12.24
Yup its this episode!
2013, when all is said and done, will probably be remembered as a slight improvement on its immediate predecessor. It gave us some instant classics (Kill la Kill, Samurai Flamenco, From The New World); some utter horseshit (Flowers of Evil, Il Sole Penetra Li Illusioni, Unbreakable Machine-Doll amongst other steaming garbage); and some memories that will stick with us for a very long time. One of the latter is the subject of this article, Valvrave The Liberator Season 1 Episode 5: “Sakimori Academy Sings”…
At one point, I actually thought this show might be ok...
…which is, without a doubt, one of the most rancid, putrid, insipid, inane things committed to digital animation this year. No really! If Valvrave only produced its first 12 episodes and didn’t do a second season, I would be hard pressed to declare it the worst series of 2013 based entirely on this episode and this episode ALONE. It is really that bad and its only fitting that I give it a write up expunging on its grotesque inanity.
Behold... THE REAL Valvrave.
The plot…there isn’t one. Basically the Sakimori gang abuses their newly found independence too much that they blow a fuse in the Dome’s climate control system making the core temp to drop to single digits. While Raizo and that nerdy guy who’s name I can never remember try to fix the thing, the rest of students huddle together, leading to awkward sexual tension and Shoko breaking into an impromptu engrish-tastic performance of Jingaru Berusu. Once the system is rebooted, they have Saki Watanabe (revealed to be a one-time ex-idol this week) do a We Are The World-style charity single to show JIOR survivors they’re alive and want more money. This being Valvrave Season 1 of course, suddenly Sakimori is flush with bit coins. To celebrate, Saki tries to ride Haruto’s dick. However, she won’t actually “succeed” at this for another five weeks.
WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!?
Valvrave 5 is basically a calm before the storm episode. Its the last one from when Haruto was the only Kamitsuki active (Saki gets VVVIV the following week), one of the few remaining with the entire original cast (Aina’s still alive), and actually has few shots of VVVI outside of the opening titles and the very end. That said, that calmness also manifests itself in how utterly stupid these people are. Left to their own devices, The Sakimori students vandalize property, rampage through grocery stores, and play dress up in bridal gowns. Even after the little incident with the air conditioner, its not obvious whether the teens have learned anything at all, probably not.
I'd take Beiber autotune over this....
And then there’s the song… oh god… Aside from being utter crap, it only seems to scream “Hey we got Haruka Tomatsu in our cast! Might as well sing a song!”, although funny enough, the show also has Yui Horie in it and so far we’ve been spared from her. In the end, they spend four minutes of run-time on this thing, proving this episode really was a lot of bad ideas the production team had to stick in because they were running short on time.
Oh just you wait...
Overall… a source of shame for everyone involved in it. The only character who comes out looking good is L-Elf, and only because he’s a peeper on Haruto and Saki in the end.
-175/10