2014
04.08

Spring Anime 2014 Clusterfuck, Week 1 [Lord Dalek, Foggle, Rynnec, Bloody Marquis, The Juude, Ensatsu-ken, Mahou, The Eclectic Dude, Cartoon X]

Baby Steps

The shounen sports genre, which was seemingly near dead in the previous decade, has seen a resurgence in previous years with a plethora of popular titles. Unfortunately, with that resurgence comes a ton of formulaic drivel that doesn’t really do anything to distinguish itself in any meaningful way. And, while it’s probably unfair to judge these sorts of series on just a single episode, being that they are slow-paced by nature, we have to hold them to the same standards as we do everything else in these write-ups. Based on that logic, Baby Steps is as bland and mediocre as a premiere can get.

So, you have this straight-A honors student, “Ei-Chan” (can’t be bothered to remember his full name), who is insanely studious but emotionally sterile, not really considering whether he enjoys studying or not, and not taking the time to pursue a hobby of any kind. OK….so, what else is there? All of that is simply the set-up for a character, but it’s not actually “characterizing” him in any real way. That’s merely just a character achetype, of which there are already numerous examples of in this genre. What distinguishes that guy from someone like Ippo from his respective sports series. It’s literally just the archetype without any indication of what else there is to him to make us give a shit.

He ends up joining a Tennis club just because a free lesson is offered and he wants to find a weekly activity to stay in shape. Then he passes out because the warm-ups are too intense for him. He’s about to quit but then there’s this girl, who I guess is supposed to be his love interest or something, that wants to go pro and keeps him interested in the sport. At this point you can already tell where this series is going. He’s going to learn a lot about Tennis (and thus the audience will be treated to heavy doses of exposition in high frequency), and eventually he’ll learn to grow a passion for the sport, and end up finding one tough opponent after the other and train to beat them. And then the process will rinse and repeat. That’s all fine and good, but I still haven’t been given any reason to care about any of this, which isn’t a good sign for a premiere episode. This is very similar to the Fall 2013 season’s Ace of Diamond. The series clearly understands the set-up for this sort of story, but lacks the drive to actually make you want to stick with it. If you’re a hardcore fan of this genre of manga/anime, it may be worth giving a few episodes to see how it turns out. For me and everyone else, the characters are too stoic and boring, and the fact that I’m not a sports fan to begin with doesn’t help to entice me either, so I’m going to have to give this one a pass. — Ensatsu-ken

Blade & Soul

I believe the question is why ISN'T she?

So somebody at Gonzo apparently watched Queen’s Blade recently and as a result we get this, a bland pseudo-fantasy that’s really just a churlish attempt at making a soft-core hentai…only to fail miserably at both, or in other words… Queen’s Blade! Blade & Soul (we’ll call it BS for short) is apparently based off a video game, probably one of the Tomonobu Itagaki variety and as such is basically just glorified cheesecake. Oh joy he said…

So in a Sengoku period where things like AK-47’s, high heels, and flak jackets exist for some reason, we are introduced to Alka “The Butterfly”, a cold bitch in assless chaps who causes grown men to piss their pants. An evil empire who’s buying up all the territories around wants her dead for some reason but isn’t having much luck at it because… assless chaps > shrapnel I guess. A nearby village hires Alka to serve as its new mercenary, only to get burned to a crisp when Gammagoori from Kill La Kill shows up because that show didn’t get a third cour. In total, nothing happens and our “heroine” leaves for revenge with the chief’s daughter so they can have free yuri or something because… Queen’s Blade.

This show is just the business. There’s no characters, no plot, no point, just fan service, and not even good fan service at that. If I wanted to watch Queen’s Blade (and considering how I quit that show after the first monster they fought was a rabbit girl who killed things by lactating on them…), I’d just watch Highschool of the Dead. To hell with you BS! — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Meet Aruka, she’s a stoic, silver-haired, babe with a peerless pedigree in swordsmanship yet is a lousy self-barber.  Apparently wanted for murder of her master, she is on a vendetta for revenge if she isn’t being a sellsword to the random bucolic villages (filled with men either incontinent for with the very Japanese hairstyle of cornrows).  However trouble always seems to find her, murder is afoot, and blood is shed, and it is up to her I guess to get revenge against the Empire that’s after her…  I would think she doesn’t really look overly concerned about things.

Myeh, based on some Korean MMORPG by NCSoft, this anime is I guess okay.  There’s really nothing too offensive here, and despite the fanservice, compared to Queen’s Blade all the women are dressed up for church.  Animation’s just unspectacular; music I guess is procedural, and well…  Eh.

It probably doesn’t help that Aruka is completely devoid of that special something that makes for compelling protagonists.  If she isn’t murdering people, she’s just lounging around on top of trees, making terse statements about revenge, and being a flesh wall with tits whenever somebody tries to converse with her.  She doesn’t have much snap to her, and as such it is really hard to really get into it.  Add to the fact that while the villagers were overly concerned about being attacked by the aforementioned Empire after Aruka did her murdering thing, she just sat around, then when they attacked she started murdering people, murdered some guy who gets roided up with flower steroids, and then comforts token village daughter chief person by saying to take revenge…

…Yeah, if you can’t tell I’m at the edge of my seat with this anime.  However, I’m only doing so because I’m ready to stand up, so I can go get myself a soda.  I’ll be back, but if I catch you watching Bland and Sour/Blade and Soul?  …Eh. — The Juude

Blue Sky

Adapted from the third installment of an Otome Visual Novel, La Corda d’Oro: Blue Sky follows the story of violinist Kanade Kohinata. After she and her friend, Kyoya, are invited to a concert by fellow violonist and Kyoya’s brother, Ritsu, she decides to transfer to Seisou Academy in hopes of improving her skills. Soon after, Ritsu enrolls her and Kyoya in a countrywide classical music competition between rival schools over the summer.

Unlike a certain other reverse-harem show this season, La Corda d’Oro: Blue Sky seems to have some nuance to it. The premise is simple and effective, and the characters seem a lot more memorable and likable. It also wasn’t “in your face” about the whole harem aspect, leaving the impression that individual character growth and drama will take center stage, as opposed to romantic harem antics (though there are plenty of hints of that too). Art and animation are decent, the bishies look pretty damn bishie, so I guess it’s doing its job. Being centered on classical music, the soundtrack has a very classy and elegant feel to it, easily the best part of the anime for me, and I’m not even big on classical music. Blue Sky looks to be a decent reverse-harem drama anime, so if you’re into either of those, or classical music, it’s worth checking out. — Rynnec

Brynhildr in the Darkness

Yup... It's ARMS!

Man, I seem to be having a case of deja vu. Could have sworn I saw this show on the Anime Network back in the day. Hmmm, probably my imagination…

Years ago, a boy named Ryota (damn, there it is again… I totally swore I’ve seen a show with a kid named Yota or something) had a friend he called Kuroneko (…nah that was Oreimo, different show). They both went looking for space aliens because Kuroneko claimed she saw one once. Then she fell off a dam and died. THE END!

