when this show ended despite just years prior everyone itching to watch the newest episode. It was a long, boring, and painful death for a show that really didn’t deserve it, but unfortunately, these episodes really took their toll on the series.

Not to say there aren’t any bright spots overall, some episodes like ‘Stimpy’s Cartoon Show’ and ‘Dinner Party’ bring it back to the earlier style of episodes and don’t rely as heavily on only gross humor but visual gags, verbal jokes, and cleverly placed crude gags to carry the cartoon. It’s not quite as good as the early material in execution and still feels like off-brand Ren & Stimpy, but it is yet another reminder of the direction the show should have gone, but simply refused to go in.

It’s no coincidence how during this era, the show went from being one of the hottest cartoons of the decade to a niche novelty that fell behind the times as it was outright eclipsed by up and coming shows. Let’s not forget that the early 90s was absolutely packed with quality cartoons, and while the landscape was exploding in quality and quantity offering much better options for cartoons, Ren & Stimpy quietly faded away into obscurity when just mere years prior it was set to be a juggernaut. Destined to remembered as an “almost was” and “wasted potential”, Ren & Stimpy is now only remembered by the nostalgia-tinted goggles of 90s kids and little else as… well, it really doesn’t have much else to offer that any other show didn’t do better.

That should have been the end of the Ren & Stimpy story, but in the early 2000s John K himself was given the key to the treasure chest of the Ren & Stimpy franchise and was given a chance to bring the series to its roots. There was much rejoicing among the animation community, finally the show would be returned to its early days! Space Madness! Big House Blues! Fire Dogs! With the show’s original creator, things were looking better than they had in a decade for Ren & Stimpy. Surely things would be alright for this legendary duo now, right? Surely John K would save us from mediocrity and being back the classic R&S style, right? Surely the show would finally fulfill all the missed potential from the show’s original 5 season run and bring it up to par, right? This is bound to be great, right?

Right?

Up next: ‘Suicide’ or ‘How I Learned To Hate The Human Race’

Originally posted on Sunday, March 20, 2011.

I recently stumbled upon this fine fellow’s wonderful review of the upcoming 22nd volume of Excel Saga. Now, we here at Animation Revelation don’t usually review graphic novels, but I felt that I needed to make an exception in this case; Chris “Studly” Zimmerman’s review simply was not mentally deficient enough to provide a proper analysis of content or achieve his goal of delivering a brilliant critique on Excel’s latest misadventures. As you are no doubt aware, AR takes great pride in the utter seriousness of its articles, and this one is no exception! So, let’s begin, shall we?

———-

It’s been some time since I last read any Excel Saga. I believe at one point I quickly glanced at the back of the box of the second disc of the anime when it was first released by ADV, so that would have been in 2002.

Anyway, The Excel Saga is the latest arc in the Dragon Ball series. However, unlike the original series, it is written and drawn by Shinichi Koshi instead of Ken Akamatsu. This is evident right away because the female characters actually look like women.

Anyway, The Excel Saga picks up right where The Cell Saga left off. It is about an Italian man living in Fukushima who plans to travel across the ocean to New York and conquer the world from there (hence why his organization is called Across; clever, right?).

Anyway, this is my review of Volume 22. To start off, I have several beefs with this series. First of all, Viz advertises this as an action manga (as to be expected from a DBZ spin-off), but it’s actually more focused on dialogue. This would be okay if it wasn’t so unrealistic. This is my second point. For one thing, how does the blue-haired girl make her hair go all spirally like that? Also, why is her hair purple in all the fan-art I’ve seen when it is distinctly blue on the cover? Also, I have seen a picture of her with two penises. Is this canon?

The other characters make equally as little sense. Why are there two of the blonde chick? One of them is funny and the other one isn’t. I like the funny one more because she is funny and also cuter. Also, why does Hi-Hat keep vomiting blood? That happened to me one time when I ate a raw steak. Maybe she shouldn’t eat raw steaks. There is also a man named Cowboybebop who has a big mustache and likes to bribe government officials. Is he Democrat or Republican? I think Republicans probably have bigger mustaches most of the time but Democrats are more likely to give out bribes. Maybe he is Green Party. Also, why does the scientist stare at all the little girls in the park? Maybe his daughter is missing and he is looking for her. One time my daughter wandered off in H-E-B and it took me 5 minutes to find her. She was in the frozen food aisle holding a Totino’s pizza. I put it back and bought Red Baron instead. It was good and did not make me vomit blood.

