Animation Revelation's Animation Blog

Is it… can it be…? We’re on time for once!?

Aiura

Well, that was an anime.

Clocking in at exactly four minutes, Aiura spends about half of its first installment on the OP and ED, leaving only a little more than two minutes for the actual meat of the episode. This isn’t to say it was bad – in fact, it’s actually one of the lovelier looking TV anime in recent memory – but really, there’s almost nothing here. There are maybe three jokes in the entire episode, only one of which even approaching funny. The characters didn’t do enough for me to form an opinion on them. And as with all slice of life comedies, there isn’t much of a plot. It sure is pretty, though – the backgrounds especially.

I recommend checking out this first episode just for the OP. It’s delightfully insane and a lot of fun even on its own. I think that well-animated craziness alone is probably worth a 6/10. – Foggle

Aku no Hana

In a rotoscopist’s wet dream, we meet an introspective boy named Takao Kasuga, and how his love for Charles Baudelaire makes him steal a girl’s gym clothes while a vocaloid recites a poem. Somewhere in a trailer park, Miranda July is bleeding with envy.

Alright, it’s one of those anime. While this show’s a pleasant relief from whatever moe madness my cohorts are suffering from, there’s also the sense of not having anything to say. The matter’s not just because of the episode’s oddities such as voyeur camera angles and long montages of scenery, but due to how nothing really happens besides Kasuga acting like Japanese Michael Cera for extremely long stretches of time. I applaud the show for going to a different direction, especially since the source material does not have anything resembling photorealistic art, but one has to wonder if going into this style adds anything to the work. Indeed, the work is reminiscent of Tatami Galaxy, in how there’s a ton of avant-garde animation that doesn’t seem to signify anything. Not to be rude, but it just feels like the rotoscope’s just there for the sake of rotoscope. Maybe the director’s trying to make a statement against regular anime tropes or something, but his stance seems questionable when what he wants in place of the norm is something with the animation quality of an average GONZO piece. There’s only so many ham-fisted references to Les Fleurs du mal before an allusion turns into sheer pretentiousness.

And yet, I can’t say I dislike this show. The rotoscoping goes hand-in-hand with the eventual plot reveal to illustrate an extreme sense of unease. What other shows would use for pseudocomedic hijinks gets utilized as surreal horror for Aku no Hana. While the rest of the premiere felt like any twentysomething’s personal quirky indie movie, the last few minutes promise something much more haunting than what was expected. Though at the pace the episode was going, I doubt much will actually pay off.

Rating: 6/10 – Bloody Marquis

Second Opinion!

OH MY GOD THIS IS LIKE THE BESTEST ANIME EVERRR ROTOSCOPING IS SOMETHING I’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND IT’S SO COOL FUCK MOE MODERN ANIME SUCKS BUT THIS SHOW IS AWESOME BEST CHINESE CARTOON I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE THE DIRECTING AND CINEMATOGRAPHY ARE MASTERFUL IT’S BETTER THAN COWBOY BEPOP 11/10 – Foggle

Arata Kangatari

HEY KIDS! YUU WATASE’S BACK! AND SHE MADE ANOTHER SEASON OF FUSHIGI YUUGI! EXCEPT IT’S A SHONEN!….wait what? Yes Arata Kangatari is another journey into some alternate universe inspired by Chinese mythology with the difference of it being a ripoff of Freaky Friday instead of The NeverEnding Story this time around (dammit Watase, stop ripping off western movies for your mangas!)

In Universe A: everybody hates Miya-er… Arata Hinohara, a bishie with a persecution complex so deep you might as well call him Rimmer. He’s feeling so glum that he’s about reenact the opening of the Escaflowne movie because… well… that’s what depressed track teamers do. In Universe B: Lord Arata is a young lad who has the sad distinction of being a “girl” for reasons of not getting killed by armed guards. He’s been chosen as a candidate to replace the princess of this land which makes it a bit less awkward for him when said princess is killed by a bunch of her advisors and he gets framed for it, oops. Through some strange magic involving a spooky forest, the two Aratas find themselves swapping bodies, and thus wacky hijinx ensue.