Alas… flash forward 10 years and now high school aged Ryota is haunted by memories of his amour (again… what is with this nagging feeling?). To which end he has become the only member of the school astronomy club and spends his nights looking through a dilapidated telescope. Things get strange when a new transfer named Neko Kuroha baring a strong resemblance to the late Kuroneko appears. Things get stranger when Kuroha turns out to be a precog with super strength and the ability to shatter boulders in half. Why does this seem so familiar?

Anyway Brynhildr is made by the atrocious ARMS and it’s probably the least nauseating premiere I’ve seen from them. Then again… nothing happens outside of a girl getting her leg stuck in a swimming pool vent and a rockslide. You see, Neko is apparently there to prevent people from dying, and she’s kinda bad at her job to boot. Not like I care, I mean the show is just kinda boring and meh so… why bother?

And yet, this nagging feeling I’ve seen this show before… what is it? Hmmm maybe I should check the credits? Lets see here? ARMS, directed by Kitajima, based off a manga by Lynn Okamo-

OH GOD NO! NO! NO! DIE MONSTER YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!!! — Lord Dalek

Captain Earth

Wow!  What a way to make a great first impression.  Captain Earth may be my favourite premiere this Spring season aside from Stardust Crusaders.  It takes a rather unassuming and mundane concept for a mecha show and makes it absolutely polished to a point I was left dumbstruck that it was much better than I’d thought it’d be.

So our everyteen, Daichi, is one without a father, who went off and sacrificed his life to stop some AEO (Approaching-Earth Object) from entering into the atmosphere.  As a result of that, Daichi became shiftless, melancholic, and overall unsure of what to do with his life.  He thankfully isn’t an emo git or a whiny preteen, instead giving us a disposition that’s smoldering with quiet uncertainty, especially with what happened to him in his earlier years.  It’s done in such a way that makes him rather compelling and curious about what would get him out of his rut.

Obviously since this is a mecha anime from Bones and the director of Star Driver, that the malevolent colour-coiffed Planetary Gears, mysterious boys and girls, a secret Earth Defense organization, and a gigantic gem hemorrhoid (or is that “Gemmorhoid”?) behind the Moon will do such, although probably not in that positive, uplifting, go-get-em kindof way.   While all this dump of information, characters, and machinations may seem detrimental to have in the first episode outright, the writing never loses focus on Daichi, and relegates the rest of them to foundation setting, and intrigue building.  It all works exceptionally well that when Daichi finally gets thrust into the pilot seat, it’s all forms of exciting with the gattai, the posing, and then—The episode ends before we can see what would be beautiful action.

And it would be beautiful, because the animation, the character designs, and the music are absolutely gorgeous.  The saddest part in that regard is the sneaking uncertainty that all the visual gorgeousness may go all cheap on us in later episodes.

Still, Captain Earth’s first episode was successful in slipping the girly bonds of its namesake.  Now let’s see if it’ll be successful in punching the face of God.

Also you just CAN’T say no to an anime with an eyecatch that promises us “Everything will be obvious soon.” I mean other anime dance around the issue or blare it out on loudspeakers, but only this would be interesting enough to just tell us by eyecatch to roll with it. — The Juude

Second Opinion!

One giant leap for meh-kind.

So rebellious kid who’s only rebellious by Japan’s standards. Mysterious childhood friend. Naked space girl. Robots powered by libido or something. Dead dad. Angst fence.

I feel like I’ve watched scenes from other anime but with these characters models pasted on. I know how much of a blanket statement that is, with how easy it is to say, “this show reminds me of that show, so it sucks”, but this show really just feels like a bunch of other shows I’ve watched. Taking apart the show on its own terms reveals nothing much some story about a kid coming of age to save the world. It’s not even well executed, so there was never any particular zing this show gave for me. I paused this show three times and only continued because it was still an open tab. That says more about my own laziness, but this anime doesn’t have any grab to it. For a supposed rebel, the main character’s a bore that prefers to focus on flashbacks with his childhood friend/potential lover/alien anal probe-to-be instead of showcase an actual personality. This episode was just him going “Eh, my dad died, so I guess I should follow his footsteps or something. I dunno.”

Then there’s the stuff with the villains who look like the Kiraboshi guys from Star Driver, and they look like they just stepped out of an early 90s anime. They could be interesting in the next few episodes, but there’s not enough of a hook to make me want to find out more about these guys. Should I care why they want to attack Earth, because the Earth in this show seems pretty bland from what I can tell. Even when the world is in danger, I don’t feel any stakes rising. It just feels so humdrum, when even Super Sentai puts more suspense in its fights than this. They don’t even try to show off how cool the robot is or what its strengths are, just throwing a robot on the screen and thinking that alone will be enticing. Where Daimidaler was an in-your-face stupid show that had tons of spirit to it, this is just an average episode where the writers and directors overdosed on Valium. — Bloody Marquis

Daimidaler The Sound Robot: Prince Vs. Penguin Empire

I got nothing.

ROBOTS!

EXPLOSIONS!

BOOBS!

PENGUINS!

LARGE… PROTRUDING… CROTCH THINGS!

DAIMIDALER!

Oh man is this show horseshit, but its well aware of it and that’s what makes it fun. Daimidaler is essentially a parody/love letter to old Go Nagai/Masami Obari robot schlock with its hot blooded hero and fanservice overkill. Its the kind of show nobody wants to watch but once you do, you just can’t turn away from it because… well… DAIMIDALER!

Our hero is Kouichi Mandanbashi, a horrible pervert who has the magic ability to lift schoolgirls’ skirts simply by snapping his fingers. Mandanbashi has been chosen by the secret organization Prince Beauty Parlor to fight the dreaded (snicker) Penguin Empire who are attacking Tokyo with giant stoves and file cabinets (not kidding)! To do this, Mandanbashi has been given a giant robot called Daimidaler which looks like an unfinished Noble Gundam Gunpla and runs on “Hi-ERO Particles. The problem is… Kouichi only generates said particles when he’s touching boobs… yep its one of THOSE shows.

Daimidaler is…shit, I mean that’s obvious just from looking at the synopsis. What works in its favor though is, unlike last year’s Estetica of a Rogue Hero, it’s actually kinda funny, primarily because of how utterly insane it is, but also because the goofy Penguin goons and their “tails” pretty much steal the show out from under everybody’s noses. Not an anime for the faint of heart… clearly. — Lord Dalek

Dragonar Academy

This girl is named Navi. I like to pretend it's the same character from Zelda.

Funimation sure picked a winner with this one. I mean, okay, it’s not the worst thing ever, but I have to wonder what possessed them to license this. The first episode of Dragonar Academy is young adult fantasy writing at its most mediocre; not truly horrible, but not enticing enough to keep your eyelids from drooping. Indeed, a total train wreck would have been preferable to something of such middling quality. It’s not good enough to be exciting or bad enough to be enjoyable – it just exists. And it’s really, really boring.

Ash Blake (don’t you just love that name?) is a “problem child,” which really just means that he’s a nice guy who flies off the handle when people act like dicks to him. At the beginning of the episode, he gets impregnated against his will by a voluptuous woman. (It’s neither as creepy nor as interesting as it sounds.) From there, he attends classes which deliver hearty exposition in between bouts of talking to his best friend who also delivers hearty exposition. There is no showing in Dragonar Academy, only telling. There seems to be some kind of war going on outside the hallowed walls of our prestigious dragon raising/riding school, but focusing on that over potential harem and ecchi antics would be laaaame! Hooray for tsundere princesses and humongous breasts! Praise be to light novelists everywhere!

