2015
04.19

Spring Anime 2015 Clusterfuck Epilogue

Knights of Sidonia: Battle for Planet Nine

Clever girl.

People say I am prone to hyperbole. That I tend to get more angry or enthusiastic about certain things more than others. And you know what? They’re probably right. I do to get a little carried with myself, not so much occasionally but frequently, but let me tell you something. What I’m about to say, I stand by completely, and you can take it to the bank with you…

Knights of Sidonia is, without a doubt, the single greatest mecha show of the last 20 years (if not ever).

Season 1 did every single thing a post-Gundam Seed era giant robot series seems to have forgotten how to do. Instead of pretty boys yelling at each other while firing candy colored lasers everywhere, we had considerably unattractive characters just trying to survive an endless onslaught from a completely unrecognizable alien enemy. We had a sense of futility brought on by this show’s terrific production design. Everything was tattered, grimy, and dirty, suggesting it had been lived if for years, if not centuries. And the writing… oh man… can you say “CHARACTERS THAT ARE ACTUALLY DEVELOPED AND WE CARE ABOUT!!!” Where the hell was that in Aldnoah.Zero?

Therefore it is with great pleasure to watch War for Planet Nine as, despite being away for a whole year, Sidonia hasn’t skipped a beat. There may have been a change in directors (intenal Polygon AD Hiroyuki Seshita takes over from freelancer Kobun Shizuno) but everybody who worked on the first series has returned and so has that signature cold, disonant tone this show gives. I can’t really talk about the plot that much considering watching this is heavily dependent on seeing season 1 but I will say that a really big change is imminent for a popular character. You can guess which one.

Yeah… just watch Sidonia already… it’s fricken god tier. — Lord Dalek

The Labyrinth of Grisaia

The anime version is only *slightly* less pornographic.

You know, when I first watched The Fruit of Grisaia, I thought it had one of the worst premiere episodes I’d ever seen, but the seeds (lol) planted near the end of it gave me hope. “Maybe this will eventually become a good show!” I naively wrote in my review.

I was wrong. Each installment somehow managed to be more painful than the last, until something magical happened in episode 5: Grisaia got so incredibly dumb that, from that point forward, it (d)evolved into a laugh riot. Whether by virtue of 8-Bit’s adaptation being absurdly incompetent, or because the source material itself was already bad (I suspect both are true), the last 2/3 of the first season were a hilarious train wreck that consistently upped the ante in terms of goofy awfulness each week. But now the hour-long interquel special is out, and I’m not laughing anymore.

The Labyrinth of Grisaia AKA Le Labyrinthe de la Grisaia AKA Yasuomi Umetsu’s Grisaia tells us the backstory of protagonist Yuuji Kazami via flashbacks framed by a discussion he has with the blonde lady whose name I forgot. Despite the tales of his past being rather… harrowing (to say the least), she just sits there looking bored the whole time while he drones on about his experiences. Basic human empathy is apparently not one of her strong points – of which she apparently has none. Seriously, after 14 episodes, I have yet to find a reason to care about or like her character. But I digress.

The Maze Runner of Grisaia is a lovingly-crafted pulp adventure filled with exquisite depictions of rape, child abuse, rape, murder, rape, incest, rape, and more rape. Yuuji first recounts his blissful formative years in which he was physically abused by his parents and emotionally abused by his sister. Once he turns 11 or so, said sister – who 185 different people on MyAnimeList consider among their favorite anime/manga characters of all time – then manipulates him into having sex with her in the bathtub. After she dies during the events of season 1 (whoops! spoilers!!!!), his parents fall into a deep depression, which mainly seems to consist of him watching his dad simultaneously beat and rape his mom. Yuuji kills his dad and then his mom offs herself, so he gets adopted by the blonde brother of Tokiomi from Fate/Zero.

Blonde Tokiomi unsurprisingly makes for an excellent father, treating our hero to such fun activities as being forcefully dressed in women’s clothing and then raped by him and his friends. Afterwards, he turns into a sort of mentor figure for the ever-affable Yuuji, training him to become a killing machine capable of carrying out top secret assassination missions, while also raping him some more. He is eventually saved from captivity by a mysterious blue-haired woman, who thankfully does not rape him… in the anime adaptation. They probably just ran out of time to include that scene from the original VN, which will hopefully be reinserted for the Blu-ray release. I mean, it was either remove that, or the completely necessary scene where the main girls from Fruit sit around watching TV for no reason, and something just had to give.

This show fucking sucks. The narrative is abysmal “let’s see how dark we can make this without losing all our viewers” edgy trash, the production values are terrible, and the original work attempts to sexualize at least one of the child rape scenes. It’s disgusting, juvenile, uninteresting, and potentially offensive, feeling exactly like a 15-year-old’s first attempt at writing something grimdark. And, for the most part, it’s not even funny-bad like the first season was; it’s just bad-bad. Do not watch it. — Foggle

Ninja Slayer

"This would be great for Toonami!" -- Sketch (not exact quote but close enough)

……………..

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dear.

Trigger! The makers of fine anime like Little Witch Academia, Kill La Kill, and…. uhhhhhhhh…. You know what? Trigger’s blown a lot of my goodwill lately. No thanks largely to their follow up to Kill La Kill, the agonizingly pedestrian and inane Inou-Battle In Everyday Life which dashed our hopes that a studio made entirely out of ex-Gainax people would refrain form making…sigh…modern Gainax anime. But there was hope on the horizon! Ninja Slayer! An over-the-top action comedy parody anime based off a “novel” written by some “Americans” and sporting some sweet looking fight scenes (all of which only appear in the opening credits). Things were looking up, up, up!

…then it was announced that this was an ONA

…then it was announced that the episodes were only 15 (well actually 12) minutes long.

…then it aired.

……………………

Let me start by saying that I absolutely despise being trolled and “Based Trigger” has done it again. The title is Ninja Slayer From Animation but the amount of animation in it probably lasts all of 30 seconds with the rest being .gifs of the main cast dragged across the screen using the pan crop tool in Vegas. Now they’ve done this before with Inferno Cop, but that was two minutes max. This is 12 and after 10 seconds it gets really tiresome. There is a plot of sorts (salaryman comes back from the dead and hunts ninjas because why not?) but its pretty meaningless.

To be fair though, I kinda saw it coming. As of last weekend, I was dreading another Inferno Cop situation and the same team behind that was also making this so you could put two and two together (not to insult Inferno Cop in anyway though, that shit’s great). But this… This is a disaster. Its too damn long, its not particularly funny, and its unbleeding ugly in a Frank Miller kind of way. Actually you know what? This IS Frank Miller the Anime. Hell it already kinda looks like The Dark Knight Strikes Again with its gaudy digital color pallet and sharp angular character designs. And everybody knows Frank Miller loves his ninja and samurai wannabes. Oh god it actually makes sense.

So yeah we all know where this is going. Next week Ninja Slayer kidnaps some orphan, forces him to eat rats, and yells “I’M THE GODDAMN NINJA SLAYER!” all the time. Now THAT’S a far more accurate depiction of Frank Miller’s psyche online than Daredevil ever will be! (Theron Martin out of Fuck it I’m Done) — Lord Dalek

Nisekoi:

The wit and wisdom of Naoshi Komi, everyone.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nisekoi… the anime that puts the bank back in creatively bankrupt. I have no idea why people like this show, for me its just one long series of ancient Rumiko Takahashi cliches with 5x the tsundere power. I suspect that, akin to some guy who was waiting for it to turn into a mafia war battle shonen so it would get picked up for Toonami (Hur hur hur), most shobros just buy this because those magical words “Shonen Jump” are on the cover of every tb. People, just because there’s a badly drawn stencil of a pirate on the cover, doesn’t mean everyone’s gonna go Super Saiyajin at some point.  In fact that would make Nisekoi arguably worse than it already is.

Well…no use beating around the bush. Lets get onto thi–actually no.

00:00 — Ok Shinbo, you’ve made your money already, how far do you sell out this season?

00:12 — ten seconds in and we already have a fairy tale castle. Yeah this is so Shinbo it hurts.

00:41 — Oh Chitoge and Raku are an item now?!? HOW COULD I HAVE EVER GUESSED??? <– never finished season 1, who the hell could???

01:24 — UH OH WACKY HAREM ANTICS APPROACHING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

01:35 — I gotta say this is one of the better LiSA ops I’ve heard and one of the best ops over all this season. She really needs to dump the SAO/Mahouka guy and stick with the Kagerou Daze guy.

02:32 — How DID the American Yakuza afford Buckingham Palace anyway?

03:21 — Well that was rando-h wait that’s what Naoshi Komi considers “humor”.

03:28 — Oh just die already Chitoge.

03:58 — THE BORING ONE

04:02 — THE BLAND ONE

04:06 — THE YANDERE

04:20 — THE LESBIAN (bingo!)

05:26 — Do we honestly need to do this? I mean there was a recap episode last week reintroducing these awful characters.

06:50 — Yeah Chitoge, speak up so we can stretch this out for another 26 weeks… JUST LIKE LAST SEASON!

07:56 — Oh the locket is still broken. Yup… 20 more weeks of this shit incoming!

08:09 — No no no Tachibana. That’s not how you castrate a man!

09:32 — Hey remember when Kosaki was like the only girl with a key and therefore the only one Raku could have confessed his love to? …good times.

10:54 — Bad harem comedy joke writing 101, people.

11:24 — …meanwhile in an anime from 1995.

12:05 — wait… ANOTHER EPISODE??? oh wait this is Nisekoi, episodes of the first season had like 5 strips crammed into one show.

13:12 — Where is this going!?!?!

13:23 — DAT CGI STREAM.

13:32 — First Shaft tilt.

14:13 — This is the worst Chap Stick ad I’ve ever seen.

14:55 — My god, this is going to be about nothing but whether or not Raku notices Chitoge’s lip gloss isn’t it?

15:35 — Hey remember when Homura did that? Well Chitoge can’t do it right.

15:50 — And now its shampoo. WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS?!?!??

16:36 — Push on nails… well this isn’t going to end well.

17:03 — …as predicted.

17:18 — I never imagined I’d see an anime with even less happening in it than Lucky Star. Somehow Nisekoi found a way.

17:24 — JUST 7 MORE MINUTES… @_@

17:43 — Uh oh, this must be an emergency. Shinbo’s brought out the unmoving plaid already.

19:16 — You know… I’d normally say “Dump that zero and get with a hero!” right now, but Chitoge’s too worthless even for that.

20:07 — Shaft tilt.

21:48 — Shaft tilt.

22:30 — Oh just fuck already.

22:43 — MY GOD… CREDITS!!! Never before have I been most happy to hear effing ClariS.

23:38 — Oh wait its just the VAs…yeah fuck that.

24:21 — Excuse me while I go hang myself.

Well that was dreadfully pointless. Now to get flamed by every single creeper online! — Lord Dalek

Saint Seiya – Soul of Gold

BURNING KRAMER!

An indeterminate time after the events of the middle arc of the old Saint Seiya anime (AKA the filler one nobody likes), Leo Aiolia suddenly finds himself in the frosty north of Asgard with no memory of either how he got there or why he isn’t six feet under. Wandering around aimlessly, he eventually gets tossed in a cell along with Saori Kido-lookalike Lyfia. Turns out the representative of Odin on Earth is using the power of Yggdrasil to control the minds of the population and the gold saints have been resurrected to go kill him and his own set of evil Saints. Also the experience of resurrection has changed Aiolia’s gold cloth into something far more powerful and perhaps far more difficult to control. Aiolia sets out to find the other resurrected Gold Saints while Lyfia plots something from behind the scenes. In other words, more of the same hair metal stupidity and pseudo-mythological bullshit we’ve come to expect from Saint Seiya.

Saint Seiya is a franchise that’s been rather impenetrable for anyone living on this side of the Rio Grande (by comparison, its bigger than DBZ way down in Tijuana) for many a moon. Not for lack of trying though, Toei’s made much of the series available for online streaming on Crunchyroll (unfortunately the subs are pretty terrible) and there was not only one but two dubs (both sadly incomplete) made of the first arc over a decade ago. So even though its highly unlikely you’ll have any clue what the plot of this show is (and even less of one if your only experience with the franchise is the recent Saint Seiya Omega), its nice to know they still care. Anyhoo this series is basically just fan fiction filller. Clearly some writer saw Episode of Bardock and said to himself, “Hey! If they can bring Bardock back from the dead for no reason, I can do the same with Saint Seiya!”, and series creator Musashi Kurumada was all like: “Hey whatever man, as long as it doesn’t fuck up my plot. Where’s my paycheck?” This is all fine and dandy, but there’s one drawback…

The writer forgot to make the show…somewhat entertaining.

Oh god is this boring. While a lot of the standard Saint Seiya tropes (quasi-Shakespearean acting, internal intrigue and counter-plotting, themes of the end of the world, etc.) are present, they’re done with a sort of listlessness that sucks all the energy out of this venerable cheesy hot-blooded shonen franchise. Considering this series started with a tournament arc, that’s saying quite a lot. I hate tournament arcs. The only reason why Saint Seiya’s isn’t as bad as some others is that its pretty damn short and the Saints are mostly doing other things at the same time.  That being said, it is only the first episode, but this is an ONA and Toei will have to do a hell of a lot more to keep me coming back. Otherwise its back to air guitaring to Pegasus Fantasy for the 1,000,000th time — Lord Dalek

2015
04.11

Spring Anime 2015 Clusterfuck: Is It SNAFU to Try to Pick Up Vampire Nurses in the Food War?

Blood Blockade Battlefront

And I think I've just found the anime this season I've been looking for.

I really didn’t know what to expect going into BBB. I’m a huge fan of original creator Yasuhiro Nightow’s previous work, Trigun, both the manga and it’s anime adaption, so although I wasn’t aware he made another manga after it until I looked it up after this anime was announced, I was hoping it would be a similarly entertaining series. Bones is a studio that tends to make well-produced, well-animated series, and I consider a lot of their adaptions to be even better experiences compared to their manga counterparts. But while I didn’t doubt the show would look good, I had no clue what the story would be like. Trigun was a very lightning-in-a-bottle kind of series, combining a unique western setting, a fascinating pacifistic yet badass main character, strong morals and themes, and a style of storytelling more similar to american comic books than traditional action manga. I had to wonder if BBB would be able to live up to the example of it’s predecessor. Well, after watching this I’ve got my answer. This isn’t Trigun. It probably won’t come close to telling the kind of story that made Trigun resonate with me and so many other people. But that’s okay. This is still a pretty damn fun show in it’s own right.

Rather than being the spiritual successor of Trigun, this show more closely resembles over-the-top shonen-esque action fare like Kill la Kill. Characters have exaggerated ways of fighting, something chaotic’s always rumbling in the background, and there are explosions glare. It’s a mad, mad world of nonsense and mayhem, populated by various aliens, monsters, and super humans who all co-exist and all are so used to the abnormal that it’s become the new normal. The setting strikes me as Gintama‘s if it was set in modern-day New York instead of an anachronistic Meiji-era Japan, and the fact this series is actually set in alternate version of New York brings to mind Baccano! as well, a comparison helped by the series’ jazzy musical score and action-happy tone. It’s a world of craziness, and while worlds where insanity is the norm might not appeal to most people, it sure does get a kick out of me, and I was instantly drawn in.

It’s really the stylistic flair and the setting that sets this show apart, rather than it having any particularly notable story to bite into, at least as of yet. Don’t get wrong, there is a story set up here, and the characters seem plenty likable and fun, but outside of the MC, most of them worked more as vehicles for the action in this episode, rather than being developed characters with memorable personalities and motivations in their own right. But the episode does present a mystery to why things are how they are, the main character’s desire to find answers about his powers is intriguing, and the chaos-driven villains featured here seem like they’ll create some fun conflicts down the line, so I can easily see the story becoming more fleshed out and substantial going forward. In addition, Nightow’s flair for great character designs has carried over into this show very well. The characters’ personalities might not be anything too special, but they certainly all look unique and cool, and that distinctiveness helps sets this show apart from the more generic-looking fare that come out these days.

If there’s one thing I didn’t care for in the premiere, it’s how the MC’s narration was overused. I have a feeling that this won’t be much of a problem in the future, since it’s purpose in this episode was to effectively describe the setting, the MC’s relationship to the setting, and his personal motivations, but it did start to get on my nerves after a certain point. But otherwise, I think the show succeeded in being what it establishing what it is, and will likely continue to be. This is very much a popcorn action show. I’m sure characters will get fleshed out and developed going forward, but the main appeal of the show seems like it’s going to be in it’s setting and it’s action sequences. While the story will no doubt become more meaty to convince viewers into sticking around for more, this is a series that, at the end of the day, is something that will just be remembered as a fun show rather than a substantial one. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. This is an entertaining show, and it’s entertaining for the right reasons. And while there’s plenty of spectacle, unlike certain other shows, it’s actually does have interesting, or at least distinct, characters that can support those moments and make them engaging. Knowing the mangaka’s previous work, I feel that the series has the potential to become something more than what it appears to be on the surface, but if it only remains a hot-blooded shonen action show, than at least it’ll be a damn well-made and entertaining one. Either way, Blood Blockade Battlefront promises to be a bloody good time, and right now that’s all it needs to be. — Cartoon X

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-Chan

Yum.

Remember that Haruhi Suzumiya everyone talked about eight years ago? Oh wait, you don’t. You only remember Yuki Nagato, and possibly Kyon. You might also remember that one girl with the knife. She was a thing, right? And the girl who said “Nyoro~n” a lot? Yeah, she existed too. There was also that girl who kept getting groped every episode. And they were all in a club. That was neat. Don’t know what exactly the club was about though, so I’m just going to think it was a literature club. I remember some books in the old show. Do you remember books in the old show, because I sort of do. One of them was a fantasy book called Hyperion, but I don’t remember Yuki reading that. I remember her playing a PSP, because that’s the best book.

God, I’m not even a Haruhi fan, and should probably be thankful this isn’t another Prisma Illya, but there’s something about this show that didn’t settle with me. Maybe it’s how Kyon is nowhere near as caustic as he was in the main series. Perhaps it’s due to the lack of fantastical elements hiding between the lines. Or could it be that the show tries to ape the style of its predecessor but with what only appears to be a third of Kyoto Animation’s budget? Despite the marketing, this show doesn’t feel like it’s made for the people interested in the alternate world from the Disappearance film, but rather people who thought Endless Eight was exhilarating. The kind of audience who willingly watched that arc will be delighted as the “Yuki tries to buy a turkey for the Christmas party” plot unfolds in front of them.

I remember that Haruhi Suzumiya’s appeal was through playing with the otaku fantasy, like how what Haruhi wanted all along was in front of her but not in the way she expected. Characters that were initially presented by their cover were revealed to be something else, like how the pretty boy turns out to be a psychic or how the endowed chewtoy is a time traveler. These reveals created the theme that the fantastic hid itself within the mundane and vice-versa. I know the “What you wanted was right in front of you” idea isn’t profound or uncommon in fiction, but the series was able to make it feel somewhat fresh. Here, however, this just straight up feels like an otaku fantasy. It doesn’t want to ask questions, being more satisfied with in-jokes and Yuki talking about her belly.

And yeah, I know spin-off works usually have this sort of thing, but what I’m really wondering is why this was chosen to bring the franchise back on TV after five years. That’s kind of like if the infamous Full Metal Panic sequel everyone’s been craving for turned out to be a watered-down Fumoffu. It’s almost sad to see what used to be talked by everyone now struggling to get a slice-of-life AU into this season. Was there just not any demand for an adaptation of one of the books that they had to go with this? It feels like the one kid who used to be really popular now trying and failing to get noticed in background pictures. — Bloody Marquis

Second Opinion!

The Reappearance of a Forgotten Franchise

Wow. I was starting to think it would never happen. But it has. It has! It took over five years, but they’ve finally done it dagnabbit! That’s right folks, after all this time, they’ve finally made a new season of The Melancholy of Haru—ah, wait a minute, I think VlordGTZ is calling me about something. Hang on a sec, I gotta take this – I’ll just transcribe my side of the conversation: Yo, wassup, bro? What? You’re saying this anime is just some spinoff thing about Nagato? And not even Nagato from the original series, but the Nagato from the alternate universe in the Disappearance film? You mean to tell me that it’s about the Nagato who acted like your standard insecure and shy cliche anime girl and not the mysterious stoic badass of the original? Well, that’s kind of lame. They really thought she was somehow interesting enough character to center a whole series on? Wait a minute, what about Haruhi? She’s still in this, right? What? You’re telling me she’s only in this episode for like a 20 second non-speaking cameo? The scene is basically a total tease? And show itself is just a run-of-the-mill school comedy with a romance subplot revolving around Nagato trying to confess her feelings to Kyon? …Huh. Are we sure this isn’t just some unusually well-produced fan-animation? No? This is a legit series? This is adapted from a manga? A manga that’s still currently-running, even? Wow. Anime fans, man. They’ll just eat up anything, won’t they?

Okay, okay, all kidding aside let’s get legitimately evaluate the merits of this thing, shall we? Apparently The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya was so well-received…or more specifically, the alternate version of the Haruhi universe and characters as depicted in that story arc were so popular, that they decided to make an entire manga set in it. This isn’t a continuation of the series, but rather a separate story unrelated to the main storyline of the Haruhi franchise. It’s basically the equivalent of making the school-comedy alternate universe depicted in the last episode of Evangelion it’s own series….which is also an actual manga series that exists, for some reason. In any case, there’s no ignoring that the manga this anime is based on was just a cash-in spinoff designed to milk the franchise and exploit it’s money-throwing fans for all it’s worth, and the reason this anime has even been made is basically to promote it as it’s finally winding down. As well as maybe trying to make the Haruhi franchise relevant again. Maybe. While that’s all fine and dandy, is this series actually good, or is it just another terrible cash-grab trying to trick die-hard fans of the franchise into wasting minutes of their life and wads of their cash?

I’ll admit, the Haruhi franchise as a whole has been rather hit and miss for me. I liked the first season, but hardly considered it phenomenal or worthy of the hype (love the OP and ED, though). I thought the second season totally sucked, even outside of the infamously pointless “Endless Eight” bullshit. I loved the Disappearance film, and to this day it’s among my favorite anime movies. And I quite enjoyed Haruhi-chan, an amusing chibi-spin off series that is one of the few self-parody comedy spin-off series that I think is genuinely good. I’m ambivalent on the manga version of Haruhi, and in fact, also read a few volumes of the Nagato Yuki-chan manga a few years back (and even own a couple volumes). So I remembered most everything that happened in the premiere episode being from the first few chapters of the manga, enough to get the sense that this will be a pretty straightforward adaption of it. In this case, that might not be such a bad thing. Because despite the fact this is a pointless cash-grab made to milk the Haruhi franchise for whatever it’s got left, on it’s own merits this series is actually surprisingly enjoyable.

You kind of have to judge this series on it’s own merits, though. Honestly, the fact that these look like the characters we all know and might love is really all the relevance this even has to the original series. The characters are recognizable but not quite the same; they don’t have the same problems or quite the same character dynamics, much less the same powers and secrets, that they have in the original series. And while the majority of the characters do still act like themselves most of the time, if you’re a fan of the original Nagato as a character, you’re kinda SOL. She might look like her, and she might share her name, but the Nagato Yuki in this series really is a completely different person altogether, and you’re mileage might vary on that depending how much you liked the original character for who she was and how she behaved.

Then again, the selling point of this series is really in just watching the antics of the Disappearance universe’s Nagato for the novelty of how different of a character she is from the original, as well as seeing the rest of characters doing things and getting into situations they normally wouldn’t. If you’re going into this series expecting more of what you got in Haruhi, quite frankly I think you’ll be disappointed. This is more of a parody of the original with humor in the same vein as Haruhi-chan, except with regular character designs and a more grounded tone. And as someone who likes Haruhi-chan more than the actual series, a lot of the comedy in this did work for me. I don’t find Nagato acting like a shy and socially awkward moe-girl funny in of itself, but the concept is used to elicit some fun quirks, absurd situations, and nice character-based gags that make this version of the character likable when she could easily have been obnoxiously saccharine. Asakura and Tsuruya are also great in this (as they were in Haruhi-chan), and every bit they’re given works, with the best sequence of the episode coming when they try to have their respective BFF’s Nagato and Mikuru compete to see which one is “worthy of Kyon’s love,” but then get involved themselves and just end up competing against each other in random pointless contests half-way through. It’s like something out of a Rumiko Takahashi manga (actually, it totally is), and it’s genuinely funny. Even if these weren’t the Haruhi characters doing these shenanigans, this sequence would be still be just as humorous, which is a good sign that this series will be able to work on it’s own merits, and won’t just lean on how much you might like the original series in order to make you want to watch more of it.

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan may disappoint Haruhi fans who really want to see the rest of the light novels animated, and it’s appeal is fairly limited, with people who have no interest in the franchise unlikely to give it a try. But, if you like the franchise even a smidgen, even on just the most casual level you can, you’ll find a pretty entertaining show here. And I’m not going to lie, I found myself shouting out “Haruhi!” in excitement when she passes by Nagato at the intersection, and cracking a smile at Asakura humming “Hare Hare Yukai,” and I’m not even that big a fan of the franchise. The whole show is like glorified fan-service for people who like Haruhi (you know what I mean), but it’s presented well, with great animation, staging, shots, and music that show there’s not only a budget but also that the people working on this do actually give-a-damn about it. In what’s been shaping up to be a disappointing season on the whole, it might be the best sign of things that one of the better offerings to come out of it is a frivolous spin-off of a franchise long out of the limelight. Still, it’s a well-made little show, one that anyone who ever liked Haruhi should get some enjoyment out of, and it made me think back to the day I first checked out the series and all the positive memories I’ve associated with it over the years. So, what the hell? I’ll take it. And unless you really hate the franchise on the whole, I recommend you giving it a whirl too. Just don’t expect it to lead to a new continuation of the original series anytime soon. — Cartoon X

Third Opinion!

Back when The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya was hailed as the next wave of anime perfection and served as a catalyst for the continued adaptation of light novels into television animation, Yuki Nagato was one of my favourite characters in anime. Yuki was an artificial human created by an alien race as old as the universe itself. The character was so stoic and non-comprehending of our species’ social norms and behaviors that every bit of screentime she had was just interesting to behold, just to see what deadpan reaction she’d give to the antics around her. She was also the only character who always laid all her cards on the table in regards to Kyon, and thus felt like the only one that truly had his back in any situation and wouldn’t dare betray him. And when The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya came along, we learn that Kyon has her back as well. That friendship between a alien entity and average human is the most interesting character dynamic of the franchise, surpassing Haruhi and Kyon’s in my eyes.

So you’d think that a show that is just Yuki and Kyon hanging out and doing best friend/couple things would be fun. But there’s one problem: this isn’t that near-emotionless Yuki. This is the painfully shy girl from the alternate universe in the aforementioned Disappearance. And that’s where this cartoon falls flat on its face. Instead of seeing two people from completely different worlds start to appreciate and depend one another in a world subconsciously ruled by a psychopathic teenager, we now have your standard J-drama where a socially-awkward girl tries to confess her love to a guy that probably feels the same way. This Yuki isn’t the one that rewrote the entire code of a multiplayer video game on the fly during a LAN match. This is one that really, really wants to buy a turkey for Christmas. This isn’t the Yuki that can take a dozen steel rods straight through the torso with barely a flinch. This is a Yuki that freaks out if Kyon so much as grazes her skin. For a spin-off starring one of my favourite characters of the original work, I’m struggling to find anything of that character in this high-schooler of the same name. And even in the few moments where you can see shades of other characters channeling their main timeline counterparts, that fact remains disappointing. As someone who was able to handle and enjoy the monotony of Endless Eight, I had to force myself through in hopes of seeing the Yuki I once adored anywhere in the program. 24 hours later, and I’m still wondering where that glorious creation of the Data Integration Thought Entity disappeared to. Because it isn’t here. — RacattackForce

Etotama

NOPE.

I have nyo idea what I just witnessed, but it was certnyanly nyat anything resembling “good.” Between the obnyaxious characters, uncomfortable dialogue, horrifying CGI, and soul-sucking OP, I was physically incapable of sitting through the entire episode. It’s wretched. Painful. Sickening. Just try to watch this shit for yourself if you think I’m overreacting. Better yet, don’t. — Foggle

Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works, Season 2

I think everyone can agree the season finale to the 1st season of Unlimited Blade Works tasted like ass, or was very disappointing, to put it in finer words. The animation was off, the pacing was a bit shit, and it felt overly unnecessary, like ufotable was deliberately trying to create some weird love triangle between Rin, Shirou and Saber.

We all know Rin is the best anyway, so there’s no competition.

