02.06
Episode 3 — The Transfer Student is the Second Childhood Friend
If the poorly translated title is sure to be any indication, it’ll be a good bet that another one of Ichika’s ghosts will pop up at some point in this episode. Oh, sure, they say friend, but a “friend” in this show might as well just mean “crazy bitches who try to skewer you with wooden swords”. Ichika doesn’t seem to be the kind of personable fellow that can easily hit it off with strangers (or, really, anyone for that matter), so if this mystery person doesn’t already hate him, he’ll probably stick his foot squarely in his mouth within the first 20 seconds of conversation to change those feelings. Or so I assume.
No comment.
It’s Training Day at the IS academy, and since Denzel Washington is nowhere within earshot, it’ll be up to our fair lass – the Commander in Chief herself – to show these kids the ropes. Par for the course in the world of IS, the contradictory nonsense that we’ve had to stomach at least a couple of times in the first two episodes rears its ugly head once again; remember how Ichika could almost flawlessly pilot an IS in the last episode, as he went toe-to-toe with that crazy British chick? Yeah, well, they’re having none of that here. Ichika, bungling idiot that he is, seems to have completely forgotten everything that he knew just one short episode ago. He can’t get off the ground. He can barely keep it up in the air. He can’t keep up with what’s her face (whom he almost mopped the floor with in battle during the previous episode, need I remind us all). He can’t even land the damn thing for crying out loud. Honestly, it’s times like these that I absolutely refuse to believe that this guy is supposed to be their white knight, the one and only barrier of protection fictional Japan has from complete and utter robot destruction. I don’t get it; I really don’t. They paint an early picture of him as some sort of demigod, with all that “only male human being in the entire WORLD that can pilot an IS” noise, yet, all things considered, he really can’t fly one. Or, well, I guess he can under “certain circumstances”, or some such. I still don’t even know myself, and I don’t think anyone in charge of this show does either.
Sadly, the contradictions do not end here. You remember how Cecilia absolutely loathed Ichika in the first two episodes because of his seeming “disrespect” towards her shimmering greatness? Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah… well, again, none of that. All of a sudden – ALL OF A SUDDEN – she’s in love with him. Seemingly out of nowhere, with the mere flick of a wrist, she’s got the hots for Ich. Again, I just don’t get it. How do you go from wanting to tear the mans off in one episode, to trying to steal his heart, and his pants, the next? Not only is this show as dreadfully boring as you can possibly imagine, but it’s also incredibly irritating in nearly every physical sense (ESPECIALLY when it comes to character development, which they fail miserably at). And yet, here I am, watching it. Is this what rock bottom feels like? Is this what the televisions in hell are all programmed to air? Sometimes I wonder.
Guess what happened here. Go ahead, guess.
As the dust settles and the mediocrity continues, every character of importance says their piece on Ichika’s recent crash landing; his sister calls him an idiot, Houki scolds him for not adhering to her teachings, and… wait for it… Cecilia BURSTS onto the scene, pushes everybody aside like she’s running out of a burning building, slides down the crater, and rushes to tend aide to her boy Ich. Either this is some sort of front, and she’s faking genuine emotion for who only knows whatever reason, or the show has officially become so ridiculous that there’s just no going back. Watching her swoon over this man (and, later, even going as far as forfeiting her coveted role as “Class Representative” to him just to get that much closer to his penis), whilst previously wishing him nothing but misery and bodily harm is something I simply cannot begin to understand (all happening in the time span of about one or two days, no less). Houki doesn’t take too kindly to this behavior from Le Brit, obviously, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going to happen next. Let the titties fly!
You KNEW this was coming.
Moving on; as the title eludes, we should be expecting a new face to pop up at any time here. The hint dropping is already in full force by this point; she’s a transfer student from China, she’s slated to be the Class Representative for Class 2, she has her own personal IS, and she’s supposed to be REALLY REALLY STRONG. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Rinin Fan; another childhood friend of Ichika who, like every other childhood friend of his, acts like a bit of a stuck up bitch. And this is just her natural personality; he didn’t even have to say anything dumb this time around to get such treatment. Lucky guy.
After pleasantries are exchanged, and everyone says their piece on the new girl, we’re treated to a bit of a half-assed backstory on how Ichika came to be in this situation of his. Originally, he was supposed to go to a normal high school, like every other normal, useless male child that cannot operate the glorious badassery known as an IS suit. On his way to the high school placement exam, however, he got lost within the confines of the very large building that the exams were being held in… and as fate would have it, the room he just so happens to stumble into contains but nothing more than a single IS suit, sitting right in front of him. He walks in, he touches it, it reacts to him (which as we all know by now, is supposed to be IMPOSSIBLE for a male to do), yada yada yada, we go from there. It’s probably one of the most brief, boring backstories I’ve ever seen… but really, what should I be expecting out of this? I mean, this is Ichika Orimura we’re talking about here; it’s not like he’s Batman or anything.