The animation is about what you’d expect from a fantasy light novel adaptation taking place at Hogwarts a magic dragon-rider academy. Indeed, this series somehow manages to look even cheaper than all but the most obscure recent anime. I hope you like still frames, looped backgrounds, wonky walk cycles, and off-model facial expressions! I’m struggling to think of anything I liked about this episode. Nothing even amused me on a “so bad it’s good” level. There is a dragon race in this installment, but it fails to match up with the kinetic energy of Inferno Cop‘s race episode. The music was okay, I guess? Though if I never have to listen to that ending theme again, it’ll be too soon. — Foggle

Haikyu!!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from repeated viewings of Top Gun, it’s that volleyball is an exceedingly manly sport traditionally played only by the most masculine specimens of our species.

…Ahem. Going into Haikyu!! with no knowledge of its manga, I naturally expected it to be fanservicey fujoshi-bait like Free!; thankfully, I was wrong. The first episode of this anime is utterly fantastic and filled with emotion, somehow managing to do what I once thought impossible: make me interested in watching a game of volleyball. I greatly enjoyed the lead character’s determination, even if it’s nothing new for the shounen sports genre, and I found both the flashbacks and present day match to be absolutely exhilarating. For someone who isn’t a fan of the sport (like me), the production values and writing both go a long way toward making this episode not only watchable, but genuinely exciting. The animation is second to none, phenomenal in a way that surprised me even as a product of the typically-excellent Production I.G. The art style is unique and wonderfully expressive, providing a lot of character to everything from the players to the setting. I swear, the atmosphere is so spot on that at one point I could legitimately smell the court (though perhaps that’s just because I haven’t showered in days).

This is a very well-paced installment from a narrative standpoint. The flashbacks interspersed throughout effectively show us how and why Shoyo reached the point he begins the episode at without slowing down the action one bit. Another aspect of Haikyu!! I must praise is the soundtrack, including the opening and ending themes; it’s all very energetic and gets the blood pumping nicely. Overall, this is just a really good opener to what I assume will be a really good series. I don’t typically go for sports anime, but damn this was great. The fantastic art/animation, awesome music, and fun yet heartfelt writing all ensure that I’ll be keeping up with it in the weeks to come. — Foggle

Hero Bank

Based on a game that came out in Japan not even a month ago as of this writing, Hero Bank is set in a world where kids particapte in a popular cybersport where they don virtual cartooney-sets of armour called “Hero Suits” and fight each other in a virtual boxing ring in fron of an audience of millions. Our story follows elementary-student Kaito Gosho and their friends, whom like any self-respecting elementary student, use their money from volunteer school work to rent more Hero Suits for their virtual hobby.

Hero Bank is enjoyable for what it is. The characters are your typical toyetic battle-anime archetypes, and the premise is simple and appealing to the target audience, and the fights are good enough to appeal to older and younger viewers alike. If you want some lighhearted kid-friendly entertainment, then check it out, just don’t expect another Gundam Build Fighters. — Rynnec

The Irregular at Magic High School

...kill me now.

(PLAY AT HOME TIME! Nearly the entire cast of Oreimo is in this in different roles! Try to make your own awkward character associatations!)

Thirty years from now, World War III will be fought using magic instead of thermonuclear weaponry …are you following me? SIXTY YEARS LATER, magic has become less of a parlour trick but more of a way of life …STILL following me? In 2095, Japan’s school for magic users is a rather nasty caste system where undesirables are branded “weeds” …which the writer of the original web novel was clearly on.

One such weed is ex-child soldier (I can’t believe I just typed that) Tatsuya Shiba, who, despite sounding an awful lot like everybody’s favorite delinquent Tomoya Okazaki, seems to be a bit more responsible and caring despite his rather unfortunate position in life. Oh yeah he has a sister named Miyuki, who sounds an awful lot like Hayase and uses ice magic, but is mostly there to serve as incest bait (I CAN believe I just typed that). Really nothing happened this week. It’s all meant to establish that A: Blooms are assholes, B: Weeds are people too (I can’t believe I just typed that), and C: Tatsuya’s probably a faker, jury’s still out on that last one.

Mahouka has basically been designated as “THE NEXT SWORD ART!!!OMG!!!” by Aniplex and they’ve really gone all out to sell this show as such by reusing the bulk of that show’s cast (excluding Ayana Taketatsu for some reason) and even bringing in LiSA to record the same damn song she’s been singing since Fate/Zero. And… like its predecessor, its also an immediately forgettable, incredibly uncomfortable, incest show…except this time the imouto is Sachi instead of Kirino, yay for web novel shows! The animation is done by Madhouse instead of A-1, and considering they just made a bland forgettable post-apocalyptic series about kids in a magic school, they seem to have slipped into this show rather seamlessly. Happily Kajiura was not invited to do the music, so instead we have Iwasaki who adds a neat wakkachawakka and not much else.

Basically only for those who want to spend half an hour hearing Saori Hayami say “onisama!” every 45 seconds. — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Anime is running out of ideas.  The Irregular at Magic High School is evident of it. We have the same old archetypical shows every season – last season we had Magical Warfare, which was typical magical anime fare, also animated by Madhouse, and does anyone even remember it? The problem is, even with it’s somewhat unique premise of magic being utilized by technology and created by technology, Irregular’s execution is painfully boring, and its dialogue and pacing is a pure example of this.

The characters are archetypical to the bone. Here, we have our main protagonist, Tatsuya Shiba, whose only major defining characteristic is that, as of Episode 1, he doesn’t have one – he just looks bland, like Kirito from Sword Art Online. His waif- I mean, sister, Miyuki Shiba, is the most insulting moeblob I’ve ever witnessed, and the show itself comments on that. Watch Irregular with some bourbon and take a shot every time Miyuki says ‘Onii-sama’ – you will be dead halfway through this episode, and I do not exaggerate in any way.

The problem with Irregular is that we’ve seen this whole charade before. This is not surprising, considering its source material is a light novel that is serialized in ASCII Media Work’s Dengeki Bunko imprint which also brought us such classics such as Accel World, the Shakugan no Shana series, A Certain Magical Index, Golden Time, Oreimo and as mentioned previously, Sword Art Online and Magical Warfare. Some Dengeki Bunko products are exceptional, such as Durarara!!, Kino’s Journey and Toradora!, because these franchises have character, unique plotlines and memorable characters, where Irregular does not – the only thing I remember from watching this episode was how much Miyuki annoyed me with her moebabble and her obvious incestuous romantic love towards her boring as fuck brother.