Anyway, it’s been three months since we’ve had Fate in our lives and our defenseless anuses, so it is refreshing to have a good show in a decent season. From the opening scene onwards, it is apparent Fate is back to the excellent form it showcased all last season (excluding the finale). Archer is still a dick, Shirou is still dumb-cute, Saber is the poor man’s best girl and does nothing in this episode except being tied up, Caster and Kuzuki are menacing and Rin just rules over everything. I am a very bad woman when it comes to Fate, because I can barely have a bad thing to say about it.

I’m so boring. I loved this episode. It was a return to form that Ufotable has become famous for since 2011’s Fate/Zero – excellent animation, solid plotting and pacing, good music. I have nothing else. I’m a boring shit, I know.  Oopsie. – ShiMahou

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma

You sure I won't just barf instead?

One day, an upstart mangaka named Yuto Tsukuda got the brilliant idea to make a manga that combined ridiculously over the top cooking with ridiculously over the top sexual situations. I mean, come on, food and sex, everybody loves those, so why not make a manga that mixes the best of both? And so, hiring an infamous ex-hentai artist to draw his luscious loafs and meat, he set out to get his ingenious creation published in the #1 manga magazine in all of Japan, the self-proclaimed home of “the world’s greatest manga,” Weekly Shonen Jump. And thus Shokgeki no Soma (also referred to as Food Wars! in the west) was born, a series that can quite literally be described as Food Porn, the manga. At least, that’s everyone’s first impression of the series. But while the over the top orgasmic reactions to food are an integral part of the fun and identity of Food Wars!, they aren’t all there is to the series, and those who were drawn in by that silly gimmick in it’s first chapters quickly realized this. And, while these foodgasms (as I like to call them) never disappear, the series doesn’t rely on them, and finds other novel ways to inject humor and demonstrate the deliciousness of the food and the intensity of the cooking competitions. Outside of one female character who never wears a shirt (which, to be fair, is balanced out by a male character who wears nothing but an apron), there is very little in the way of fan service outside of those scenes. The series actually avoids the most obvious anime cliches that serve to include fan service. It’s never over-exposed and never gets in the way of the story, and when it does happen, it’s designed as a means to best convey the characters’ extreme enjoyment of their food – which serves to the benefit of the story and are not just random extraneous scenes simply exploiting the female body. It’s purposeful, tasteful, equal opportunity, and all in good fun.

…This anime adaption, on the other hand, is a completely different story. I guess J.C. Staff thought to themselves “hey, this series is known for it’s crazy fan service, so let’s add more of it!”, resulting in this embarrassment to good taste (pun intended), and the original manga. And they didn’t just add in lots more boobage, no, they’ve made the fan service moments actually kind of creepy too. Namely that tentacle scene, which is thirty seconds of octopus tentacles slowly grabbing and suggestively squeezing the body of a young girl, with one shot featuring two tentacles shooting into her crotch area and spurting out some gooey yellow glop while the girl screams in a horrified, yet somewhat sexual, tone of voice.

…Why? Seriously, why J.C. Staff? Was the idea of a prepubescent teenage girl getting violated and possibly raped by icky slimy tentacles supposed to be funny? Because it’s not. It’s sick and it’s disturbing. The fact it’s played for laughs, and possibly to titillate, is just insulting. It’s only a thirty second sequence, but it pisses me off the more I think about it. For the record, very little of that was in the manga. All that’s in the manga is that last image of the girl and the octopus, and that image was far more tasteful and effectively amusing than the anime’s version even ignoring the preceding scenes. You know what else isn’t in the manga? Constant boob shots. All throughout this episode, any scene with the female lawyer always had the camera centered straight on her gratuitous cleavage-bearing chest, with some notable jiggling thrown in for good measure. This was done in every single scene she was featured in. The anime really wanted you to pay attention to just how big and bouncy her breasts were, I guess. It’s not just pointless, it’s downright distracting. It sucks you right out of what’s going on in the show and becomes all you can think about. It’s like the anime cares more about you looking at her breasts than anything that’s actually going on in the show. It’s not funny, and never does it feel like you are supposed to find it funny. It’s in-your-face there and it’s annoying as all hell.

The focus on the fan service in this anime is so overdone, and played so straight, it doesn’t come across even remotely amusing like it originally was in the manga, and instead feels like a forced attempt to appeal to the most lowbrow of tastes. For people who have a low tolerance for this kind of fan service, like myself, these scenes come off as uncomfortable and unpleasant. I was eating dinner while watching this episode, but by the time I finished, I had completely lost my appetite. The fact that the fan-service is such a detriment to the episode is such a shame, as is how nothing else in the episode makes up for it. The show is plenty over the top, sure, but it doesn’t really carry an over the top tone. There’s no epic music, fast action cuts, ridiculous dialogue, exaggerated animation, or stylistic quirks like in, say, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, that pushes the series over the edge and gives it an enticing manic energy. Instead, it all feels very slow, very grounded, and surprisingly serious, for the most part. Yet, at the same time, the show extends the over-the-top moments, like the climactic foodgasm scene, for much longer periods of time. That aforementioned scene was only one two-page spread in the manga, but the anime drags it out for a full minute, adding extra tit and ass shots and lots more weird disgustingly sexualized WTF-ery. And because the rest of the episode doesn’t carry the same tone as that scene, nor effectively build it up, it’s just not very entertaining. Instead of going “WTF is going on?” while laughing yourself silly, you’re saying it while being bored out of your mind, and following up with a “Why am I even watching this shit?” once it ends.

I think this anime is a sign that I should stop getting excited for any anime adaptions of manga that I really like. In most of the last few Clusterfuck entries I’ve done, I’ve found myself talking about how disappointing I found the anime adaptions compared to their original mangas. Shokugeki no Soma has to be the worst one yet, though. Unlike Assassination Classroom or The Seven Deadly Sins, which were manga I didn’t care for much in their initial chapters to begin with, I was into the Shokugeki no Soma manga almost right off the bat. I was enjoying and having fun with the series pretty much from the get-go. But this episode isn’t fun at all. It was at boring at it’s best, irritating at it’s worst, but never was it fun to watch. The misguided execution of the production makes little in the series stand out as interesting or entertaining, leaving me to mostly remember and focus on how terrible the fan service moments were executed. The show is certainly nice-looking, the food looks pretty good, and the animation does the job, but in terms of taking the essence of the source manga and translating it effectively into animated form, it falls totally flat. And considering Soma is one of my most favorite ongoing manga right now, I can’t help but be extremely disappointed about that. J.C. Staff hasn’t made an anime I’ve been remotely interested in since…Slayers Evolution-R, I guess, and while I heard they’ve gone downhill in recent years and their adaption of a similar in tone Jump manga, Bakuman, was extremely subpar, the promos for the anime made it look like it would be a solid product. After watching this first episode, though, I think I can understand why the studio is as maligned as it is these days. Like their Bakuman adaption, they seem to have fundamentally missed what people enjoy about the Soma manga in the first place, and why they love it too. I don’t know what studio could have adapted this series more properly, but I do know that it really deserved much better than the treatment J.C. Staff has given it.

The Shokugeki no Soma anime is clearly more interested in making you pay attention to it’s fan service than to it’s characters or plot. As an adaption it’s competent in the details and the technical aspects, but not in capturing the spirit of it’s source material, or just being very entertaining in general. Maybe future episodes will improve on the faults displayed here. I’m willing to watch more since I enjoy the story and characters enough to do so. But if you’ve never experienced Shokugeki no Soma in any form before and have a low tolerance for pointless fan service, I’d advise you not to bother with this anime for now and just stuck with the manga. You might not necessarily enjoy it as much as I do, but I can guarantee that you’ll be more entertained by it than this disappointment of an adaption. — Cartoon X

Second Opinion!

what what in the butt

Cooking! A marvelous art! It satisfies the hunger in both stomach and crotch! And in Food Wars (the long awaited sequel to the 2001 international smash hit Fighting Foodons), we can see the fully extent of food’s orgasmic power. Yes, SnS is a show in which food invokes lots of weird imagery when consumed, and people describe entire unusual scenarios after only taking one bite. Kind of like The Drops of God, but stupid. Our hero, Confident Shonen Protagonist with a Dream and Stupid Hair, is determined to be the best, like no one ever was, and proves himself by making food so good it will stripe you naked and molest you with tentacles. Unfortunately, everything else about Blazing Shonen Chef that isn’t a culinary ecstasy ride is dull and banal. Nothing really stands out, and a the whole thing feels half-baked (pun intended). Tune in for some stupid fan service sides, just don’t expect a well done meal. — ShadowGentleman

Gintama°

THE LONG AWAITED RETURN OF TRANSLATION NOTES!

The third series (seventh season overall) of Gintama begins, appropriately enough, with a press conference. An incredibly well-combed Gintoki Sakata (looking a bit like Erwin from Attack on Titan) appears to apologize for the fact that in their desperate quest for ratings and more money (translation: hookers and blow), TV Tokyo and Bandai Namco have decided to give Gintama another 50 or so episodes. We then go to yet another highly episodic adventure involving Gin’s laid back incompetence, Shinpachi’s manic inability to deal with said incompetence, and Kagura’s penchant for making them both look like the morons that they are. This week involves a broken alien clock, time travel, and Gengai and Madao repeatedly dying in increasingly bizarre and hilarious fashions. Nothing is resolved nor will it ever be because this is Gintama and we don’t give a shit about story arcs around here.

Oh it’s good to be back. Gintama is, and remains, the Shonen for those like me who absolutely DESPISE shonen, so to have it make its glorious return, and completely on-form to boot, is a godsend. This is entertainment in its purest form, a show that doesn’t want to do anything but make jokes and smash the fourth wall to bits, and indeed it does, before proceeding to smash those bits into even smaller bits. What can I really say about it other than “its more of the same” which doesn’t mean much because its just as good?

Production wise, things have changed somewhat. Sunrise is “out”, replaced by the mysterious new Bandai Namco Pictures (which is literally just Sunrise under a different name). There’s a new director but I can’t hardly tell the difference from the last new director they had. Really all that matters is if the cast is back and yes they are. Gin is basically the role that put Tomokazu Sugita on the map and he slips back into it as if those three years away were hardly anything. Its his mannerisms that make the humor work as well as it does and I doubt anybody else could make this character work.

So yeah… this is about as good as any a place for a newcomer to enter into the show and its exercises in controlled chaos. Enjoy it now since it’ll never get a dub ever! — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Especially when you could be laughing instead!

After a two-year absence and in spite of it’s last movie being called “The Final Chapter,” the Gintama anime has returned from the grave to bring us with a whole new season with it’s eclectic and crazy cast of characters. The studio may have changed from Sunrise to Bandai Namco Pictures, but the opening prologue to this season, a three-minute skit where our leading man Sakata Gintoki gives a “public apology” for the anime’s return in a hilarious satire on japanese politician Ryutaro Nonomura’s infamous press conference, shows that this is still the same old Gintama we know and love. The show looks as great as ever, it’s as well-animated as it was last season, it’s as funny as ever, and it’s as entertaining as ever.

As such, there is honestly not much to say about the new season, aside from how it’s hands down the funniest anime out this cour, which was kinda a given since Gintama is one of the funniest anime of all time to begin with. If you’ve never watched a single episode of any of the previous seasons before, don’t worry. You can jump right into this one and get a grasp of who the characters are, their relationships with each other, and what they do pretty quickly without the series even having to resort to any expository dialogue to explain it all to you. It’s a mostly episodic comedy series at any rate, so it’s pretty easy to jump into at any given point. Well, except when it’s doing one of it’s more serious story arcs, but one of those shouldn’t pop up for a bit so you should be good. But everyone who’s read the manga recently knows what I’m talking about. We’re all just waiting to see the “Shogun Assassination” arc animated, and dammit, I’m getting excited just thinking about how incredible it’ll be to see certain parts in animated form. Oh god, it will be so, so badass. I can’t wait. In fact, I don’t think I can wait. AAAGGGHHH, now I need to re-read that arc again! Hold on, give me a second….

…Ah, man, it was even better the…whatever-this-makes-it time around! Sooooo good. Uh wait, what was I writing about again? Oh right, whether you should watch this season of Gintama. Well, unless you are an incredibly dour person who hates to laugh, you have absolutely no reason not to. Gintama was and still is hilarious and it’s return is unquestionably one of the best things about this surprisingly underwhelming spring season. If you’re not hooked within the first three minutes of watching this episode, you probably have a giant booger crammed so far up your nose it’s blocking blood flow to your brain and preventing whatever the nerves are that stimulate laughter from responding, in which case you should probably seek immediate medical attention ASAP. That, or you just have a different sense of humor than the show. In which case, never mind. Though you’re totally missing out. Seriously. — Cartoon X

Gunslinger Stratos

Bahramewe.

Gunslinger Stratos begins promisingly enough with a surreal dream sequence where a teenager sees a little girl drawing a complicated equation on the ground in chalk before getting shot in the head by an older version of himself. “Well that’s a neat trick, but what else have ya got?”, I ask. The show replies: “Um… Mahouka?” And with that any potential disappears almost immediately. Speaking of disappearances, 100 years from now people are suddenly and abruptly vanishing without a trace. The problem is so widespread that some believe it to be a new disease that causes people to turn to dust and blow away (that is so silly only Jun Maeda could have though of it) however none of this concerns Tohru Kazasumi, a low-born high school student who just wants to chill out and play paintball.

After getting his ass whacked by his wannabe girlfriend’s Kuwabara-clone brother, Tohru suddenly spots that girl from earlier on only to get dragged into a time warp back to present day Shibuya. In this period, several people with future tech shoot at each other in a deadly game of laser tag. Its all so confusing and the episode ends with Tohru getting shot in the head by his considerably more badass future self again. What have you done Tohru? TIME PARADOX!!!

If there’s a patron saint for overhyped anime now, it must be Gen Urobuchi. Since Madoka Magica blew everybody away almost five years ago, producers have been attaching his name to their productions to push dvds out of the stores and onto the streets. Inevitably this leads to crushing disappointment for advanced purchasers of shows like Psycho-Pass 2, Gargantia, and Aldnoah.Zero when its revealed that his role in the final product was, to say the least, barely to non existent. And once again, in Gunslinger Stratos, we have a show which is staking its publicity on its rather nascent Urobuchi connection (he’s credited with “Original Idea”, whatever the hell that means) that doesn’t hold up when put up to pressure. Instead we have some other guy from Nitro+ doing the scripts and he’s just not as good. What little plot there is offers some potential with its mystery aspect but immediately squanders it by turning the show into a mishmash of Gantz and The World Ends With You. Uninteresting characters and a choppy narrative that doesn’t give me any incentive to continue is the final straw.

Who knows, maybe something good will come out of this, but as it stands, Gunslinger Stratos is a forgettable waste. — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Gunslinger Stratos is a series of stylish fast-paced third person shooters developed by Byking, based on a concept by Gen Urobuchi, and a scenario by Norimitsu Kaiho, both from Nitroplus. Given that Urobuchi has become a big name in Japan, I guess it was only a matter of time before a game with his name attached to it would recieve an adaptation. So, given the incredibly fast paced and action packed nature of the games, you’d expect an anime based off them to be similar, right? Well, if by “fast-paced and action-packed” you mean “slow, boring, meaninglessly introspective and incredibly bland”, then  your wish just got granted! For the first 15 minutes of the show, we are treated to weird dream sequences, bland exposition, bland characters, and a plot that takes forever to get anywhere. Now, I could get past a slow start if it means introducing the setting, plot, and characters, but the problem is that Gunslinger Stratos…doesn’t. I had no idea what the hell was supposed to be going on for most of the episode, there was some exposition about residence of a town mysteriously vanishing, but the episode decides to ignore this for 10 minutes so we can focus on a bunch of annoying high-school characters play some sort of paintball game, a sequence that left me wanting to play actual paintball instead of watching these wankers. Maybe this was to introduce the audience to the primary cast, but there’s where the problem lies: these characters are really bland at best, and grating at worst. We have the bland main character, his boring childhood friend, the childhood friend’s douchebag of an older brother, and said older brother’s tag-along loli. Now, maybe these characters are more endearing in the source material, but to an anime-viewer like myself, they don’t leave much of an impression.

Fortunately things pickup halfway through, when our sheep-loving main hero and his pink-haired friend get sucked into another world, where people have crazy awesome, gravity-defying gunfights, and fight off a mysterious assailaint. Meanwhile there’s this scene where Some Kid is about to get sniped by Some Dude (my nicknames for both of them), only for the kid to deflect the bullet with some weird forcefield thingy and engage the sniper in a crazy-awesome gravity-defying gunfight, which is then joined in by some badass scarf-wearing ninja dude while a kid in a mecha fights Jotaro Kujo wielding a BFG . I had no idea what the point of that sequence was, but it was exactly what I came here for. The episode ends with the mysterious asailant revealed to be an alternate future version of our hero, leaving us off with a cliffhanger as he shoots a bullet into our stunned protagonists’s head.

Despite a bad start, Gunslinger Stratos is showing some potential of being a kick-ass gunfighting anime we all expected it to be. There’s still the problem of our main cast being as engaging as a bag of rocks. Music is also a letdown, with a rather irritating OP and generic ED, especially after hearing some of the games rocking tunes while looking up gameplay videos. If characterization does not improve in the next few episodes, then you’re better off just skipping to the fight scenes or watching gameplay videos of the source material on youtube. — Rynnec

Hello!! Kiniro Mosaic

Well true believers, in all my years of anime watching and yuri-faggotry, I have never seen anything quite as lewd as Kiniro-Mosiac. Never before in this decade will you see something so filled with sexual promiscuity, open fetishes,  pedophillia, and bad english. Now, I haven’t seen the first season of this show, so maybe it eases the viewer into its foray of debauchery, but holy hell does this second season dive headfirst into it!

Our episode begins with our seemingly straight-edge protagonist, British transfer-student Alice Cartalet,  giving an engrish narration/re-introduction to the cast. Her voice sounds like an even more nasally Minnie Mouse after sucking in a shit load of helium, something which is surely to the delight of her roomie/girlfriend Shinobu Oomiya. In addition of her fetish for all things britain and high-pitched helium voices, Shinobu also has a fetish for blonde girls, which is somethiing her onee-chan teases her about. Indeed, Shinobu nearly has a heart-attack when she believes that Alice’s hair may be losing its blondeness, fortunately she realizes its a joke before self-harm could occur. Given these events, I am led to believe that Shinobu’s sister gets off on the looks of despair of other people, and keeps a BDSM dungeon in the basement. After this we are quickly introduced to the rest of the cast, all of whom have their own fetishes and sexual desires, such as Yoko, whom has a fetish for woman’s breasts (though this isn’t shown in the episode itself, screenshots from the first season lead me to believe that this is the case), the voyeuristic Karen, a rival of Alice for Shinobu’s affections that wears a the Union Jack as her coat, and twintailed Aya, whom is a tsundere that wants Yoko’s V.

Not even minor characters are free of unorthodox fetishes and an uncontrollable libido. This becomes clear with new character Kuzesashi, a sexually frustrated homeroom teacher that loves to check out her female students. Kuzesashi’s sex drive is so large, that she even asks a fellow teacher tips on how to bed underage girls. Karen has a run-in with her when the teacher overhears her sharing her voyeuristic sexual fantasies about her, and even imagines her getting eaten out! Talk about hot for teacher! Even when Karen gives an over-energetic apology, Kuzesashi still keeps a stern glare, suggesting traits of a dominatrix.

The episode ends with Shinobu reccounting a tale involving a sexual encounter she had with an old lady when she was little, and this is supposedly where her fetish for the english language came from.

In short, this anime is lewd as fuck and those with weak constituitons may want to avoid this. For those voyeuristic pervs, however, this anime is for you. — Rynnec

The Heroic Legend of Arslan

I know it's an immature joke, but her names sounds like "Tatas-many".

Oh hey, here’s that show written by the Legend of the Galactic Heroes guy and drawn by Hiromu Arakawa. Those names create some big shoes to fill, and whether this show can do that is up in the air considering it’s an adaptation of an adaptation of an ongoing (one that’s been going on for decades). You don’t want to be like the Berserk movies and have a watered-down version of the original that ultimately goes nowhere. This concern probably stems from not knowing how this will end due to its nature. Will it end on a cliffhanger or an anime-only ending? Will I have to wait two years for an OVA that will resolve everything? These are the questions you have to ask yourself when watching a show hyped like this, because you don’t want to suffer like the Attack on Titan fans.

Now onto the premiere, it’s hard not to go into this show and start making FMA comparisons. When the plot slowed down, I made a guessing game as to whose design was a retracing of Edward Elric or Ling Yao. I don’t know how much Arakawa changed from the original novel when making her version, but there are more than a few moments here and there that echo her prior works. Even though the Parsian versus Lustianian conflict might initially hue to the Free Planets Alliance versus the Empire, there are some cultural themes that hue more to other sources. The Lustianians’ plight almost mirrors the Ishvalans, even with their religious conflict highlighted. Take Ed’s horror upon realizing Amestris’ atrocities upon Ishval, and look at Arslan’s questions regarding Lustianian soldiers. They’re not exactly the same, but a slightly blurred eye could see both connecting into one narrative about national clashes.

I also liked how the slave kid explains to Arslan the differences between his culture and theirs. I was expecting a bland “Slavery is bad” moral wrapped around, but it went further and had Arslan genuinely wondering why it was bad. He’d grown up thinking that slavery was a sign of a nation’s prosperity, and believed that slaves would be treated well under enriched masters. He’s been so sheltered that the sight of a rebelling slave confuses him, as if he’s wondering why they would run away from his nation’s wealth. He’s the kind of person who thinks that simply talking to an enemy can balance things out no matter how strained tensions are, and this show punishes him for that naiveté. And even when among his own family, he gets treated like an object. His parents just observe him once and go away to proceed to their own business, keeping him in the darkness.

But the show doesn’t simply aim for a corrupt empire mercilessly brutalizing another culture, because it’s not like the Lustianians are any better. The slave kid proudly admits to being a warrior at the age of eleven while that seems unheard of to the Parsians. They also appear to be misaimed zealots thanks to their insistence on an equalist God, whose teachings are often used by hypocrites to justify their actions. While there are still scenes trying to showcase who’s wrong—like when the Parsian slavemaster kills his slaves for trying to rebel—it’s interesting to see why these people hold onto corrupt ideals. This show’s like a lesson in figuring out how to comprehend your enemy without completely sympathizing with them. — Bloody Marquis

Second Opinion!

And all I have to do is surrender all my human rights and dignity? Wow! What a deal! Where do I sign up?

The Heroic Legend of Arslan is a popular, and still-ongoing, historical-fantasy novel series that’s been adapted into a manga, two films, and an OVA series back in the 90’s. Two decades later, Hiromu Arakawa of Full Metal Alchemist fame began working on a new manga version drawn in her own signature style, which is the version of the story this particular anime is based on. Pretty faithfully to boot, since most of the shots in this closely resemble the manga’s, leaving me a bit worried if this anime will be a little too faithful in adapting Arakawa’s version. That’d be a problem mostly because her manga is barely over 20 chapters long as of this writing, and they aren’t particularly long chapters either, with the average length coming out to 20 pages each. Considering that the staff has another source material to fall back, though, that hopefully won’t be a problem, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if they only stick to adapting what Arakawa’s done so far, considering the tendencies of modern anime to be too faithful of adaptions for their own good.

So anyways, if this is a story that has been told multiple times in multiple different mediums, it’s got to be a good one, right? Sure. It’s got a cool middle-eastern historical setting and a timeless tale of a young man rising to greatness, tackling themes of equality, justice, and religious fanaticism. Though, the story might strike a seasoned viewer as a bit too familiar. It’s really not hard to guess where it’s going and all the twists and turns that’ll happen in it early on from just this first episode. Arslan is a naive prince who will soon be forced to come to terms with the harsh realities and lack of easy answers waiting for him when he breaks out of his sheltered bubble and faces the real world. Though, he’ll probably take it all in stride and thoughtfulness, considering his genuine interest in the Lusitanians’ different philosophies. There’s inevitably going to be a tragedy that’ll probably involve his father dying and his country getting taken over by his enemies in a coup or whatever, forcing him to scrounge up a small group of loyal allies and seek the political and military connections necessary to reclaim his homeland, and ordeal that will ultimately make him grow as a person, and become a capable and well-respected leader and king.

All of that shouldn’t be a spoiler. The direction where this story’ll go is just that obvious. But that doesn’t mean there’s no value in experiencing it, since if done well the setting, characters, and presentation of the subject matter should be enough to keep it an interesting and engaging watch. And the presentation of the series, so far, is very well done. Arakawa’s character designs have always translated to animation very well, and Arslan is no exception, even if some of the characters look a bit too similar to FMA ones at times (dye his hair yellow and Arslan is a dead-ringer for Edward Elric, for instance). The direction and pacing are spot-on, keeping the energy of the pilot moving well, and the performances sell the characters and their situations, particularly Yuusuke Kobayashi’s Arslan, which perfectly captures the characters’ innocence and naivety, and presents him in a thoroughly likable manner. That isn’t to say the show is completely perfect. The sword fight at the beginning of the episode between Arslan and Vahriz is almost painfully poorly animated, looking completely choppy, and there are several bits of character animation in this episode that seem to only use key frames, resulting in wonky and irritating movement, not to mention the occasional quality-control goofs (as can be seen in the above image). The CGI in this series is also not particularly well-integrated, standing out too much against the 2-D backgrounds and overall just really distracting. It’s not as shitty-looking as the CGI in, say, the Berserk movies, but a lot of it just doesn’t work, and I hope that the large-scale battle scenes that will inevitably come up in the following episodes won’t suffer from it’s over-usage.

Ultimately, I’d say Arslan is probably one of the safest bets for a good anime to watch this season. Arakawa’s previous works made for fine entertaining anime, and this should prove no exception. With another version of the story to fall back on, there also shouldn’t be much in the way of an unsatisfying cut-off point even if the anime catches up or overtakes where the manga is at now. The production looks solid, some minor issues aside, and the whole package is solidly well-made. It probably won’t blow your mind or anything, but you can’t go wrong with keeping up with this one if you just want to watch a show that’ll be enjoyable start to finish with nary a weak episode in between. You may have seen this story before, but this is a take that’s still well-worth experiencing. — Cartoon X

Third Opinion!

In every time, in every place, the deeds of traps remain the same.

War. War never changes. And in far off distant lands, the kingdom of Pars fights to keep it’s place on the map, and a young prince helps a recently captured slave, who he may one day meet again with unpredictable results. Thus is the plot of Arslan Senki, based on a manga based of some novels by some guy named Yoshiki Tanaka, best known for writing about boring gay Germans in space. As expected of Tanaka, there is a heavy focus on war and it’s effects on society, particularly of different views of slavery, and how a society where it is very much the norm might justify it. While these heavy political themes will probably create many interesting events in the story, a lot of the story itself does feel rather humdrum. And while I’m always a firm believer that any concept can become interesting given the right execution, Arslan does still feel lacking in terms of personality. But given it’s pedigree, I would expect it to be something that has to grow on you over time, rather then wowing you in one go. It’s a conflicted feeling to have, being both interested and uninterested in a story. This is only the first episode, after all, so we can only what and see what deeds are done. — ShadowGentleman

High School DxD BorN

My favorite terrible anime has finally returned for another season’s worth of boobs (the lewd kind), boobs (the non-lewd kind), and ‘tude (the late 90’s kind)! As usual, we are treated to a cornucopia of shameless fanservice and abysmal storytelling, with TNK trying their best to deliver a legitimately good show and failing miserably. Unlike most garbage ecchi programs, DxD has always felt surprisingly earnest – as if the people behind it genuinely want to make something that can be called great, but are simply incapable of doing so. If you’re like me, you won’t laugh at the actual jokes (which are fairly tepid), but you’ll certainly bust a gut at the serious “action” and “story progression” scenes.

As a word of caution, the simulcast should be avoided like the plague; in the Funimation release, all the nipples are censored! And as any seasoned anime fan knows, High School DxD without nipples is like Twin Peaks without David Lynch.

…Too soon? — Foggle

Inochishirazu-tan

The Bishoujo Without Fear

Oh boy, it’s another Marvel anime. I thought the last showings taught the company not to go that route. And it’s an ONA too, so you just really know it’ll be good. At least there weren’t any delays, or we’d get another Sailor Moon Crystal deal. Now that’s a show where you wish you got blinded.

That’s not to say anything bad about Yamato Murudoku. He’s a great character who’s been handled quite well by such mangaka as Makuu Weidou. And I know the producers want to market him as more than another hero, but they go overboard a few times. Like, let’s copy the excesses of late 80s grit by having him beat up human traffickers before even the opening theme plays. At least they begin this series without some twenty-minute origin story begging you to skim. It doesn’t waste time with anything, throwing the cast at you and introducing the main angle before the first act is over. To compliment, this does a better job introducing Inochishirazu-tan in five minutes than what the movie a decade ago did in two hours.

