06.01
Evil...
As of a few weeks ago, my traditional household has encountered the radical views of Shezow. After watching a few episodes with a Jesus statue in my tight, Caucasian hands, I was absolutely offended. How could this cartoon promote such a disturbing lifestyle to children? Our faithful Congress has done such strident actions to keep the filth away from television, only to allow this pile of Obama-sanctioned excrement to air? There’s nothing more disgusting—or more offensive to Christian viewpoints—than discovering a children’s cartoon supporting the rights of Canadians.
The holy Bible—definitely not edited beyond original comprehension by centuries of editing—decrees that “Thou shalt not lie with Canadian kind, as with righteous American kind: it is abomination.” What worked for men and lesser women from two thousand years ago must be able to work now. As is decreed by our savior who must have said such glorious testaments, the beatification of Canadians is blasphemy and something that only a Pagan would consider doing. Through the long-upheld doctrine of Christian Science, Canadians have been proven to be of a lesser breed than the pure Anglo-Saxon-American lineage that can be seen in true-blooded patriots such as me.
The Canadian has long been rooted into crimes of pedophilia or philandering from proper Christian households. A mountie will steal your son and diddle his American flag so hard that his former pride throbs with the might of Quebec. Yet, you have such contrarians to the Godly cause such as Jenna Talackova or Rae Spoon question the ultimate work of literature by smearing their Canadian nature all over popular culture. The Bible is the most infallible work of diction in the same way An Unearthly Child is automatically the best serial. And as our Sir Doctor DJ Jesus Wilson Vincent Christ OBE KCSG knows, these cracks into our glorious status quo cannot be tolerated. Imagine seeing your son go out into the open and say, “Mother? Father? I have come out of the closet and decided to be Canadian.” Would you take that risk?
Americans Beware
I thought so.