All the characters are, again, archetypical. Tatsuya is broody, Miyuki is waifu bait, Mizuki Shibata is the typical glasses girl pandering to the medium, Erika Chiba is the tomboy, Mayumi Saegusa is the mysterious student council president with an obvious past shrouded in mystery and Leonheart might as well be Tatsuya’s perverted best friend who banters and argues with Erika. The show is so mundane and insipid, it’s obvious that Aniplex has its fingerprints all over it –  a LiSA opening that starts off unique but devolves into Fate/zero’s Oath Sign and Sword Art Online’s Crossing Field? Yup. Involves magic? Yup. Incest? Oh yes.

Perhaps the best aspect to come out of this show is Tatsuya and Miyuki’s relationship – it seems the show is aware of the incestuous overtones – and it is so painfully evident that Miyuki dearly loves her brother more than she should. The show labels Miyuki as ‘moe’  – and coming from someone who has watched all of K-ON! and so much more KyoAni shit, Miyuki is not cute in the slightest, and it seems her life revolves around her brother. Wherever she appears on screen, she will run into the arms of Tatsuya and fawn over him relentlessly. Her voice is high-pitched, and she has a perpetual blush plastered on her face, which turns even redder when Tatsuya compliments her. Her entire life revolves around Tatsuya – and when she fights in battle, she is a healer on the sidelines, which says an awful lot about her in the show – she literally does nothing. She is an otaku’s wet dream – obeying to her brother’s every need. She is just there to appease her brother and even get uncomfortably controlling over him at times, asking him ‘if he’s dating anyone’ with a creepy smile etched across her face and getting angry when people ignore him.

The animation, provided by Madhouse, is adequate enough, and the action scenes are animated exceptionally and are well made, even though their choreographing is utterly forgettable. The character designs are also forgettable and are typical fare and typical is a word you are going to hear a lot surrounding Irregular. The music, composed by Taku Iwasaki of Gatchaman Crowds and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fame, provides the soundtrack which I could barely hear in this episode as the editor obviously preferred the sub-par voice acting and sound effects to enjoyable music. With what I heard of the soundtrack, it might very well be the best thing to come out of this waste of an anime, along with the incest which has yet to fully bloom.

This show will fall flat on its face, and I look forward to when it turns into a beautiful trainwreck, and I can’t wait to see it crash, burn and amalgamate into a Guilty Crown-like extravaganza. — Mahou(ka)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

Atta boy Jotaro!

So Jotaro’s kind of a dick but can you blame him? His grandpa was when he was his age. There are evil spirts called Stands that are currently “haunting” the Joestar-clan no thanks to a certain Mr. Brando. Joseph’s an old man now and can predict the future by trashing very expensive Polaroids. Avdol has hair plugs…literally. And… Yeah… you know what… why bother recapping IT’S FUCKING JOJO’S!!!

So yes, it took em a horrible anime about video game consoles as annoying little girls, but David has finally gotten back to doing the Kimyou no Bouken thing they promised this time last year. JoJo’s 3 already feels different oweing to the fact that the studio has money now and legitimate CGI to play with outside of the Ops. The music (by the Psycho-Pass guy) isn’t nearly as fuck awesome amazing as Taku’s Battle Tendency score and actually very little transpires this week since we’re still in exposition mode. But really… who cares… IT’S JOJO’S!!!!

Yeah… just watch it… like right now… seriously Crunchy finally got through the redtape… NO EXCUSES!!!! — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Jotaro Water Sports

This show was boring and I slept through the part where AvdolAbdulAbsol made his chicken monster appear. Meh.

I know everyone’s been hyping this show to no end, but I just can’t get into it. The animation that’s been amped up from last season really has no sway over the Nisekoi-watching fan that I am. I mean, should I be entertained by characters like Joseph Joestar or Mega Absol? I would rather watch WIXOSS if I want true action, because moe girls tickle my mantitties more than any Pokemon could. And yes, I say Pokemon, because the Stands are clearly Pokemon. *yawn* If I wanted that, I’d go watch Cartoon Network. I really want to be respectful, but this was so boring. There weren’t any underage girls or J-Pop to keep me interested. Instead, there was this old lady named Holly or something. She’s not even a MILF, so why bother? I can’t be bothered to watch these shows when I have classics like Moetan and Demashita Dexter’s Lab Z to watch. Now if you excuse me, I have to google image search some Demi Lovato pictures back when she was on Barney to make my penis happy. — DarkSydePhivaitor

Kamigami no Asobi

The love story of the decade.

Based on a otome visual novel by Nippon Ichi, and animated by Brains Base, Kamigami no Asobi follows Yui Kusanagi (no known relation to Motoko Kusanagi, or Kyo Kusanagi), a swords practicioner and daughter of a Shinto Shrine, as she is transported into a mysterious, fantasy land populated by various mythological gods in the form of bishounen. Eventually, she meets Zeus (who can apparently change into a shota at will) whom tasks her with the responsibility of teaching the bishie gods about humanity and love and other BS like that, because reasons.

Okay, right off the bat this premise raises a few questions. 1) Why did they choose a highschooler who’s only just about to graduate highschool to educate gods that are older than her by millenia? 2) Why only one, Shinto practicing girl? Shouldn’t Zeus have pulled more people from different religions? Which ties into 3)Why only one girl? Having multiple teachers would probably give these gods a fairer assessment of humanity. 4)One of the gods is named “Loki Leviathan”, like, WTF? Those two aren’t even from the same freaking myth! 5) Why am I getting the feeling that I put more thought into this than the writers did?

Naturally the answer to all these questions can be answered with: the writers didn’t give a shit and just wanted an excuse to have reverse-harem bishie god antics. We have all the archetypes here, each one more unremarkable and forgetable than the last. We have a mysterious emo-loner, a pimp-kun, a tsun, a megane, and probably a bunch of others I’m forgetting because wow, these guys did not leave much of an impression at all. I know this is only the first episode and all, but damn where these guys generic and forgettable as fuck. I mean seriously, they could have been striking the most fabulous JoJo poses and everything, and I would still be hard pressed to remember anything about them, and that’s just sad. These are supposed to be Gods for heavens sake (har har), you’d think they’d leave more of an impression, but nope. There was also some actiony prologue, it had all the gods flying around and magical boy transformations, because why the fuck not? It was even less exciting than it sounds. In the end, if reverse harems don’t interest you, don’t even bother checking this out, if you are, then go for it, but you probably won’t even remember seeing it. — Rynnec

Majin Bone

Goddamn do I have a majin bone right now.

I seriously can’t get over how someone actually decided to name this series Majin Bone. I’m sorry, I know it’s immature, but I simply can’t stop snickering at that. Majin friggin’ Bone. I mean, really?

Anyway, outside of the main character’s unwavering obsession with porno mags, this is just your stereotypical children’s action anime, right down to the elemental icons copy-pasted directly from Pokemon cards on the logo. Jarring CG superhero fights? Check. Brooding, edgy, bishounen antagonists? Also check. Dimwitted best friend? That’s another check. It’s hard to fault children’s entertainment for being stereotypical, but when it’s clear that the voice actors have outright stopped trying to deliver their stilted lines with any sort of gravitas, I find it impossible to care about the paint by numbers characters or dull storytelling. The plot can be best summed up as something something robot suits something something exploding rocks something something chosen one. I guess the dog was kind of cute, though.