Aside from the sheer 90s-ness of the setup, the show just has feels tired and stiff. Coming off of watching Gargantia and Attack on Titan, AK’s animation by comparison lacks fluidity and emotion (and this show is from the Macross Frontier studio mind you).  The acting isn’t much better considering its cast of anime vets. All in all a middling entry. 5/10 – Lord Dalek

Attack On Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin)

Titans are creepy bastards, aren’t they? Between the lack of skin and those disturbing, unfaltering smiles, their designs are deliciously terrifying. But are they truly bad creatures? Maybe they’re just misunderstood, all cute ‘n cuddly under that grotesque exterior. Then again, they eat humans like it’s going out of style, so they’re probably just dicks.

Humanity has trapped itself behind a humongous wall to keep the Titans out, but Eren, our hero, isn’t so sure this is a winning strategy. He wants to join the Recon Corps and fight back against the Titans, until he sees them return from their latest mission barely intact… then he wants to be part of it even more. He’s a headstrong kid (who I assume won’t be a kid for much longer), and his determination is admirable if not immediately likeable. His journey begins as many do: with a mountain of corpses. This show appears to be properly morbid and pulls no punches with its violence or atmosphere. An air of hopelessness is omnipresent, with many bleak moments scattered throughout the episode.

Production IG did an impeccable job with the animation and direction, particularly during the more intense moments. The middle portion of the episode has a few too many still images for my taste, but it looks cool and flows very well for the most part. I must admit, though, that I can be fairly shallow at times, and did feel somewhat spoiled by the breathtaking action of Attack On Titan’s cold open. As I am the kind of person who gets a raging hard on during Dead Leaves and Metal Gear Rising, the wonderfully fluid, over the top opening scene made me yearn for more. Of course, great action is even better when it’s supported by a well-written story and developed characters, both of which are already evident from episode one… so, you know, gimme’ the next installment already! 9/10 – Foggle

Chibi Devi!, Season 2

Mao-Chan is a baby demon. Mao-chan was accidentally dumped onto a pair of poor schlubs. Mao-Chan is adorable. Mao-chan asks all the difficult questions about life. Mao-chan wants to know why mommy and daddy aren’t married and appear to actually hate each. Mao-chan does not get the answer she needs or deserves. Confused about emotions and bodily functions she does not understand, Mao-chan becomes a nymphomaniac who engages in bestiality. Life is unfair.

*DEFIES CONVENTIONAL RATINGS*/10 – Lord Dalek

Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge

Apparently we’re going through a hair cutting fetish phase this year in Anime. Last season it was Cuticle, this time its RDG and now Crime Edge. Our story is that of a socially maladroit young lad who gets off at the wrong bus stop only to meet a girl, Iwai, with very strange hair. You see our hero, Kiri Haimura, has this thing for cutting people’s hair, and Iwai has some of the most incredible locks he’s ever seen. The problem is… it cannot be cut… by anyone or anything. And thus begins Kiri’s quest to prove he’s a good enough barber to cut Iwai’s hair. That’s a stupid premise and this show so far isn’t doing anything to…

(hits eight minute mark)

Yeah forget all that, this show quickly takes a Higurashi-esque turn into weirdsville, amping up the darkness 10x. Iwai is constantly abused by her two psychopathic “sisters” via various beatings and colonic hypodermics. Kiri seems to be a bystander to some of it but doesn’t exactly seem to know what’s going on. What he does know is he owns a very special pair of scissors that can “kill” anything… including Iwai’s living hair. Hmm….