But like I said, it seems almost ashamed of being a superhero show, instead reveling in crime drama and shaky cam to separate itself from its kin. It feels like one of those primetime shows where the detective with the quirky disorder has to solve whatever case interests him at the moment. That’s not a bad thing, but it feels awkward. The show thinks that moving from one tired genre to another will solve things? And with a 52-minute runtime with what probably could have been resolved in 42 gives off some pacing issues. It’s still one hell of an improvement when compared to DC’s attempt to cross superheroes with cop dramas.

And yeah, much of this assessment for the first episode seems to be little else than “it does things weird, but not weird in a bad way”. Even when getting enough time to digest, I still feel that way because the episode experiments with many things but isn’t sure whether to go forward with them. Maybe it’s a demerit when a fight scene elicits a sigh of relief than awe from me, elated that there’s not more romantic tension between the main character and Page. Seriously, that ate up half the episode and took away attention from the organized crime deal. I don’t even know a single word of what one of the crime bosses said, yet she was more compelling than watching Page and Yamato about to hook up. There’s something wrong when the Evanescence scene from the movie had more passion than the chemistry between those two. — Bloody Marquis

Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?

Every Anime Ever.jpg

“Wow this season looks great!”, I say to myself. Sidonia’s back, Fate’s back, new Heroic Legend of Arslan, Ninja Slayer, Jojo’s still on, holy shit spring cour is made of win this year! What could possibly go wrong!?!

…and then the first new show to subbed this season… is DanMachi.

Just when I thought I was out, THEY PULL ME BACK IN!!!!

DanMachi is yet another in a string of bad fantasy light novel SquareSoft-ripoff comedy anime. You know… just like that one, and that one, and of course, THAT ONE. And surprisingly it may be the most creatively bankrupt one to date (that’s saying a lot). Who’s our protagonist? Why its fish face from World Trigger! Where is he trying to get laid? Well isn’t it the Amon dungeon from Magi! Lemme guess… inhouse lolicon… OF COURSE! The only thing missing now is for lamer mainkid to be voiced by the ubiquitous Yoshitsugu Matsuo-GODDAMMIT.

Well anyway here’s the story. Some beta named Bell has been commanded by the spirit of his grandfather to be king of the lotharios but can’t get it on due to his…stats. Yeah this show has rpg stats! Why, I do not know! What he does have, however, is some jiggly loli in a leftover SAO costume who’s apparently god or something, Idunno. Anyway this loli is apparently a major statsmaster and gives Bell the magical ability to OH MY WORD! LEVEL UP! But that’s not enough to get his desired valkyrie woman, Ais Wallenstein to ride his lightning, so instead our hero Bell goes off a drunken tear and grinds all night leaving…nothing, the episode just ends with more fanservice because that’s what the writer of the original LN series (a newcomer named Fujino Oomori, probably an alias) feels what we should want from something like this show. If that’s not Reki Kawahara-logic, then I don’t know what is.

Basically DanMachi is a bizarre fusion of two different subgenres of anime that have crawled out of the woodwork in the last half-decade. The “Watch idiots play RPGs badly”-type show (ie: SAO and Log Horizon) and “your creepy loli non-imouto wants to fuck you”-show (Black Bullet, Machine-Doll, Dragonar, you want me to keep going?)  I’m sure there’s an audience for this kind of show (hell if there’s an audience for fucking Mahouka, why wouldn’t there be?). I am clearly not in that audience. I have now seen this show a half dozen times in various forms for various clusterfucks and even though I should be desensitized by it at this point, it doesn’t get any better. But what do I know? I’m just the leader of an insane cult of Hollywood celebrities and overpaid lawyers who once thought women should only be allowed to make pancakes and do the laundry. ALL HAIL XENU! — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Let’s get this out of the way right now; until my second viewing, I didn’t notice any breast strings whatsoever, so I have no idea why Tumblr and so many anime lovers have adopted this as the new “sweater with boob-holes.”  My first viewing was focused more on trying to figure out what caused our resident Dalek to become so shell-shocked, as he often does with pretty much every anime he watches that isn’t god-tier. And I found nothing. DanMachi, despite having the interesting setting of a fantasy JRPG, is just an average cartoon. Everything that is done in this show’s first episode has either been executed better in other anime or executed worse. The most interesting observation that can be made is that the voice actor of the protagonist is also the voice actor of Kirito, and is here playing a character that is the former’s opposite in many ways. If you can find joy in something this run-of-the-mill, that’s fine. I’ve watched too much My Life Me to call you out on that. But for most, “Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?” is background noise at worse and a subpar time-killer at best. — RacattackForce

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha ViVid

After an 8-year absence, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha finally returns to television, with Lyrical Nanoha Vivid. Unlike the three previous seasons, Vivid is an adaptation of a manga, one that I don’t particularly read or care for, but since I’m the only one around these parts familiar with Nanoha, I guess it’s my duty to do the write up. That being said, I’ve only seen the first two season of Nanoha, and the first few episodes of StrikerS, as such my knowledge of Nanoha lore is out of date, so bear with me here.

Vivid stars Nanoha and Fate’s adopted daughter, Vivio, a 10-year old that’s apparently a reincarnation of some sort of king from an ancient war-torn era or something. Vivio is a mage in-training to follow her parent’s footsteps, after her first day at magic school, Vivio recieves a gift from her parents; a transformation device in the form of a cute bunny plushie that turns her into an adult, because reasons. Dubbing the device “Sacred Heart” (sadly the anime does not play the Dio song of the same name), Vivio sets out to further her training and become the very best that no one ever was…or something like that.

There’s really not that much I can say about this show. If you already like Nanoha then you’re probably going to watch this show anyway, and if you like moe loli’s then you probably have this on your to watch list, anyone not already interested in Nanoha will be confused as to who these characters are and what is going on. That being said I did enjoy the family scenes with Nanoha, Fate, and Vivio, but that’s pretty much it. I guess this could become a fun, lighthearted battle-shounen ala Gundam Build Fighters, but given what I’ve seen of the source material, I doubt it will. Nanoha fans that want a little more plot will either have to wait til either Force gets animated, or the third movie comes out, and people looking to get into Nanoha are better off watching the previous 3 seasons or the movies. — Rynnec

Mikagura School Suite

Eruna Ichinomiya is a highschool freshman with a love for cute girls and spends her days lazing around and playing videogames (like all good teenagers). Having trouble deciding what school to enroll in, she is given a pamphlet for Mikagura High by her creepy cousin. Seeing how cute the uniforms are along with a photo of a hot girl, our libido-driven protagonist decides to enroll. Mikagura Academy is not all it seems however, every student is required to join a club, which then do battle with other clubs for honor and prestige, those who aren’t in a club are forced to be dormless save for a sleeping bag. Basically, it’s like a mundane version of Kill la Kill.

Mikagura Academy Suite is an anime based on a light novel based on a series of Vocaloid songs, kind of like Mekakucity Actors, thankfully Mikagura is a lot more enjoyable than that show ever was. There was some speculation that this would be a fujobait show or a reverse harem, but going by the first episode, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything Mikagura is your average school life mixed with action anime that just happens to star a gay protaganist. Speaking of protagonists, Eruna herself is a really enjoyable character, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a protagonist as enjoyable and amusing to watch as she is, especially one that’s not an anti-hero. As long as it doesn’t suddenly turn into heteronormative bullshit ala Nobunagun, Mikagura Academy Suite looks to be the anime that gives me exactly what I was looking for this season: a fun, enjoyable action show with a likable protagonist. Definitely worth a watch. — Rynnec

My Love Story!!

Oop-oop-a-bloop.

Oh boy, its the new -monogatari! I wonder what assholic bullshit will creepy pedo Araragi get into this week? Ok… unmoving plaid, weird fairy tale bullshit, yeah this is totally Shinbo. Its just like Kagerou Daze or whatever it was called last year. All right Isin, I’m not afraid, I sat through that Ononoki arc! You can’t annoy me with your sweet love story of a giant blowfish man and some moe blob!

…Heywaitaminute…

No this has noting to do with that other…thing. This monogatari is about the mating habits of a lumbering Golgo 13 lookalike with Angelina Jolie lips. Its the story of Takeo Gouda, a lumbering oaf who for years has been trying to set his BFF Sunakawa up with various girls only to get several reverse bitchslaps. Then, an incident involving a possible rapist on a train introduces them to Rinko, a small insecure girl with an incredible baking ability and the hots for… Gouda?!?

Oremonogatari…Oremonogatari…Ore-Mono-Gatari…I really have nothing to say about this show. Its ok I guess… it doesn’t do anything wrong outside of the botox faces, the acting is decent I guess, and Gouda is fairly likeable as a protagonist. Its just that the show doesn’t do anything else to elevate itself for me. It just kinda exists…that’s not much of a compliment.

Well at least its better than a lot of the shows I’ve had to watch this week. If that’s not backhanded praise I don’t know what is. –Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

It's the sweet, refreshing taste of a genuinely good romance anime.

Takeo is not your normal shojo male lead. He’s big, broad, muscly, and has a face most other anime/manga series would be quick to make gorilla jokes of. He also stands out by being a man of action, and an unquestionably good (and naive) person, with a pathetic love life in part brought on by his looks and in part brought on by his friendship with his more traditionally attractive best friend Suwa, who is inexplicably the crush of every girl he’s ever been interested in. His history of rejection in love has made him give up on ever finding it. That is, until he saves a girl named Rinko from a molester on the subway, and she suddenly wants to see him again! Takeo, of course, thinks Rinko can’t possibly be interested in him, and must want to hook up with Suwa instead. And so begins Takeo’s quest to play matchmaker and hook up Rinko and Suwa, blissfully unaware that he’s the one she really wants to pair up with.

I think My Love Story can best be described as “cute.” Not in that sickening and shallow moe way that pervades anime/manga series nowadays like a plague. I’m talking about a more genuine cuteness that comes from how innocent, pure, and naive the main leads are in their attempts to find love and work through a relationship. It’s like the kind of sensation you might get from watching two little kids who have a crush on one another; it’s a little awkward, but it’s earnest, and presents a sense of idealism about how the way love and the world works that’s rather infectious and appealing. Moreover, it’s a tone that makes for a refreshingly different take on the shojo romance genre, and that’s not simply because of the novelty of the male lead’s appearance. The genre has mostly been plagued by the same old love triangle where a cute girl is torn between two handsome guys, one a traditional nice guy and the other a bad boy. My Love Story follows a completely different premise. It’s not a love triangle. Suwa has no interest in having a relationship with Rinko, and he makes that pretty clear early on, and the feelings Takeo and Rinko have for each other are mutual from the onset. I don’t want to spoil much about the series, but let’s just say Takeo’s misunderstanding about who Rinko really likes won’t continue for long, and what happens after that misunderstanding is cleared is what the series is mostly about, and it’s, simply put, adorable.

It’s not hard to fall in love with the main character, Takeo, thanks to his naivety and earnestness to do the right thing, as well his relatable insecurities and total bromance with Suwa. The fact he gets some really hilarious facial expressions and has a amusing way of reacting to things only increases his likability. And similarly, My Love Story is a show that has a lot to like about it. It’s refreshingly free of the overused tropes and cliches that pervade modern shonen and shojo romantic comedies. It never takes itself too seriously where the romance is concerned, but still presents it as genuine and lovable. The story that the series develops is immediately appealing, with a protagonist who’s easy to sympathize with, laugh with and at, and root for, and Madhouse has spared no expense making the show look and flow as gosh darn pretty as it possibly could. It’s a nice, light-hearted experience that manages to elicit a few laughs and even a few awws without ever feeling forced or treading tired ground.

I’m just going to come right out and say it; My Love Story is the best romance-driven series I’ve seen come out of this medium in years. It treats what could easily have been a gag-premise with respect and commits to it, and doesn’t drag out the period it takes for characters to get together, instead focusing on seeing a couple develop their relationship. It’s bereft of love triangles, melodramatic misunderstandings, and the traditional shojo archetypes, and all the characters are not only likable but also have a genuine chemistry with one another that helps sell the viewer on both their friendships and their love lives. It’s ridiculously easy to like even if you can’t stand anime/manga romance series in general, and though not that much really happens in the first episode when you stop and think about it, it’s an engaging enough experience that the entire 23 minute runtime just flies by. With a down-to-earth sentimentality and relatable emotions, My Love Storyis one of the few anime this season I believe has broad appeal, capable of endearing itself to most any anime viewer no matter their general tastes, sex, or age. As such, it is the first and may be the only anime this season that I feel confident in recommending without any conditions, fore-warnings, or reservations. It’s something you don’t see much in anime these days; a love story that’s hard not to love. — Cartoon X

Third Opinion!

I’ll be perfectly honest: the only reason I watched this show is because the main character looks like the result of some freak blowfish/bara/Golgo 13 fusion accident. That and I’ve heard a few good things about the original manga. But what I ended up watching couldn’t be described as being very good or terribly bad. It couldn’t really be called anything really, other then some kind of play on conventional anime romance cliches that doesn’t end up being nearly as good as you thought it would be. The gist of the story is that our hero, Blowfishuman, is forever alone and disappointed that all the girls he’s ever had a crush on confess to his best friend (sound familiar yet?). Well everything changes when he stops a molester in the train and ends up falling head over huge ogre heels in love with a nerves moeblob. While the setup is intriguing and the main character is a bit more likable then I thought he would be, Ore Monogatari fails to offer anything of real substance or interest. I could see it getting better, and if it does get better I could see myself liking it quite a lot, but as it stands the only thing of real note is, well, puffy lips. And the opening is pretty decent too. — ShadowGentleman

My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Too!

Have you ever watched a show that didn’t particularly faze you one way or the other? Where there was nothing really wrong with it, and you weren’t bored or anything like that, but you couldn’t really find a reason to care, either? That’s how I feel about the first episode of Oregairu 2. By no means was this a bad premiere, and I think it definitely has an audience if the first season’s reception is any indication, but I’ve just generally found myself unable to feel any sort of enthusiasm for it since day 1.

That said, there were actually quite a few things I liked about this episode. The stylish OP is excellent both visually and musically, and the overall pacing is tight. The direction may be nothing too noteworthy, but it’s solid enough that, despite my lack of interest, the episode never once felt dull – a respectable accomplishment for any work. Hikigaya is also a fairly charming protagonist, largely due to a charismatically deadpan performance from Eguchi Takuya, whose rapid-fire line deliveries consistently ooze delicious cynicism.

The rest of the cast did less for me – by which I mean nothing at all – but I didn’t hate any of them, which is a rare feat for a romantic comedy. I will freely admit, though, that Hikigaya and Yukino were pretty cute together at the end of the episode. And when I put my mind to it, I can’t really think of anything bad to say about this installment other than that most of the jokes fell flat (but not all!). I guess the animation isn’t too good either, but it’s also not noticeably bad. Shit, maybe my subconscious secretly likes this series? I guess I’ll go try to finish the first season now. — Foggle

Plastic Memories

Clannad aired all the way back in 2007, and since then, anime has been abundant with similar tales of tragedy, love and annoyance – from Angel Beats! to Nagi no Asukara, there are many to watch, cry and hate over. In 2015, some genius over at Dogakobo decided to combine Clannad with robots. It’s a shame to say that every sad anime will always be compared to Clannad, but only because it set the standard (or in some people’s opinions, actually made it) for anime of that genre. I hate to admit that, and compare Plastic Memories to it. I must, because Clannad is unfortunately the bar for ‘girls crying and we cry with them’.

With that in mind, shouldn’t I hate this show because it reminds me of Clannad? Surprisingly, I don’t. I do have a soft spot of artificial intelligences and robots (there is a huge reason why I adore Daft Punk, after all), and it caught me off guard. Seeing everyone on Twitter gush about it naturally made me pessimistic (Anitwitter has a habit of loving shit shows and hating on good ones), so I went in with a negative mindset. Although I have problems with Plastic Memories, I can’t rip on it just yet, and I can appreciate what it is trying to achieve. It’s the biggest anime surprise of the year so far for me.

In the future, people co-exist with sentient robots named Giftia, who have a lifespan of almost 82,000 hours. When those hours are up, the Giftia begin to lose their memories and personality and become a shell of their former selves. To combat this, SAI Corp., the company that developed and produces the Giftia, employ a even number of Giftia and humans in a squadron named the Terminal Service, to retrieve the robots who no longer function as a useful member of society. Tsukasa Mizugaki, our protagonist, is the latest employee of the Terminal Service and is partnered with Isla, a mysterious Giftia who has not been active in the retrieving of her kind for unknown reasons. Lots of A.I tears happen in the process.

I think the reason I liked Plastic Memories‘ premier episode was the fact it never forced anything down my throat, be it exposition or emotion. As the series is about interactions between humans and sentient robots, the show will inevitably begin discussing what makes something human, the meaning of life and other deep shit. The episode ends with a child Giftia leaving her adoptive grandmother after nine years, both of them in tears as they will never see each other again. Tsukasa is a unknowing dick to the grandmother, who wants nothing more but extra time with the granddaughter she adores, but knows will never be the same after her hours are up. It was a raw, powerful moment improved with suitable acting, but ruined with terrible humour after the conclusion. It’s a similar situation Your lie in April had, only that was more Clannad-y than fucking Angel Beats! was. Both series suck, too.

So far the characters don’t seem too interesting (Michuru is already the worst character mere seconds after her introduction), but the world the opening episode introduced us to holds promise. I hope it really doesn’t become as bad as Clannad did. I really want to like this one. It also better explain why Giftia can’t live beyond 82,000 hours, because that’s interesting in itself. Be good, Plastic Memories. Please be good. – Plastic Mahouries

Punchline

Clearly this is how the writer meetings went.

Oh Mappa… what the hell happened? Last summer and fall, you gave us two of the best shows of the year with Terror in Resonance and Rage of Bahamut Genesis. What then led you to this…thing? Did you see like Inou-Battle and think, “Hey! Trigger’s gone typical and blown all their momentum! LET’S APE THEIR SHIT!”? Or did you get bored of being called “that studio that only does the Watanabe shit nobody likes?” Either way, a dark cloud has descended on you and produced this half-baked Imaishi rip-off that is PunchLine.

What’s the plot? FLCL!…except not funny. A boy gets turned into a ghost somehow and must find an Hindu book of the dead to get his body back. Meanwhile his various apartment complex mates are all magical girls, rocket scientists, or business women, he’s constantly annoyed by the cat from Yokai Watch, and if he sees pantys, the earth gets smashed into by a passing meteor. What’s not to love about this kuraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayze concept!

.

..

….

……

EVERYTHING!!!!

This show fucking sucks. None of the jokes worked, the character designs are recycled, the direction is repetitive, and the theme song is by fucking Shokotan. Its like the makers want us to hate it so that Noitamina can be divinely punished for chucking its second half hour in favor of more late night sumo wrestling. I have nothing to say now. Absolute nada. — Lord Dalek

Re-Kan!

Go home Toshio, you're drunk.

Re-Kan! (which I think means “Other Sense!” or something) feels like a show from 15 years ago, if not 20. The character designs are flat and lifeless, the animation is processed through what looks like a vaseline filter to make it look like old SD resolution digital, much of the cast looks like rejects from Utena, etc. Yes, clearly this is a turn-of-the-century show that’s been locked in a vault for a decade and only now seeing the light of day. The only thing more early-2000s is if this were a string of 4komas slapped together into something loosely resembling a plot.

…which is exactly what Re-Kan! is. Oh boy.

In December 2013, I reviewed PuPiPo for the winter 2014 cour (it started early, sue me!). Since even I barely remember it, I’ll give you a refresher. PuPiPo was a mostly forgetable adaptation of a 4koma manga by the now quite destitute manga-ka of High Score Girl! (yeah that’s never coming back…) about a middle schooler who saw ghosts and got into wacky hijinx ™. Why is this important? Because Re-Kan is basically PuPiPo if it was literally Azumanga Daioh (which is and remains the gold standard for 4koma anime), except not nearly as funny and 3x as long. And they say you never want to hurt the ones you love.

Our story concerns on Hibiki Amami, a sweet, if somewhat dim, transfer student who is unfortunately stuck with Haley Joel Osment-disease, allowing her to see troubled spirits nearly everywhere. This quickly gets on the nerve of fellow classman (and painfully obvious tsundere) Narumi Inoue who doesn’t like being freaked out whereas everybody else has already gotten used to it. Being a 4koma you can literally see where the strip starts and ends because its building to an obvious punchline. Some of these work (I admit I chuckled at the Ju-On reference at the start), most of them don’t. Its to be expected.

The only word I can describe Re-Kan with is unmotivated. Its not a bad show but it doesn’t want to do anything to make it seem like a good show and everything it does do only reminds me of older anime that did it better. In a way this is the curse of modern anime, trying to reclaim old glories and failing constantly at it. Why should I be surprised that this fails equally? By the end of it I was about ready to do ye olde “Oh just fuck already!” to the two heroines, unfortunately the show made the joke for me already. >_> — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Hibiki Amami is a  girl with a sixth sense, able to see ghosts and spirits, as well as talk to animals. This leads to her doing things that seem odd to normal people, such as hopping across a street, talking to herself, and avoiding invisible objects. Fortunately for her, everyone at her school has accepted her abnormal behavior in the surprising timespan of a week, everyone that is, except for local tsundere Narumi Inoue. Narumi claims to not believe in the occult, and is the only person to call Hibiki out on her behavior. Despite this, Hibiki tries to make friends with Narumi, who may have a sixth sense herself despite her claims of the contrary, and a bond begins to form…

Right you are Perverted Cat-san!

Re-Kan is Studio Pierrot’s latest manga adaptation, adding yet another show to their list of occult anime alongside Bleach, Yu Yu Hakusho, and Tokyo Ghoul. Re-Kan differs from the afformented anime in that it’s an adaptation of a 4-koma gag manga. Re-Kan is an enjoyable show with funny and amusing moments interspliced with heartwarming scenes. The growing relationship between Hibiki and Narumi was particularly well done, and made my shipping heart squee with delight, Hibiki and Narumi themselves are also likable enough characters to make you want to watch more of their antics. The other characters felt rather flat, though I imagine that’ll change in future episodes. As far as 4-koma adaptations go, the episode felt suprisingly consistent throughout, despite their being no segment breaks, and was able to hold my attention throughout. The OP and ED were also really cute.

If you want a good comedy this season, then Re-Kan is your show. Especially if you’re into the occult. — Rynnec

Rin-ne

Yet, it still managed to be more entertaining than most of the shows out this season.

Because Crunchyroll decided not to announce they had picked up the series until last tuesday, I ended up having to watch this first episode a total of five fucking times. Twice raw, once each with two different shitty fan subs, and once with the Crunchyroll subs. It’s easily the most times I’ve had to rewatch the first episode of any anime in the span of a single week.The most annoying part about the whole ordeal was that I had actually finished writing up my Clusterfuck entry for it right when Crunchryoll made the announcement, which means I had to rewrite most of what I had since I had written much about how shitty the fansubs for this series were. It was seriously frustrating.

So, having watched the first goddamn episode nearly half-a-dozen times, what’s my assessment of Kyokai no Rinne? Well, as a huge fan of Rumiko Takahashi’s previous series (and downright obsessed with Urusei Yatsura), I have to say that I think this series is, quite frankly, her weakest work. It doesn’t have most of the annoying elements that people who don’t care for InuYasha tend to complain about or anything like that, but if you were to compare the series to her previous comedies it’s a whole lot less inventive and fresh. The initial premise is hardly the most original, reminding a bit too much of the beginning of Bleach with a touch of Noragami (though the Rin-ne manga predates the latter). Unlike those two, though, it’s more of a sitcom like Takahashi’s previous works Urusei Yatsura and Ranma 1/2, but it doesn’t really have the diversity and creativity in it’s stories that made those two series stay so fresh for most of their runs. That isn’t to say the series isn’t capable of some really damn funny story lines and can match it’s predecessors at it’s best, but more often than not it feels like a much more controlled, less eccentric version of Takahashi’s signature humor, and it doesn’t elicit quite as many laughs as those two as a result.

However, Takahashi’s greatest strength has always been in her characters, and Rin-ne is strong on that front. Anyone who has watched her previous works will probably be floored to find that the main two leads in this series aren’t stubbornly headstrong nor do they bicker with one another. In terms of personality, Rin-ne and Sakura are almost a complete 180 from previous Takahashi leads; cool-headed, sensible, and rational. You won’t be seeing any physical violence between the two, nor will you see them yelling or arguing at each other, like, at all. It’s bizarre, I know, but it’s a refreshing change of pace and makes our two leads stand out in comparison to their predecessors. The supporting cast in the series is also a lot of fun too with quirks and eccentricities that result in great character interactions and group-dynamics, and that helps keep the series interesting even though it rarely changes it’s status-quo.

Brain’s Base disappointed me last season with the production quality of the Assassination Classroom anime, but Rin-ne looks really nice and well-animated, and well-directed to boot. The first episode seamlessly combines three different chapters into a single episode so effortlessly that you might not have been able to tell if you hadn’t read the manga before. It’s the mark of scriptwriters and production staff who have a history of working on adaptions of Takahashi’s series, and I feel confident about the quality of the series in their hands. The voice acting is strong as well, with Kaito Ishikawa turning in a spot-on performance as Rinne, though I feel Marina Inoue’s Sakura is a little too expressive at times for a character who tends to have a mostly unenthusiastic reaction to things. As for the OST, it’s a bit forgettable, especially compared to previous Takahashi adaptations, but the opening and ending are still among the better ones I’ve seen this season. All in all, a solid product, and a pretty good adaption that renders it’s source material with proper justice, and arguably even improves on it, which is always a nice thing to see.

Rin-ne is a fairly amusing series, and probably one of the better comedies to come out this season not named Gintama, but it’s hardly one of the funniest anime you’ll ever see. If you haven’t watched Takahashi’s previous comedies like UY or R1/2 yet, I’d suggest you spend your time checking them out first, since at the end of the day they have a lot more variety and bigger laughs to offer. Still, I like it. I’m definitely biased in the matter, but there’s just a charm to Takahashi’s sense of humor and characters that feels refreshing to me against the popular loud and random style of most modern anime, which tends to emphasize shock value and novelty instead of strong character dynamics, wit, and good old-fashioned slapstick. Rin-ne at it’s best offers more of what I’ve always enjoyed from her series, even if it lacks the bite and edge that made her previous ones so revolutionary and influential for their times. If you’re a die-hard Takahashi fan like myself, you’ll no doubt make an effort to keep up with this. At the end of the day, it just feels nice to see something from the Rumic World animated after all this time. — Cartoon X

Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign

Come on and slam!

Every year there’s that one big defining show that every other studio then tries to cash in on and crack its secret formula only to fail miserably at both. In 2010, it was Monogatari. In 2011, it was Madoka. In 2012, it was SAO (we’re still getting those clones). And, in 2013, it was Attack on Titan. So far, attempts to clone the latter have been…well…less than deluxe (yeah that Terra Formars hype really paid off didn’t it!), so here comes yet another one sent to us from those shameless genesplicers at–Wit? But that company made Titan, why do they need to make another one?!?

Yes this is that other kind of sell-out. The “Only our first show made money, so lets just make that again!”-type. Rolling Girls was fun and all (well… up to the final arc, lord did that suck), but nobody liked it so this is your punishment: a bland, regurgitated festering mess that can’t tell if its Titan, Code Geass, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Strike the Blood (seriously?!?), Fullmetal Alchemist, OwBlech, or *insert shitty generic edgy shonen anime here…ga Kill*. To no further surprise, this is an adaptation of a Jump Sq. manga, because when I think of quality manga, I always think of Bessatsu Shonen Magazine Jump Sq.

I could tell you the plot of the first episode but then again I could just copy and paste the plot of the first episode of Attack on Titan. They are virtually identical, hell this episode is structurally a shot-for-shot remake of Titan’s premiere. The only difference is that there are vampires and everybody looks like Code Geass characters. Oh yeah…vampires. Vampires have taken over the world! Hooray? With everybody over the age of 13 dead from a mystery virus, our fate is held by young Yuuichiro, who escapes from the vampire’s underground blood harvesting facility to get himself a silly costume and a sillier hat. Oh yeah, Dio’s in this show too, because every anime needs more Dio! It is written!

I liked the first episode of Titan. It felt fresh, it felt appropriate, it completely caught you off guard. This? Its been there done that and never sucked more than it does now. All I could do was call so-and-so “Not-Eren” and the transformation was complete. It doesn’t help that once again they’ve gone with Sawano, the master of “I only have one motif and god help me I’m gonna use it!”-score composing for the soundtrack. I really grew to resent Sawano after his music from Aldnoah.Zero managed to be the umpteenth time he’d recycled his score for Gundam UC and this is sadly the umpteenth time+1. You’re making me like Yuugo Kanno, Sawano! That’s not a good thing!

