02.06
Shame on you...
We open onto a school full of people walking, guys playing, and girls stalking each other. The obligatory underage girl with bare feet makes her rounds, while girls gawk at our main protagonist for a reason that only gets more stupid as the show goes on. See, this boy has the stigma of being an abominable half-breed nihonjin with blonde hair. And because Japanese people are either horribly racist or fearful of an oncoming Super Saiyan attack, they quickly run away from such a biologically inaccurate sight.
After the opening full of tea and boobs is done, our main character enters a room with a normal black-haired girl who he recognizes as Yozora Mikazuki. However, her cheerful demeanor contrasts with how she seems like such a wallflower in class. That can only mean one thing: She has imaginary friends! No, really. She has a dark passenger and all that. After blondie pops in, Yozora becomes emo again and pretends that it was actually her “air friend” whom she was speaking to. She compares it to an air guitar, like how a boot to the face is equivalent to wearing a hat.
Ever since she was in middle school, Yozora’s always had an imaginary friend named Tomo to guide her along. Blondie wonders why she can’t just make a real friend, to which she scoffs at because anime girls have to be bitches. Our main protagonist introduces himself as Kodaka, who keeps wondering why Yozora hasn’t sent her friend out to Madame Foster’s already. Of course, it’s because Tomo’s beautiful, gentle, smart, never backstabbing, as well as a potential safety hazard.
They both relate to how neither of them knows how to make friends, even though such an interaction means that they could already be companions or something. Yozora suggest paying people, like hookers who don’t have sex with you. Kodaka wonder why she can’t just, you know, ask people to be her friends without treating them like hoes, but she doesn’t know how. After all, why bother when you can ask your imaginary friend how to start a school shooting?
After five minutes of pointless introspection, they decide to form a club for people who need friends, a friend club, for friends with friendship and all that friendly shit foaming through your friendly-ass mouth.
When we’re done watching eyecatches of jailbait showing their bare thighs, Kodaka explains in flashback that the blonde hair is due to his dead, white mom, because black hair is clearly a recessive gene, after all. A bad first day leads to everyone wondering if they’re facing the next Tsutomu Miyazaki. Thus, his life is doomed to be an abyss of asocial activity.
Now at his house, he makes dinner for him and his sister because of dead mom and all that. There’s not even a dad for some reason. What’s wrong with anime and having both parents around and alive? Do all the anime writers come from broken homes or something? I mean, even Disney learned to buck off with the trend a couple of times.
Then at school, he follows Yozora to their new friendship club, where they meet in front of a Virgin Mary. Because praise Gee Zuzz! Then they meet at a more formal room, requiring the help of someone named Sister Maria. Yozora hands blondie badly-drawn posters that have the message in the form of a word search puzzle because why the fuck not? You know, you’re not gonna make friends through shoving secret message in your goddamn posters, Yozora. If anything, you’re gonna draw the kids who like pointy things.
Oh, and Yozora feels that only friends call each other by nicknames. It’s either that or death. Or cake. Or both.
One day in, and they already get a visitor in the form of a blonde girl that Yozora locks out like the fucking bitch she is. Yozora reverts to being a racist with imaginary friends, and yells at the other blonde girl because of unseen rivalries that can only be explained through the shitty logic of anime. She freaks out over how big her tits are, and how high her grades are, and how much boys want to lick her clit, and et cetera.
Meanwhile, blonde girl, henceforth named Sena, climbs through the window in demand of friends. Yozora and Sena soon have a titty contest because that’s totally what girls talk about when they want to be friends with each other. Sena explains that despite the popularity and the tits, having utterly no personality makes her worthless as a friend.
Cue another titty contest with unfortunate undertones, leaving Kodaka to get out and gaze throughout the stained windows, lamenting upon his lack of friends and how he’s stuck in this show.
And I thought American romcoms were shitty enough. Two of the three characters we get introduced to are awful excuses of human beings, and not awful in an outlandishly funny way like Eddie and Patsy. They’re just unpleasant to hear and be around, with their characters more suited to roam through the halls following Harmony Kendall than carrying their own series. And Kodaka. Oh, Kodaka. All we know about the guy is what others think about him instead of his own personality. We’re expected to sympathize for what happens to him rather than what he does, which makes for a protagonist with less depth than my drunk uncle’s piss stains.