I was actually pleasantly surprised by this show after its lukewarm intro. While it seems like its trying to do too many things at once in the first show, hopefully the creative team knows what they want to do now and sticks with it. 8/10 – Lord Dalek

Date A Live

Oh, hi there mildly interesting science fiction plot about the Earth being ravaged by deadly “spacequakes”, I didn’t see you come in… wait, where are you going!? Why is this 14 year old girl shoving her panties in my face? And just what are you doing here, ambiguous incestual overtones? Take your friend homophobic side remarks and get the hell out. Cool, now it’s somewhat intriguing again… oh god, not a bratty loli space captain! Abandon ship, ladies and gents; all hope is lost.

So yeah, a group of supple, nubile young girl-demons are presumably causing “spacequakes”, the unfortunately-named rifts in time and space that began leaving small pieces of Earth in pseudo-ruins 30 years ago. To put an end to this madness, our hero has to date one of them for some reason (the girls, not the spacequakes). Well, that’s most certainly a storyline, isn’t it?

Absolutely nothing of merit happens in this first episode, unless you consider watching uninspired characters attempt to cobble together jokes about tickling and foot fetishism interesting. But at least this show avoids explaining the jokes, and even attempts deadpan delivery a few times, so it gets points for that at least. There’s also some halfway passable action and animation going on for a bit, but it kind of loses its impact when everything else is so mundane.

To its credit, while Date A Live’s first installment is quite bad, I wouldn’t say it’s offensively so. Sure, the characters are boring, the plot is idiotic, and the fanservice is annoying, but it actually seems like there was at least a tiny bit of genuine effort put into it. I’d rather avoid watching any more episodes if at all possible, but compared to such cynical dreck as last season’s Vividred Operation, it’s fookin’ Gankutsuou.

I think my standards might be lowering. 4/10 – Foggle

Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet (Suisei no Gargantia)

Several thousand years after an ecological disaster turned the Earth in a frozen wasteland (hey its Sailor Moon R all over again!), its survivors have scattered to the stars and find themselves engaged in a deadly space war with an unnamed alien race. Our hero, Red, is a mecha pilot whose three long years serving on the front lines has finally awarded him a four week long vacation, but an unforseen accident puts those plans on ice and catapults him to an unknown planet. Here he encounters a salvage team who wants to tear his robot apart for scrap and speaks a language he doesn’t understand (more on that later). Taking a girl named Amy hostage as leverage to figure out what the hell is going on and keep himself alive, Red is shocked to learn that this planet is in fact Earth, now covered entirely by oceans thanks to the ice melt and the survivors are clearly not prepared for what’s coming their way, both human and alien alike.

Garganita is the latest work by fan favorite Gen Urobuchi and thus carries with it the usual lofty expectations given to his work, happily it meets them so far. This show has a familiar space western kind of story (one could almost call it “Gen Urobuchi’s Waterworld”) but subverts it by placing obvious handicaps on the characters and their interactions. In most anime, the fact that all characters speak perfect Japanese is something that’s just easily dismissed as “well that’s anime”, here, on the other hand, Urobochi draws attention to that by making it clear that its the show itself is translating the dialogue into Nihongo and Red and the crew of the titualar ship are speaking gibberish languages that neither can understand (in fact its Red’s mecha’s onboard computer that serves as the only way Red can communicate at the moment).

In the technical department, the animation is just gorgeous, but do you expect anything less from Production IG? Character designer Hanaharu Naruko creates a clear divide between the rugged junk collectors and the pale hardened space warrior who has literally fallen into their laps. Clearly no expense was spared on this series and in this day of fast and cheap it really shows. Definitely one of the must watches this season. 9/10 – Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

So, yeah, snails and flowers are fighting robots. Albino child soldiers who look suspiciously bishonen are forced into service for the sake of an actual place to live in. Armies name their underlings after Pokemon trainers. People use flying squirrels as pets. Tomokazu Sugita plays another gadget that does nothing but talk. Oh, the horror! Doesn’t a bit of this seem familiar? Well, screw you. Orson Scott Card be damned. He wrote a Hamlet fanfic that linked pedophilia with homosexuality. Also, he’s a mormon. Mormons suck.