Worst part of it all, next week they go to school! Yeah that really worked for OwBlech didn’t it? — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Well, you're trying, I'll give you that much.

The first few minutes of the Seraph premiere are genuinely intriguing. A seemingly innocuous, ordinary night in Tokyo suddenly goes horribly wrong as one by one swarms of people start dropping like flies. Cars crash, planes crash, and the city crumbles into ruin and goes up and flames as a hoard of cult-ish cloaked vampire soldiers march led by a not-so menacingly dressed teenage girl (it’s an anime, what did you expect?) march over their new conquest. The entire adult population of Japan has up and died, leaving thousands of poor orphaned children stranded in the streets, hunted down by their new vampire overlords and confined in ghettos, treated like cattle and farmed for their blood. It’s an engaging start and an effective hook. But then the characters start talking, and well…

Seraph of the End is actually one of the select few popular modern shonen manga that I’ve yet to read a significant portion of. Most of what I knew about it going into it were the first impressions the Weekly Manga Recap guys gave when the series was first being serialized in the english Shonen Jump (they weren’t fans). Based on what I had heard about the series, this premiere delivered basically everything I expected it would, though more tolerably than I had anticipated. There’s a nice cinematic feel to this premiere that makes it work almost like a short film, with some gorgeous shots and choice imagery, backgrounds, and animation interspersed throughout. The presentation as a whole is pretty great, and after the disappointing production values of shonen manga adaptions I’ve seen recently, it’s nice to see one with genuine effort put into it.

Which is why it’s unfortunate that the story isn’t nearly as up to par. The plot of the premiere is a variation on the typical “character infiltrates organization to undermine it for his own gain but gets horribly screwed over” trope and beat for beat predictable in terms of dialogue and the details of the action, right down to all the kids besides the MC getting slaughtered at the end. It’s hardly anything new, but it succeeds in being engaging for the most part. Well, at least it is in scenes that don’t involve the MC of this series, who is an irritating, unlikable whiny douche who kills the buzz of any scene he’s in. The show tries to justify his personality by giving him an obligatory sob backstory about how his dad was an abusive alcoholic and his mom went insane and killed herself, but the fact that he comes across as only slightly annoyed by all of that rather than genuinely emotionally scarred just makes him more unsympathetic than if he didn’t have a backstory to begin with. Using this in order to explain why the character rejects the idea of family, only to have him realize his error once he loses the people he genuinely cares about, is also forced to the point of amusement, though I’m sure the show wants me to take it super duper seriously. I also bet they want me to take the fact that the MC is the CHOSEN ONE which gets sprung right at the end of the episode with no foreshadowing or build up seriously too, when the bizarre abruptness of the reveal is so jarring it felt like some kind of surreal satire on the trope, even though it’s played perfectly straight. The premise of Seraph might be dark, but the details of the story are so eye-rollingly lame that it might as well be a parody.

At its core, Seraph of the End is another entry in a continuing trend of edgy violent grim-dark battle shonen series, relying on the initial shock value of it’s premiere and it’s depressing tone to trick you into thinking it will be some sort of mature, deep, and emotionally intense series when in fact it’s just a regular battle shonen at it’s core. This was true of Attack on Titan, of Akame ga Kill!, and it’s true for Seraph too. Once you get past the shocking and cruel content of it’s premiere, you’ll find that it really is just your standard battle shonen expousing all the typical battle shonen cliches, tropes, and archetypes. Seraph is probably even worse about it than it’s notable predecessors in that it’s immediately going to dive into a freaking high school-based setting in it’s next episode (because goofy high school antics totally mesh with a post-apocalyptic setting, child abuse, and genocide), and will probably have an episode devoted to the MC making friends and learning the value of teamwork or some shit. I’m not saying these cliches are always terribly executed. I’m saying that don’t jump the gun on calling this series a more mature and impressive entry in the genre like so many people swear AOT is, because chances are it’s really not.

As for whether Seraph is worth watching, well, I’m not particularly interested in seeing more of it myself. But I do expect it to become a fairly big deal in the anime community, not just because the manga is fairly popular, but also because it’s produced by Wit Studio, responsible for the gigantic smash hit that was Attack on Titan and the…”novelty” that was Rolling Girls. The same production values and finesse they displayed in those shows has carried over here to great effect, making this premiere more notable and engaging than it might have been in other hands. It’s too much to expect any anime studio to improve on a source manga’s story these days. However, good production values and a refined execution of the same story can still go a long way in making something that would otherwise be unimpressive into an enjoyable experience nonetheless. It’s all going to boil down to quality of the source manga’s story; if it’s solidly written at it’s core, it should prove a good watch, and if not, then it’ll just be a rather disappointing waste of time and resources. Either way, I can’t say you should completely write off Seraph just yet. There is potential for a good show here, and it’s all up to Wit whether it meets or misses it. — Cartoon X

Third Opinion!

Well it’s been a couple years since Attack on Titan took the anime world by storm, and Studio Wit is swimming in money, but two years is a long time to wait between seasons, and fans are hungry for edgy shounenshit. Sure Rolling Girls was enjoyable, but it wasn’t edgy and angsty enough. So with this in mind, Wit threw a dart on the board, and what better manga to have been picked for an adaptation than Seraph of the End, an occult tale of a vampire apocalypse.

Seraph is (despite the name) your average vampiric dystopian tale. A virus allegedly kills all of the world’s population save for the children. The children are then enslaved by the vampires and are forced to donate blood to their captives. Enter our hero, Yu, and his friend, Mikaela, who plot a plan to escape the clutches of the vampires. However, their plan goes awry when their group is ambushed by a vampire, and, to give this show its edgy credentials, the children are slaughtered save for Yu, whom manages to escape thanks to the noble sacrifice of Mikaela. Swearing to destroy all the Tita-er, Vampries, Yu joins the Imperial Army to carry out his revenge.

Watching Seraph of the end, it’s clear that Wit’s trying to make another AoT, from the dark and edgy tone, to its Eren Yeager-like protagonist, right down to Hiroyuki Sawano doing the music. As such the anime feels overly derivative, and, if anything, just ends up taking most of Titan’s flaws and amplifying them.  Most of what worked in Titan fails to work here because it’s been done, and done better. In my opinion, Titan wasn’t really that great of an anime to begin with, and this blatant clone just comes off as bland, maybe if Seraph had been made before Titan, I’d change my tune, but unfortunately, it’ll always be stuck in Titan’s shadow as the lesser series.

Y’know, maybe I’m being a bit too harsh on this show. I do have an interest in the occult, and vampires are a way cooler threat than giant naked people. I also like the gothic aesthetic the anime has, with a few of the costumes even resembling Raidou Kuzonoha. Besides, Japan has some of the coolest vampires in fiction. So yeah, maybe this show won’t be that bad, with this in mind I’m ready for one blood-soaked, action-packed, pulse-pounding, high-stakes-

...oh.

— Rynnec

Show By Rock

Show by Rock begins like your average SoL anime. Generic chuuni meganekko moe blob tries to join a light music club, but her shyness prevents her from applying. Like all good teenagers, Cyan decides to procrastinate by playing a game rather than filling out application papers, before she knows it she’s sucked into a weird videogame world where half the population is a CGI animal, and she’s a catgirl. After witnessing a trio of gay rockstars perform at a concert, she’s sucked into a pocket dimension where the gay rockers are attacked and defeated by a giant skeleton monster, then she somehow gets a talking guitar and defeats the monster by playing killer guitar riffs, rescuing the trio. This gets the attention of Rachel Alucard, Pinkie Pie, that girl from Chaos Code, and a talking egg, after returning from the pocket dimension, our now suddenly 2D protagonist is greeted by the odd group, and is offered to join their rock band. Feeling that joining a rock band is more important than finding out what the hell is going on, our protagonist happily accepts the offer. Oh, and Rachel wants to get into Cyan’s panties.

Yeah, if you couldn’t already tell, this show is weird.

Show by Rock is an adaptation of of a series of rhythm games by Sanrio, best known as the creators of Hello Kitty (well that certainly explains the CGI and animals). I have no idea what else to say about this show, though I do like the idea of a series focusing on a rock band. The only thing I guess I can say is that if you want to watch a music-based anime, then watch this one over that Euphonium thing. — Rynnec

Second Opinion!

Wasn’t there a Godzilla movie where some kid meets with baby Godzilla to overcome some grade-school level problem?

Maybe I’ll just compare Show By Rock to the Pagemaster movie instead since I actually watched that one.

So you’re introduced to Cyan, a high schooler who desperately wants to join her school’s music club but is just too painfully shy to do so. At home, she begins to psyche herself up for actually turning in her club application the next day when the phone game she’s playing on sucks her in. The game world is filled with bright colors, funky music, and mascot characters up the wazoo, including our protagonist Cyan, who’s now taken the form of a CG gothic Lolita cat… thing. It’s the kind of jarring plot development that makes you forget that the series initially took place in a very standard-looking high school setting.

To say anything outright positive or negative about Show By Rock would be highly unfair in that it’s one of those shows you definitely have to watch for yourself before deciding whether or not you’re down for the ride. The amount of enjoyment you’ll get from the series can be compared to something like junk food. Really… who doesn’t like junk food? The real pressing matter is whether or not you’re down for it on a weekly basis.

If anything I will applaud the series’ excessive amounts of marketable character designs. At the least I’m definitely down for picking up a chibi figure of one of the characters, gothic Lolita garb and all. — DaemonCorps

Sound! Euphonium

An underage Afro-American boy ready to taste the brass shaft.

The euphonium is a conical-bore, brass-based, baritone-voiced instrument for purposes relating to the mouth. This instrument can easily be detectable if one notices a giant horn with a radiator attached to it. I once confused a radiator with a euphonium, and had burnt lips for a whole month. The euphonium is mostly known for its tone color, wide range, variety of character, agility, and educating its owner in how to properly fellate another. There are many parts on the euphonium that almost perfectly synchronize with parts of the male human being’s G-spots. Academics might question this use of the euphonium, but I attest that since the progenitor of the euphonium is known as the “Serpent”—a silly snake of sorts—this comparison is ethically viable.

The euphonium has been confused with the baritone horn due to similar horn structure, but those who suggest that should be shot. The euphonium has a larger horn and has a blacker tone than that white devil’s instrument. The euphonium also sports a conical bore rather than a cylindrical bore, making it more practical to use in brawls with fellow jazz musicians. The euphonium death count has been forever a trade secret amongst aficionados, though most assume it ranges around twenty. The euphonium was dominant in American school bands throughout the 20th century until some little shit had to ruin it by claiming the instrument permanently deafened their ears during a musical accident, said charges have been denied by noted euphonium player Ernst Zundel of the Hitomi J-Cup Institute.

A popular euphonium to use is called the double-ribbed euphonium because it gives its users an extra taste of the real thing. Those who are not wet enough to take such a dive usually pursue the marching euphonium for its slender figure, noted to be akin to some preteen boys. For others who find themselves unexcited by these instruments would be pleased by the five-valve euphonium, an extremely rare variation known to require all holes to fully operate. This type was banned from public service after a five-valve euphonium was located inside the nether regions of [name withheld for legal reasons]. The only way to find a five-valve euphonium is to browse through the Deep Web, but its infamy makes child porn a safer bet to peruse.

Professional job opportunities for euphonium players include being part of Iceberg Slim’s menagerie, earning a cool fifty for every tug and a twenty for every play. Those who wish to die with their purity maintained would prefer moving their euphonium opportunities to brass bands, where they are happily involved in public activities condoned by Libertarian-Americans Caucasians under service cum laude y nueve emolgas. Sadly, these positions are scarce due to the Bloody Christmas of 1996 where an all-ages euphonium fatally asphyxiated a young girl in Boulder, Colorado. Scholars suspect that the euphonium will become a dying art, but loyalists argue that they will live on through the new media and ISIS sympathy. Only time will tell whether the euphonium will go the way of the Gue, the Suka, and the Keytar. But historians unanimously agree on one matter, that its legacy is worth about as much as cute girls doing cute things on a boring KyoAni show. — Professor Porthole

Second Opinion!

On my first day of high school, I remember hearing the band play the theme from PB&J Otter, which I thought was just the coolest thing ever. Not in a “geez, I gotta join band now” sense, but whatever.

When Sound! Euphonium’s main character first hears her school’s band, she immediately says that they suck.

What an asshole.

I have a working theory that most lovable characters in media could never work when shifted over to the real world in that we as the viewers love them more because they’re likable (or comically hate-able) and less because of their interests or quirkiness (try being friends with an actual Glee club member outside of the Glee show… or someone as painfully pop-culture obsessed as Community’s Abed). Eupho kinda works in the reverse in that the main character of Kumiko doesn’t have “kill all the titans” levels of hatred towards band music, so you can’t use it as a means to grasp the rest of her personality. She comes off as rude and snobby but not to a comical level, so instead of finding her likable, I actually can’t in any regards.

I get that it’s episode 1, and characters gotta start their character arcs somewhere, but Kumiko’s casual hatred of band music just rubbed me the wrong way.

The rest of the characters fit your standard cookie-cutter girl personas that the team at KyoAni has mastered to this point, so take that for what it is.

To say it’s nothing more than “K-ON but in a non-rock band” would be to sell it short, though. Yes, there are clear slice-of-life elements to it, but there’s also signs of some drama that I’m could either make or break the series. One episode in, I’d say it’s alright, but I’m not sold on it. — DaemonCorps

Third Opinion!

This line brought to you by Shouji Gatou.

An ill-wind is blowing… it must be KyoAni. Oh sure, AmaBuri was great and all (best show of Fall 2014 IMO), but we can’t expect them to keep making Gatou adaptations forever. Nope, its back to business for the vaccum chamber that is Kyoto Animation’s script department. Want more random mystery solving with Tomoya and Sunohara? Tough! Here’s more K-On with no rock and all big band! And not to toot my own horn, but Sound! Euphonium is, like K-On, nothing but a load of exhaust.

This is the story of girls and their honkers–wait… that came out all wrong…for one, this is KyoAni and nobody’s chest size exceeds 3 inches in their shows. Start again. This is the story of girls and their horns, which on paper implies that this is Testament of Sister New Devil, but the show is actually about tubas (to be fair, that’s an improvement). Kumiko, a KyoAni moe blob and master of the Euphonium (a small tuba), wanders around the town from Clannad, bumps into other moe blobs, has conversations that go nowhere, and finds herself scared by one of her middle school classmates who was a crazy stage mother for some reason. What else happens…ummm…that’s it. I just gave you the whole plot of the first episode, nothing happened. It says so much when you find to a way to make Your Lie in April’s premiere seem action packed but Sound! Euphonium may have found a way.

This show sucks. Its so lethargic in its pacing that it feels like you’ve been watching it for an hour even though the episode runs a brisk 22 minutes. In a way it reminds me of another show where nothing happened that totally blowed, Girlfriend Beta, wasn’t that show great?!? The cast of girls, with their frequently shrill and reedy voices, sqwawk their way through the script as if being played by an organist. So many pipes! Clearly KyoAni has show us where it wants us to put our lips on with Sound! Euphonium. That’s brass! — KireiXKiritsuguLover

Triage X

Highschool of the Dead aired in 2010. It’s now 2015, and we have the successor no-one has been asking for: a 2nd season? Nope. You’ve got its brain dead cousin, Triage X. Created, written and illustrated by the artist of Highschool of the Dead (Shouji Sato), Triage X lacks everything that made HotD appealing: bullet-dodging breasts, a somewhat decent writer (his brother, Daisuke Sato) and a psycho purple-haired best girl. Well, I actually think Triage X can actually top that scene from its predecessor, because Shouji Sato can turn everything into dumb, hilarious trash.

Right from the bat, the animation and CG is terrible – what else do you expect from Xebec, after all? The character design, which is decent from an adaptational standpoint, just makes you giggle. You have a woman with breasts the size of babies, faces that look off-putting, and anatomy the worst since…well, Highschool of the Dead. God bless Shouji Sato. To discuss how terrible Triage X was and will be in later episodes, one has to watch the episode, ponder what they witnessed and laugh at the end product, because I can picture no-one who did not watch Triage X unironically or with any thought of actually giving a shit with its plot and characters. It has a pink-haired idol wannabe who kills people with wires connected to bombs. If you don’t think that’s terribly amusing, I don’t know what’s wrong.

I admittedly own the first two volumes of the manga. I like Sato’s colouring, and it’s obvious he is a very talented drawer when he actually draws realistic proportions of his characters’ anatomy. His weakest link is naturally, the writing. Having a brain transplant and living with the donor’s personality within your own head sounds like a plot a 12-year old would write for a fanfic. If Triage X is a fanfic, it’s a damn good one in the ironic sense – a male power fantasy with hot babes (whatever floats your boat, dude) and ridiculous plot-lines. I’m open to it, because I can see no-one taking this show seriously.

Welcome back Sato, you slightly questionable artist. Enjoy your hentai, audience. — Shouji Mahou

Second Opinion!

In July 2010, an anime called “Highschool of the Dead” hit Japanese airwaves. It had a lotta zombies, a lotta violence, and a whooooole lotta boobs. Flash forward to 2010 and the manga it was adapted from still hasn’t come back from hiatus. So to satiate the lust for edgy fanservice anime, Xebec has chosen to adapt Shoji Sado’s other manga; Triage X.

The “plot” of Triage X has something to do with Black Label Society and their hospital that has a group of high school kids take out assholes, I dunno, the plot to this anime is about as important and intelligible as a plot to a Michael Bay movie. All you need to know is that this anime has a shitload of unnatrually large boobs and quite a bit of violence, in fact, the boobs are so large it comes off more as sickening than titilating. If you’ve read a Rob Liefeld comic, then you’ve probably read/watched this before, and that’s no exaggeration. Triage X is pretty much the anime version of a 90’s  Image comic, even moreso than Akame ga Kill. If you’re a teenager and want an anime with lots of boobs and violence, or  want to see Jason Voorhees as a roller-skating loli idol, then this anime is for you. — Rynnec

Ultimate Otaku Teacher

The whole episode looks like this.

With Ultimate Otaku Teacher, AKA Denpa Kyoushi, A-1 Pictures continues to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Hell, at this point it feels more like they’re trying to cut through the bottom of the barrel and dig into the dirt under it, because – if it wasn’t for Etotama – this may very well have been the worst anime premiere I’d seen since Cross Ange.

First of all, this show is ugly. Really ugly. The first thing you’ll probably notice about this episode is how all of the character movements look like they’re made using low frame rate motion tweens. This is even more obvious than it would normally be due to the truly awful character designs, which are especially egregious considering that the original manga doesn’t look half bad. The poor artwork and barely existent animation on display here would be considered unacceptable 10 years ago, let alone today.

Of course, even production values as bad as these would almost be acceptable if the actual content of the episode was good. It’s not. At all. This initial installment of Denpa Kyoushi sees Kagami Junichirou – the titular otaku teacher – tasked with helping an aspiring voice actress overcome her bullying problem. Said bullying consists of being force-fed chalk and having her personal information posted online in an attempt to get people to rape her. Are you laughing yet? Why not? This is a lighthearted comedy, after all! Needless to say, none of the humor is actually funny – jokes about otaku being ~so wacky~ got old years ago – and is somehow made even worse by the jarring and uncomfortable bullying scenes.

Do not watch this show. Just… don’t. There’s nothing of value here. Even the music is terrible. — Foggle

Vampire Holmes

So basically he's nothing like Sherlock Holmes, then. Okay.

On paper, the premise of a series featuring Sherlock Holmes hunting for vampires in London sounds intriguing. Same for the idea that he apparently “does not reason or even explain mysteries;” in capable hands this could have been grounds for an amusing mystery-comedy and satire on the Holmes mythos. Unfortunately, this series is just a cheap four-minute flash-animated web toon that is designed to sell some kind of smartphone app that no one gives a shit about. Clearly, the producers of this anime don’t give a shit about it either, because the presentation provides laughably lazy and cheap animation, godawful character designs, and an overall unappealing aesthetic. As for the “jokes,” they amount to quick and incomprehensible gags that aren’t funny in the slightest. Par for the course for these kinds of short run-time comedy anime, I suppose, but still woefully boring. And without any substance to get inflamed by, you can’t even hate-watch a show like this. I suppose there are worse ways to spend three minutes of your life, but there’s also so many better ways I don’t know why you would even bother.

Also, Holmes’ assistant in this is named Hudson (as in the last name of Holmes’ landlady), and not Wattson. Your guess is as good as mine as to why. — Cartoon X

2015
03.07

Who Is Imouto? – A Critical Analysis [Foggle]

Preface

Thank you for purchasing a copy of my latest academic text, Who Is Imouto? – A Critical Analysis. This is an expanded and refined version of my college dissertation, Imouto: The Who, What, When, Where, Why, And How. As you are probably well aware, I graduated with high honors from the University of Texas of the Permian Basin, and am a verified expert in the field of Imoutology. This thesis is the product of more than a year’s hard work and research, leaving no metaphorical stone unturned and no literal fact unprocessed. In essence, this is the most comprehensive analysis you will ever read about the long-debated question of who is imouto.

Dr. Thaddeus Fogglestein
PhD in Imoutology

Introduction

Who is imouto? Who can truly call themselves imouto? Before we may answer these burning questions, first we must examine what, exactly, is imouto. As with most things in life, the initial step toward understanding imouto is to define “imouto.” Japanese for “little sister,” the dictionary says – but is it something more? Myself and many other scholars have theorized that imouto may actually be more of an abstract concept; a state of mind, if you will. Due to the ever-rising prominence of Japanimation in modern culture, never before has this topic been more pertinent than in the Year of Our Lord 2015. It is a subject ripe for discussion by the well-read and literary-minded among us, its true nature elusive even to this day. Only society’s wisest intellectuals could even hope to derive meaning from such an enigma… until now.

Chapter I: A Vibrant History

The concept of imouto can be first traced back to the cave scrawlings of one “Kenichi Masashiro” in 451 BC. Scratched into the stone wall of his natural abode, noted archaeologist Nobuko Kurahara discovered rough sketches of a repugnant, overweight man receiving fellatio from a buxom female with the kanji for “goddess” carved into her face. Next to it could be found the earliest known concept drawings of Doritos, a flowchart detailing the timeline for Masashiro’s proposed superhero drama, and – most importantly – the first recorded usage of the word “imouto.” Utilizing only the finest in next generation radiological dating methods, scientists worked around the clock to discover whether or not this new lead was genuine; after weeks of careful research, it was proven to be so.

Knowledge of imouto’s origins darkens until an unconfirmed date during the Sengoku Period, in which one of Oda Nobunaga’s scribes began to write erotic fiction about his daimyo. In the most famous of these literary works, Nobunaga’s Ambition (to Fuck His Sister), the popular warlord was depicted as a thoughtful but lecherous schoolchild intent on deflowering his “beautiful” and “nubile, yet innocent” younger sister. The word “imouto” pops up frequently throughout the text, indicating a sexual connotation. No one knows what, exactly, happened to the anonymous author of this story after he suddenly ceased writing Nobunaga smut two years later. It is widely believed that he was slowly vivisected and later had his skull turned into a fruit bowl, but the lack of concrete evidence renders these claims insubstantial at best.

After the end of World War II, the world was split into two — east and west. However, North American soldiers decided to remain in Japan for reasons undisclosed until recently, when the Illuminati finally revealed the truth behind the whole thing: invaders from Mars. Indeed, aliens from another planet – no longer content to pursue their obsession with viewing the conflicts of mankind through an observer’s lens – orchestrated the attack on Pearl Harbor via mind control rays (able to pierce any known material except pure, unfiltered aluminum). The governments of both Japan and the United States were desperate to learn more about these evil tentacled aberrations – whose corrupting influence still lingers within many an artistic mind to this day – and thus they jointly created the top secret military project, Investigate Mars Outside Usual Treaty Observation, or I.M.O.U.T.O. This granted federal agents and select soldiers diplomatic immunity from any sort of legal repercussions, allowing them to freely torture and murder anyone deemed suspicious of potentially being a space alien in disguise.

Chapter II: Misconceptions And Conjecture

Imouto is a concept pervasive in nature, dominating entire aspects of modern otaku society by way of Chinese girl dolls and the ever-popular dakimakura. It has also become a veritable genre of literary fiction in its own right. Some have theorized that this is proof of cultural decline and the world’s growing insanity; however, these simpleton “scholars” would be incorrect in thinking that nuking it into the sun and causing said sun to explode would be a good idea. Such thinking is close-minded, traditionalist hogwash. They fail to take into account that incest is not only invulnerable to exploding suns, but also base morality and standards. The world needs imouto, but imouto does not need the world. Imouto is eternal, and will forever feed on the insecurities present within our hearts and minds until the entire human race is awash with feelings of doki doki for their younger sisters.

Many conservative pundits have claimed that incest is “immoral” and causes “birth defects.” Anyone who has ever visited the American South will know that this is nothing more than plebeian pablum — an attempt by the old guard to prevent our spiritual enlightenment and advancement as a species. Indeed, love shared between a person and their imouto is by far the purest feeling one human being can have for another. It has always been said that we, as a species, can learn many of the most important things in life from paying attention to our siblings; why, then, does this wisdom exclude such concepts as “seductive kissing techniques” and “properly performing cunnilingus?” This has long boggled my Foggle mind, from the days immemorial since I was first blessed with cogent thought until now.

And that is truly the question we all must stop and ask ourselves: “why?” Every argument against imouto can be deconstructed thusly. Imouto is a God-given right pertinent to all men, women, and probably some other miscellaneous mammals on this Earth. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that to be against imouto is to be against God, and to be against God is akin to being against spicy Korean BBQ. Just as one cannot deny the enriching flavor of succulent bulgogi grilled to perfection and served with at least 10 different side dishes that most white people won’t eat more than a couple bites of because they do not understand what manners are, one cannot deny the existence of God because it is God’s will that we cannot prove He exists. (Checkmate, atheists.) With these facts taken into consideration, the only conclusion one can realistically draw is that imouto is an unstoppable force the likes of which our world simply cannot exist without.

Chapter III: The Onii-Chan Conundrum

Figure 3.1

Figure 3.1 shows us that to achieve the status of imouto, one must first have access to an onii-chan. (Figure 3.2 would show onii-tan, the #1 fan of imouto, but he has unfortunately damned any photographers we’ve sent to the seventh level.) Notice how the female protagonist of Boilerplate Incest Harem Anime #257 – often shortened to OniAi by people who do not understand how acronyms work – wishes to marry and eventually copulate with her older brother. This is cute, because the character in question is “moe” (pr. moh-ey), a word frequently used by people who have no idea what it means to disparage art they don’t like. Even after 72 sleepless hours of intensive research, I’m still not sure what it means myself, so let’s just move on to the next paragraph.

The onii-chan is a very important aspect of imouto’s inner workings and must be examined in depth if one wishes to fully grasp what it means to truly achieve imoutual enlightenment. Onii-chan, I have long theorized, is much like imouto, in that it is more of a state of mind than a true aspect of one’s being. For instance, many Japanese cartoons feature completely legal, of age, sexually available women who only happen to look like they’re 10 years old referring to slightly older men as “onii-chan” in spite of not being related to them by blood. Recent studies have also proven that it is factually possible to be both someone’s uncle and grandpa simultaneously, and as a man of science who got at least two B’s on high school chemistry term papers, I dare not question findings pertaining to the notably infallible field of modern biology.

Whereas imouto is the long-standing psychological and philosophical ideal for all female members of the homo genus (side observation: if every human was the exact same, it would be a homogenous homo genus), onii-chan is classically the standard toward which all male specimens should strive. Onii-chan is perfect. Onii-chan makes the impossible possible. Onii-chan tastes delicious and his organs grow back when you eat them. Our world is currently dying a slow and painful death, and depending on who you ask it’s either due to global warming or political correctness going too far. Regardless of your politics, I believe we can all objectively agree that there is but one solution: the human race’s ascension to the status of onii-chan is necessary for the species’ continued survival. Note to all male readers: I will show you how you too can naturally turn yourself into a real, homegrown, organic onii-chan in just 7 easy steps with my upcoming self-help video series, Oni to Onii: Everything You O-Need to Achieve Your Doki Doki Dreams. It will be available for purchase in 4 quick installments of $25 within the coming months.