Toei tries their best to deliver animation at least on par with whoever makes The Fairly OddParents, and it goes about as well as you’d expect from the studio behind such polished gems as Toriko and Zatch Bell. The CG seems to move at twice the frame rate of the 2D drawings, while the more traditional animation just feels… off. The character designs don’t jive with the backgrounds well, and though everything moves at least somewhat fluidly, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had gone wrong with the production somewhere. It might just be me, but I found the episode fairly uncomfortable to watch at times due to the way it was animated. That’d be great if this were a second season of Flowers of Evil, but it’s not, and thus Majin Bone just left me feeling confused and violated as it climaxed. — Foggle

Mangaka-san and Assistant-san

When I asked myself if I should even write about this show.

This anime is 10 minutes shorter than the average show. It’s like a half-chub that you’ve got to improvise with. Unfortunately, this show knows how to handle a half-chub as much as a Mormon schoolgirl. Yet again, Saori Hayami becomes waifubait to Kirito for something that manages to have less to do with mangakas than Mangirl. It’s stupid, with every joke amounting to “How touchable are breasts?” or “What’s a good panty angle?” It’s Seitokai. You could be watching Seitokai instead of this, even if that show’s arguably worse. If there’s anything good from this, it’s at least the closest we’ll ever get to an animated version of those Sword Art chapters Kawahara is ashamed of. — Bloody Marquis

Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers

That was awesome…

…for the 30 seconds or so of the Animu’d Avengers fighting their villains in a sequence that really puts the entirety of Avengers Assemble to abject shame.  Unfortunately after those 30 seconds are up in the prologue I was treated to perhaps the most banal toyetic product tie-ins.  You’d think with something hot like Marvel being present this’d be pretty good, but in the realm of endearing toyetic card games shows nowadays… but  it’s less a Buddy Fight and more a Buddy Fuck-up.

Hell the Avengers don’t even FIGURE into the show most of the time.  The focus is mostly on your atypical set of DigiDestined knockoffs, with the main guy whisked off to New York because Daddy dearest is helping Tony Stark plan some disk technology.  Then when he gets there, he just stands around, talks, and is essentially a very very very very VERY passive character.  The others don’t really figure in much either, from punk badass, girl, to meek Avengers fanboy.  Hell the Avengers, and even the many heroes (if you can call Dr. Orpheus plus Mop wig and Iron Mullet that to name a few), do absolutely nothing either.  They wasted the entire action budget on that 30 second scene and as a result they just…. Stand around, do nothing, or mingle.  Even that asinine United We Stand cartoon at least in its first episode had SOME semblance of what Avengers usually do (i.e. punch people and blow stuff up).

Also apart from the Marvel villains there’s some incredibly lame bad guys with Carnival masks running around and doing Terroristy stuff…  But again, they don’t do much of either.  Would it have been easy to just use a roster of Marvel Villain grunts like Chemisto, Crimson Dynamo, and the like in their place?  It probably was, but the show didn’t like the idea and dropped it, the bastards.

They don’t care, and neither should you. — The Juude

(EDITOR’S NOTE: At the time of publication, Marvel Disc Wars has actually not yet been subbed by Crunchyroll or any of the fan groups.  Its just THAAAAAAAAAT GOOD! — LD)

Mushishi Zoku Shou

The average reaction of every character in this show.

Look who calls. Ginko and his weekly round of folk tales have returned to provide stories of mystery and surreal horror. Personal tragedies become tied to spirits, and give life to what should have stayed inanimate. It feels like the show never left, with that sense of uncertain dread always looming in the corner while Ginko can barely act to negate these eldritch dreams. Even when being an episode about an old guy talking to his sake, there’s that personal touch where the director really focuses on how the characters deal, with Mushi imagery and forlorn narration to make something whimsical and alien.

But in case you never watched the first Mushishi, be warned that this show is slow. It’s like waiting for freshly brewed tea to cool, and expects you to concentrate deeply as you wade through the episodes. For the impatient viewer, twenty minutes can feel like five hours as you wonder when the hell Ginko will show up. This show broods more than most art films, with the most action this week being a guy pouring sake in a cup. I know that none of that sounds particularly appetizing, but the show can be a rewarding experience if you can plow ahead. Whatever you do though, don’t watch the live-action movie with Kuuga. That was lame. — Bloody Marquis

Riddle Story of Devil

It's just a flick of the wrist.

Sakura Trick, this is not. While that was cute fluff, this is hard, edgy and dark. In a school with mostly female assassins, Azuma Tokaku enters the scene. She seems to be the cold, silent lone wolf type. Her target is another high school girl but all the other students in class are assassins in training as well. Tokaku’s target being Haru, a nice and kind girl who wouldn’t be out of place in a Slice of life story. Heck, the first thing she does is hand out charm bracelets to everyone in class. Granted, she seems to harbor a dark secret which I am sure will be revealed sooner rather then later.

The episode sets up this plot and establish the characters. They include Inukai Isuke, a twisted ojou-sama; Hashiri Nio, the blonde girl who’s catty; Sagae Haruki aka PockyKyoko-chan; Nanatame Chitaru, the slightly prince-like one; Kirigaya Hitsugi, the loli despite being the same age as the rest. Banba Shinya/Mahiro, the silver haired girl with split personality possibly. Of course, these assassins are quite naughty behaving and are about as subtle as a sledge hammer. Then again, if there were ninjas, I would gripe about more. Of course, they are one step removed from wearing signs reading “hell yeah im an assassin”.

This is an intriguing start. Not much happens outside of plot and character establishment, but that’s ok so long as we get to the action quickly (in more ways then one). The animation is solid but unremarkable, kind of like with Campione. What action is in the first episode is short, quick and effective. It has a lot of fun with different color filters and darker atmospherics, making me think they are aping Studio Shaft. Also, the yuri at this point is rather subtextual but I suspect this will change fairly quickly.

Of course, its got quite a rocking OP and ED, with plenty of what one can expect; sleazy cheesecake and violent battles. Bring it on! — The Eclectic Dude

Second Opinion!

It’s a well known fact that any story can be improved by adding lesbians to it. It’s also a well known fact that assassins make everything cooler. So what happens when you make a story about lesbian assasssins? If it’s not the coolest fucking thing in the goddamn world, then you’re doing something wrong.

Adapted from a manga written by  Yun Koga, and drawn by Minao Sunakata, and directed by Keizo Kusakawa of Lyrical Nanoha fame, Riddle Story of Devil follows the relationship between top assassin Azuma Tokaku, and the seemingly sweet and innocent Ichinose Haru. The first episode of Riddle Story is focused  on setting up the plot and characters, and despite not much happening, it sure does leave an impression. The animation is nice, the show itself looks pretty, the music and art style are good, and characters make over-the-top murderous facial expressions at the drop of a hat, and murderous facial expressions are always a good thing. The characters are already bright with personality, even if they are standard archetypes. You have the stoic, no-nonsense assassin, the nice girl, the sexy assassin, the laidback assassin, the shy-yet-batshit-crazy assassin, and some dude that looks and acts vaguely similar to BlazBlue’s Hazama voiced by Tomokazu “the Bloodedge” Sugita. Could this show be any more legit?  There wasn’t much in the way of action, but the OP does show promise of crazy over-the-top assassin fights, hopefully the show will be able to deliver on that promise.  As for the main relationship, Tokaku and Haru had some very cute scenes together, and I already like their dynamic. Watching their relationship develop will be very interesting, especially with hints already showing the Haru may not be entirely what she seems.