And I guess this means Asa Butterfield will get considered as Red by all the Tumblr daydreamers.

After Gen the Butcher didn’t exactly cut up most of his characters in his previous show (Spoilers, sweetie!), he’s come back with robots. But who cares about robots? You’re all here because Gen’s the writer. If he wasn’t, most of you would have nodded at the anime’s poster and not done anything else. But name recognition, darlings! He made Madoka, and that means you have to follow every single thing he does until he breaks like Ben Elton did. Even if he writes a hardcore bara yaoi where all of the character are horrible elk-human hybrids, you’ll watch it. You’ll love it. You’ll buy body pillows of it! And if you question that fact, look at your Rider bodypillow and see if you can lie in front of his manly, yet woven gaze. Question him, and Rider won’t be such a tender lover.

…but yeah, this show was good.

Rating: 9/10 – Bloody Marquis

Ginga Kikoutai Majestic Prince

So apparently in another sci-fi mecha anime, a bunch of ragtag students are chosen by a mysterious masked man to pilot top-of-the-line giant robots for the fight against an evil race of aliens known as the Wulgaru.

…That’s pretty much what I got out of the first episode, since it was mostly a quick setup to get the story rolling.  Other than that, it wasn’t TOO bad and was quite inoffensive really.  It doesn’t do anything wrong, but at the same time it doesn’t do anything great, it just does.  It set up a fairly well-established set of characters, each with their own robot designed to maximize their special talents, and a procedural first sortie that shows that they don’t fool around and can be good if they want to.  Nothing too exceptional on any of those fronts except that I wasn’t at all annoyed, irked, or lamenting how bad it was.  It just was.

This said, the boilerplatey-ness sadly translates a bit into the visual aesthetics, which also, just does.  Hisashi Hirai continues to be a character designer who is damningly memorable in his averageness.  The only really real difference between these designs and his previous works is it seems to be a bit less polished and sharp compared to his work in the Gundam SEED series and Fafner.  With regards to mecha design, the most positive thing to say about them is that they’re varied in design.  The only thing needed to solidify whether they’re good or not is to see more of them in action.  Wulgaru are of a rather bland green glow, and don’t really have much of a menace to their image.  They…. Function I guess, which is at best a good thing since it leaves room for growth.

The only GREAT thing I can say with confidence is the music.  Toshiyuki Watanabe imbues the anime with a soundtrack that imbues both epic and whimsy depending on the scene.  The music really stood out and elevated most of what is essentially an average product.  ‘Tis eerily similar to how Toshihiko Sahashi’s music worked in the SEED series.

Either way, you can’t go wrong with continuing with this series, but then again you can go a lot more right by focusing on other properties.  That said, a series like this that just…  does for right now, it has nowhere to go but up, and hopefully it does right in that regard.

6/10 – The Juude

Haiyore! Nyaruko-san W

Oh hey, they made a second season of this. The episode I watched from the first series was funny but not too special, and this appears to be more of the same. There’s nothing particularly great about Nyaruko-san W’s season opener, but it’s got a couple of good jokes lodged in there, plus a truckload of occasionally inventive meta humor to chuckle at. It’s not fantastic comedy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s decent enough in its own right.

Thankfully, it appears that some character development actually occurred over the course of season one. Male protagonist Yasaka, while still kind of awful, no longer made me want to rip my own teeth out ala Oldboy, and even did a few humorous things in this episode. Sadly, Nyarlko is less funny this time around (in order to balance it out, I guess), but the rest of the cast complements her well enough, so that’s forgivable. The voice acting ranges from fun and energetic to grating, thankfully leaning more toward the former, though it does dip into ear-clenching territory a couple of times. The animation, meanwhile, is only passable… which means it’s godlike by Xebec standards. Good work on this one, fellas.

