02.06
Episode 4: Let’s Find a Better Show.
After getting called in by the announcer, Nagisa is told that since drama club is on hiatus, all activities involving it are forbidden, and that includes the simple act of putting up posters. Tomoya attacks an inanimate object with his fist again and asks her why she was such a doormat, with which she says, “Rules are rules, and they can’t be bent.” After a few seconds of angst, the two decide to go “screw it, we’re gonna go build our own drama club.” Fifty bucks says it won’t have blackjack or hookers.
And just a few feet away from them, the fool’s pariah stares menacingly.
At Sunohara’s place, Tomoya decides to seduce blondie into the drama club with the promise of pastries. The morning after, round 4 begins as Sunohara asks Tomoyo for her breasts due to some stupid “fake breast” joke he uses to see whether or not she’s got a bigger schlong than him.
To everyone’s surprise, Tomoyo does indeed pull two fake breasts out of her shirt, as her voice suddenly deepens and the two boys slowly discover a bulge on the supposed lass’s skirt. Sunohara starts going through an existential crisis over how he’s been beaten again and again by a drag queen, while Tomoya starts narrating on how his sexuality has become questioned by this… Oh, whom am I kidding? She beats the fuck out of him. End scene.
And this time, it appears that Sunohara actually got injuries this time. Though it’s only bandages, when that amount of kicks should have sent our dear pansy straight into the hospital. Of course, that probably would’ve led to a sappy plot about Tomoya learning how not to take his friends for granted or some sugary shit like that. Sunohara or crappy coma subplot? Quite the Catch-22 there.
Green-haired girl appears and calls for Tomoya’s—or in her own words, “Weird guy’s”—help. She also calls Sunohara “Double weird guy” since his hair is an impossible color, and because blondness is such an alien concept in Japan. Yet green hair is fine and dandy there.
Outside, right by a giant water fountain—because this school is prestigious enough to have that while simultaneously undemanding enough to have empty classrooms—green-haired girl talks to Tomoya about all the stars she’s been making. Apparently, these things are supposed to be invitations to her sister’s wedding. And she wants our protagonist’s help in spreading them throughout the school. Tomoya shrugs it off, giving the reasonable explanation that he doesn’t know a fuck about Fuko (despite the fact that he just blurts out her name even though she never actually said it on-screen) and he could care less about giving out invitations.
Then Fuko creams herself out of nowhere. Yeah.
Tomoya decides to put a juice box straw up her nose, and ends up getting pissed that she didn’t drink any. Uh, Tomoya, if you’re going to poison her while she least suspects it, pull out a fucking syringe instead of using a supposed juice box. Gimmicks are long over, man. It’s the practical toxin that counts.
Wait, you weren’t trying to kill her? Oh, well.
Tomoya decides to ask Tomoyo if she wants to go the wedding. Her response basically amounts to “Uh, no.” Then she kicks Sunohara. Sunohara gets up and tries to bring her into the boy’s room, which leads to him flying out the window. Tomoyo gets a fit about all these Sunohara moments, until being told by Tomoya that blondie thinks she’s a he. She angsts over how people consider her a bully instead of a girl, which frankly doesn’t show at all because she only has two facial expressions.
After that, Tomoya talks to Nagisa while she eats a sponge or something. Seriously, her mouth is smaller than that bite. What? Does she nibble at it like a hamster?
As the two ponder about how to get people join the drama club, Sunohara pops in. Why does this episode have more footage of a pussy than most hentai? It’s not like Sunohara’s an integral part of the story arc.
His first proposition is “BEAT ‘EM UP!” But prudes write this show, so that quickly gets thrown out.
As he grows bored that nothing’s happening, Tomoya starts imagining the show as an RPG, which he laments as making things too simple. What in Azathoth’s name is simpler than trying to start up a goddamn club?
So the three decide to stalk Kyou and Ryou as they play with their Swinub. Not wanting an ensuing bitch fit, they pick Ryou and ask her to help out in getting the club going. They meet up at the roof of the school, since instead of just talking at an empty classroom, they have to adhere to the rules set up by Torchwood and Batman and talk on a roof to amplify the bravado or whatever film term I’m supposed to use.
Ryou gets startled at the fact that a girl is talking to her. For no reason other then to titillate our viewers at home, bait and switch Yuri happens. Crappy, upbeat porn music starts playing while Nagisa and Ryou hold hands, with roses covering the backgrounds. What’s weird is that Ryou actually seems to want it.
After realizing that there’s no Yuri and it’s just the two talking about the club, Kyou barges in and gets pissed at how her sister’s been ridiculed. She grabs both Tomoya and Sunohara into a chokehold, and then yells out something that sounds like she’s shitting her panties, which isn’t helped by the random Swinub going “Poo-ee!”
At yet another vacant classroom, the five get together to formally talk about starting the drama club. Kyou wonders why exactly these two guys are being friends with Nagisa, being one of the few moments where the feeling’s mutual. She then asks Tomoya whether or not he’s planning to make Nagisa go down on him. But since the show needs to tell us about the rules when it comes to starting up this extracurricular embolism, this quickly gets interrupted by Ryou explaining how a club needs at least 3 members and an advisor. Kyou notices how they already have the required amount, until Sunohara and Tomoya moan that they aren’t into theatrics.
The day after, Sunohara decides that he likes getting kicked in the dick and tries to woo Tomoyo into going out with him. He takes some pick-up lines from Tomoya, and they result in another visit from DEM LEGS. It turns out that the damage was so grievous that they had to blur out his face. Of course, this show can’t kill anyone off unless the rule of melodrama says so, so none if this will affect either him or the show at large.
Taking advantage of the aftermath, Tomoya tries to goad Tomoyo into getting into the drama club with the promise of “feminine clothes”. But she’s busy with the elections for student council chairman, which Tomoya mutters to himself a few times like a lobotomy patient.
Then he goes to the library and finds Kotomi reading books while satisfying the foot fetish demographic. It takes at least several tries to get her to listen to him, to which she replies, “…huh?” after realizing there’s somebody next to her. Then we get this exchange:
“You can call me Kotomi-chan.”
“At least let me drop the ‘chan’ will ya?”
Oh cool, Sentai Filmworks learned its lesson. But later after a failed invitation and some waddling…
“Tomoya… kun.”
I said that too early, didn’t I?
Tomoya and Nagisa sit out again while lamenting on how nobody wants to go to drama club. They decide the best answer is to get the sophomores to join. And since they only know one sophomore, they go to Fuko.
Fuko quickly refuses, going on about how she makes stars all the time, even from morning to night. After a few questions, the two find out that she never goes home. She just sits there making stars, ever since getting hit by a car. Another question leads them to find out that Fuko’s the sister of Nagisa’s teacher, who Nagisa knows to be going to the hospital all the time to see a relative. And with that talk of the ghost from a couple episodes ago… Fuck. This is our first arc of the show?
Moral of the episode: Cars are the natural menace to all cherished family members. Don’t want your little sister out in the open, when she could be inside making sammiches and offering some sweet imouto love, do ya?
But seriously, I’m going to need entire stadiums filled with Jack and Morgan for the looming moe.
Originally posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2011.