Chapter IV: The Money Of Imouto And Possibility Control

I’m a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair-a khaki pants with my shoes shined black
Got a little lady who walk that street
Tellin all the boys that she can’t be beat
Twenty dollar bill, I can set you straight
Meet me on the corner boy and don’t be late
Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

— Frank Zappa

These are wise words from a wise man. As they say, pimping ain’t easy, but it is a similar concept to manufacturing imouto-based fiction. While only a select few members of the human race will ever truly be able to achieve the coveted status of imouto or onii-chan (though you can most definitely attain the latter by purchasing all of Oni to Onii: Everything You O-Need to Achieve Your Doki Doki Dreams once it’s done), this does not stop Japan’s well-respected animators who work 14 hours a day for a salary of 100 yen per hour from crafting fantastical creative works that prominently feature people who have reached such enlightenment. In today’s light novel market, this is a prominent genre of literature, and it simply must be an excellent one, since nearly every entry into it is practically indistinguishable from its contemporaries.

He who controls the imouto market can be seen as the top dog in the thriving pseudo-pornographic incest romance industry, much like how the pimp with the hoes who look least dead inside can lock down and corner the, well, corner. Whomsoever creates the cutest, sweetest, sexiest, loliest imouto concoction of their time will have temporarily reached as close to perfection as possible, ensuring record sales that will fill even the largest of bathtubs with 10,000 yen bills. The greatest imoutos can then be immediately transformed into prostitutes of infinite proportions, selling everything from figures to body pillows to fleshlights to adorable bibs for the kids. Imouto is not only a state of mind, it is also a highly sought-after commodity, crossing cultural borders and laying the groundwork for a veritable billion dollar industry.

While a proper onii-chan understands that imouto is a force to be reckoned with and never taken lightly, many lesser specimens of our shared genus can easily become addicted to imouto — an unfortunate fact that is exploited consistently by corporations sporting a poisonous drug dealer mentality. The uninitiated take this to mean that imouto is corrupting our society, but in actuality it is our society that is corrupting imouto. This war on imouto by ignorant westerners is unethical and must be ceased before the innocent or easily corruptible among us are affected by federally perpetrated violence. Imagine, if you will, a SWAT team busting down your front door at 4am, demanding that you hand over any and all imouto-related merchandise. This is already a reality for many upstanding citizens, and you could soon be a victim of the same persecution if action is not taken immediately.

Chapter V: A Future Tinged With Inbreeding

When it’s all said and done, there is a simple, obvious solution to the quagmire of our society not having enough imoutos (and onii-chans): artificial imoutos can be created through incestual reproduction. While this is an inferior method of imouto creation and will often not produce the desired results, it is the only way our species can realistically evolve further without further diluting the gene pool with impurities. Imouto is flawless. Imouto must be loved, respected, and feared. Imouto is our salvation, the true savior of our people from evil and sin. Once we have all achieved the status of true imouto and/or onii-chan, the Earth will be salted and our world purified.

Daisukigeddon is coming. I have seen visions of it in my dreams: a swathe of fire that cleanses the land of all things not sufficiently kawaii, leaving the world in an exquisite state of perfection. Know that when the time comes, if you wish to survive the purge,

D͖͔͍͚̖͎̝̫̩̩̳́̍ͮ̽̾ͧ͗͊͛ͤ̍̇̄ͣ͊̚̚Ő̠̜̖̫̘̜̻̖̻͖͙̺̩̀͒͒̒̈́̓ͯ̂ͧ͒̔ ̱͕̝̼͔̰͓̯̺̜̭̜̈́̐̀̉͒ͅN̠̫̭͍̮͍̘̣̘̉͒̑ͨO̖̭̮͇̹̳̙͎̠̟̘̳̫̜͕̯̣̬͐̿̐T̝̙̬̠̯̙̼̩͍̤̗̪̳̥ͭ͑̿̉̉̆ͬͅ ̘̝͎̮̱̒̆ͥ̆ͧͦ̾̃D̤̮̟̗̻̹͕̘͍̥̼̰̹̞̟̣̩͚͚ͩͣ͐̌͆́E̫̦͉͙̭̞̬̤̙̱̠̬͇̫̝̼̟̥͚͗̈̃ͮ̋ͫ͆̿F̹̦̥̗ͪ͆̍ͦY̥͙̗̜̺͈̤ͮͥͤ̌ ̫̳̗̖̯̺͇͔̯̹̭̹̩͎ͬ͗̉͒ͤ̿̊̌̔ͅY̲̭̘͕̱̟̻̼̳ͫ̊̅͊ͪ̉̄̈́ͬͧ̆̋̇̈͑̚O̥̟̩̺̼̥̝̰͚̽̅̄̀̎̎ͤ̇̌ͯ̍U̹̳̝͔͔̗̲͖̗̔ͯ͂ͥͦͪͩͬͧͧ͐͗Ŕ̝͖̮͚̫͈̰̹̮̠̲͇̪͆ͦ̆ͩ́̒̊̀̌̄ͧ ̭̞̥͚̱̘̰̹̖͉̠̣̮͆͐ͫ̍̍ͮͯN̩̜̮̯̺̳̪͇̖̮͍͑̋̈ͣ̄̐̇͆̏̏ͅE̲̜͙̺͇̙̿ͭ͐̒̌̇̆̆̾͆͊́̿̇̔͆̍ͣͅW̖̞̹͎̤̪̟͔̪̞̪̱͎̺̫̹͇̃̂͛͊͊̐̂̓͒̍̊͑̈́̅̀͗ͅ ̠̫̭̯̪ͯ̇ͨK̲͇̬̻̟̦͉͙̊ͤͬ̈ͭ̌ͧ̿͒ͮ͊͑̾I̱̯͉͔̣̼̞̖̩̯̟͈͎̠̽̈͂͒̿ͬ͊̌̚̚ͅͅͅM̮̱͓̬̩͎͈̬̬ͯ͋ͪ̐͒ͤ̍͋̓̊͆̂͆Ȍ̹̬̦̣̞̥̖̱͖̇̆ͤ͒͛͛̇̍ͅC͓̭̻̘̻̙̥͉̙ͫͮ͒̄ͪH͇͈̠̭̟͇͎̻̫̩̰̲͔̪ͩ̎̑ͦ̿͒̋ͮ̉͌ͧ͗̄̈́͋I̥̟͚̘̗̼̱͍̝̥̬̦̜͇̟̮̲͓ͮͮ̀͂͒͆̀ ̪͉̳̖̰͌ͣͮ̍͗ͩͨ̏̚I̮̼̮̼͚̹͎̼͈̮̘̻̤̪̬͖̱͉̋ͤ͒̎͂̇̽̈́͋ͬ̅̅ͭͦͦ̾I͕̟̫͓̤̭̭̮̗̖̳͖̟̼̙̣̣̖ͥͤ̑̄̎̓ ̥̦͔̬̹͕͚̜̝̯͎̭͈̈̓ͭ̅͛ͅO͎̣͕͚̠͂̎̍̓̔ͯ̍͊ͮṼ̜̳̺̲̭͇̑̒̌̉ͥ̓ͣ͛̒̎̋̉̇̈́E̬̰̹̩̼̙̳̰̫̠̖̒̈͑̋͆R̙̖̟̝͍͙͚̰͉̼̳̱̟͔̼̤̙̩̝ͨ̆̎̄ͮ̐͒͑ͫ̐̌ͥ̂͗͒ͬͣ̚Ĺ̘̭͖̟͍͍͕̯̪̥̜̦̫̫̤͓̘͇̺̈͑̔̃ͨͯ͂ͩ̏̄̋ͤ̇̋͛̚O̱͍̗̝͚͔͇̙̫͕̮̻̥ͤ̇͊͂͌ͅͅR̫̫̬̝̞̘̦̞̺̅̆͌̉̌̈ͅD̤̣̗̮̮̫̹͓̞̔̒ͣͬͬͨ̓͒̅̾S͔̖͎̙̙͎̩͓̳̦͙̖͕ͬͧͤͯ̇ͦͮͨ͆̋̆ͫ̚ͅ
̝͉̥̰͉̪͓̙̝̱̲̬͖̓ͯͬ̓̾̄̍͛̿ͦͧ̿̈̓̓ͭͧ̂̔L͇͕̼̰̲͖̭̺͍̍ͣ̃̒ͧ̃̓̒͗̐̚E͕̙̺̠̘̳̭͇̔́͗̊ͫ̎ͮ̂͗̽T͚̬̱̠̤̦̙͚̠̺̙͖̭̗̊ͤ̏̽ͫ͆͗̓̆ͦ̒ͫ͊̐̊́͂̓̓ ̟̮̙̬̗̳̪̻͚̹̝͕ͣ̏͊ͤ̋̓ͦͧ͑͌͆̏ͫ͋̎̆̅͊̑Y̰̩̲͙̗̝̳̳̤̼̼̭̹̼̖̣̥̐ͥ̔ͩ̎ͩ̍͆̍̾ͦ̈͌̚ͅO̭̗͎̫̖͔̪͉͔̗̯̦̘͚̰̳ͯͦ̋͌ͩͣ͋Ũ͍̪̩̥͎̬̺̰͆̊̐͋̓ͧͯR͕͈͎̟̤̮̼͔̣̯̻͖͓͂͐̈́̓ͫ͗ͥ̆͛ͅ ̙̦̗̤̼̳̇̏ͨͣͤͪ̐̂ͣͤͫ̉̇͋̒͊̚H̞͇̬̮̩̭͔͑̃͑͛ͬ̋ͭ͂̌ͪ͛̋̎ͭ̀ͤE͖̟͚̝͓̠̻̝̣̮͋͗ͤ̌̔̓͆ͦ͒ͅÁ̰̬͎̖̦̺͔̄́͌͑̇̂͋̉ͨ͐̄R̻͈̦̭̙͍̬͔̥͇̲̞͍̾̄̿̀̀ͫ͆ͯͬ̒ͭ̀̽̃̽͆ͯͯͅT̪̫̬̰̝̖͎̯̝͕͍͕̄͆̊͐̅͛ͫ͊ͨ̋ͭͫͧ͒̽ ̙̹͙̗͚̥̗̱̯̹̟ͬ̎ͭͧ͑́̽͐̏̌̌̽ͧ̆̈ͭͩE̥̺͇̪̽̎ͬ̈̇̈́ͣ̍ͧ͐͛́̓͌̇M͚̞̙͇̖̬̹͕̗̼̺̯͇͕̘͕̮ͤ̐ͪ̉͆̈́̾̆̅̉͗Ḅ̠̭̰̤̳͈̗̤͔̞͍͙̤̻̬̭̲̥̎̆ͬ̀ͭ̾ͩ͆͒̄̂͗͗̄̎͋͂ͮͭR̫̞̼̖̬̉̽̋̎ͭͫ́͊ͣ̐ͮA͙̤̺̼̭͚̺̣̗̣͚͎̠̐ͮ̅͛̅ͧ̿ͬ̈́̚C̳̯̲̣̲͔͓̯͖̯̩̀ͨ͒ͫͪ̊̔ͨ̈́̓̋̍̓ͩͬ̅̀̈̚E̖̖̼̺̦̮̋̋ͭͥ͌͛ͪ́̍ͧ̅́̇͐̊͛͗̊ͫ ͍̱͚̠͆͆̓̈́̆̐͗̍̀ͭͩ̐ͥ̀̉ͅT͈̪̮̦̪͈̘͚̑ͥ̐̉̀̀ͣ̇ͪͣ̽̄H̲̘̖̺̖̘̯̻̺̲̯̦̗̟ͪͥ̂͐̈́̅ͪͅE̘͙̗̥̭̞͔̣̳͇̳͓̼͙̠̦̬͈͊ͥͦ̒̋̏ͣ͋̌ͭ̂ͬͫ͌̐̎̒͛̚ ̳̘̞̞̗̗͇͇̘̳̯̃̍̎͛͑̀̿̅̌ͯ͋ͮ̃́ͭ͂Ḋ͈̦͙̙͇̱̬̞̬͍͈̣̩̎̑͂̎̋̉̈ͮ̿O̘̘̹̹̟͋ͯ̓ͯ̀͐͑ͭ̀ͥͬͪ̃ͥ̔K̥̼̩̯͔͈̜̾̓̾̊͐̄ͦͦ̍͐̄I͉̥̫͓̠̞̠̣̰̬͉͔̎̏͂̊̍͌ͤ̓̿̄̈ͭ̎͐̚ ̳̖͓̣͙͎̜̠ͯͭ͗̽ͫͪ̒̂̌ͥͮͧ̔̔ͪD̰̝͙̭̭̼̩̮̲̼̹͇̱̰̣͍̫̒̿ͧ̄ͨ̔ͥͮͥͅO̳̝̦̳̗̪̻̬̺̻̓̃̅̓ͫͦ̄̌̌́͆ͫ̈́ͭ̊̑K̳̩͇͇̳̜͓͈̦̻̮̦̝͍̠̠̺̗̈́ͬ͂ͧ̈ͯͮ̌̍ͧͤͦ́̌Ï̱͕̲̠͉̫̙̗̦̂̊̃̃̽̈̎̾ͪͅ
͈̯̰̖͉̙̳ͤͫͯ̈̿̒̇̅͒͑̐͊̄Ḋ̰̯̹̤̝͚̩͕̻̱̘̜͉̲̈́̿̾ͪ̉̓̽̓̌͛́̊̏Ḛ̲̠̗̯͎̳͇̥̦̟ͧͪͣͮ̃̔͂͋ͅV̼̦̙̺̰͚̟̜͔̽̄̉̀̊̅̓ͣ̀̀̊͗͑́ͮͧ̉̓Õ̠̜̘͎̖̜̔̐͆ͦ̌̃̌̾̐͒ͪ̐ͮͬ̇̅̅T̥̝̠͈̱̠̻͚̣̙̤̳̐ͫͤ̽̽́ͯ͒̀̌̽̉̍E̻͚̫͚̫̞̯͍͎̮̱̞͖͍̽ͣ̏̀ͧ͒ͭ͗̆͗ͤ͗̑ͪ̆͑͋̏̔ ̜̳͇͙̰͕̯͉͚̠̤̞͚͓͍̉̔ͨ̍͐̒̋̂ͤ̑̅Y̯̫͕̳̦̠̪̤͓̻͔̞̱̣̰̜̣͌̎͋͛ͬͬͥ̿̅O̼̫͓̤̫̹̓̆ͤ̀͆͆̅͂ͯ̆ͧ͒U͈̮͇͍̭͇̲̲̝̜̦͉̠͓̭̮̠͎̽̏ͩ͗͗ͭ͊͑̔ͧͥͤ̃͛̒ͅR̺̠̯̠̰͙̹͙̦͓̥̘̈̇̈͑ ͚̱͉̻̲͎̫̯̯̗͎͚̣͚̘͇̙ͥͥ͂̀ͥͅL̹͔̥̣̻̣͚̗̝̯̝ͭ̔ͤ͂ͨ͋͌ͤͮͅI͔͇̳̬̊̓ͫ͌̿̆̃̈́ͭ͑̑ͤ͆ͧ͆ͣF͈̦̼̟͓͔̘͖͒ͫ̃͑̏͌̏ͦ̽ͫ̽̌̑̈́͐͒E̳̭̯̰̣̯̘͑͒̆ͦ͊̓͐ͦͭ͗ͨ̈̋ͧͣ̚ ͍͔̬͔͕̦̳̮̀̆͒ͯ̇̚T͙̘̠̫̪͙ͣ͐͌̅ͬͥͥ̒̃̈͌̎̓ͫ̓̈́̾ͅO̖̺͙̙͕̯̤̮̙̮̳̦͚̯̗̞͚̹̓̉̾ͭ̍̆ ̖̫̱̦̼̠̼̩̈̓͌̓̀̔̍ͧ̓ͥͦ́ͥ̓Ị͖̞̘̙̯̼̬͉̺̭͔̬͍͚͐̆͗͑̓ͦ̽͛̒ͪ̒ͤͤͨ͐̇͗ͦM̰̖̘̫̫͕͓̦͈̥͍̗͈̫̺͓͎͆͆̈͐ͭ͊ͫ̊ͦ̇̽̃͂ͪ̚̚ͅͅO̘͚̤͚͕̖̬̼̹͇̜͈ͫ͆ͬ͗͌̉̌̋ͬ̂̌͋͒̽͐̄ͤͅṶ̝̺̜̐͋̿͊͛̎̏ͭ̉͒ͮ̿̓̉̏ͦ̚T̼̫̤̙̗̖̳̦̳̼̰̄̽̊ͬ̐̑͆ͦ̀͂O̻̬̣̪ͬ͗͌̀ͤͨ́̓ ͙̝̳̫̫̜̫̼͖̮͔̟ͥͯ́ͭ͂ͤ͛ͤ͊̑̽͂̚B̗̮̮̗̥̱̫̲̗̮͍̰͉͍̩̫̞̮͔ͥ̀̓̄̍ͪ̊̓ͦ͛̿͌ͧ̀̾̾ͤ̆Ĕ̳͙͖̪͉̯̙̥͎͕͓̦̜͈̻̽̊ͯ̉̆̀̽͛͌̔̾̓F͙̠̮͔̣͇̪͂͊ͫ̃O̳̥͎̭͎̤̯͖͉͙̗̙͖̰͛ͨͨ̀͌͑͛̅ͅȐ̳̯͓͓̼͓̰̬̩̜ͦ̒̌̃̔̍̎̋E̗̦̻̠̬̳͓̠̙̦̥͕̥͕ͩ͑͋̏̅̌ͅ ͚̬͓̹̫̩̅ͬ̈ͧͨ̄ͮ̂̅ͧ͛ͪ̍͌ͯͅI̥̮̳̯̼̙̩͒͋̔̓͑̄ͤ̉̽͊͂́͆͂̊ͫ̑ͥ̎T̳͈͔̪̫̪̞̘̝̭̹̤̠̗̠̱ͣͤ̈́̔ͬ͋̽ͅ ̻̘͈͍̻͚̰̻̫̬͐̂̽ͣ̔̋ͨ̾̑İ̫̣̳̱̞͔̣̬̲͉̟̪̺̫ͧ̊̂ͥ͐ͭ̉ͩ͐̍S̻͓̬̑ͦͪͨ͐̋̾ͬ̒̆̋ͤͦ̎͆̌̄ ̦͎̦͉̰͂ͤ̓̾̈́͌̂ͨ̔̊̌ͯ̀͌Ț̻̱̝̬̮̦̟̟̦͔̳͎̟̝ͣ͊̄͆ͯ̊̓ͪ̅͂̈́̏͌̅̋ͩ̒ͅO̞̦̩̤ͬ̎͒ͨ͗̈̽̂̆͋͑͛̀ͥ́O̹̫̹̓͋ͬ̽̈́̊̋ͥ̏͊̂͊͊ ̱̪̯͈̫̞̤̩̜̃͂ͪͭ͌̓ͧ̆̍ͬͧ̐͐͗́͆̽̚ͅL̝͎̩̭̥̫ͩͦ̃ͣͨ̾͋̒͌̈ͭͭ̊ͩ̋ͨA̘̗̲͓̹͚̲̩̖̅̍ͮ̌ͨͬ̍̚T̹͕͉̲̼̘͙͂̓͗̆ͨ̏̄ͦ̊ͥ͆̏́ͫͣ̉̓ͣ̚E̯̜̺̙̋͛͐̎̏̎̄ͮ̎ͅ

Conclusion

Using my copious amounts of unflappable free will, I have taken all of the aforementioned evidence into account, and concluded entirely on my own, without any outside influences, that engaging in eugenics to create a society entirely comprised of imoutos and onii-chans will eventually produce a superior breed of humans capable of biologically terraforming the rest of our solar system. This will move our species one step closer to the universally-shared goal of intergalactic domination. Our species being the human race, of course. Listen to me. I have a PhD in this, you know. I wouldn’t lie to you. And neither would imouto.

2015
02.09

The Bizarre Adventures of Eggy Azalea and Mr. Freeze – Slainedrops Keep Falling On My Head [Mahou]

After a slightly disappointing episode last week, Aldnoah.Zero 2nd Season this week follows the previous episode in terms of pacing and tone, leaving the promise of more hilarious antics to be shown next week. In this week’s episode, however, we have a lack of Slaine once again, Inaho and Rayet bonding over angst and superpowers, and Lemrina being a little shit. Fun times.

The Vers Count taken hostage last week, Count Mazuurek, is interrogated by Inaho and Rayet this week and Inaho proves even more in this episode that he is a Gary Stu. He now has a lie detector planted within his extremely scientifically accurate robotic eye and that his powers of intiuition with enemies is inpeccable – he is always correct. This is the same scenario that happened with Inaho and Slaine during EP7 of the 1st season (The Boys of Earth), where after Slaine saves Inaho’s bacon from Countess Femieanne’s Kataphrakt Hellas, Inaho shoots him down because ‘he is my enemy’ or some shit, I don’t know, this show is really dumb. Inaho believes Mazuurek is honest and trustworthy and sends him on his way to his Landing Castle to provide proof that Lemrina’s Ass-hime is a fake (lovely dramatic irony usage here), despite the fact that Mazuurek has no reason to believe Inaho. Unlike the incident with Slaine, Inaho has been caught red-handed by Inko, thank god.

Rayet is still suffering from her identity crisis of being a Terran-Martian, and still proclaims that Martians suck and Terrans rule and that she hates herself the most, the really typical stuff. Rayet is also showing signs of being another member of ‘smooth move’ Eggy Azalea’s harem, by literally uttering dialogue you’d think belongs in shit like Golden Time or Nisekoi. That’s right folks, Rayet has become a tsundere, and Inaho will warm her ice-cold and traumatized heart in due time. That time may be limited, as Dr. No Name mentions that Inaho’s eye could kill him if it jams into his brain. That just reminds me of Drakengard 3 for some unexplained reason, and Aldnoah.Zero shouldn’t be doing that, but eye terror always sticks with you. I hope he dies, to be honest. I hope everyone actually dies in the ending. It’ll make up for the fact they didn’t. I love death in anime, it should happen more often.

Slaine is challenged to a duel by Cruhteo clone #2, who has possibly the best-worst animation Aldnoah.Zero has had to offer currently. I will point out I like how we can obviously tell Lemrina is disguised as Asseylum thanks to her quick facial expressions and her glare, even though the show actually shows us beforehand – it might honestly be something to due with the animation, or something entirely deliberate. It seems to be deliberate, as it lingers on some expressions for more than a second.

Slaine goes on a monologue this week about birds, which begins completely out of context and only serves to symbolize Lemrina’s imprisonment, that she is a ‘flightless bird’. It’s quite unsubtle, really, and it doesn’t help that it begins suddenly and just leaves the viewer slightly amused by the stupidity of it all. It’s so stupid. Come on, Ei Aoki, you can do so much better.

On a final note, I genuinely think the CG is getting worse with every airing episode. Next week promises a return to form, as Slaine must have a honourable battle with JoJo’s wannabe Marylcian in their Kataphrakts and Mazuurek must find proof to prove Inaho’s obviously right theory, because Inaho is always right even when he actually is, and that doesn’t make sense at all.

Also, Aldnoah right revocation is not a thing. You can’t magically turn off genes via kissing, biology doesn’t work that way. The show has said nothing to discuss the passing on of Aldnoah genes or how to revoke them, this time fanon doesn’t make sense. Unless somehow Lemrina or Asseylum can magically create antibodies or some virus to kill off the Aldnoah gene, you can’t just turn genes off. Science in Aldnoah or real-life have not gotten that far.

If you think Aldnoah.Zero is intelligent, just remember that Saazbaum died thanks to space wind. The wheel of fate is turning, folks, who knows what will happen next.

2015
01.31

The Bizarre Adventures of Eggy Azalea & Mr. Freeze – Slaine Slaine Go Away, Come Again Some Other Day [Mahou]

Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you’re me), Aldnoah.Zero decided to take this week easy on its viewers, so this review will be quite short, as not much happened.

Luckily enough, Aldnoah did not hit a new low today, as the show took time to reintroduce Yuki, Inaho’s sister, and Marito, the best girl of Aldnoah‘s 1st season. Marito now suffers from a new form of post-traumatic stress disorder, in which the brain deliberately triggers distressing imagery when facing danger, even though he’s apparently gotten over it – or so the show tells us. I don’t know, it’s not very good with dialogue and I’m terrible at guessing. Essentially, this is used to show off how amazing Inaho is, as he subdues a Vers Kataphrakt from 40,000 miles away while in space via his amazing robot eye when Marito is under pressure, because that’s what the plot calls for, I guess.

Slaine has now taken to wearing a Count suit, in honour of his totally-cool-and-not-malicious deceased “father” Saazbaum. He drives around in his pimped-out Tharsis, impressing his fellow Count ho’s and swooning his aide Harklight, like they were out of Legend of the Galactic Heroes. Slaine has suddenly transformed from the somewhat-shy but determined young man he was in previous episodes into an unstoppable Terran-hating machine for no decent reason, apart from the obvious reason of ‘plot!’. Saazbaum calling Slaine his son ten minutes before his death in the previous episode does not constitute character development.

Honestly, nothing really happened this episode. There seems to be a lot of Count’s that bear an uncanny physical resemblance to Cruhteo, and Cruhteo hasn’t popped up yet, and it is inevitable that he does, since everyone else lived. Lemrina still has the worst hair possible in anime. Inaho is a terrible and boring character who manages to save the day because he is Takayama’s saviour when it comes to advancing the plot. It appears the only thing this episode is meant to do is reintroduce Marito and change Slaine’s character. It could have been done more convincingly, to be completely honest. Also, Aldnoah.Zero, we’ve noticed your little literary references as episode titles. It doesn’t make you better nor does it make you smart.

Here’s hoping that next week offers more to discuss than boredom, Gary Stu-ness and mind-numbingly dumb CG usage.

2015
01.27

Winter 2015 Clusterfuck Eppologie: ISUCA [Lord Dalek + ShadowGentleman]

GoBusters

Something bust out!

This season has been about as bypolar as they come, fluctuating from dizzying highs (Rolling Girls, Yatterman Night, and Death Parade) to soul crushing lows (World Break, Fafnir, Absolute Duo, Testament of Sister New Devil, ETC ETC ETC) with very little in between.  Happily though we’re all done with this season and won’t have to do another Clusterfuck article for another three months right? WRONG! Debuting three weeks late is ISUCA, a show based off a manga nobody cares about and made by everybody’s favorite provider of horrid cheesecake ARMS. Oh god, this is already looking bad and I haven’t talked about the show yet have I?

Well lets start off by discussing this show’s incredible sense of originality!

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………

………………………

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah ISUCA is literally 20 other shows. I should know, I counted! In this episode, a normal guy gets dragged into a war involving evil demon beasts by a bitchy tsundere who shoots human centipedes with a bow and arrow. Eventually they meet a twintailed fox girl and the major female characters both have their clothes explode of their chests revealing nice shiny white censorbars. The plot is already so threadbare and cliche that one wonders how the hell would the writers stretch it to 24 minutes. The answer… ripoffs. Lots and lots of ripoffs. The episode starts like the most blatant clone of Parasyte I’ve ever seen, before mutating into a bizarre mashup of Raildex and Fate/Stay Night, then finally showing its truest and most repulsive form. ISUCA is literally just a reskinning of everybody’s favorite early 200os anime…Inuyasha. Annoying characters, weird mythology monsters, things that get shot with arrows, it’s all here, back again to remind you why the original show was so horrible in the first place. The only difference is its a fox girl instead of a dog boy, but hell the creators of this show even bind her to a tree with an arrow. THEY ARE LITTERALY NOT TRYING TO BE SUBTLE WITH THIS HACKNEYED CHICANERY OF THEIRS!

In a season that has already made me wanna vomit so many times, ISUCA isn’t just the bottom of the barrel, its so far beneath the barrel that it exists closer to the Earth’s core. Recommended only to two year olds, and they’d probably be bored by it. -123456789/decimal points — Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

Well it worked for Monogatari.

Charlie Craplin

Isuca. Isuca…Isuca………Isuca.

For the first time in my time watching anime, I’m speechless. I don’t think it is humanly possible to put into coherent speech patterns just how bad this is, but let me try anyway. As our good Lord Dalek-dono said, this season as some of the lowest lows yet. And under the bottom of the barrel, snuggled next to garbage, is Isuca. Isucka successfully passes all the criteria on the industry-approved Horrible Anime Cliches (H.A.C.) check list. The is a by-the-numbers rip off, combining demon hunting and haremtastic high school “shennigans”. Our fearless hero has literally no personality: he’s just there to (often lewdly) stumble upon supernatural situations and get the shit beat out of him. That’s all I remember about him. Our fearless heroine doesn’t fair much better. Not only is she the subject of some of the most face palm worthy “”fanservise””* to ever grace Nippon airwaves, her personality is basically just “Kagome McBitchpants”. McBitchpants doesn’t have much going for her either, and I can’t remember anything about these characters. I don’t remember any interesting scenes or shots. I don’t remember any important plot points. This show manages to be so excruciatingly boring, and yet so horrifically bad, simultaneous, that breaks new ground in just how bad something can be. If Rolling Girls represents everything the Japanese animation industry has done right these last few years, then Isuca is everything wrong with it rolled into one three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce. — TheShadowGentleman

* Extra quotations added for emphases.