I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that this show has become a guilty pleasure of mine. I struggle to call it “good,” but it’s clever and silly enough to keep me entertained, and I’ll probably end up watching the rest of it eventually. The little details – like the way Nyarlko’s hair adjusts itself into various shapes (often somewhat subtly) – and the meta jokes – such as how the characters manage to talk to the audience without being obnoxious about it – make me smile, so yeah. I like it. I’m not gonna’ fully endorse it, but I like it. Maybe you will too…? 6.5/10 – Foggle

Hataraku Maou-sama!

Satan’s forces of evil ravage the land, murdering all who would oppose him. A hero of incomparable strength and resolve defeats him in combat, but he swears vengeance, and escapes to another universe through a magic portal. Upon arriving in this strange new land with his #1 underling, Alsiel, he discovers that the people’s customs are far different from his own, and that his magic will no longer work to full effect. Thus begins their quest to find a way out of this terrifying, upside-down world known as “modern day Japan” and back to the fantasy realm of comforting pestilence and war. Naturally, the first step on his journey back is to rent a flat and get a part-time job at McDonald’s.

I was very pleasantly surprised by this series. Going in, I knew nothing about it but the name, so I had no expectations to speak of. At first, I thought I was in for a retread of last season’s pretty-good-at-first-but-then-later-on-not-at-all Maoyuu Maou Yuusha, albeit one with far prettier visuals, but then the “twist” came and I was all like, “oh hell yeah.” The first four minutes or so actually make it look quite convincing as a fantasy action/adventure series, with awesome artwork and great animation. In spite of reverting to a more standard anime style afterward, it still continues to move very fluidly once it turns into a comedy. Little things, like the way Satan rides his bike and flips french fries, managed to bring a smile to my face due to how energetically it was animated.

You’re probably expecting some typical fish-out-of-water jokes, and indeed, Hataraku Maou-sama! has ‘em, but the presentation makes them extremely funny anyway. It’s rare that an anime actually makes me laugh, but this one certainly did, and many times at that. The quirky demon language alone – which is basically gibberish spoken in a bad French accent – is worth a chuckle or two. The comedy is almost all dialogue-based, without relying on puns, and crosses cultural boundaries with little trouble. In general, the humor works quite well and doesn’t talk down to the audience by explaining the jokes (as many anime unfortunately do).

Overall, I thought this first episode was hilarious. Satan is a very likable character and I look forward to seeing more of his misadventures next week. Highly recommended! 9/10 – Foggle

Hentai Prince and the Stony Cat

I am recording these diatribes under heavy stress, for the eldritch chaos my eyes have witnessed would irreparably scar the most noble minds of this terraqueous globe. The material life is a cruel tyranny, and none can cast further evidence than this televised concoction from the fiendish Asian landmass. A young Celestial desires to expel his impurities, only to become an orator of pure truth. The cruel reality forced upon his essence incarnates into debaucheries unseen since the eve of Sade. No fraction of opium could relive the illness of this narrative, with only the comfort of ignorance to those too blind to acknowledge such Oriental monstrosities. Any opinion contrary to one such as this must be distrusted, for they lie with the brutality of the unknown…

Rating: 1/10 – Bloody Marquis

Hyakka Ryouran: Samurai Bride

You know I originally had this huge review setup for this show explaining in detail why it is a foul steaming piece of shit, however this image posted at Kurogane’s Anime Blog pretty much did it for me in not nearly as many words.

I believe there’s a lesson there for all of us.

1/10 – Lord Dalek

Karneval

Protagonist Nai awakens from a hallucination to discover himself on the receiving end of some kinky femdom roleplay, but then the woman turns out to be some sort of terrifying demon thing, so I guess that kind of sucks. He’s saved by a man wearing goggles that are literally impossible to see out of named Gareki, and then gets involved in a trainjacking. A flying magician – complete with top hat and baton – from an organization called Circus shows up, assisted by an ass-kicking, candy-colored teenage girl. Together, our four heroes save the day.