Watching Riddle Story felt like watching an adaptation of an edgy YA-novel, but with lesbians instead of straight, white people, and at least some sense of self-awareness (I think), and that’s enough for me to jump on board.  In a season that is sure to be dominated by JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Riddle Story of Devil shows potential to stand out from an otherwise unremarkable spring season of unfabulous anime, and possibly, along with Stardust Crusaders, help fill the void of fantastic over-the-top action anime left by Kill la Kill. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to squeal like a fangirl. — Rynnec

Rowdy Sumo Wrestler Matsutaro!!

When I first heard about Aberenbou Kishi!! Matsutaro, an anime based on a classic long-running manga written and penned by Ashita no Joe artist, Tetsuya Chiba, I was initially very excited. Then I learned Toei was making the anime. My expectations immediately lowered. I hold a grudge against Toei for their work on Toriko, a neutered adaption of a fun battle-adventure manga, as well as their padding and filler-heavy work on One Piece in recent years, which has turned that series into the epitome of tedium. But I’d say what I dislike the most about them is their cheap, minimal animation, sure to make any exciting scene a bore, and generally not pleasant to look at.

So naturally, I had misgivings about Matsutaro from the onset. Going into a Toei show, one does not expect it to look nice. However, Ashita no Joe is my favorite manga, and while that series was written by the prolific Asao Takamori, Tetsuya Chiba’s artwork plays a huge part in the quality of that series, expertly capturing the emotions of the characters, and featuring some of the most expressive body language I’ve seen in a manga that was not drawn up by the God of manga, Osamu Tezuka, himself. So I figured I owed it to one-half of the pair responsible for my favorite manga to check out this story, and since there is no way to read the manga of Matsutaro in the U.S. at all, I wanted to give the anime a shot. I was confident that Chiba’s storytelling would be as good as his artwork, and I held a faint hope that Toei would treat a classic series with more effort and respect than they do with their modern stuff.

After watching the first episode, though, I find that the things I most take issue with the show are actually not about Toei’s direction. Oh, don’t get me wrong, this is far from well-animated. It is as cheap as modern Toei gets, and worse, overuses stylistic tricks with recycled animation and images, not to mention an overuse of speed lines. The show’d look a lot worse if Chiba’s artwork wasn’t so effortlessly expressive, and Matsutaro’s facial expressions and body language do a great job establishing his character here. Except, that’s exactly the problem. Matsutaro is a wholly, utterly, despicable character.

His actions in the first five minutes of the episode do more than enough to alienate instead of endear. When we first see Matsutaro, he’s sleeping in class during the middle of a test, snoring loudly. He wakes up, proceeds to pick his nose, and then sneezes snot all over the classroom, drops of it landing on other people’s desks. He proceeds to knock the student in front of him out of his seat, steal his test, and proceed to copy the answers from it. Blatantly. Loudly. Why the teacher does not stop him when he should clearly be able to see this, I do not know. Then we learn he’s a young adult (we never get an exact age, but physically he looks like he’s in his late teens at least), and that somehow he’s still in middle school because – he’s dumb, apparently. He goes to the faculty room, makes lecherous comments about a female teacher with a side of fart jokes for good measure. He continues to taunt his teacher, and naturally, gets kicked out of school for the day.

That is our introduction to Matsutaro. Appealing, isn’t he?

But perhaps these first impressions are just misleading, as is with so many a shady shonen protagonist like Eikichi Onizuka or Shogo Chikaishi? Yes, I’m sure that while Matsutaro has the exterior of a delinquent, he’s really a good guy at heart. Right? NOPE. The first thing he does out of school is to kick sand on a sleeping dog. He then proceeds to throw water on some old ladies just because they (rightfully) told him he was irresponsible and that pissed him off, and then he pisses on some random person’s home – even though his own house is literally next door. Okay, so he acts like an asshole, but maybe he really cares about his family and friends and works hard to help them out? NOPE. Apparently he lets his mother exhaust herself at work all day while he loafs around going home from school early, is completely unconcerned about his hungry younger siblings, eating the last bento box himself, and to rub salt in the wound he proceeds to steal a lollipop from his little baby brother. Oh, not only that, but he makes sure to tease the baby by liking the lollipop slowly before taking a big chomp into it, completely remorseless even when the baby starts to bawl.

Wow, what a swell guy, huh? Did I mention he almost runs over this baby with a large truck later on in the episode, and doesn’t even bat an eye? Did I also mention his siblings aren’t pissed off that he almost killed his own brother? They aren’t even at all concerned about the baby, running up and hugging it or crying at the experience or nothing. Their response is literally to shake their fists and yell “Idiot! Learn to drive!” That’s it. Yes, because this was just some wacky driving mishap. Their baby brother totally didn’t just almost get run over and suffer a near-death experience, nope. This was just another one of Matsutaro’s lovable wacky shenanigans! Babies almost being hit by trucks is so hilarious, am I right? Matsutaro is such a funny, lovable character, isn’t he?

If you don’t immediately hate Matsutaro from that one scene alone, don’t worry. Throughout the episode, he bumbles and stumbles about being a dick to everyone and everything he sees, picking his nose and saying rude and awful things. Not once does he do something remotely selfless, and most of time we just see him bulling people into giving him what he wants, whether it be a test, a lollipop, a truck, or some dinner (which he only gets for himself, without once thinking about maybe getting some food for his hungry siblings, who you know, haven’t eaten anything at all the entire day, unlike him). Eventually, he gets drunk, kidnaps the teacher he has a crush on, tries to force himself on her, and finally crashes the truck (which he basically car-jacked) into a bathhouse. Then he gets arrested. The end.

Now – let’s make a comparison here to a Mr. Yabuki Joe from the aforementioned Ashita no Joe. Like Matsutaro, Joe wasn’t exactly the nicest guy in the world in the beginning of his story, but he also didn’t go out of his way to bully people into giving him stuff or was an asshole to everyone he met. Okay, yeah, he beat up a gang of kids – but they attacked him first, and with weapons, and it was in self-defense. Yes, he exploits Danpei’s trust in him initially for food and shelter, without any desire to actually become a boxer, but it was clear he was doing what he did because that was how he knew how to survive. He was alone, a street rat, drifting aimlessly, only thinking of self-preservation. He had a visibly rough life as a young vagabond with no place to call home, so he took what he could get and advantage of what he could. Joe might have done some pretty bad things, but he had perfectly understandable reasons for acting how he did in the beginning of the story, and was hence a fairly sympathetic protagonist.