2015
01.27

Storm of Bear Lesbians Episode 4: Bear-y Tail [Lord Dalekuma Arashi]

In a surprise departure from its usual (and increasingly annoying) format, Lesbear Storm spends this week’s episode on trying to explain what the fuck is going on in this show. To no surprise, it does so in an incredibly silly roundabout way, because I am beginning to believe even Ikuni doesn’t know what the fuck is going on in Yurikuma Arashi and is expecting us to just buy into symbolism.

 

Eeeek.

Lulu as depicted by Margaret Keene

So in a magical fairy kingdom ruled by humanoid creatures with fuzzy bearears and paw gloves, a spoiled princess is loved by all until the explosion of the Planet Kumalia causes the birth of her brother, the new prince. Faster than you can ask about wanting to build a snowman, our princess is abandoned and forgotten, locked in her room with her only visitor being the source of her ire, the Prince. The Prince just wants to love his sister, but the sister only has the desire to put him in a cardboard box and kick ‘im off a cliff to his death…which she does…multiple times. Not gonna lie, this part’s actually pretty funny.

THE SEXY WAY SHABADADU

CANNOT UNSEE.

Well anyway, despite being lost in the jungle, eaten alive by a Final Fantasy IV boss, and incinerated by volcanic lava, the Prince always comes back bearing (HAH!) a jar of honey. The Princess in return throws the honey away in recycled animation. This continues until the Prince drops dead via a bee sting sustained from acquiring said honey, leaving our princess the victor. And what does our princess do? Why sulk even more! She slaps some suitors (played by the Judgmens) around and embraces her own personal guilt over being unable to return her brother’s love through her own vanity. Then one night, a mysterious stranger appears with the jar of honey to return to the Princess. This stranger says she’s a criminal bear and is going to cross a giant wall in order to find someone she lost, the princess asks the stranger to come with her also hoping to find the same thing bringing us to the present day. You see that princess? That was Lulu, and the stranger is Ginko! As for Kureha, she spends the episode throwing porridge on the floor and ordering the other two to get out of her pink Psycho house….yeah not much happened this week in the main plot.

He bearly escaped!

Boxing Day!

On one hand, this episode is absolutely necessary as it gives some (admittedly bizarre) backstory for Lulu and Ginko. The problem with this though is it creates some annoying continuity errors. In the first episode, it’s stated that the humans built their giant wall of extinction after Kumaria exploded, triggering the mass bear mutation. THIS episode suggests that the mutation had already occured, meaning even more fantastical forces are at play here, or it could just be the fairy tale nature of this episode and the presence of an unreliable narrator (Life Sexy, who also gets thrown into a box and kicked off a cliff by Lulu). Also the idea that Ginko and Lulu are here for reasons other than eating lolis was not made clear early on. I suppose you could go back to the previous three episodes and rewatch them with that in mind but I’m lazy and stupid and demand some sense of logic applied to my beat-over-the-head-style symbolism. OH MY! LULU GOT STUNG BY DESIRE! THERE’S A BEE CIRCLING HER! BEES STING AND MAKE HONEY! HONEY IS THE PROMISE KISS! LULU WILL NOT KILL BUT LOVE INSTEAD THROUGH THE STING OF DESIRE! WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?!?

Nice try Ikuni...

SYMBOLISM SHOCK!

As for the main story (what little of it we get this week), its nice to finally have an episode where Kureha does not have a confrontation with a BOTW on the roof, fall down the same flight of stairs (they do use that animation this week, abeit with Lulu instead), and gets licked. Maybe this is Ikuni’s way of admitting the original concept of the show was unsustainable and from this point forward we’ll be exploring the releationship of the Ginko-Lulu-Kureha trio. Considering this show doesn’t have next episode previews, that’s hard to say if we won’t revert back to the formula next week, but at least Yurikuma Arashi took at least one step away from becoming stagnant.

2015
01.25

Monthly Manga Roundup: December 2014 [Cartoon X]

I read manga. I read a lot of manga. And I mean A LOT. While I can’t seem to keep up with many anime per season and end up dropping most of what I start, with manga I’m up to reading about 60 currently-running series and that number will probably increase as I get more into the extensive list of stuff I’ve long had on my backlog.

And now, it’s finally time for manga to put my passion for manga into a dedicated and focused blogging effort. I’ve often thought about writing something for the AR blog outside of occasional contributions to the seasonal clusterfucks and the Top 30 Anime/Manga Story Arcs list, but for some reason I never thought of doing this until Foggle PM-d me about the idea. Now, I know that many popular manga are released on a weekly basis, and that with some series it might be better to discuss them per chapter rather than in clusters. However, there are just too many series that update in a particular week for me to write about them all in a meaningful manner, and I’m not experienced with blogging on a weekly basis as it is. I do have plans to cover some series weekly in the future, but for now most will only be covered in these monthly roundups.

If you haven’t caught my drift yet, what I’m saying is that every month I will recap the newest manga chapters from currently-running series that I’ve read and try to say something meaningful about them. The series that I’ll cover will range from the most mainstream of battle-shonen to an assortment of obscure titles that you might never even have heard of before. Not everything I’m covering will be stuff I like, or stuff you’ll like. But, if nothing else, they will be stuff in the world of manga that are worth talking about, be it because they are incredibly popular, criminally underrated, or just series with potential that might be met or squandered. If you want a brief overview of what my preferences in modern manga generally look like, you can take a look at this list, where I named what my favorite currently running manga were last year, and that should give you the jist of what I appreciate and look for in the stuff I read.

To start this off let’s dive back into 2014 and cover all the the manga chapters that were released last December, which I didn’t find time to cover on the forums for certain reasons. Each series will be listed in alphabetical order, and at the end of the roundup I will give my overall thoughts on the month as a whole and list off a few things in particular I really liked in it. Going forward I plan to post these roundups the saturday of the week a particular month ends. Because this is the inaugural post of what will hopefully be a regular thing, I’m going overboard with this one and covering essentially all of the series that I read that were updated in December, give or take a few that I either dropped or didn’t feel like mentioning. In the future, I will likely cut down on the amount and only cover around 10 to 20 different series, mostly the ones I feel are most worth talking about.

I’m going to list which series I will be covering in these roundups beforehand so that people can better skip around to the series they are interested in hearing about without missing anything they might also be interested in. With that said, in this first edition of Cartoon X’s Monthly Manga Roundup, I will be taking a look at the following:

•   A Bride’s Story chapters #42-43
•   Assassination Classroom chapters #110-114
•   Attack on Titan chapter #64
•   Billy Bat chapters #130-132
•   Black Butler chapter #100
•   Bleach chapters #608-611
•   Detective Conan chapter #913
•   Fairy Tail chapters #411-413
•   Fairy Tail Zero chapter #6
•   Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma chapters #97-101
•   Fuuka chapters #42-44
•   Gintama chapters #521-524
•   GTO: Paradise Lost chapter #17
•   Hinomaru Zumo chapters #11-14
•   Joshi Kausei chapters #25-26
•   Magi chapters #249-251
•   Magi: Adventure of Sinbad chapters #43-45
•   My Hero Academia chapters #17-25
•   Nisekoi chapters #149-153
•   One Piece chapters #770-772
•   One-Punch Man chapters #40.1-41
•   Orange chapter #17
•   Silver Spoon chapter #108
•   Space Brothers chapter #241
•   The Heroic Legend of Arslan chapter #18
•   The Seven Deadly Sins chapters #106-108
•   Toriko chapters #304-307
•   WataMote chapter #70
•   World Trigger chapters #85-87
•   Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches chapters #137-139

As you can see, we have quite a bit to get through, and I think I’ve spent enough time explaining all the “whys” and the “whats.” So let’s get right to it and take a look at last month’s manga, starting with…

A Bride’s Story chapters #42-43:

Re-reading these chapters of A Bride’s Story made what this story arc is getting at finally all click together in my mind, so I’m going to take the time to discuss that before I hone in on these chapters proper. When Anis’ story started earlier this year, I didn’t know what to make of it. Was Kaoru Mori trying to tell a story of a woman seeking an escape from her seclusion with the outside world, and finding it through a friend she could confide in? Or was it really about a young woman who, so unsatisfied with her docile life and the lack of attention given to her by her husband, forming an intimate connection with another woman to satisfy needs that she wasn’t receiving?

To put it more simply, I was on the fence as to whether this would be a love story in traditional terms or a love story in a more unconventional sense. Previous A Bride’s Story arcs have seen young women searching for and finding love with a potential partner, with marriage as the goal. In addition, many of the previous bride’s and their families were shown to believe that the only way they could receive a happy and satisfying life is to be married. Which until this arc seemed to be perfectly justified, since all the previous bride’s were happy once they found someone to love or share their love with.

But unlike Amir, Talas, and the twins, Anis’ story differs in that when we are first introduced to her she is already married. There are no visible problems with her life. Her husband treats her well, he has a good status in the community, is incredibly wealthy, and despite the fact he could easily take more wives besides Anis, he has not and devotes all attention to her, and they conceived a healthy child together. By all accounts, Anis is a lucky woman. Yet, despite having a life or luxury and privilege that many would be envious of, she is unhappy.

My misconception about how the concept of a “sister-bride” worked in this culture probably lead me astray when thinking of her story at first. Especially since the images Mori used to describe the concept seemed to carry undertones that portrayed it as something…”more” than a mere friendship. That more being…well, I think you can guess what just about everyone was speculating when that particular chapter came out. When you get down to it, though, marriage itself is something beyond just a mere friendship. We’ve come to understand it as a union between two people who pledge to spend their lives together and share their most intimate moments. But A Bride’s Story is set in a time and place where marriage is shown as foremost an arrangement between families for some financial or political advantage, the functional purpose ultimately outweighing the emotional interest between the two to be wed. While Anis and her husband have been shown to talk often with each other and be on good terms, they don’t seem to be particularly close. And besides him, the only other contact she had was her servant, Maafe who, while show to be friendly and supportive, didn’t seem to be very close to her either.

So though Anis’ marriage provides her with much wealth and a comfortable life it seems to have secluded her from the outside world as well as other people. That’s why the “sister-bride” union provides an outlet for her to satisfy her desire for someone she can truly be intimate with. The fact that Maafe once told her that every woman needed a sister-bride and the behavior of the various woman towards the concept, it seems to be  a union that is both equally functional AND personal, driven not any economic or family concerns, but simply the need for a really close friend. Which is no doubt why the characters take the union of sister-brides as seriously as they might an actual marriage. It’s an arrangement between two women to become as close as actual sisters would, and partners who will be there to support and confide in each other as deeply and intimately as a married couple ideally should. Anis, whose only companions to spend her days with had been birds and cats, finally has another human being to talk and do things with, and someone who has promised to always be there for her. She is not in love with Shirin, romantically, as some might have though. Rather, she loves Shirin on a level as deep as any romance, but it’s still just a friendship. It’s a relationship no driven by any practical or sexual needs; it is wholly emotional, purely personal.

Which, finally, brings me to the developments in these chapters. With Shirin’s husband dead and her finances dwindle and her chances or remarrying anyone slim to none, Anis makes a huge sacrifice is pushing her husband to take her on as a second wife. After all, she will essentially be sharing her husband with another woman, and all that might entail. She was considered lucky to be one of the few in this society married to a wealthy man and not have to endure that. Her husband admits to her that the only reason he hadn’t taken another wife before now is because he felt he would upset her by doing so. And she admits that, in any other circumstance, she couldn’t bear it. But since it’s for Shirin, her best friend, and someone she vowed to always be there for, she is confident that she can make it work and be happy.

Not to say Anis doesn’t seem to show any second thoughts, and this change in her lifestyle will certainly beget tension at some point. However, I feel that whatever jealousy might arise in Anis won’t be because she is sharing her husband with another woman, but rather the fact she will be sharing her best friend with the same man, something which she didn’t really think about before making her request. Anis’ relationship with Shirin seems to mean more to her than it does to the latter, and Shirin seemed much closer to her husband as Anis is to hers, seemingly still in a wistful mood even after all the time as passed. It’s possible that Anis’ husband will fill an emotional void for Shirin that Anis might not be capable of, and their relationship might become inadvertently closer than her sister-hood.

Then again, I could see the opposite happening as well. Anis’ husband has been shown to be rather aloof but still quite concerned with how much time she has been spending at the baths and with Shirin. If Anis and Shirin’s relationship becomes closer than his relationship with Anis, I could see him becoming rather envious and distrustful of the women, which may lead to some unpleasant things. There’s a good case for him being very protective of Anis. Smith even noted that he never got to chance to meet her, nor did her husband ever attempt to introduce her to him. Anis’ general seclusion from the outside world seems like a very deliberate effort on his part. He might be worried that Anis may lose interest in him, cheat on him, whatever, but there is the sense that he just wants to keep her to himself.

Whatever might happen down the line, I came out of these chapters with the definite understanding that Anis’ affection for Shirin is not, and was never, romantic, but based on a strong friendship that filled a void in her life. But while the series ended this year on a sweet, beautiful moment of re-assurrence between the two women, that relationship will no doubt be tested as her story continues forward. I’ve given my speculations, and now it just remains to be seen which avenue Mori will take. Or, perhaps she’ll throw a curve-ball and move the story in a direction I didn’t anticipate. It wouldn’t be the first time. As far as this year goes, though, I’ve really come to love Anis’ character and story. I only hope that it ends well for her.

Assassination Classroom chapters #110-114:

You know how most people are confused at first as to what Nagisa’s gender is at first? The series has been self-aware of his gender-ambiguous appearance and has brought it up and had fun with it on several occasions before. But now, Matsui has given us an in-story explanation as to exactly why Nagisa looks the way he does. And damn, is it ever fucked up…

While Nagisa’s character arc is pretty much the focus in this set of chapters, there’s really so much to talk about in these chapters that I can’t bear to limit myself to that topic alone. So let’s address some other revelations in these chapters first. Specifically, the fact that there will be apparently less individual assassins going after Korosensei as a join operation comprised of various nations are working on a final assassination project, which is being built right in Kunigagoka itself under the cover of a housing construction. Another factor entering the mix is Shiro potentially having plans for the currently incapacitated God of Death. I don’t know what “truth” he might know about the guy, since I thought we already heard his backstory, but regardless it’s a pretty ominous statement, and indicates that Shiro and the God of Death will be working together in their future appearances.

The schedule for these joint operations to occur on March 3rd, which is four months away in the series’ timeline. While I don’t know if Matsui might slow the story down or not, if it keeps going at it’s current pace then I could potentially see these developments coming into play at the end of this year or the beginning of the next. The main thing to take away from the sequence, though, is that Matsui seems to have a plan for the ending of the series, and consequently, plans for many of the characters going forward. Which brings us to Nagisa.

I admit that I was initially disappointed with the way Nagisa’s interest in becoming a professional assassin was resolved. However, it’s not as if Matsui got cold feet with the development, as the way it would be resolved was established. When the characters were addressing the God of Death’s motivations in being an assassin, they noted that the way he turned out was influenced by who he met and the factors that guided him into a destructive direction, when he could have used his skills for the benefit of others. In the “God of Death” arc Nagisa, like the God of Death in his youth, was influenced by the skill of a powerful assassin, and similarly thought of going down that path because there was nothing else he felt he could do. The difference is the “God of Death” didn’t have anyone to tell him to think about his decision more carefully, or to think about what he could really best use his skill set for. Nagisa, on the other hand, has Korosensei. And while he respects Nagisa’s judgement and doesn’t discourage him from taking that path, he does ask him to really think about why he has his talents, and then what and for you he should use them for, and then consult him again. While the end result is, of course, Nagisa’s decision to do what the typical shonen hero always vows and use his skills to help protect the people he cares about, it makes sense in the context of his character and from what we can surmise about his upbringing and relationship with the most influential authority figure in his life before Korosensei, his mother.

Irina and the God of Death’s backstories both played with the idea that the way people turn out in life is shaped by their surroundings and by the people around them in their formative years. The same can be applied to most of the students and teachers in Class E, before and after Korosensei came around. Nakamura’s backstory, for instance, shows that she was influenced to change the way she behaved out of her desire to better fit in with her peers. However, while she, Irina, God of Death, and a few other characters all willingly made a choice to behave a certain way and became the way they did as a consequence of that decision, Nagisa’s upbringing differed in that he was never given a choice to become anything other than what was expected of him. He is a victim of his mother trying to relive her life vicariously through him, using him as a means to achieve the successes and goals she never could in life. She’s mapped out his entire life, from what schools he will go to, to what job he will have. And because in her childhood her parents always forced her to study and never was taught anything about fashion, she’s decided not to make that same mistake with her daughter and get her to do everything she wasn’t able to do in her youth like trying on dresses and gowns and all sorts of girly things. She doesn’t have a daughter. She doesn’t mind.

…Like I said, Nagisa’s appearance and personality have now been explained as something that was deliberately cultivated since his early childhood. He was physically and emotionally abused into doing things he didn’t want to do and even to look and behave the way he does. That’s fucked up. Nagisa’s upbringing and family life has very uncomfortable and unpleasant implications, made all the more so because of how it strikes with a tangible reality. While her behavior is exaggerated, the way Nagisa’s mother treats her son as an avatar for the life she always wanted for herself is how some parents in real life treat their kids. It’s a touch that makes Nagisa’s character arc more vivid and believable than you’d see from most shonen series, and it’s a big part why his ultimate decision to not become an assassin made sense to me.

Nagisa compares the way his mother lives through him to a “new game+” feature in video games where the players’ skills and knowledge from the first play through is carried over into the second, which allows them to be more successful in the new play through and reach a “better ending.” Beyond the apt comparison, the very fact that Nagisa does not consider himself a player but a character being forced through predetermined events reinforces his passive nature and self-depreciating outlook on himself. The fact his mother seems to have repeatedly physically and verbally abused him since his early childhood if he so much as voiced an opinion running counter to her own is a very dark explanation for his plain looks and the quiet, obedient, and observant behavior he demonstrated since the very beginning of the manga and has only over time been able to slowly break out of. He’s been conditioned to not speak out, not stand out, to observe the mood and intentions of his mother by interpreting her facial expressions and body language, and to not develop any traits or qualities not approved by his mother. I’m immediately reminded of the scene in the first chapter/episode where he unquestioningly goes along with Terasaka’s plan to use him as a suicide bomber in an assassination attempt. Though understated, Nagisa’s relationship and experiences with his mother had made him afraid to upset people by going against what is expected of him, so he simply did what he was told to the best of his ability. His time in Class E under Korosensei’s tutelage, however, have given him new-found confidence in himself and personal interests he wants to explore. He now wants to be in charge of his future rather than have it be decided for him.

That said, having for most of his life been discouraged from thinking for himself and not thinking about what he really wanted to do in life, he didn’t know how to process his own feelings on the subject. He saw the God of Death do incredible things with skills he knew he could also hone, and thought to himself that just had to be it, and there wasn’t another outlet for him to use those skills. When he and his mother are attacked by the assassin after Korosensei, his mother is finally put into a vulnerable position, and he is able to rationalize things more clearly. How he developed his talents, how he was able to use those talents while in Class E, and the results of those talents. In protecting his mother against the assassin, he was able to see that he could use those talents for something other than assassination. From this perspective, the way he reached this conclusion was believable and in-line with the issues he was being bothered by and the obstacle he needed to overcome. The fact it is accentuated with the moment he finally stands up to his mother, and starts to take an active role in their relationship at home, just makes it all the more satisfying.

When I look back at my thoughts on the first few chapters of the series, I recall thinking of Nagisa as a rather boring protagonist, and I know many who start out on the series felt the same. However, as the story has progressed I’ve found myself increasingly endeared to him and his development, and these chapters have not only reinforced my appreciation of him but perhaps even doubled it. They’ve made going back and seeing his portrayal and growth since the beginning of the series take on new meaning and layers that I couldn’t have ever have guessed, and overall just makes me excited to see how he’ll continue to evolve as a character in the future. With such a phenomenal set of chapters based in strong character development and coming as the denouement of one heck of an arc, my only concern after reading all of this was that the series might coast with some inconsequential chapters for a while before getting back to business. However, after taking a look at chapter #115, it seems that I won’t need to worry about that after all.

Attack on Titan chapter #64:

In a way, Kenny’s subordinates parallel the protagonists in how they were motivated to do what they do and how they’ve rationalized it. All of them joined the organizations they did either because they had a purpose or because they wanted to find a purpose. It was a way of striking back against a world permeated by a constant fear of death, a way to give their lives value in a place where most humans are confined to leave limited, endangered existences. Since it’s something they’ve devoted themselves to for a good part of their lives and what has kept them going, they can’t have second thoughts or start believing things will not work out for them in the end. They will continue to put their lives on the line for the dream they believe in, since without it, they wouldn’t have a reason to live in the first place.

This idea is unfortunately undermined by the fact that  the protagonists are portrayed mostly in the right and the antagonist are portrayed as almost entirely in the wrong, but at least these mooks are kinda sympathetic. During their scuffle with Levi’s group I honestly did root for them a little bit and felt kind of bad they were kind of totally outclassed. But at least our heroes didn’t get out of it totally unscathed, since Hange isn’t looking too hot. Nothing serious, I’m sure, but hey, it’s something. I remember how the series set-up this “anyone can die” atmosphere at the beginning, but you know, that has never held through for it’s run as a whole. The only characters that have ever died since the beginning chapters are nameless fodder or minor characters no one really gives a shit about. The important characters always get off pretty easy. So sure, she might look super injured, but I have a feeling that Hange will be in tip-top shape again sooner rather than later.

As far as the Reiss family stuff goes, I suspect the reason that no one has ever disclosed any information about the secrets of the world is rooted in some dark reality about it that’s going to come up as a twist at some point. Otherwise, Reiss’ true ill-intentions in having Historia consume Eren is fairly transparent and I can imagine he simply wants that knowledge to manipulate things and gain power for himself (probably becoming the “true king” Kenny mentions at the end of the chapter). If it’s true that only a Reiss can use the true power of the titans, I wonder how that information is going to ultimately be disclosed, since I doubt the series is bold enough to have Historia actually devour Eren. To be honest, the most interesting thing in the chapter for me was the last page where Kenny the Ripper zips down next to Reiss and Historia and is all like “wait, you mean I can’t just eat Eren and become the king myself? Aw man…..” I just love the expression on his face when he’s says that, like he’s almost about to bawl because he’s so bummed out. It made me laugh the first time I saw it. But anyways, I guess we know what Kenny’s motivation was now. Kewl. I’m guessing we’ll learn more about him in the next chapter, which might be a nice detour from all the convoluted jabber about the Reiss family we’ve been focusing on for the past few months.

Billy Bat chapters #130-132:

Whenever the series focuses on the government agency or whatever they are I get a bit confused at first, because I honestly don’t remember all their names very well. Regardless, the conversation between Morehouse and the other agent serves the purpose of acquainting them with Timmy’s comic (which is, just a reminder, the one that predicts 9/11 and has an Osama Bin Laden-expy in it), explaining why they didn’t attempt to rub off Kevin Goodman, and establishing them looking into both Timmy’s background and identity while also setting up some possible tension between the two men. The biggest revelation in the scene comes at the end, where scientist-guy barges in and divulges his theory that the numbers written on the scroll may indicate the location of the “true” Billy Bat. The one that is neither white or black.

Which does change my perception of the Bat’s nature up until this point, since I’ve assumed the white bat was the “evil” one and the black bat was the “good” one. This seems to indicate both those bats are not the correct bat that’s been working closely with most of the artists we’ve seen in the past, and in particular, the bat Kevin Goodman’s been working with must have been this neutral bat all along. This same bat is also the one we’ve seen in the “Billy Bat room” and the one that has been unable to contact anyone except for Jackie for certain reasons. The question remains exactly how were the other Billy Bat’s manifested and what are their true goals, an answer I’m not expecting to learn anytime particularly soon.

Moving on, it’s nice to see that Audrey hasn’t taken after her father after all, and in the end did compromise on crediting Timmy for his work. While she’s a shrewd businesswoman, she has an eye for quality and gives Kevin respect that “Chuck” never gave Chuck. Of course, much like Kevin, Timmy also doesn’t draw for the sake of fame or money but because he simply wants to draw Billy Bat. But while his passion for his craft is genuine, whether he is actually a genuine Billy Bat author remains questionable. If he was a chosen Billy Bat author the Bat should be able to communicate with him, but as we’ve seen he hasn’t. All the same, from our perspective, we know that Timmy’s comic predicts and depicts a certain event that happened and caused a consequence that seems worthy of the alarm Billy and other characters have shown to be afraid of.

However, this may very well be not the catastrophic event that Billy is trying to prevent and that the characters need to stop, and could simply be a red-hearing, which wouldn’t surprise me. It could turn out be that Timmy’s comic just happens to depict people, story, and imagery that evokes 9/11, but he isn’t actually predicting it. For an IRL example, in the “Stardust Crusaders” arc of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure one panel in Boingo’s predictions book just happened to have the numbers 911 and a plane flying by a cactus that looks very similar to a tower. Timmy’s comic may just be that sort of bizarre coincidence; a story which ends up mirroring something that happened in real life later on. In this case, Timmy’s comic mirrors the events on a admittedly vivid and eerily detailed level, but it could still just have all been fiction that he simply thought up, not an event he’s foreseen.

Of course, one of the false Billy Bat’s may be speaking with Timmy and feeding him info so my theory could very well prove incorrect. Still, I’d like to think his cryptic warning is not prophetic, but simply intuition. From what we’ve come to know of Timmy, he’s a good kid that’s gone through some rough times, and he’s just bummed about a lot of the misfortunes in the world, and it’s no wonder why he’s so keen on donating all his earnings to charity. And considering the timeframe, I don’t think he needs to be a prophet to feel the world is heading in a bad place. Of course, as Morehouse succinctly put it, if the event happens then it was a prophecy. However, they can prevent Timmy’s prediction from happening, then it would never have  happened in the first place, and hence wouldn’t have been prophetic. Whether or not Timmy is an actual prophet or not might rest on if they will be able to figure out and stop what Timmy has drawn from actually happening.

In the meantime, though, we get to see Yamashita come back to the story and reunite with Jackie after decades! I guess the Bat really is grasping at straws if he’s desperate enough to drag the man half way across the world on the smidgen of a chance he’d get Jackie to finally get off her ass and seek out Kevin Goodman asap. Whatever the Bat wants Jackie to tell Kevin is likely to be crucial information that will either confirm or deny Timmy’s qualities as a prophet and whatever what he’s drawn is the the threat they need to be stopping. And considering both are in the same vicinity at the moment, one can only hope they are able to meet before it’s too late to know.

Black Butler chapter #100:

I’ve noticed a lot of series have trouble handling milestone chapters very well. Most tend to just mention them in the opening spread before continuing on as normal while others attempt to do something big an epic worthy of the occasion regardless of whether it’s in pace and flows with the rest of the story. As far as being a celebratory chapter that sticks to the main action but still commemorates the occasion goes, this chapter of Black Butler is actually a pretty well-done installment. There’s no big revelations or anything super flashy, but it was a engaging read with fast, cool action that reflected well on all of the protagonists involved. It was nice to see every member of the Phantomhive staff each get their own small moment of awesome in the chapter and show off their stuff, which is something we don’t get to see often since they tend to be relegated to comic relief most of the time. Yet, at the same time the chapter doesn’t neglect Ciel and Sebastian and shows them do pretty cool things to, even ending the chapter off on a neat moment from the latter. I’ll admit, I just really like it when the Phantomhive staff actually get to do cool and interesting things in the series (their fights with those Circus troupe members was easily the highlight of that arc, imo), so the chapter immediately got a lot of points with me for that alone. But I also like the set of pages devoted to Finny, exploring his backstory and why he’s loyal to Ciel. His relationship with him has been established strongly before within this arc, so it’s nice to see it expanded on and mesh well with the other action going on.

While there’s nothing much I can really dig into or analyze about in this chapter, that certainly doesn’t mean I didn’t find it to be a surprisingly good read. It provided a strong balance of fan-service for longtime readers, well-done action scenes, character development, and plot progression. And as far as milestone chapters go, it was definitely one of the better ones I’ve seen in a considerably long time. Admittedly, the most recent ones I’ve read were the soul-crushingly bad Toriko chapter #300, Fairy Tail chapter #400, Bleach chapter #600, and Naruto chapter #700, so praising it for essentially not being shit might not be as much of a compliment as I’d have intended. But hey, a good chapter is a good chapter, no matter what the number is. This was a good chapter. And I’m happy to read a good chapter of a series than a bad one any day.

Bleach chapters #608-611:

I'm reading Bleach. I'm already there.

