2019
01.17

The Winter 2019 Anime Clusterfuck: Sponsored by the SouljaGame

Boogiepop Never Laughs

:3

Oh hey.

Boogiepop.

I recognize that name.

Boogiepop Phantom’s one of those shows people have heard of and can sometimes recognize, but few have actually watched. And of course, that applies to me. I watched the first two episodes of the old series recently, and it made no sense. Something about a guy eating bugs and running like a madman. The kind of show that expects you to rewatch several times to get the cues, but doesn’t give you the patience to watch it the first time as it is. And as other shows of its kind like Lain still have existing fandoms and in fact find newcomers, Boogiepop as a show sat gathering dust. Until now.

Boogiepop Never Laughs, a completely different adaptation that focuses on a whole other part of the maxiseries, is interesting if only to see how much it adheres to modern anime trends. In contrast to what a hard watch the first show was, this definitely attempts to be a little more accessible than the old show. Instead of an opening right out of Taxicab Confessions, it’s just Myth & Roid doing the usual Myth & Roid song you heard from Re:Zero and Tanya. The scenery’s brighter and the background elements, while still surreal, are more “typical seasonal anime” surreal than “I just woke up at 3 AM, turned on the TV, and what the fuck am I watching” surreal. That’s not to say this anime grips you by the first second. It’s still just as confusing and non-linear, and everyone besides Boogiepop warrants little interest. Sure, weird shit happens. But what’s the point if I don’t care about anybody?

And as unappealing as the old show was, at least that had a style. Looking like any other anime doesn’t do the new Boogiepop favors. No interesting shots worth looking at, or pieces of animation that will get posted on Sakugabooru or some image board. By the time I’m on the second episode and cannibalism happens, I’m bored. And a show like this shouldn’t bore me. Maybe this will turn out like Bunny Girl Senpai, another show that I never got yet everyone else apparently loved. But as it is, it’s the kind of show that almost begs you to go play with your phone instead of watch the show. Even if you don’t have a phone, the show will spawn one on your behalf so you can distract yourself from all the meandering conversations. You’re probably going to hear a lot of “If you don’t understand Boogiepop, you’re a brainlet” posts in regards to this show, but I don’t care. This show’s dull. I got more fun out of Occultic;Nine a couple years ago, and that show made even less sense. – BloodyMarquis

Dororo

Listen to me baby, you’ve got to understand You’re old enough to learn the makings of a man Listen to me baby, it’s time to settle down Am I asking too much for you stick around?

It’s time to get our Tezuka on. This time with Dororo, about a young man named Hyakkimaru cursed from birth without any of his five senses, limbs, or even skin, and his quest to slay demons in order to reclaim his physical humanity. But the world he lives in is just as dismembered and afflicted with pain. Famine invades feudal Japan. Thieves steal from other thieves in a vicious cycle of attrition. The era of the samurai is nothing but death and despair except for the naive and noble, and even attempting to bring civility to these wartorn lands requires a deal with the devil.

So this was a happy surprise. After how unimpressive that Young Black Jack show was a few years back, it’s cool to see a Tezuka adaptation spread its wings and show how terrifying yet atmospheric Tezuka’s world can be. The fight between Hyakkimaru and the swamp demon has some amazing visuals and should hook on the fence viewers on that alone. And yeah, the “fight all 12 demons in order to reclaim your humanity” plot might sound too basic and remind you of Katanagatari, Jackie Chan Adventures, or the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo, but that’s what you get when watching anime adapted from an over fifty-year-old manga. And in some ways, a manga from the 60s has more foresight on the world and society than most anime do now.

Of course, as an old story, it’s not subtle. A priest speaks an entire paragraph’s worth of lamentations after getting slain by his lord. Lightning strikes a Buddha statue right after said lord promises to give demons whatever he has. It’s very in your face about its messages, something all of Tezuka’s works share yet most modern adaptations often refuse to water down. And sometimes it works like in Pluto, but then there are works that are too reverential to Tezuka’s original work and refuse to make the adaptation its own thing or figure out how to apply Tezuka’s themes and messages in a modern storytelling context, and instead just churn out some mediocre anime that happens to have the words “Black Jack” or “Astro Boy” attached to the title. And I sincerely hope Dororo’s the former. Don’t let me down, MAPPA. – BloodyMarquis

Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen

Mel Blanc is my favorite seiyu.

Once in a while, you come across a show that you know that you probably would have dug as a kid or a teenager, but just holds no real interest to you as you are now. Maybe it’s the genre or the way the work is written, but either way, you can acknowledge that this is something that you could have liked if you were ten years younger. That’s the feeling I got when watching Kaguya-sama. The feeling that if I was a teenager in his high school’s anime club, I would be completely in love with this show. The series follows two high-schoolers who are head-over-heels in love but absolutely refuse to be the first one to say it. The first segment of the premiere episode involves the two doing insane mental gymnastics to make the other person admit that an invitation to the movies is, in fact, a date. And the second segment breaks away from romance a bit to have a misunderstanding about lunches, with high-class heiress Kaguya being unable to admit to wanting to try some of Miyuki’s lunch, with the latter interpreting the glares he and their ditzy friend Chika are getting as disdain for lower-class food. Yeah, I would have found this fun as a teenager, right up there with Chibi Vampire or Maid Sama. But I’m not 15-year-old Rac in anime club, so as much as I can admit this show is good and can enjoy it to a degree, it just isn’t for me.