Matsutaro? He has a family. He has a home. He has access to public education. He has a friend. He has a job. And though it’s clear money is tight since his family is short on food, from his blithe, slothful behavior it’s clear he hasn’t a care in the world and seems to live reasonably well. There is no sign that’s he’s had a hard life or been through any adversity that has conditioned him to act the way he does. On the contrary, all evidence indicates that he is a self-centered, spoiled man-child. He’s lived an easy, effortless life, and seems to be exploiting his natural size and strength in order to cajole others into submitting to his demands and taking things from those weaker than him. Despite the fact his mother is over-worked and his younger siblings struggle to subsist themselves on a day to day basis, he is content to laze about, forever stuck in middle school by choice and just because he has a crush on one of the female teachers, and he hoards money and food away from his family, without feeling any guilt in doing so. There is nothing remotely sympathetic about him, nor is there any admirable aspect to his personality, unless, of course, you enjoy your protagonists to be insufferable malcontents.

The worst part is that there is nothing about Matsutaro that is remotely interesting. Yabuki Joe might’ve been abrasive at times, but he had a charming roughness and wit to him that made him fun to watch. He makes you want to see more of him, and learn more about him. With Matsutaro, we see him jerk around like an idiot, and that’s that. We don’t get a hint that there’s more to this guy, or see any layers to his personality. We only get a single, shallow exterior, without any hint of depth. And because of his actions, we are left disgusted with him, and don’t want anything more to do with him. He is a repulsive character in both his behavior and as a protagonist we are meant to enjoy.

To move away from Matsutaro and on to the plot of the episode, I must say that the pacing here felt awfully slow, making most of what happens feel like a chore to regard, and making Matsutaro’s antics all the more irritating. Aside from being beat over the head with how much of an asshole he is, we don’t really get to know anything about most of the other characters and they fail to strike me as more than typical archetypes. There is also not a lick of wrestling in this episode, even though, you know, that’s what this show is about. While Ashita no Joe also didn’t start out with much boxing early on, there is not even a hint of the idea Matsutaro will become a wrestler in this episode. I mean, yes, we learn he is strong when he pulls up a cart of coal with his bare hands after the winch breaks, and we see him dent a truck with a headbutt, and so on, but there is never a connection made to wrestling or a mention of the sport at all in this episode. If you showed this episode to someone without telling them it’s about a sumo wrestler or showing them the opening, I bet most people would assume the show is just about a meandering, desultory delinquent that hops about picking his nose with a goofy grin, plundering people out of their possessions, and headbutting shit when he gets mad. The episode fails to establish the concept of the show or make it’s titular character endearing, and as a result, leaves little to hook anyone into watching future installments.

I wasn’t expecting a series on the level of Ashita no Joe going into this. I expected that, under Toei, there would be a fair amount of problems with the look and pacing of the show. But, I did expect a good story with engaging characters that would make me interested in keeping up with it. I didn’t get that. Instead, I was greeted with a grotesque, inconsiderate oaf with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, dull story, boring side-characters, and all this alongside the usual Toei cheapness. Perhaps we are actually meant to see Matsutaro as a brick-headed bastard? Perhaps we are supposed to hate him now so that when he finds his calling as a sumo wrestler and makes a heel-turn we’ll applaud his transformation into a decent human being? Who knows. The AnJ fan in me wants to give this series more chances. After all, a manga that ran for 25 years and for 36 volumes has to have had something about it that kept bringing people back. But, I just don’t see it here. There is nothing to enjoy about this first episode; it’s an uncomfortable, tedious, and obnoxious experience start to finish. And as far as sports anime go, this one doesn’t look like it’ll provide much in the way of action anytime soon. Crunchyroll is now streaming the second anime of AnJ under the title Champion Joe 2.  Watch that instead. I love Chiba’s work on AnJ, but this show seems to prove he’s a much better artist than a writer. That, or Toei has just just tainted yet another good series as they so often do. Either way, who’s to blame really doesn’t matter. As it is, Aberenbou Kishi!! Matsutaro simply has nothing going for it, except to see just how awful a human being can possibly be before repercussions belatedly stall his wanton path. — Cartoon X

Second Opinion!

So there first thing I want to point out, just to correct so many false accreditation of this series (including from ANN of all places), is that the mangaka, Chiba Tetsuya, is NOT the creator of AnJ, or at best merely one of its creators. He was merely the artist of that series, which was authored by the late Asao Takamori. The reason I want to make that clear is so that you don’t wrongly judge one series based on how….godawfully disgusting this one is.

Alright, for clarification, I don’t meant disgusting in the obvious sense of the word (it only gets about as disgusting as a guy picking his nose-hairs and urinating in public, anyways….), but rather that Matsutaro is one of the most despicably unlikable characters that I’ve seen in an anime in recent years. He’s a delinquent who cheats, steals from people (including candy from a baby….who is also his own fucking sibling), causes massive property damage while putting people’s lives in danger (once again, including his own baby sibling), and kidnaps a woman while drunk. Alright, well clearly this is following the Joe Yabuki formula of starting out as a total jerk-wad and coming into his own over time….except, what are his redeeming qualities? He has none? What is interesting or insightful about his character? Absolutely zilch. Joe Yabuki was a compelling character from the get-go because he lived in a harsh environment where everyone had to fend for themselves to survive, and even then, his shenanigans weren’t directly meant to hurt innocent people. Furthermore, his character clearly being representative of the struggle of the lower-call from post-WWII Japan gave him some symbolic meaning, and there were even traces of greater depth to his character than what was on the surface, compelling you to watch further and see what became of him. In the case of Matsutaro, the damage is already done without any indication of redemption. Even if Matsutaro does start to get his act together as is probably the predictable path he will take when he pursues sumo wrestling, it doesn’t excuse anything that he’s done up until now.

I’d like to give Chiba Tetsuya the benefit of the doubt since I’ve never read the original manga, and I would like to believe it hadn’t persisted for 36 volumes spanning over a decade of serialization of the entire series was like this tripe. But it certainly doesn’t help that his story is being adapted by the infamous corner-cutting Toei Animation studios. They show absolutely no effort into taking Chiba’s expressive and vibrant art-style and doing it any justice with fitting animation. Instead we just have a glorified slide-show which looks even cheaper than a motion comic. Perhaps this series could find its stride later on, but this first episode really turned me off. I recommend passing this one up for now. It’s just not worth your time. — Ensatsu-ken

Selector Infected WIXOSS

Moe~

This is a card game anime made by J.C. Staff. I’m sure you can connect the dots and determine its quality from there.

Nope, you’re wrong; it’s actually pretty good! Not so much due to the plot or characters, but more because of the direction, atmosphere, and storytelling. The concept on its own is nothing special – a shy girl starts playing a trading card game where the cards are ~alive~ (oooooEEEEEooooo), and if she becomes the best player, her wish(es) will be granted – but the execution is fairly solid. I particularly liked the background art; it’s simple, yet grungy, with a very raw look to it. This goes a long way toward establishing an effective mood that the episode manages to keep up throughout via well-placed music cues and quality directing by Takuya Satou, who most will know as “the Steins;Gate guy.” Though the characters themselves are mostly bland, the script is pretty tight – a first for what I’ve experienced from this genre. While many card battling shows rely far too much on exposition to get their rules and such across, that doesn’t really happen here. What little expository dialogue there is is rather inoffensive and necessary. It’s not award-winning writing by any means, but far better than what I’d feared.