The only thing of value to be taken away from the fight between Ywach and Hyousobe, other than the fact  Kubo must have spent a small fortune paying for all the ink he used on the thing, is that Ywach is apparently omniscient and he’s finally awakened his true powers. The only reason this even matters is that it sets up that he’s even stronger than he was before. Before he was on even footing with Hyousobe, who is presumably the strongest Captain in all of Seiretei, but with these new powers he wiped the guy out without a sweat. Now Ichigo defeating him is a much bigger deal, since this means that the other Squad Zero captains can’t do the job anymore, presumably.

It’s a standard and expected development, but it makes the tedium of the Ywach and Hyousobe fight more maddeningly inane and pointless than it already felt like. As much as the series seems to get closer and closer to ending, it seems content to keep wasting our time with pointless fights with of no significant importance. Essentially the only development in the story of Bleach in 2014 was Ichigo combing back from the Soul King’s Palace and learning Uryu’s on Ywach’s side, then Ywach and pals going to the Soul King’s Palace, and Ichigo and co. chasing after them. That’s really it. Everything else was just fight after fight after fight. Even Naruto at least had a lot happen last year. Sure, it was godawful, but at least it was of substance something that Bleach simply lacks.

I assume that Ichigo’s companions are going to have to fight Ywach’s goons now that all of Sqaud Zero has been taken out. I’m not sure how Kubo seriously expects us to believe Chad of all people can put up a fight that lasts more than 2 consecutive seconds, but I guess we’ll see. Grimmjow and the full bringers will probably show up to bail them out if things get rough. God, it’s been like two years since they were teased right? I’m half expecting them to not show up at all at this point, or show up after the entire arc is over and be like “hey, we’re here now! Herp-de-derp!” or something.

Beyond my speculations, I’ll note that it’s really dumb how Kubo used this convoluted means to revive Hyousobe when Orihime has the power to literally bring people back from the dead. Then again, that would require Kubo to actually have Orihime do something besides provide awful fanserivce and unfunny comic relief, and we can’t have that dan nabbit! Also,Ywach stabbed the Soul King. Wow, you suck at this whole “stopping the villain” thing, Ichigo. I don’t expect the Soul King is going to go out so easily and there’s surely going to be a whole lot more nonsense involved, but hey, at least we finally know what the damn bastard looks like all these years. And from the look of him, I guess Aizen was closer to becoming god than we thought. And to think we all laughed at the ol’ butterfly man way back when.

Detective Conan chapter #913:

Well, you do have that giant scar....

Is Conan just going to suspect every one-eyed stocky man of being Rum now? Dude is getting seriously paranoid. Well, if this Kuroda guy doesn’t turn out to be a red herring, then at least the story is moving forward at a good rate. And no, I don’t think Inspector Kansuke being Rum is much of a possibility, considering what we know about his character. But on the subject, I like seeing Kansuke and Morofushi again since they don’t show up too often (the last time was, what, the Red Woman case?), and hopefully they get to do a lot in this case. As far as the case itself goes, I don’t know much to make of it yet beyond the fact that the key to solving it will probably be rooted in the history/myths surrounding the japanese historical figures mentioned in this chapter, which should be interesting to see. The case seems like just a means to continue the mystery surrounding the identity of Rum more than anything, so I’d hope something comes out of it that develops that plot point further.

Fairy Tail chapters #411-413:

...Why, Hiro? Why?

Seriously, what the fuck, Mashima? Just when I think you couldn’t be any sleazier, you surprise me with just how low you’re eager to sink. Only Fairy Tail can produce a mere COVER PAGE so infantile and offensive that it genuinely makes me ill to look at it. I think the worst part is knowing that loads of pervy little pre-teens in Japan actually wrote something in that world bubble and probably fapped themselves asleep to it immediately after. Mashima should just quit writing shonen and make hentai instead. I’m sure everyone would be much happier that way.

Anyway, I guess I should talk about the actual chapters, huh? Actually, the chapter that cover page was attached to wasn’t really all that bad. Mashima pulled a good fake-out with Natsu and Gray’s strategy to take out Mard Geer and the action was well-drawn. I also appreciated that, FOR ONCE, Natsu DIDN’T beat the big bad of the arc all by himself, but Gray did. Which felt appropriate, considering the focus he’s had in this arc and what he was fighting for. Previously, Natsu has beaten the main villain in essentially every arc, not because he was the one who had to or only could, but really just because he’s the main character. It still pisses me off to no end that he took out Jellal in the “Tower of Heaven” arc when that was Erza’s arc and she had the deepest grudge to vent, for example. So this was a welcome change of pace.

The Face bombs being blown up by all the dragons swooping in like the eagles in LOTR to save the day was super lame, though, but I expected it ever since Igneel showed up. The explanation as to why they were in their Dragon Slayers’ bodies is sorta interesting, in that apparently Dragon Slayers can become actual dragons…somehow. I mean, they said Acnologia was once a human, so I’m assuming there is some means of transformation, I guess probably something negative and bad since Acnologia is supposed to be the ultimate evil and shit. Well, second after Zeref, who coincidentally shows up again at the end of the chapter to take his book back. For the guy who’s supposed to be the main villain of the series, he certainly doesn’t show up a whole lot. Or do anything, really. Well, at least December wasn’t a terrible month of Fairy Tail overall. Can’t say the same for January…but we’ll talk about all of that bullshit next time.

Fairy Tail Zero chapter #6:

Uh, okay...

Mavis and friends go to Magnolia town. The Blue Skull guild has taken over the town and they are your standard one-dimensional asshole villains. So Mavis and friends fight the Blue Skull guild. They lose. They run away. And that’s basically the chapter in a nutshell. The only thing of note is that this is the first time Mavis hasn’t been able to outwit an opponent using her illusions. I assume this will probably lead her to develop new techniques in order to put up more of a fight in the future. Beyond that I couldn’t take away much from the chapter outside of the fact it’s a “heroes lose, meet someone who makes them stronger, comes back and wins” kind of setup. We’ll see if this goes anywhere I wouldn’t expect.

Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma chapters #97-101:

This tournament arc has lasted for over 50+ chapters now, essentially over half of the series so far, but now we’ve finally come to the final match. Most of the month was dedicated to Soma’s competitors, Kurokiba and Hayama, and their dishes. Hayama is not given much emotional weight going into this showdown, beyond wanting to utterly crush Kurokiba for his arrogance, and kept mostly sidelined outside of his presentation chapters. Kurokiba, on the other hand, does have something he wants to really prove beyond simply beating Hayama, and is further explored as a character. While we’ve seen previous glimpses of his past and background before, the brief flashback shown in these chapters show how he ended up becoming Alice’s servant, and how he honed and improved his cooking skills from his contests with her. His dish in the finals reflects both the refinement of his cooking and his savage personality.

In contrast, Hayama’s dish shows off his culinary ability and skill level, turning what is commonly considered an appetizer into a full-fledged entree. He shows that he is more than just a guy who knows how many spices to add to something, but rather a chef who has a thorough understanding of flavor and fragrance and how to use refined techniques to elevate something light and simple like carpaccio into an utterly satisfying and delicious dish. Kurokiba’s cooking is direct and inspires to evoke an animalistic appetite in the people he serves. Hayama’s cooking is more controlled and focused. The series makes the comparison of Hayama as an experienced lancer relying on his skill and Kurokiba as a rash swordsman relying on his power. Both are capable in their field, but between the two, Hayama’s carefulness and near-perfect approach to his dishes wins out.

Soma does not have equal experience preparing fish, much less saucy, than Hayama and Kurokiba so of course he’s comparatively disadvantaged. In spite of this, he posses many attributes that have helped him create a dish that rivaled them in quality.  The first, of course, is his creativity. Since he did not have an eye for picking out fresh fish, he tested various means to bring out their flavor to the best level. Using skills he’s observed and learned from others as a guide, he came up with a unique solution to his problem and played with the method he developed until he reached a level he was satisfied with. This has essentially been how Soma’s succeeded over more specialized or skilled opponents in previous shokugekis and matches in the series before. It’s no surprise to see it applied here again, especially since this is the climax of the series’ first long arc, but it’s none the less satisfying to see his personality as a chef come through for him.

But the other factor Soma has going is his surprise factor. Just when you think you’ve figured him out, he pulls a fast one on you and creates a dish you didn’t think he could possibly pull off. The end of these chapters is essentially a fake-out reflecting that element of his character. First he lowered the judges expectations, only to entice them with the mysterious sauce he plans to add to the dish in order to evolve it to a whole other level. The series always knows how to make me interested in seeing how Soma makes his dishes so outstanding time and time again, so of course it’s a rather intriguing cliffhanger.

Do I think Soma will win this competition? I’m not sure. He is the main character, of course, and winning is necessary for him to take a spot in the top 10 and challenge the other top chefs at Tootsuki. However, in terms of ability, between the three Hayama seems to have demonstrated more skill and knowledge for him to deserve the honor. I’m not sure if the series will go that route, especially since it would mean that Soma has been beaten by Hayama twice in a row (a rarity in any type of shonen manga – the only example I can think of is Luffy’s losses to Crocodile in One Piece), but it feels like the appropriate direction for the series to take. Even if Soma does lose, the experience he’s gained from the tournament has been to his benefit, and the council has taken more notice of him. He might move up in the ranks more slowly than he’d like, but he’s still making a lot of progress, and improving his skills with every challenge thrown his way.

Fuuka chapters #42-44:

...the eyes of someone who doesn't want his series to get cancelled!

These were an interesting set of chapters. Each one focused on one of the main characters – Sara, Mikasa, and Kazuya – and how they’ve moved on with their lives after Fuuka’s death. Sara has joined up with another band and started to open up to people more. Mikasa has given up on his rebellious phase and returned home, subject to the whims of his father, who aims to groom him into a respectable heir. Kazuya has returned to track and training in order to make a prospective college track team. In Sara and Kazuya’s cases, it seems they’ve moved on with their lives just fine and could continue to be happy where they are, while Mikasa is clearly just tired after the whole ordeal, and returns to live a safe, constricted lifestyle at the cost of his individuality and personal interests. However, the one thing they all have in common is a certain wistfulness for their band days. Those were a fun time in all of their lives, and they can’t help but wonder what could have happened if things didn’t so abruptly crash they way they did.

But nostalgia and fond memories and not enough for them to risk everything to get back in a band that has no future, which is why they’ve gone down divergent paths to begin with. Hence why they all turn Yuu down when he tries to make them come back. They’ve all made plans for their futures, whether they are happy with them or not. Yuu needs to prove that they need to be together, and that there is potential to be tapped if they were to return. Yuu’s determination in this endeavor reminds me of the late Fuuka’s when she was the one active in creating the band in the first place. In many ways, he’s made up for her absence by taken up her optimism and dedication and making it a part of himself. But whereas Fuuka always thought of things in the moment, Yuu is actually looking to the future. He knows the risks involved, which is why he tries so desperately to convince the others it’ll be worthwhile. He is steadfast in doing what Fuuka couldn’t do to honor her memory, and have their band become the “legend” that Fuuka always dreamed in could be.

While this regrouping portion of the story has moved a bit too fast, for the time spent on it it’s developed a lot of interesting stuff that’s added to the characters meaningfully and given us insight on what they have to gain and to lose if they were to become a band once again. I’d wish the story would move at a slower pace than this to give more time building up their comeback, but what was presented here was pretty strong stuff regardless.

Gintama chapters #521-524:

To be honest, a lot of parts in these chapters concerning the fact the Tendoshuu was manipulating the Kihetai and the shogun assassination plot this whole time was somewhat hard to follow since there are whole chucks of Gintama chapters I haven’t read. As such, I don’t feel able to comment on those parts as much I’d like. Shigeshige standing up to them and saying that he will not step down as shogun in favor of Nobunobu was a cool moment, as was his resolve that they will be the last shoguns ever. Which makes his poisoning by one of his once-loyal retainers before he is able to do anything and ultimately dying peacefully after a tender moment with his unaware sister all the more tragic. As dark as the times are right now, I have a feeling that Nobunobu and his masters will get what’s coming to them soon enough in the future.

The highlight of these chapters for me, though, was Takasugi stabbing Oboro in the right eye and telling him he better remember whether it was Gintoki or his face he last saw because if one of them drops dead the other will definitely send him to hell. That was a kickass moment of karma right there. Overall, this arc was pretty fucking spectacular amazing and made me want to finally finish reading through the backlog of chapters I haven’t read yet so that I’m up to speed on everything going on in the story. At a time when the other big long-running Jump series are meh or worse, Gintama kicked all their asses last year and then some, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it continues to do so in this one as well. And I’m so happy that a new anime season is coming in April, because the “Shogun Assassination” arc is going to be HYPE is animated form.

GTO: Paradise Lost chapter #17:

...Really?

I’ve said it before, but the whole “Sadako was actually a pretty girl all along thing” is a dumb as fuck message and a poor contrivance to show asshole idol boy the error of his ways. It’s a case of “pretty women can’t be bad people,” used to make Sadako more sympathetic and idol boy look like more of an asshole. It’s lame and makes for an inane and cliche desolation to this whole arc that’s utterly unimpressive. Onizuka’s “scenario” to teach idol boy how much of a douche he was is also just really convoluted and ridiculous. Even for a “worst case scenario” and a GTO reformation lesson, it’s far too over the top and happens much too fast for it to be believable that the idiot learned his lesson. And the idea he completely changed the way he behaved after this incident and became a good and humble person just furthers to break any suspension of disbelief, since the series is trying to get us to sympathize with a guy who, even after his standard GTO sob backstory, is just not sympathetic or likable in any respect. And to top it all off with the end-of-the-chapter reveal that Sadako has moved on from the Samurai group and now apparently has a crush on Onizuka and wants to marry him, presumably just because he was the only person we’ve seen who wasn’t a total dick to her and told her she was pretty and shit, is just another layer of stupidity upon an already moronic jumble of ridiculous cliche shit that I’m just completely at a loss at how the GTO franchise has fallen this far.

Look, Fujisawa, I get it that GTO is your money-maker and you need to milk it by bringing it back every now and again. But first off you made this series stray from it’s roots by centering it around Onizuka teaching an class inexplicably full of well-known and popular idols, something that was somehow never mentioned as existing at Holy Forest Academy in any of the previous series before, and then you make the students’ problems unrelatable or repetitive of stories we’ve already seen, and try to get us to care about characters with little personality or awful personalities. And to add insult to injury, the way you’ve resolved this arc has dumbed the series down with messages and plot developments even most modern kid-coms much less shonen series have more intelligence than to execute. I can only imagine that this failure of a sequel is going to get even more repetitive and questionably written from here on out, and it makes me wonder whether I really want to stick around and see one of my all time favorite characters in anime and manga party to such insufferable drivel. But since I’m writing about this shit for the blog now, at least I have both an outlet and a reason to vent my frustrations on it into something constructive and hopefully entertaining, something this series certainly isn’t by any stretch of the imagination.

Hinomaru Zumo chapters #11-14:

It makes sense, that even though Hinomaru had an impressive and intense bout with Munechika, that he would be so exhausted afterwards that he wouldn’t be able to continue fighting. Not to mention that Yuuma and Oozeki, already at disadvantage against Kawato High in experience and skill, wouldn’t be able to defeat their opponents, something that certainly wasn’t helped thanks to them being distracted by their concern for Hinomaru’s well-being on their minds.

Hinomaru realizes this and blames himself for shacking their behavior before they entered their matches, especially since they fought so hard up to that point to help him reach the top even though they themselves were not ready to participate against this level of competition in the first place. But Yuuma and Oozeki blame themselves for what happened. They feel that if only they could have remained focused, and at least one of them won their match, they could have advanced at least another round farther. They feel they let him down after he pushed himself to his limits in his match with Munechika. But that doesn’t deter them. They want to push again, and work even harder now to help Hinomaru reach the top. And Hinomaru, hearing this, realizes that his goal is no longer just his, but theirs. They will reach the top and become the best high school sumo wrestlers in Japan together. This makes for a great scene of reflection, resolve, and unity that ends this first major tournament, short as it was, on a high note, and makes me excited to see the further development of these characters both individually and as a team as the story progresses.

Moving on, the introduction of another rival character in Kuzesousuke is for the course as far as shonen sports manga go. He is exemplary of one of those cool-natured aloof characters like Sendo in Slam Dunk, who are incredibly skilled and formidable contrary to what their behavior might suggest. However, this character is interesting in that he’s one of those rare rivals who has no accomplishments on record to boast. His character background is that he is the son of a formidable wrestler who has trained his son since early childhood, but because he is so skilled he has been forbidden by him to participate in any official competitions. However, after seeing Hinomaru and Munechika’s bout, and being told off by one of his close friends as to he is content with his complacency, he is motivated to finally demonstrate his strength in the ring and go up against his promising adversaries. A novel set-up for a rival character that I haven’t seen used often in the genre, and one that makes me curious to see how his story develops as well.

Of course, every shonen sports manga needs at least 5 people to make up the main characters’ team plus a manager to be the obligatory female character so the whole shebang isn’t a sausage fest. That’s just how these series roll. Hinomaru, however, has only three people on his team and no manager to speak of so we’ll have to see how the series’ manage to recruit these remaining essential characters to their roster. Unfortunately Hinomaru is off to the bad start with his soup stand at the culture festival, going up against such smashing attractions such as the 2-D maid cafe and whatnot. Not to mention he has to deal with the bitchiest vice-student student council in existence, Reina, who I’m certain will end up becoming the manager for the Sumo Club because he was in the character spread for the first chapter next to the trio but SSHH!!! Seriously, though, she is so haughty and up-her-own-ass mean that she makes Odagiri in her first appearances in Yamada-kun look like a humble lass. My favorite moment in these chapters is when she volunteers to be a judge for a match just in order to screw over Hinomaru and call his loss. I have to wonder how the mangaka expects us to like this character in the future.

Luckily, Hinomaru does meet someone pleasant by name of Chihiro, a tough as nails mixed martial artist aiming for the top with a similar personality and drive to Hinomaru himself. Which, of course, means they have to fight each other! But though Hinomaru aims to promote the sumo club through their battle, he doesn’t underestimate Chihiro at all. He respects his power and skill, and wants to demonstrate the worth of sumo to him as much as the spectators. Which is why he proposes that Chihiro fights following the rules and style of wresting while he follows the rules and style of Sumo, a situation that would seemingly place Hinomaru at a disadvantage since Chihiro has more options to defeat Hinomaru than the latter does vice-versa. But Hinomaru packs a wallop of awesome when he smacks Chihiro down to the floor within seconds of their first clash, a move that, if he were being judged by the rules of sumo, would mean he would already have lost the match. Aw yeah. You can just tell from Chihiro’s wild eyes, pulsing veins, and crooked smirk in that last panel that shit is about to go DOWN! Considering how awesome the series managed to make Hinomaru and Munechika’s match so cool despite this series being so young, I can’t help but expect a similar level of kick-assery to be displayed in this one too.

I apologize for a lot of this write-up coming off more of a summary than an analysis, but this is some exciting stuff just on a pure entertainment level. Hinomaru Zumo has shown a good balance of likable characters, solid story development, and engaging action and these chapters have cemented my high expectations for it in the future. The shonen sports manga game might be kind of stale right now, but it’s doing it’s best to add some new life into it, and so far, I think it’s succeeding.

Joshi Kausei chapters #25-26:

I really liked the first of these two chapters because drawing on dew-covered windows is something I’ve done in my boredom and no doubt a lot of other people have as well. Especially in a group of friends, drawing some various silly things and comments, and being discovered and embarrassed about it. It’s one of those true-to-life kind of chapters that I find appealing and amusing, which is appropriate for these kinds of “healing” series as they are known. The second of these chapters was less successful, if only because I have never purchased a hot canned beverage from a vending machine before at a train station while waiting for my ride, but the ending bit was kind of cute. Joshi Kausei is not a series I think I can talk about often since it’s very much just cute slice-of-life antics in a rare wordless manga format, but I wanted something to round this off to an even 30, so, there you go. Still, it’s a fun series, and these were enjoyable chapters, and two of it’s stronger efforts as of late to boot.

Magi chapters #249-251:

You can’t really expect me to believe that this is the end of Gyokuen, do you? After we went through that whole flashback showing how she fucked the world up and how manipulative and bat-shit insane she is? Yeah, not buying it. She’s going to make a comeback. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but it’s going to happen. I just know it.

In any case, the meat of these chapters was the fight between Hakuryu and Gyokuen. And while I might not have particularly enjoyed how Hakuryu’s turn to the dark side and the chapters leading up to this point have been executed….holy shit was this fucking amazing. Ohtaka outdid herself with her artwork here, infusing the characters with this wild, mad intensity and instability that even Soul Eater would be proud of. Not only was it intense, it was effin brutal to boot. At one point Hakuryu fucking takes a bite out his mother’s fucking neck and rips a chuck of the bitch’s flesh right off! Damn, son! That was fucking amazing. Chapter #249, you are an 11/10 chapter. Where is season three of the anime dammit? A-1, stop what you’re doing right now and get on animating this shit – STAT!

…Or so I would say if I was completely pleased with these chapters. Unfortunately, though, all of the great stuff is sorta brought down by how afterwards we have to focus on Hakuryu continuing to be an irrational douche now.  Ever since he was brought back into the story his actions and words have made it feel like he’s devolved into a rather one-dimensional and cartoonishly evil caricature of his former self, which is not really the direction I was hoping to see from him. At least Judar points out that his sense of justice has become warped and hypo-critical, and he’s just looking for an outlet to direct his long pent-up rage against the world, moving on from replacing Gyokouen with Kouen and then after Kouen someone else in a never-ending cycle. I like the concept of this, and it fits the progression of Hakuryuu’s character arc. I just wish the execution of it had been something better than basically making him go “herr derr I hate everything and I want to kill everybody now” in those dungeon chapters two months back. Even Sasuke had a longer and more believable progression into his misguided idiocy than that.

Still, the tension building towards an inevitable civil war over the Kou Empire between Hakuryuu and Kouen’s factions is enjoyable, as is seeing Alibaba and Aladdin taking the initiative to reason with their old friend in a way they only can as a third party, even if the outcome might be something they’ll regret. Perhaps the meeting between Alibaba and Hakuryuu will show that the latter hasn’t become completely unreasonable, and demonstrates he may even show he has a more understandable and sympathetic perspective towards the situation than just “no you are wrong everyone is my enemy and I will kill them all wahhh?” Well…hopefully.

Magi: Adventure of Sinbad chapters #43-45:

Sinbad curb-stomped the Knight King into submission and essentially intimidates him into making Sasan one of his trading partners. How heroic! But it allows Mistoras to do as he pleases and travel with Sinbad and co. as a representative of Sasan and he even gets an apology from his father! Despite basically trying to kill his son, it looks like he isn’t an uptight and awful father after all (could’ve fooled me).  Of course Mistoras’ younger brother Spartos (aka the kid who somehow becomes one of Sinbad’s eight generals in the future) is all like “wahh wahh don’t leave me oni-chan you are being so mean you don’t like me wahh wahh” but Mistoras is basically like “don’t worry lil’ dude, I’m just bringing ya down clown, and we’ll TOTALLY see each other again so ya just gots to stay cool and in school until yer ready ta hang brah” and goes off on his merry way. Of course, considering Mistoras is nowhere to be seen in Magi and all the blatant foreshadowing that something bad might happen to him I’ll take a guess that our new friend here isn’t long for the page.

Other than that, we get some fine world-building what with it turning out that the “god of Sasan” is basically just Solomon and their religion is based on the memories of Alma Torran. Also, Sinbad basically shows he was no less ruthless in trying to get people to do what he wanted as a kid than he is in the present. Consistent fellow. I like that. With his new and equally perverted companion in tow, Sinbad and friends are now heading to Artemia, the all-female country that little girl eight general who’s name I can’t remember is from. Will they gain new allies and possibly get laid while they’re at it? Knowing Sinbad…probably.

My Hero Academia chapters #17-25:

Well, this series certainly didn’t waste any time to get into some serious action. There is so much that happened in these chapters that I can’t possibly talk about it all at length, so let’s get down to just the basic things to take away from them. The whole infiltration arc not only introduced a desperate situation that forced the students to gain confidence and take initiative against professional villains out for blood, but managed to set up and establish a larger expanded cast than the core four of Midoriya, Urakaka, Iida, and Bakugou. All Might’s stand against the villains despite his depleting strength and lack of time made for a tense and interesting battle of attrition and wit, with Midoriya’s act of courage giving All Might precious seconds that may very well have saved his life. It was a harsh but good growing experience for all the heroes in training involved and with the expanded cast better established, the series has more relationships and dynamics to play with as the story moves forward.

This new sports festival arc seems like a natural way to further this. All the characters can show off their strengths and weaknesses and pitted off against each other they can be further developed or expanded upon. As is already the case, with new characters introduced and things for them being set-up along the established characters. But the highlight of this arc so far is Midoriya’s efforts to prove himself to the crowd and spectators that he is a hero to look out for. With his trademark tenacity and willingness to take risks in order to get himself out there and keep up with the rest, All Might hopes to establish him as successor in the new generation with a bang. And though he is worried about his disadvantages compared to the rest of the competition, he finds the confidence he needs and the means to use what he’s learned and make creative and smart decisions in order to bridge the gap in ability, taking people by surprise as a dark horse in the race. Whether he can successfully win or rank at a high place remains to seen, but as far as making himself known and telling the world “here I am,” I’d say he’s doing a swell job of it.

Nisekoi chapters #149-153:

Nisekoi is one of those series I don’t know how or why I started reading, but just sorta did, and since it takes more effort to ignore it than to just skim through it I just casually keep up with it. That said, the set-up to this whole school trip arc was actually a kind of funny chapter in execution, with seemingly everyone ending up in the same group and being all happy about it…until they notice Raku isn’t, and he is in fact in a different group of all men who proceed to pick on him for being surrounded by as many ladies as he is. Komi’s art just sells the entire scene, and the panel where the gang reacts to the fact Raku isn’t in the group is just so inexplicably amusing to me. That’s the one thing notable about this series – the art. It single handedly makes this thing a bearable read because it elevates the often tepid and tired jokes into something much more enjoyable than it really should be. But there’s not much to say about these chapters outside of that observation. They basically amount to each chapter being centered around Raku’s interactions with one of the girls as the school trip goes on. There were amusing bits here and there, but otherwise nothing that I haven’t seen a zillion other times from the shonen rom-com or harem genres, and it all ultimately made for harmless but forgettable light reading.

One Piece chapters #770-772:

We are finally getting to the end of the fights with the executives of the Donquioxte family. It seems that Oda has decided to devote each chapter to showing one character defeat one executive for the next few weeks. These characters being, oddly enough, not the Straw Hats themselves, but the supporting characters that were introduced in this arc. Chapter #770 shows the Elbaf giant Harudjin defeat Vise, chapter #771 sees Sai take out Lao G (and become engaged to Baby 5), and chapter #772 finds Delinger cut down by a reawakened Hakuba. Of course, other stuff is happening in these chapters too. Zoro continues his fight with Pica, Luffy his against Belamy, Kyros his with Trebol, and Bartholomew and Cavendish theirs with Gladius, but the aforementioned were the major events that came out of this set of chapters and progressed the story.

As nice as it is to see the major villains of this arc finally start to get taken down, these chapters aren’t completely successful in their endeavor. A common problem with this arc is the OCD story structure of the chapters where we flip back to numerous plot threads and characters in the course of a single chapter, only devoting a few pages (if even that) to one at a time before moving to the next. Chapters #770 and #772 suffer from this problem, cramming in scenes from the various different battles in between the main action that is presumably the focus of the chapter, and the resulting mess weakens the impact of the event. Which isn’t helped by the fact that the characters who are given the task of taking out these villains aren’t the most developed of the bunch. I barely remember anything about Harudjin, and while I know Hakuba is just Cavendish’s alter ego, it has only appeared in the series once before, in a brief flashback explaining something that happened off-screen no less, and in this chapter it just abruptly returns with little fanfare and build up. As such, it’s hard to invest in these moments on a character level since we don’t know enough about these characters to care they’ve had this moment of triumph. While I assume they will continue to be important in the grand scheme of things, I’d rather these victories and focus have gone to more established characters than them. And beyond that, for all the cutaways to them, barely anything really progresses on the tangential plot threads shown in the chapters, if anything has at all. It makes switching to them feel pointless, and it probably would’ve been better served to see these things in larger chunks, than in little bits at a time like they are.