I’m not in the mindset where I can completely enjoy “will they or won’t they” high-school romance stories like this anymore without the annoyance that comes from years of reading and watching similar stories. Knowing that it will take a million years for two characters to even admit their feelings for each other isn’t fun anymore, it’s a slog. I still love romance stories to death (I read way too much shipping fanfiction than is healthy), but tuning into a new episode of a show for another week of “oh no, here’s another misunderstanding that will prevent these two from getting together” just isn’t something I enjoy all that much in the media I consume these days. We need a lot more romantic comedies where the main couple is already together early on, and not in a constant state of “will they get together” until the final episode. So despite me seeing the fun to be had in continuing to watch Kaguya-sama, I don’t see myself tuning in week after week for a new episode; I’m a bit too burned out on this sort of romance plot. I can say this though: the OP is a total banger. Would almost watch the show regularly for that alone. – RacattackForce

Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka

Theron gave this a 4.5/5.

Oh great, ANOTHER edge-lord magical girl show. What the hell is this? 2011? Nah 2011 would be actual quality made by SHAFT and Ye Olde Urobutcher. This is 2019 and Asuka was made by the smut merchants at Liden Films and written by the guy who wrote Psycho-Pass who WASN’T The Urobutcher. With talent like that, if you were expecting a cheap crass goreathon thats far less clever than it thinks it is then the hype is real as that’s exactly what was delivered: a shit show.

So basically Asuka is “What if… magical girls but they really were child soldiers?” And before you say “Wasn’t that the plot of Strike Witches?” …well yeah, it was, but that’s not important. What IS important is PTSD SUFFERING!!!!1 Our heroic group of five (originally nine) magical girls were given powers originally to fight a race of killer multicolored teddy bears and amusement park mascots. So brutal was the war that the title character can no longer stand near a costumed balloon vendor without imagining it literally biting the head of a little girl clean off. Such is the show that is Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka.

As for the episode itself? Well its just boring and ugly. It ranges from a badly drawn slice of life/sports anime to a surprisingly badly animated (wow look at all them panning shots over still frames!) action show that goes all in on the thrash metal butt rock and all out on common sense or decency. If 2019 deserved any on anime in particular it may be this dumpster fire. — Lord Dalek

The Price of Smiles

MeIRL.

In the now seven years since I was roped into doing these Clusterfuck entries, not once have I come across a show so mediocre and forgettable as The Price of Smiles. NOT. ONCE. Watching it was like sitting in the waiting room of a dentist’s office with a dead cell phone battery and nothing to read but old issues of Cosmo and Prevention. You await the pain of how bad this show is probably going to get but you’re so bored that you never feel it. Its not good, its not terrible, its just…it.

There is a story here but its so unfocused that its hard to get a handle on what this show is supposed to be about. In fact I do not appear to be alone with this problem as the synopsis sent to Crunchyroll by Tatsunoko was just as vague. I guess its supposed to be some sort of Prince and the Pauper style story but that wasn’t obvious until the end credits. Hell this episode ultimately had little to nothing to do with the actual plot of the series other than to introduce our bubble headed Princess MC and how clueless she is to the state of her world, but only in the last 20 seconds because that’s how Tatsunoko rolls! Mirite? Wut Wut.

So an average forgettable show featuring a twin tail who seems to have escaped from a Precure show huh and a plot that was ultimately not even bothered with until the last 15 seconds greaaat. This is why reviewing original IPs is a pain. At least with a Light Novel adaptation you can read the spoilers and not be bored waiting for something to happen. Another year, another winter season. =/ – Lord Dalek

The Promised Neverland

There’s a very strange man at the check-out stand, and there’s a laser scanner where you put your hand. Cathy don’t go to the supermarket today!

In case you’ve been hungering for some anime child brutality after how long it’s taking to make season two of Made in Abyss, has this season got a pleasant gift for you. Coming from Shonen Jump of all places, The Promised Neverland is an interesting anomaly among other titles there. Main character’s a girl, setting is more focused on horror than battles, only planned to run a dozen volumes just like Death Note, adaptation is airing on Noitamina instead of some primetime slot next to Naruto. I want to ask why Shonen Jump picked this series to publish. They’ve published oddities before, but I’m curious what made them look at this and go “Yes, little Japanese boys will love Promised Neverland!”

You remember how Darling in the Franxx opened on a premise where all these parentless children were raised by a couple caretakers, raised and educated with little knowledge as to what’s really going on in their civilization, but then sent to a great unknown where they face something horrible? This show’s kind of like that, except without all the doggy-style trainwrecks that occurred. Instead, it seems to focus on the allegory of Japan raising its children for a cutthroat society. The kids in this show are expected to go through academic tests that look meaningless to the audience, the ones who don’t do well are thrown away to an early doom, and the ultimate prize for the smartest of the bunch is knowing they’re essentially raised to be cattle for monsters to devour. If that’s the intended message, it only furthers my confusion as to why Shonen Jump published it. “Hey, kids! Did you love setting sail with Luffy and playing ninja with Boruto? How about you run away with Emma and find out adults want to sell you for monster chow?!”