I had little to no expectations going into WIXOSS, though I heard mention of it being similar to Madoka Magica in no small way. This is, simply put, not true. I mean, I guess that thing from my screen cap looks kind of like Kyubey? And, uh, it’s dark? The main characters are young girls? I dunno, man, I got nothing. It’s not wholly original, but it’s very much its own thing. It doesn’t seem to enter ripoff territory at any point (at least, it doesn’t steal from anything I’ve seen). I feel like people will do anything to discredit a series that’s bland on the surface without ever really giving it a chance. But why even watch anime if you’re just planning on prejudging every show before pressing play? WIXOSS is no masterpiece, but the fact that it’s somehow already gotten such a bad rep is disheartening to me. If nothing else, the direction and background work are above par. Oh, and the opening and ending themes are also quite good.

As a bit of an aside, can someone PLEASE tell Funimation to stop italicizing the honorifics in their streaming subs? I find it very distracting for some reason. Oh, and I’m calling it now: Tama is a psychopath who gets off on blood and violence. — Foggle

Second Opinion!

Tama knows what this anime needs.

WIXOSS is a card game that’s sweeping the nation, and is especially popular among teenage girls. Among a select few teenage players, there is a special “Ruling Card” with a sentience of its own. These “Selectors” do battle with each other in a special dimension where the cards become real, whoever is the ultimate victor of these battles becomes the “Eternal Girl”, and has their wishes come true. Such is the premise of Yu-gi-Shaman-Stay/Night-Magica-Rock Shooter-HiMe-Lander-Bell-Oh! Battle Brawlers. Or Selector Infected WIXOSS for short.

If you couldn’t tell, Selector Infected WIXOSS is your standard card-battling anime with a little edge to it to attract fans of Madoka Magica and the Black Rock Shooter anime. You have your everyday newbie-protagonist complete with a cute and adorable little mascot card that barely speaks actual words for maximum cuteness. The eager, Joey Wheeler variety character who befriends the protagonist, and we may even get our own Seto Kaiba-style douchebag rival, give or take a few episodes. There’s even a price to play for losing too many times to raise the stakes (lose 3 times and the ruling card goes bye-bye). Unfortunately the one thing that wasn’t explained that well were the actual rules of the card game itself. There wasn’t even a proper introductary battle, which is dissapointing for those wanting some card battle action.

In the end, there’s not much I can say about WIXOSS, other than it’s a vehicle for selling trading cards, and that’s pretty much it. Maybe that’ll change in a few episodes, but for now, all I can say is that if you like card battle shows, then check it, otherwise just take a wait and see approach. — Rynnec

The World is Still Beautiful

The most beautiful part of the world.

This is certainly more original than most fantasy anime these days. Whether or not that actually makes it better is up for debate, but at least The World is Still Beautiful doesn’t feature any magic academies or incest shipping. The protagonist is fairly likable, the production values are good by Pierrot standards, the comedy isn’t hilarious but adds a nice sense of fun to the episode (outside of the fact that it contains the only fourth wall-breaking rape joke I’ve ever seen), and yet… I just couldn’t bring myself to care. It wasn’t exactly boring, but it barely held my interest. Maybe it was the pacing, or the directing, but it felt a bit bland to me. I don’t mean to say it’s outright dull, just kind of flavorless. The ingredients are all there to make a good anime, but this episode fell short for me in terms of enjoyability. And with the reveal at the end of the episode, I have a hard time believing this will ever become something I’d want to watch on a weekly basis.

Honestly, I’m not sure what else I can say about this show. It’s not bad. You might like it. It just doesn’t do anything for me on a personal level. — Foggle

Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V

What.

I see Yu-Gi-Oh! has somehow managed to become even more insane since the last time I watched it. To recap, this episode kicks off with our new protagonist, Yuya, fighting a pompadoured karate master using dancing hippos before leading into a song about “electric buddies.” From there, he is approached by Hitler the Clown, who invites him to fight a champion duelist because he cried when his dad abandoned a card game three years ago. Yuya then straps on his goggles and broods over his JO crystal until he decides that, yes, he will duel the guy in front of an audience. While dressed as a clown. He speaks some Engrish and then jumps onto the back of his top hat-wearing hippo. It’s revealed that he’s only been pretending to be a moron for the past three years. He wins! But then he doesn’t. What a twist! He gets depressed, but then his crystal activates and he puts all his monsters on the field and… to be continued.

The animation is awful, the artwork is ridiculous in a bad way, and the writing is nonsensical. But it’s Yu-Gi-Oh!, so you already knew that. Chances are, you already know whether or not you’re a fan of this insane series about people taking a children’s card game seriously. What I have to say about it isn’t going to change your mind. — Foggle

2014
04.06

Fast Times at Mahouka 01: Oh, Lorde [Bloody Marquis]

Next Thursday, on the CW...

First off, what’s the deal with the incest? Is it supposed to be romantic that these kids want to fuck so badly? I’d be less annoyed if this wasn’t the only thing going on between Tatsuya and Miyuki. Every scene where the two are even a few yards away is dominated by Miyuki swooning for her Onii-sama, as if she needs to say that word as often as she blinks. She’s supposed to be a competent magician, right? But all we get from her is that she loves her brother. Probably in love too, but I’ll wait when they hit second base. It’s Onii-sama this and Onii-sama that, like she literally cannot function on her own. Also, I like how in the one scene where she talks to a guy who isn’t her brother, the guy attempts to fondle her because of her “sheer purity”.

It all just feels like the first hour of a dating sim, where all the girls introduce themselves to the main character so nonchalantly that it just spells out how they’re routes for a possible romance. Like hey, here’s the feisty red-haired girl. If that’s not to your taste, here’s the ultra-submissive glasses girl. And if none of those options interest you, then you can always fuck the sister. But then, can I expect wit from the one character that got excited that her name rhymed with the main character’s name? Even the president of the student council wanted to get into Tatsuya’s after only a few minutes of talking, as if he’s the most interesting man in the world despite being the lowly Weed in this magic school.

Oh yeah, there’s the Weed-Bloom conflict going on in the first episode, which is basically school clique crap that only highlights how awesome Tatsuya acts for one-upping his supposedly superior Blooms. It’s like jocks and nerds, except Tatsuya is way too cool to be a nerd, right? Just because he types at a maximum speed and acts diligent in class doesn’t mean he should be lumped in with dorks, because he is so fine that he makes women orgasm from a single compliment. Also, what’s with him being several feet taller than all of the other girls? He’s like a CLAMP character with that disproportionate of a body structure.

So as a first course to what has been constantly paraded as the new Sword Art Online, I got exactly what I expected: Another Sword Art Online. Except by that show’s first episode, there were stakes involving how the main characters would die if they lost the game. But here, the first episode’s just like “Pfft. Magic school. Whatevs.” But what do I know? I clearly don’t understand how martial arts and gunplay constitute as magic, or how Miyuki’s first spell in this series involved wiping the dirt away from her pseudo-maternity gown. Screw being interesting with your magic. Magic is the best when it’s mundane. If Miyuki formulates a new spell that involves generating sandwiches for her beloved Onii-sama to nibble on, color me oh-so surprised.