My biggest problem with this series is that it’s not very accessible to new readers. They could do a much better job explaining what happened last time instead of expecting me to spend money on the previous books. I am a busy man you know, and I do not have time to read every manga out there! That’s like when I skip 3 or 4 volumes of Berserk at a time because I know that no matter where I jump in I can see blood and tits. I like blood and tits because I am a hetero man who likes hetero things. I would fuck Cascka but I would not fuck Elgarlrla because she has two penises.

Overall I would give this book 2 purple mustaches out of 5 because I did not want to have sex with any of the characters and not enough people died.

–Foggle

Originally posted on Friday, March 18, 2011.

Time for the next batch, and let me say that I fully enjoyed both sets so far and can’t wait to do the next one.

Before I start with the three “new” cartoons I’m reviewing, let me give a special mention to my first repeat short of the series- “Thru the Mirror”, which I reviewed last time.

Besides being on one of the hard-to-find Treasures sets, it has recently been rereleased on Alice in Wonderland‘s Blu-Ray release, and it looks, if I should say so myself, quite good.

And it hasn’t been entirely forgotten by the studio before then, anyway.

Remember this? You should.

Now onto the actual reviews.

Gulliver Mickey (1934)

My first black and white review so far. In this one, Mickey tells the orphan mice he watches over about “the time he was stranded at sea”. Note that he was reading Gulliver’s Travels beforehand, and then notice the story.

I haven’t read the story (or saw that recent Jack Black movie- thank god), so I can’t say how the cartoon compares to it. I can say that this ends with giant Mickey fighting a spider that looks like Pete. The animation during this scene, as well as the majority of the cartoon, is fresh and vibrant. That said, the ending aside, it’s not much of a laugh riot, but it is a charming cartoon regardless.

Mickey’s Grand Opera (1936)

Another short with a bunch of favorites, in this one, Mickey is the director and composer of an opera starring the Wise Little Hen and Donald. Alongside the show, Pluto is chasing a moving top hat. Typical hijinks ensue.

The opera segments themselves aren’t too enjoyable, unless you want to hear Donald Duck quack alongside Hen’s clucking. They aren’t even accompanied by very enticing animation until Pluto jumps up. The dog saves this, as it becomes a funnier cartoon when he shows up, just by being Pluto. Not one of my favorites, but it picks up near the end.

Two-Gun Mickey (1934)

Another classic black and white short, in this one, Mickey and Minnie are cow folk back in the old west, except this time, Minnie is an independent cowgirl who thinks she doesn’t need any help. That is, until Pete comes in, and Mickey comes to the rescue.

Out of the three cartoons I have reviewed this month, this is my personal favorite. It’s a lot of fun from start to finish and captures the western theme well. This was a few years before John Wayne took over as the ideal cowboy, but westerns were still a fairly popular film genre, so there was enough to work with. It’s a fair spoof that works even if you’re not a cowboy fan.

The only real flaw is that Marcellite Garner, the voice of Minnie, doesn’t pull of a very convincing cowgirl accent. Even then, it’s only a minor flaw in an otherwise highly entertaining cartoon. For the time, voice acting wasn’t even that big of a priority for cartoons.

There you go, three reviews, three goodies. So far my only problem is the lack of variety. “The Wise Little Hen” aside, all of my cartoons are Mickey Mouse ones, and all of them come from the 30’s. I’m aware that a lot of Walt’s favorite short subjects come from this era and typically featured Mickey, but there are plenty of good ones made from after then starring Donald, Goofy, and others that I’d love to look over. Maybe next time I’ll get some.

Originally posted on Monday, February 21, 2011.

Yes, everybody else blogged about the movie months ago. Yes, this probably won’t change whether or not you’ll go and watch it. Yes, none of us except for DaemonCorps or Desensitized like Haruhi that much to give anything resembling an informative review. But in the end, does it matter?