A Hero Is Born… or something like that.
By this point in the episode, the girls have all met Rinin (who’s lightened up on Ich, and now seems to be zeroing in on his pants), and they’ve already seen enough to determine that a 3-way rivalry between her, Cecilia, and Houki is now in order. They bicker, they bitch, and they all show EXTREME amounts of jealousy towards one another, all in an effort to win over the affections of one very stupid young man. You know, I can still remember the good old days when Cecilia and Houki both hated Ichika, and that was in Episode 2. Sigh…
Fast-forward to Ichika’s personal IS training session with two of his three harem lovers, and… awwww, lame! They skipped it! I was expecting to see Ich get blasted out of the sky by two flying robot chicks, but they skipped the whole damn thing! Man, this show sucks. It’s not even entertaining enough to be considered a guilty pleasure; it’s just as painfully boring and inane as you could possibly imagine something could be. And we’re still not done! There’s still 10 grueling minutes left. Why did I agree to do this? Have I become some sort of television masochist without even realizing it?
…anyway, following all of that, Ichika finds himself alone in a locker room. A short time later, Rinin struts onto the scene, and begins visibly hitting on him. Ich, of course, is too dumb to notice, and insults her a couple of times without even realizing it (why do the ladies even like this guy? Seriously, he’s a fucking idiot). She becomes quite distraught when she hears that Ich and Houki share a room together, and begins interrogating Ich on the nature of their relationship. He insists that they’re just childhood friends, and even implies that the only reason she’s his roommate is because he’d be too nervous to room with someone he doesn’t know, and would probably be unable to sleep in the process. Uh-huh. Strangely enough, I believe it.
Rinin takes these vague implications to heart, and actually asks Houki to switch rooms with her, so she can room with Ich. Yeah, you know very well where this is going; Rinin and Houki have it out for a bit, exchanging catty remarks and what all, until Rinin makes the grave mistake of ignoring Houki, and attempts to carry on a conversation with Ich by himself. Whoops. Houki will not stand for such treatment, as she lunges for her sword, and attempts to strike down that rude bitch with a swift vertical slice. Rinin, however, is no novice to combat, and “partial deploys” her IS, blocking Houki’s attack, and tearing down her ego in the process. Tempers appear to have cooled for now… of course, until Ichika bumbles in with yet another one of his trademark foot-in-mouth moments (something along the lines of saying Rinin be his slave and cook him meals everyday, or not remembering a promise he made with her, or some crap like that; honestly, I’m fading in and out at this point). Rinin gets pissed, says she hopes he gets bitten by a dog and dies (ouch!), and challenges him to an all-out robotic slug fest. Welp, there goes that love triangle. At least he’s still got Houki, right? Au Contraire; Houki was also very much insulted by Ich’s insensitive attitude, and says to him… wait for it… that she hopes he gets kicked by a horse and dies. Umm… yeah, this is totally coming from one of the same girls who’s supposed to have a crush on him. Only a guy like Ichika could successfully piss off two people this much at once, thus further making me question why these girls even wanted to be with an oblivious dumbass like this in the first place. Ah well; I guess if all else fails, he can always go crawling back to that crazy British chick.
*gasp*
Skipping ahead to next week, Ichika is seen preparing for his death match with Rinin. They strongly imply this girl doesn’t mess around, and it appears as though Ich is in for a world of hurt now. Before the match begins, however, Rinin does extend an olive branch, saying that if he apologizes, she’ll take it easy on him. He refuses, of course, thus setting himself up for what I’m assuming will be a bloodbath of epic proportions (by IS standards, anyway). The two take their positions, assume battle stance, begin their charge, aaaaaaaaaand… nope. That’s it. That’s all we get for this episode. Fade to black, cut to credits, exit stage-left, this battle will have to wait another day. Awwww. Normally I’d be more pissed at them for making me wait for something like this, but honestly, I’m just glad that my 22 minutes of personal mind-bending hell is finally over.
…and that’s that. For now at least, Ichika appears to have made an enemy out of someone he thought was a friend (all because he’s an insensitive jerk – who knew?), and, I guess, it’ll be interesting to see if this rivalry develops any further, or she simply beats the snot of him next episode, and they kiss and make up afterwards. Knowing how predictable this has been so far, though, I’m going with the latter. After all, in the grand scheme of this plot, a harem love triangle spotlighting rage, jealousy, girls, and lots and lots of tits is a lot more interesting than any flying robot battle could ever hope to be. Ugh… just the thought of how boring and idiotic this could ultimately get really makes my head hurt. Hell, it’s already bad enough now. God, I hate this show.
Originally posted on Friday, December 2, 2011.