But this was a pretty good premiere. Only real gripe is the character designs giving everybody scrunched-up tiny faces, so their mouth is where their nose should be. Other than that, it’s got my attention. – BloodyMarquis

The Rising of The Shield Hero

Worth it? Nope.

Good god what the fuck happened to isekai? In the last year we’ve had slavery! (Desumachi, How Not to Summon a Demon Lord), actual rape! (Goblin Slayer and SAO), creepy incest harems! (Master of Ragnarok), over the top random out of place gore! (Goblin Slayer and SAO….again!), and, out of nowhere, a completely harmless and rather cute comedy that’s actually watchable! (Tensura). In short, 2018 isekai was the worst thing ever! One can only hope 2019 can’t get any wor–

A NEW CHALLENGER ENTERS.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Rising of the Shield Hero, the latest entry in the race to the bottom that is isekai. Want rape? We got it! Want slavery? We got it! Want an over reliance on RPG mechanics that even Tensura was guilty of for not subverting? Oh baby, we got it! I mean it says right here on the box! I’m just looking forward to ripping this a new one!

*opens box*

*finds nothing in the box*

Yeah this is the biggest dud I’ve seen in a while. I desperately wanted to feel a level of face contorting disgust and sheer horror as to what I was watching but it just. never. came. Instead we are left with the most average isekai to ever average. Oh don’t get me wrong, this show is terrible. But its a disappointing terrible that never amounts to anything other than ho hum. So yeah, congratulations Ragnarok you are still the worst isekai I’ve seen since 2015, the check for $516.32 is in the mail. – Lord Dalek

Watashi ni Tenshi ga Maiorita!

This little piggy

Wait, is Uchi no Maid ga Uzasugiru a two-cour show? Guys, I thought we didn’t– wait, this is a different pastel-coloured, light-hearted comedy about a female pedophile lusting after elementary school girls? Y’all sure? Oh, this one has her trying to build a harem of little girls? Okay, cool. Nah, I’m fine. The fact that the pedo shows are breeding doesn’t unnerve me whatsoever.

With begrudging acceptance that this may just be the new trend in anime, Wataten! is this season’s feel-good anime about pedophila. Our heroine is Miyako, a socially-awkward college student who finds herself falling in love at first sight with her little sister’s best friend Hana. Hana, fully aware that her best friend’s older sister is thirsty for pre-pubescent puss, rather than call the cops or at least refuse to visit her friend’s house ever again, decides that she can put up with the leering, drooling, and stench of arousal so long as she can get desserts out of the deal. Meanwhile, little sister Hinata is wondering why her awesome big sis is now doting so much on her new friend and is anxious to get a piece of that affection, so there’s your incest thrown into the mix if you choose to view that bit of plot as such. Hijinks ensue.

Perhaps I’m taking this too seriously. It’s not like lolicon is anything new in anime, so why get annoyed by it now? So ignoring that grossness and steamrolling past the premise, what does Wataten give us? Really good-looking french toast that made me hungry. That’s about it. I don’t know if it’s the show itself, or me just being unable to let go of the premise to let myself relax, but Wataten comes across as a weak comedy filled with jokes done much better in other shows that don’t require you to sit through a woman thinking about how she’s going to make a little girl undress for her amusement. And also done better in other shows that do make you sit through that. It’s not necessarily a bad comedy, just a painfully average one that, if I’m being honest, had all of its jokes executed much better in last season’s pedophile program (the maid one, not the historical fiction one); from the adult character’s love of cosplay to the little girl character figuring that good food might be worth putting up with the MC’s creepy behavior. If it was more interesting or well-written, then I’d be willing to recommend it in a Kodomo no Jikan “it’s uncomfortable and goes to some weirdly melodramatic places” way. Or if it was poorly produced, then I’d be able to recommend it in the same way as last season’s beautiful trainwreck My Sister, My Writer. But I can’t think of anything this show does interestingly enough that I can actually recommend it to anyone who doesn’t already enjoy stuff like this. At least UzaMaid leaned in more on the dark comedy surrounding the idea of your dad hiring a maid that wants to bang you. In contrast, it feels like Wataten is attempting to paint a 20-year-old lusting after a 10-year-old as an adorable romance, which I just can’t get behind. Next show, please. – RacattackForce

W’z

This is a sequel to Hand Shakers. A show that made me literally almost throw up two years ago. I literally could only get through 8 minutes of W’z before wanting to puke again. So instead you get a lazy parody of a horrible person who makes me wanna vomit just as much as Hand Shakers did. Sorry. — LD
P.S. HOW THE FUCK IS W’Z PRONOUNCED WISE?!?

…They made a sequel to Hand Shakers.

THEY

MADE

A

SEQUEL

TO

HAAAAND SHAAAAKERS!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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GGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!@!@!@~121223!!

!!!!!!!!@#$!@$!@!%%!!!!!!!! – The Otaku Critic