07.09
FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE.
Once upon a time there was a show called Gatchaman Crowds. It was terribad. I blogged it. I hated myself afterwards. When it ended, I hoped to never see it again. And for a while it seemed like that was that. The show got meh ratings, did meh business, and annoyed more people than made fans (and those who did like it, hated it by the end anyway). We moved on, Crowds just seemed to go away.
…but apparently meh was good enough for the sinister forces of Tatsunoko so here it is again!….fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I feel the need... THE NEED. TO HURL.
So last time on Crowds (and by that I mean the OVA director’s cut), The Hajime Creature kinda…raped Katze. No seriously, she stuffed him into her boobs in an oddly orgasmic scene that has to be seen to be believed (despite said episode being omitted from Sentai’s blu-ray release, oh yeah you’re gonna get this after Akame Ga Kill ends Bronamis, just you wait). The awkwardly titled “insight Crowds Gatchaman” picks up a year later with three separate incidents occuring in the background:
1. The upcoming election for PM of Japan (yeah remember that useless guy from last season? Well he kinda wants to keep his job) which is going to be decided on the social media network GALAX.
2. The appearance of evil “Red CROWDS” that are putting doubt on the CROWDS system after the Neo-Hundered incident
and 3. The arrival of a new space alien.
Ha ha ha... Crowds is "pretty"... *facepalm*
#1 and #2 are mostly covered in Episode #0….wait? Episode #0? Yes! There’s an Episode Zero! Its an eleven minute quickee in which the Gatchaman team (namely The Creature and its crossdressing sidekick Rui) rescue said narcoleptic dingbat PM from the evil CROWDS who have hijacked F-14 Tomcats! Yeah that sounds cool and all but then Rui just makes short work of them making the whole exercise a non-event. Well much like every action scene in Crowds it was fun while it lasted I guess. But, of course, you’re not interested in that. You want your precious happy time with Nakamura’s waifu, The Creature! And so we begin Gatchaman Crowds Insight proper with the arrival of the Bride of the Creature, one Miss Tsubasa Misudachi who is basically just The Creature except 90% less autistic and somehow 50% more annoying. Wait… how could you be more annoying than The Creature? Didn’t you listen to that dub?!?!…oh wait O.D. was more annoying in the dub…fuck.
I'm Grump-tsutsu.
Well anyway BOTC has a short fuse and its only after the news media starts pelting her with questions after her J.J. Robinson induced dayplanner handjob (one must wonder how that went for Jo and Sugane, seriously) that she Bird Goes through sheer output of rage. I guess that makes her better than The Creature (“baaaaaaaaaard gooooou???”) but considering how the production team could never get past the first episode in terms of character development last season, I doubt will get any more development for this one beyond “compulsive hothead” or “Not-Hajime”. Its to be expected really, I gave up hope long ago.
Try as you might Tsubasa. Noone can escape JJ's busy hands.
What else do I have to complain about this week? Hmmm… hmmm…. oh yeah the new space alien… In Season 1 Crowds gave us a Berg-Katze who didn’t resemble Berg-Katze whatsoever. So naturally we follow this with a Gel-Sadra that doesn’t resemble Gel-Sadra whatsoever. TRIVIA TIME! Since the 1979 team Gatchaman II never got a proper release here in the states (oh it did show up with a Saban massacre dub as Eagle Riders, but we only talk about that when it comes to the embarrassing work history of Bryan Cranston), let me explain that Gel-Sadra was basically just the same character as Berg-Katze except with Boobs. But here….
…she’s that loli from GATE but with red skin, lovely!
…She can also generate emoticons over people’s heads! Fuck this shit and its only been episode 1!
Oooh that's mean!
Nothing happened in this episode, absolutely nothing! Hell more happened in the first episode of season 1 than there was in this and I gave that a 1/5 back when we used to do numerical ratings in the Clusterfucks (ah the good ol days). I therefore can only give this something more fitting. ZERO WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT/5