The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: More Entries Than There are Simpsons Episodes

The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: More Entries Than There are Simpsons Episodes

Atom: The Beginning Spin-offs and prequels not done by the creator themselves have been hit and miss for me, as they can get a little indulgent in referencing the source material and sanitizing popular characters. Episode of Bardock, for example, was written by a huge fan of Bardock, but consequently she wrote the character as too perfect, a grumpy guy with a heart of gold rather than the callous cold-blooded killer he is, fundamentally misunderstanding his characterization and the themes…

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Samurai Jack: My Foolish Samurai Couldn’t Possibly Be This Cute!

Samurai Jack: My Foolish Samurai Couldn’t Possibly Be This Cute!

You know what would convince people to hate Mad Max: Fury Road? If Max and Furiosa had a romance plot. Their connection to each other was based on comradeship and a shared goal at hand, fighting alongside like blood brothers. If you took that away and made them fall for each other without the simplest hint of set up, you get a mess. And that’s what this episode of Samurai Jack was, a mess. Jack and Ashi becoming an item…

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Samurai Jack: Why Don’t the Eagles Fly Jack to Mount Doom?

Samurai Jack: Why Don’t the Eagles Fly Jack to Mount Doom?

In this episode, we finally figure out how and why Jack lost his sword: he killed some baby goats in self-defense. You know in the Lost Children arc of Berserk, where Guts kills a bunch of crazy elves who turn out to be children? It’s like that with Jack, except it’s treated like a bad thing instead of a necessary thing. And the sword leaves him because it can’t bear to be used to kill animals. I’m not sure about…

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Samurai Jack: We’re Gonna Kill You! ‘Member?

Samurai Jack: We’re Gonna Kill You! ‘Member?

Oh boy, it’s a fanservice episode. All you folks who have been gorging on past Samurai Jack episodes to prepare for its return are now rewarded by a smorgasbord of return appearances and epilogues. Unless you were craving for the Spartans or the Guardian to come back, then fuck off. This episode has forsaken you. Instead, you find out the Woolies are now robed avengers, the Archers have kids, that girl from the rave is now an old woman, and…

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Samurai Jack: Scottin’ Ain’t Easy

Samurai Jack: Scottin’ Ain’t Easy

Even though he had little to do with the main plot of the episode, I can’t not talk about the Scotsman. Every fan has been hyping him up since that grainy picture of his showed up on Twitter. We were all thinking that the Scotsman was going to die a hero’s death to save Jack. And while it would have been astounding to see him have a final duel with Aku that would go on for the entire episode, with…

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The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: Unrelated to Anime, but Peridot is a Shit Waifu

The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: Unrelated to Anime, but Peridot is a Shit Waifu

Anonymous Noise Last season we had Fuuka, an appallingly bad adaptation of an appallingly bad manga made even more appallingly bad simply from the show chickening out and giving its title character a happy ending (as opposed to getting run over by Truck-Kun. Saaaaaaaaaaaalt!). This season we have Fukumenkei Noise, an attempt to do a darker edgier version of that kind of show while still sticking within the bounds of shoujo convention. And you know why this is so dark,…

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Samurai Jack: Ashi a Shit

Samurai Jack: Ashi a Shit

Please don’t let this become a romance. Please. I know this thing between Jack and Ashi is going somewhere, and I don’t like where I think it’s heading. I know some Samurai Jack fans would fall head under heels to a crazy, Tara Strong-voiced woman dressed in black who wants nothing more than to kill them, but don’t apply that to the show itself. Maybe it sounded like a good idea on paper. Maybe a writer wanted to throw Jack…

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The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: When You’re Done Playing Your Persona or Your Nier

The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: When You’re Done Playing Your Persona or Your Nier

Clockwork Planet Within the first 30 seconds of Clockwork Planet’s first episode I couldn’t help but think…”is this NieR?” What with all the discussion of the world ending and robots, that was the natural conclusion I would be led to, albeit half jokingly….and then it turned literally turned into NieR!…albeit with some dorky card game animu kids thrown in for zest because Xebec. But yeah that’s fricken 2B, this is NieR more or less. I mean don’t you remember that…

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The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: Written, Directed, Voiced, Edited, and Fellated by Neil Breen

The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: Written, Directed, Voiced, Edited, and Fellated by Neil Breen

Akashic Records of Bastard Magical Instructor Yes That Really Is The Title Look For it Wherever Videotapes Are Sold. Hey guys!!! This year has been pretty quiet hasn’t it? You know what we haven’t had at all this season? MAAAAAGIC SCHOOOLZ! AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADFADGADGAFDAGADSGDSAHF! Oh boy I am so excited to watch Onegai Bastard! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOoooooooo …he lied. Oh look! Tsunderes! Delinquents! Recycled character designs from other anime that sucked (Oh Hi Leonmitchelli Gallete des Roi!)! No plot! No characters! All…

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The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: *insert some shitty RW 4chan meme we’ll have to edit out later here*

The Spring 2017 Anime Clusterfuck: *insert some shitty RW 4chan meme we’ll have to edit out later here*

Hello. I welcome you to Spring 2017 Clusterfuck of Japanese Animations. Please peruse to your delight. Alice & Zoroku Oh boy its another “Girl escapes from a secret organization and has a random encounter on a rain swept road” show! What? You didn’t know about this genre before? Well neither did I, but then we had that shitty Brynhildr show and that awesome Flip Flappers show so somebody at the ever awful J.C. Staff decided “Hey! Here’s something we haven’t…

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