Well, yeah. But alas, fuck it. Let’s get to the review.

It’s Christmas time for the SOS Brigade, and what a better way to celebrate the holidays than to loosely enact the It’s a Wonderful Life trope? Our dear narrator Kyon wakes up in a world where Haruhi and Itsuki don’t attend his school, Yuki is still a bespectacled bookworm, Ryoko still exists with no signs of the murderous entity we saw in the past, and Mikuru is exactly the same. Having actually grown rather accustomed to this schoolgirl of a god, he tries to seek her out in order to set things right. However, this glitch in time and space will prove harder to solve for Kyon than he could possibly imagine.

So after the backlash against Endless Eight and its sheer amount of “Kyon-kun, denwa”, KyoAni decided to throw its fans a bone by adapting what is apparently considered the best that the books have to offer. And is it able to satisfy fans that have been waiting for at least four years to see this?

Yes, but don’t expect to enjoy it as well if you’ve been out of the loop. One roadblock in this movie is that you’ll need to have seen the previous forms of the series in order to understand it. I originally thought having watched the first season a few years ago and a few snippets of the second would have sufficed enough, only to be utterly confused by a plot twist involving a previous adventure with Kyon time-traveling to the past under the identity of John Smith (Does that make Yuki the tin dog of the group?). While I wouldn’t consider this a major flaw by any sort, and actually rather refreshing in comparison to how film installments in anime are usually free of continuity, it still makes this film an odd watch for those who haven’t brushed up on their Haruhi.

Now, the real problem is that this movie is so long that it makes Ron Jeremy look like an utter chode. At the total length of 163 minutes, or about as long as seven episodes if you cut out the openings and endings, it is not an easy thing to get through all in one sitting. It doesn’t help that the shifts in scenes during the film, up to and including the “search for Haruhi” plot changing into something entirely different involving Future Mikuru, feel more fitting for episodes than that of a fluid movie structure. Just when you think the movie’s reaching its conclusion, there’s another plotline introduced and we get an hour more of things to do. You just start getting fatigue after all this. However, when the plot gets going around half an hour in, the film becomes really good and grabs you by the seat. But alas, when it starts slowing down, it loses that momentum and becomes quite a slog.

If it weren’t for Kyon, Yuki, and maybe Tsuruya, the Haruhi series would suck worse than a whore with jagged molars. And quite thankfully, the movie does its best to give prominence to the former two while putting Haruhi and Funbags into the sidelines. With Kyon, he’s the one out of the whole cast that interests me the most. His place and initial characterization shows him off to be kind of an everyman, but then you peel back the layers and get someone who’s not so different from our title character despite being in insistent denial over it. He also shows a high level of tactlessness, such as earnestly asking Mikuru to take off her top and show him her birthmark as proof that he knows her (context is for the weak), which combined with his narration, create an interesting array of character flaws for him. And for Yuki, I like how the film expands her so she’s more than just yet another emotionless girl. I’d elaborate more on it, but as always, spoilers.

As for the voice acting, while I don’t think he displays the right form of deadpan that Crispin Freeman did back in the dub, Tomokazu Sugita does well as Kyon. Although his tone is monotone throughout, he definitely captures the anxiety in being a fish out of water. I also thought Minori Chihara did a great job in playing the stoic, regular Yuki as well as the simpering, alternate-universe Yuki. Once again, she’s monotone, but it’s in different types of monotone for the two.

And when it comes to the animation, it’s flows rather nicely. The darker shade of everything helps show a more somber tone as well as contrasting the bright colors of the last two seasons. We also see an improvement in the character design, with a return to that of the first season in comparison to how K-On!-ish the designs of the second were.

Now for those who skipped to the bottom, moderate scarceness of the titular character, somber tone, vague resemblance to a bunch of Dr. Who episodes, and character development hit all the right points for me. However, poor, uneven pacing and an inability to stand on its own without over-relying on continuity bog it down. Still, it sets itself as a major improvement from Melancholy by focusing more on Kyon and the sci-fi/mystery element of the series rather than the “keep Haruhi entertained” and “failed attempts at comedy” parts. So overall, KyoAni delivers.

Rating: 8/10

Originally posted on Monday, February 21, 2011.