However, my criticisms only apply to chapters #770 and #772. Chapter #771 actually does what I’d prefer and not only focuses on just one situation for the majority of the chapter, but characters who have been reasonably built up during the arc and we know quite well. Sai and Don Chinjao have had major and memorable roles in the early portion of this arc and as the arc has progressed we’ve gotten a solid understanding of their motivations, relationships with each other, and what is on the line for them. This chapter shows off Sai’s character especially in how he scolds the desperate Baby 5, stands up to his furious grandfather, and defeats the seemingly indomitable Lao G. In addition, the chapter ends up relinquishing of authority between the Happou navy between generations. Don Chinjao, bested by his son after the latter realizes the full power of his bujaogen, hands over the title of Don of the Happou navy to him. This has been something that has been built up since the coliseum, where Chinjao’s plan was to help Sai advance to the finals to show his strength, and then hand over authority of the navy to him. So this moment makes for a strong payoff on both a plot and character level, and the moment where Sai tells the defeated Lao G, who previously knocked out the former Don Chinjao, to call him “Don” a strong moment. Add together some nice character bits with Baby 5 showing how her desire to be of service to others is built out of a fear of abandonment that ties in with what we’ve learned about her since her very first appearance, and you get a really great chapter that recalls ones that One Piece produced at it’s peak.

As the “Dressrosa” arc draws to a close, I’d hope we see more chapters as well-executed as #772 than we do the other two put out last month. There is still time for this arc to conclude on a powerful note that makes up for the various inconsistencies and chaotic pacing that’s pervaded it. However, the only way this will happen is if Oda stops trying to do too much in one chapter, and instead concentrates at one thing at a time and spends more time of the events that are the most important to see and move the story forward. There is a reason the phrase “less is more” exists, and it’s telling how the most successful outing between these chapters was the one that exemplified the term the most closely.

One-Punch Man chapters #40.1-41:

Well now, this Garou fellow is an interesting new antagonist. Someone who as a child saw the nature of justice always triumphing over evil as not just boring, but unfair, because he recognized that villains work just as hard to succeed in their endeavors as heroes do. Realizing that the heroes will always win simply because the are the most popular and strongest characters, he decided to become so strong himself that he’d be a villain who’ll never lose. But he didn’t want to become just your run of the mill crook, someone who could be stopped, he wanted to become a monster; a creature that incomprehensibly powerful, frightening, and dangerous. And he’s sure made himself know in one hell of a way, taking out an entire room of baddies as well as curb stomping two high-ranking  A-class agents like they were nothing. He’s not arrogant though, as he seems to want to avoid taking on any S-class heroes for the moment, yet at the same time he believes he’ll be able to get even stronger than he is in only six months time. And who is his target when he does? King.

Man, it’s a good thing the guy is buddy-buddy with Saitama, otherwise he’d be totally screwed. Though with that said, I have to wonder if Garou will give him a run for his money? Though the paths they took are different, both were inspired to become the strongest and be the best, and they could almost be seen as parallels in some ways. It’d be hilarious if Garou’s training methods turn out to be exactly like Saitama’s. It’d also be cool to see another human being give Saitama a tough fight, since the closest he’s ever gotten to one was with Boros, and even then, he was holding back.

In the meantime, it’s nice to see that Saitama is being acknowledged as an exceptional hero by the higher-ups and the public, having risen in rank and possibly even earned some fans. Though he isn’t out for glory and is apathetic to this fact, it makes me glad to see his efforts and good deeds be rewarded. Of course, the attention he’s receiving has it’s downsides. Not only is Speed of Sound Sonic gunning for his head again, but he has to deal with the #1 of the B-class heroes, Blizzard of Hell, trying to intimidate him into joining her faction lest he give up any chance of moving higher in the Heroes Association. Of course Saitama doesn’t care about any of that bullshit (I love how he doesn’t even know who she is at first and when they tell him that she’s the #1 B-Class he’s like “oh, okay, good job! So?” Classic Saitama moment right there). Being a hero isn’t about ranks or hierarchies for him, it’s about doing what’s right. It doesn’t matter what rank he is or whether Blizzard’s faction will give him hell, he’s just going to continue doing what he’s doing because that’s just what a hero does. It helps that he has the power to make that happen. Oh, Blizzard, you have no idea just WHO you’re messing with…

Orange chapter #17:

If Kakeru knew how Naho felt about him, and Naho knew how he felt about her, would he have lived? If they had became a couple instead of distancing themselves from each other, could that have significantly altered the course of his future. Suwa’s regrets being the only one who knew, and how he chose to hide this knowledge until after Kakeru died, something he’s never forgiven himself for. He feels he betrayed Kakeru, stole Naho from him, and may have inadvertently caused his death. The conversation he has with the gang is somewhat telling. They all admit that if they knew Kakeru’s circumstances, they would unquestionably root for him instead of Suwa. Yet Naho says that even if Kakeru had lived she would have still married Suwa. A sweet sentiment, but I can’t help but wonder how sincere she is when saying that. I don’t doubt she is happy married to Suwa since they were always good and close friends who cared for each other, but she has to have wondered “what if?” What could’ve been if she and Kakeru had only confessed their feelings to one another when they had the chance. That’s why the letters are so important. They might not be able to change their future, since that’s a reality set in stone, and they have to be at peace with that. But they’ve been given the opportunity to do everything they couldn’t do in another timeline; a second chance to leave no regrets and create a future where Kakeru is still alive. And perhaps even one where Naho might be married to him.

The tone of Naho’s letters still feels ambiguous to me in terms of whether or not she wants young Naho to get together with Kakeru. The core feelings that come across is that she regrets all the mistakes she made with him during their time together and how they could’ve helped him if they only did certain things differently. It seems like she’s viewing him from the perspective of a long lost friend rather than someone she hasn’t gotten over, but that’s only just so far. There’s always the chance she digs into a certain mindset, and tells her past self to go for him. Suwa’s letters are far less ambiguous. He feels guilty for not helping his friend find happiness with the girl he loves, and urges his past self to try and make a future where Naho and Kakeru are happy with each other. And young Kakeru agrees with him. Despite how he feels towards her, he is determined to no tell her and distract her away from Kakeru, to not interfere in their relationship as his future counterpart did. The letters have taught all of them how precious their time is. How precious every moment is. How one small act can radically change the future for better or worse. Kakeru believes that if he never tells Naho how he feels she’ll end up with Kakeru as she would have if Kakeru never died in the first place. But he doesn’t seem to realize that by keeping his feelings to himself, he’s not even giving her to option to chose. He might escape the regret of never helping the two people he cared about most in the world know how they feel about each other, but in it’s place he’ll be creating a new one. The regret of never telling Naho he loves her, and by it, erasing a different future that could’ve been.

Silver Spoon chapter #108:

Hachiken has never been the best horse rider, so it’s to be expected that he would make the mistakes he did. But though he moved slowly and made a lot of blunders, he proved fun to watch, and people appreciated his leisurely pace. He might not have done particularly well, but at least he fun doing it. It presents a sense of satisfying finality to Hachiken’s development in his relationship with horses and as a member of the equestrian club, and the fact that there’s still more opportunities for him to improve after this makes it all the more so.

Speaking of satisfying, I was ecstatic to revisit Komaba and see what he’s up to these days. Taking a slow but sure path to his dream, he’s working his ass off in jobs where he can put his great strength to use, and making friends and progress along the way. And I cannot describe just how wonderful the moment where he gets that text from Hachiken, and goes “YEAAAAAHHHH!” in triumph, ecstatic for the success for his friends. Though they are miles apart, the friendships they’ve made are as strong as ever. To be honest, I almost wanted to yell out “YEAAAHHH!” when I found out exactly what he was happy out with him. It’s just so wonderful to see, after years of hard work and dedication, that Mikage’s passion for horses and love of riding has paid off and clinched the Equestrian Club’s entry in the Equestrian Koshien. It’s a great moment that is shared by all three characters, and a moment of victory that feels well-earned after all the hardships and struggles they’ve faced working towards their respective dreams. Silver Spoon always knows how to inspire and entertain me in a way few other currently-running can, and this chapter was a wonderful way for it to end the year on.

Space Brothers chapter #241:

Mutta is finally in space. It took many years and a lot of hard work and luck, but he’s finally achieved the dream he’s held since his childhood. Now he and Hibito truly are…space brothers. There’s not much I can say about this chapter. It’s not so much the contents that matter so much as the moment. It’s about the emotions and seeing the character succeed in something he’s been working towards since the very beginning of the story. It’s about reflecting on all it took to get to this point and seeing all the friends he’s made congratulate him for his triumph. Everyone reading this series, when they get to this chapter, will feel the same sensation. Satisfaction. And for all the weight behind it, this has got to be the most satisfying moment in the series so far.

The Heroic Legend of Arslan chapter #18:

So, how did ex-masked man know that Narsus was a third-rate painter? Has he ever seen any of his paintings before? Sure, he’s right on the money, but that doesn’t mean he should just assume things things about the man. What a rude fellow.

Anyway, it’s neat that ex-masked man’s mask wasn’t just for show and he was actually covering up an actual horrific scar and stuff. The fact that neither Daryun or Narsus recognized him means that he’s someone they don’t have a history with, which makes it all the more curious as to who he is and what his true intentions are. Otherwise not much else to this chapter. I guess I can note that the end of it has Arslan re-encountering some Lusitatnian solider who recognizes his face, while I for the life of me could’t recognize his because it looks like a generic Arakawa character face. It was only when I noticed the caption that explained he was Etoile, the soldier boy Arslan interacted with way back in the beginning of the series that I was like “oh, yeah, I vaguely know this guy,” but yeah, there was that. Not sure where this encounter will lead, but it’s interesting to see this character show up again and it might have some neat ramifications down the line.

The Seven Deadly Sins chapters #106-108:

...Apparently!

The whole “I OBJECT” thing was kind of awkward since apparently Meliodas is referencing not what he thinks but how some people in the crowd feel about the Sins being rewarded for their efforts. It’s made even more confusing by the fact that the people who step up to challenge the Sins don’t even have complaints about them but just want to see how strong they are for themselves. Sure, there’s the idea that only those three are being honest and there are others who are hiding how the feel in the background, but it’s strange and execution and pointless overall since these characters amount to nothing but push how strong Meliodas is…which we already know. And by the way, WHY does this series need power levels? What does it add to this story? It feels like an unnecessary element and distraction, and even if it is a throw-away concept that’ll be limited to just these chapters the fact it was introduced at all really bugged me.

The mystery towards Dreyfus’ actions seems to lean towards him being replaced or taken over by some sort of demonic force. There is just a huge disconnect between his behavior before his battle with Hendricksen and afterwards, which leads me to believe that something sinister started manipulating his body after he was taken out, and nobody noticed because theory were distracted by all the chaos. Gil, Hasuer, and Griamor’s investigation seems to be leaning towards that revelation.The fact he seems to boast a demonic scar now where he hadn’t one before certainly helps support my hypothesis.

Now, I can’t say I expected Hendricksen to return. I thought his defeat in the last arc was final and he was dead and gone. But no, he’s alive and even a bit remorseful for what he’s done, shedding tears at the sight of his old friend. I think it’s pretty clear from the chapter that he has been manipulated by some force for a while now. Considering how he treated so many people, including the original Dreyfus, for all those years before, it’s both a bit sad and a bit satisfying for him to be misguided into doing the bidding of an evil he’ll probably regret messing with. If he isn’t immediately killed off by the demons he’s about the revive, I can see him getting redeemed at some point down the line. This arc is off to a rocky start, but there’s promising stuff to look forward to, and I’d hope that the series starts hitting the mark more once it finishes all this set-up.

Toriko chapters #304-307:

Yeah, I'm just as baffled as the rest of you.

Chapter #304 is, without a doubt, one of the worst chapters of manga I read last year. At least on a personal level, because it was a breaking point for me with Toriko as it’s been lately. It is not just infuriating, but it’s flat-out bullshit through and through. It was bad enough that Shimabukuro used the whole “oh shit the main characters are getting fucking slaughtered this is so badass amiright?” schtick again, which got old over Heracles cut Toriko in half in the last arc. But then he has to go and give the most unbelievable, incomprehensibly bizarre and inane explanation as for why they’ve all survived. Oh sure, of course Coco just happened to prepare a poison doll that looked exactly like Zebra before hand just in case but not do it for anyone else…because! He’s totally a mind-reader and knew that Zebra would be the most in danger. And then he goes on to explain that Bambina was just “playing” with them and did all the things he did in the span of ONE BLINK. And that Sunny was spared any brutality because he happened to blink at just the right moment that the Monkey King thought “oh, we’re playing hide and seek now” and went off on his merry way.

Uh…WHAT? It’s just…so convoluted and flat out stupid that it utterly ruins any of my ability to take the desperation the characters are facing seriously. They make this big deal of how they need to rise up and play against Bambina again with their renewed coura-no sorry, “appetite,” and I’m like “so what?” There is no weight to any of the violence or events that have happened in Toriko ever since they’ve entered the Gourmet World. And now they are doing a fucking training arc, when the whole point of the timseskip (which started at the beginning of last year), was that they had become strong enough to face most threats in the Gourmet World during that time? After accomplishing nothing of value or requiring any real effort or doing anything that really felt earned with the level of strength they had? Yes, I know that they aren’t becoming physically stronger or anything and just learning a specialty skill, but it’s still utterly baffling.

The pacing is far too fast, there is no tension to anything that’s happening, there is no character development, and there are so many convoluted plot elements in play that it’s hard for me to really enjoy recent Toriko chapters anymore. And that hurts me, because it was so great the two years before. Hell, it was still really good for the first 2/3rds of last year! But in the last four months, something happened and it took a massive dive in quality and things have only gotten worse since. I’d like to believe things can be salvaged in the rest of the arc and in the future, but I’ve had experience with other series who fell into similar states many times before and never returned to form, so I just can’t muster much optimism. It’s a shame. Toriko was one of the most consistently entertaining weekly manga I’ve been reading ever since I first started up on it. Now it’s meh as fuck and I read most of its chapters these days with a sad little sigh, wondering just where things went wrong, and disappointed in all the potential that’s been lost.

WataMote chapter #70:

Despite her supposed efforts to become popular with other people, Tomoko still finds herself doing most things alone. This is something she’s self-conscious about, and as much as she might look down on other people she ultimately would prefer to be in a crowd rather than to be by her lonesome. Even if she doesn’t interact with anyone else, the very fact that other people are there is actually of comfort to her. She doesn’t want to be alone. Yet, because of how she behaves and how she thinks, she is unable to reach out and befriend anyone and really be a part of a group. This school trip arc is interesting in that it presumably is going to force Tomoko to try and not only become a part of a group but lead it. It’s something I can already tell she’s going to fail at, but it would be nice if she is at least able to make some progress in her ability to interact with other people nonetheless.

World Trigger chapters #85-87:

Osamu's mother is best character.

I enjoyed how Osamu went in front of the press and told them plain and simply he is not a hero. He is not perfect, not everything he does is going to be perfect or even for the best, but he will do what he thinks is right in the moment and stand by his decisions. And as for the lives that were captured he will take responsibility for retrieving them himself, because that is not only the right thing to do, but the obvious one. The conviction Osamu shows while standing up to these pestering reporters is commendable, and shows how he’s matured in his reasoning and in his self-confidence.

That Kido is able to spin his words against the reporters even further and announce Border is able to invade the Neighbor worlds. Even better is how, when the reporters protest the idea of going into them out of danger, he retorts by asking if they are saying they’d rather leave them behind and forget about them, exposing their hypocritical mentality and penchant to play the blame game or raise concerns without addressing alternative solutions. It speaks to Kido’s craftiness that he is able to use Osamu to spin the negative criticism Border has been facing after the Invasion incident into something positive and more satiable to the reporters. His meeting with Osamu seems to indicate that he’s willing to take a neutral stance on his group for now, having recognized Yuuma’s usefulness as a soldier and gaining some respect for Osamu after his actions in the Invasion and his speech. However, there’s still a tension to the scene that gives off a distrustful vibe to him. He’s someone who’ll be keeping the team on their toes, and’ll have to be continue to be careful around in the future.

After the long “Invasion” arc, it’s a bit jarring to return to the Rank Wars. I’d honestly prefer the series just push it’s momentum and have the gang start preparing to enter the Neighbor worlds, but I suppose this is something that needs to be resolved onscreen considering all the build-up it had. While I’m not big on tournament arcs, this has a unique execution since for one it’s very much a teamwork based system of battles that involve the entire team in a battle-royale combat against other competitors. There’s a lot more strategy and planning to battles in this series that make it stand out compared to it’s contemporaries, and it’s nice to see this strength of the series continue to be in play here. And with the team going to be facing up against many of their rivals in Border as this arc goes on, I’m pretty interested in seeing how it continues to play out.

Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches chapters #137-139:

I have to wonder why is it that Takuma’s group of witches can use their abilities through different means than just a kiss like the previous witches used. Even more curious is why Yamada can’t use the abilities he copies from them in the same way as them, and still has to kiss people in order to use the powers. The obvious reason is that Yoshikawa just wants Yamada to get into situations requiring him to kiss people all the time, but there is a lot of mystery behind the nature of these witches that I’m curious to see explained down the line.

I’ve been disappointed that Shiraishi hasn’t been much of a presence in the story as of late, but the fact that the Chess Club has plans for her seems to indicate she’ll be important to one of their plans down the line. I have some ideas as to how, but I’d rather play the waiting game and see where things go. But it’s always nice to see Yamada show how much he cares about her, and be a badass while doing it to boot. I really like their relationship and hope we can see it from two sides again sooner rather than later.

The core thing to take away from this chapter is the Chess Club’s plan to take the president’s seat. Ichijo’s power provokes discontent and jealousy from people, and they’ve directed several of these people’s ill feelings against the current Student Council. Then Miura’s power puts other factions of people under his suggestion, allowing him to direct their actions subconsciously, see things from their perspective, and perform reconnaissance to learn what people are thinking and doing without the Student Council ever catching wind. It’s a two-fold plan to create a support base that will oust Miyamura from his seat and instate Ichijo in his place, with the other members of the current council falling soot in favor of the other members of the Chess Club, eventually giving them the resources and means to initiate the Witch ceremony. It’s a formidable plan that’s going to take a lot of careful planning and sneakiness to undermine, and with even former friends like Ohtsuka suddenly being manipulated against them, they are definitely in for a tough fight.

December 2014 Manga Round-up – Final Thoughts:

Manga of the Month: Assassination Classroom

Best of the Rest: A Bride’s Story, Billy Bat, Gintama, & My Hero Academia

Chapter of the Month: Gintama chapter #524 – “Farewell, Pal”

Worst Manga of the Month: Bleach

Worst of the Rest: Fairy Tail, GTO: Paradise Lost, & Toriko

Worst Chapter of the Month: Toriko chapter #304 – “Seed of Courage”

Line of the Month: “These reporters…all deserve to be beaten with a stick” (Osamu’s mother, World Trigger chapter #85).

Panel(s) of the Month:

Page(s) of the Month:

….And done! Phew! Yeah, I’m definitely making this thing shorter next time. Anyways, overall December was a good month of manga. The typical series that suck continued to suck and certain series were rather disappointing, but just about everything else was quite entertaining and fun reads. All in all a solid month to close off what was overall a very solid year of manga, and I’m hoping for an even better year in 2015. We’ll see how that pans out starting with the January 2015 edition of this manga roundup, which, if things work out, will be up next Saturday or Sunday and not three weeks late! In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed reading this recap and didn’t completely hate all of my opinions, and hope to see you again to look at all the audacity, hilarity, badassery, idiocy, and insanity the world of manga has to offer!

2015
01.24

The Bizarre Adventures of Eggy Azalea & Mr. Freeze – Saazbaum Got Slaine’d [Mahou]

I feel like a broken record. Every time I say Aldnoah.Zero has reached a new low, the next episode manages to make that low even lower. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

This episode opens up with a chess game between Inaho and Magbaredge ripped straight out of Terror in Resonance, and Magbaredge uses this to place Inaho into a squadron to attack the Vers Empire in a later assignment. However, the show surprisingly takes time to explain its retcon and make the choice less hazy – Inaho not only survived his near-death experience due to his kiss with Ass-hime (which somehow passed on the Aldnoah gene), but also the princess’s blood splashed onto his face after Saazbaum popped a cap in her ass in episode 13. The show does not make it clear how the blood increased the amount of Aldnoah cells in his body – it appears he didn’t swallow the blood, or have it dribble down his nose. It’s not likely that the blood was absorbed by his skin pores, either. It’s just another weak excuse to back-up a retcon that didn’t need to exist.

In a way, this episode is just too similar to last week’s episode. It follows the same structure of narrative – talky first-half, action-packed second half, revelations galore mixed in-between. In this episode, instead of the baffling kiss between Slaine and Lemrina, we have Saazbaum declaring Slaine his newly adopted son – despite the fact that Slaine shot him five times in the chest and crippled his leg at the conclusion of episode 13, and that Saazbaum was just menacing and completely detrimental to Slaine’s cause. Slaine agrees with his new father’s choice until the United Forces of Earth attack their stronghold, and Inaho and Slaine clash in a battle of Jesus-like wits. I’m pretty sure giant mecha’s can’t activate bullet time to dodge attacks, but it is Aldnoah.Zero, so logic does not apply. Inaho manages to outwit Saazbaum once again with the help of Inko – resident useless character until they are useful for the betterment of the protagonist – but, in a completely surprising and not totally foreseen twist of fate, Slaine lands the final blow via something we can only call ‘magic’, or really stupid coincidence. A trap he laid for Inaho instead caught Saazbaum during his moment of weakness, and in retaliation for his attempted murder of the princess, Slaine allows his not-father to die. Again.

This forced attempt at melodrama and father-son drama comes off as petty and with nothing to back it up. You could just say Slaine was pretending to go along with Saazbaum, but why would Slaine actually mourn the loss of his new-found ‘father’ after killing him, and go on to avenge his memory, even when it was his trap that landed the final blow? This is a baffling direction to go with Slaine’s character. Saazbaum did nothing throughout the run of the 1st season than keep on trying to assassinate Ass-hime, and when Inaho tried to kill Saazbaum in episode 13, what did Slaine do? Save Saazbaum’s life. Saazbaum made his plans perfectly clear to Slaine, and when he actually succeeded in his goal of murdering the Princess (or so we thought at the time), what did Slaine do again? Save his life after shooting him, and align himself with his army for the next nineteen months, even though he could have left him to bleed out for killing the woman he loves. The characters in Aldnoah.Zero, sans Marito, were never 3-dimensional, but they could have made clear and coherent choices. Saazbaum’s death in this episode does nothing to tug heartstrings or invoke an emotional response, it exists merely as a plot point.

This all feels like filler or a catalyst for an more terrible plot to replace the non-plot we have now. Again, you could also say that Slaine was just trying to keep Ass-hime alive by being a count of the Vers Empire, but couldn’t he have done his duty elsewhere? If Inaho didn’t survive the fucking point-blank shot to his head, Slaine could have aligned himself with the United Forces of Earth to keep Asseylum alive. It would be better than causing shitty drama for the sake of plot escalation. What did Saazbaum do for the 3 episodes he was included in? Nothing. He simply exists in memory to give Slaine a motivation that could have be found elsewhere, and through less stupid methods than being adopted by your crush’s attempted murderer. This conflict between Inaho and Slaine ignited since the moronic decision at the end of episode 7 feels so forced, that it’s almost an expectation the two partner up for the greater good at the end.

The plot-line isn’t the only thing wrong with Toll for the Brave. The CG looks like it was ripped out a 3DO game, and looks visibly worse than last week. The music is still too good for this show, and every character looks like they have bed-head. Unsurprisingly, Inaho continues to be mecha-Jesus. God save me, this show literally can’t get any worse, can it?

2015
01.21
Lick it good.

Yummy!-kuma Arashi

Love Bullet Yurikuma Arashi (literally “Girls-lovebear Storm”) is perhaps the ultimate Kunihiko Ikuhara experience. Everything he has made in the last 20 years has been building up to this. Sailor Moon’s monster-of-the-week format; Utena’s abstract art and delicate cathedral like aesthetics (complete with spiral staircases); Penguindrum’s pursuit of survival against the threat of utter annihilation; it’s all here, and in ridiculously OTT quantities. Because of this, its almost a borderline self-parody of Ikuni works since we’ve come to expect all of this from Ikuni and yet are constantly getting smacked in the head by it here. Why then should we watch this? What makes this so special that Funi felt it necessary to make it part of their mass-shopping spree of title licenses this season?

Well let us begin with the story…or at least what little of it there is (not a surprise really as Ikuni was never the best with plots). HERE THERE BE SPOILERS FOLKS!

You said it Missy Narrator!

I haven't seen mass murder this adorable since Watership Down!

In the near future or maybe an alternate history, the planet Kumalia blew up sending fragments all over the universe but mostly the Earth. This has had an extremely negative on the worlds bear population which now seeks to eat every human they can find, which in this case means Japanese lolis, since men apparently do not exist in the Yuribear universe save for three characters we will discuss later. To protect themselves from the bear menace, the government has built the Wall of Extinction, a giant pink thing that apparently does…something…I honestly don’t know…Ikuni!

HOWEVER!

You'll be seeing this a lot...

The bears have figured a way around the giant wall through some unexplained magic power. They’ve transformed themselves into humans and infiltrated one of the human schools, which is of course all-girl, because loli tastes good I guess. Our story focuses initially on two of them, Ginko Yurishiro and Lulu Yurigasaki but later episodes show they were beaten there by two other hubears: Mitsuko Yurizono and Konomi Yurikawa. As you can see, there is a bit of a naming convention here but it only extends to the bears at the moment. The known human characters by comparison have names that don’t go Yuri- etc. This is clearly meant to be an intended sign by Ikuni.

Cue Blumenkranz

So why are these bears here? Well they all want to eat one girl, Kureha Tsubaki. A modestly attractive lass, Tsubaki gets dragged into the mess when KUMA SHOCK! Her lover, Suzumika Izumono, ends up being the first victim of the bears and their hunger for loli flesh. This will not stand, and Tsubaki returns to her home (which happens to be the Psycho House painted pink) where she proceeds to shoot the same statues of bears with her rifle over and over again because reused animation. But then, an eerie phonecall draws her to the roof of the school where she encounters that weeks assailant before a PS1 level cgi effect kicks her into easily the most bizarre and out of place moment in the show, the court of extinction. This is where the aforementioned male characters exist, the aptly named “Judgemens” Lifecrazy, Lifesexy, and Life…beauty (seriously Ikuni you missed the perfect opportunity to make a TLC joke, Gatoh would have done it). Basically they grill Ginko and Lulu about why they want to be Yuri intead of Kuma before saying “Go be yuri!” and letting them link honey off of a white lily that is suspended over Tsubaki’s naked comatose body…which somehow has magic powers to reset the universe or something.

...mow mow.

That's not a subtitle...its a caption,

This is all in the first episode. Its also the next two. Ikuni frequently has a problem with sticking to rigid story conventions but its really bad here. Basically the format of Yurikuma Arashi goes down like this…

  1. An announcement of bear attacks. (*KUMA SHOCK!*).
  2. The revelation of this episode’s “bear-of-the-week”
  3. Tsubaki goes off to pout at her house/fire guns
  4. Mysterious phone call animation (its the same every week)
  5. Encounter with a bear on the roof
  6. Extinction Court
  7. Ginko and Lulu turn into crazy cosplayers.
  8. …..MAGIC!!!!

There are some differences though. Various clues are sprinkled around the episodes as to what the hell is exactly going on here and by episode 3, Tsubaki comes out of her coma during number 7 but still the formula remains largely intact. What we do get though is there are tons of bears at this school all competing to either devour her whole (Konomi, who wants to chow down on Tsubaki after she gets jilted by her ex-lover Mitsuko) or advance to second base (Mitsuko, who reveals that she is the one who ate Izumono in order to take over as Tsubaki’s new lover). In all of this, Lulu and Ginko surprisingly don’t do much, instead acting as visibly annoyed observers on the periphery while various other bears get in their way. Its like Utena if Utena didn’t do shit and instead it was the Anthy show for whatever reason.

The gun is good, the penis is...non-existant.

"I just wanted some Sugar Crisp but nooooooooooooo...."

The repetitive nature of the show is also not helped by the sheer metric ton of reused animation. This is a problem with Ikuni dating back to his days making Sailor Moon at Toei, when budgets weren’t so much tight as non-existant (seriously anybody who tells you Sailor Moon ever had good animation is either a moron, a fanboy, a nostalgia beer-goggles wearer, or an ANN writer). However, he’s surprisingly never gotten over it despite there being less episodes here and a studio with a couple more dollars involved. Episode 2 is arguably the worst in this regard since it at times feels like a clip show of the first episode. That’s not artistry, its laziness.

Kill Bear Vol. 1

My baby shot me down.

So what is the allure of Yurikuma? Frankly, I have no idea. The show is only really good for the initial WTF factor and once you have to actually watch it seriously, it kinda settles down and falls apart in the process. I’m sure somebody will like this show for various reasons I cannot figure out, in which case more power to you, but for me, this is gonna be a rather short attention span series.

They litterally do this every episode.

Lord Dalek Declined!