If you haven’t guessed by now, this show is pretty damn stupid. It also takes itself 100% seriously, but sadly not in a fun, camp way like the 60’s Batman series did. It’s not unwatchable or anything like that, but the complete lack of humor contrasts poorly with the absurd storyline and diabetes-inducing ED, playing everything so straight that it somehow manages to become boring. A description of the events in this episode read like some sort of action anime parody (seriously, who thought naming the homeland security department “Circus” was a good idea?), but unless Karneval was purposefully written as extremely highbrow satire, I’m going to assume that it’s just oblivious to its own ridiculousness.

But when it’s all said and done, I didn’t totally hate this episode. The music was great, as were the few scant moments of action. I wasn’t a fan of the character designs, but outside of one particular scene – Gareki jumps off a bridge and you can practically see the wires in spite of this being a cartoon – the animation was also pretty good. It’s just a shame that everything else about it is so bloody uninteresting. 4/10 – Foggle

Ketsuekigata-kun!

As if animes about shipping and compatibility weren’t bad enough, we have a show that is literally nothing but shipping and compatibility. Bravo Japan! 2/10 – Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

I learned a lot about blood from this show. Mostly that if a comedy anime is unfunny enough, I’ll want to slit my wrists. And then blood comes out of them. 1/10 – Foggle

Mobile Suit Gundam Seed Destiny HD Remaster

Wow! A new Gundam series! And Age just ended six months ago! Haven’t had this quick a turnaround since the TV Asahi days. Anyhoo, Gundam Seed Destiny HD Remaster (don’t quite get the point of that last part but whatever) is something we haven’t had since Gundam Wing: an actual sequel!…to a show from 11 years ago… hmm that’s odd…

Anyway our new story is about… Athrun, I think. He’s in most of the episode with Kira only popping in for a brief cameo. The publicity materials seem to suggest that some new kid named Chen or Sheen maybe the star but I doubt it. He was only in the episode for about 2 1/2 minutes. Screw That Guy whoever the hell he is, this is The Athrun Zala Show goddammit!

With that out of the way, the opening is basically just the first episode of Gundam Seed (which was in turn the first episode of MSG with a fresh coat of paint) but in reverse. The EA sneaks into a ZAFT armory, steals some new Gundam prototypes and that’s it. Oh and then That Guy shows up and makes some grandstanding speech flying what looks like a poor man’s Strike. Dammit why can’t Kira be the star of this show? I WANNN MAI KEEEWA YAM-ERTOE!

The animation in this show is really subpar, even by Gundam standards. Its like they made this show ten years ago and are only now releasing it. Furthermore, it has a waxy look akin to older digital animation. I know this is a sequel to a show from 2002 but you can’t just get all lazy and pretend its a show from 2004!

All in all this was a pretty bland premiere for this new series, however I have high hopes for its potential. Its not like they’re going to waste time on recap episodes, villain switches, and then dump in a bunch of Char-clones in here right? Right? RIIII@!#$#!%!#@!T!#R!@ 6/10

Real review: Its fucking Seed Destiny. Its horrible. Don’t watch it. 1/10 – Lord Dalek

Namiuchigiwa no Muromi-san

The concept: Lonely Takkun fishes a mermaid out of the lake. She’s kind of stupid.

The execution: Semi-hilarity ensues. It’s somewhat banal, but the last joke is awesome. The art is colorful and the animation is pretty good. The OP is great.

The verdict: It’s not the best comedy ever, but it’s watchable. 6/10 – Foggle

Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai 2

Kirino’s a horrible character, isn’t she? I mean, all she does is call her friends, play H-games, and treat her brother like shit. Honestly, I view her the same way a hunter does to a baby harp seal. There’s literally nothing of worth in terms of personality. Kuroneko might be bland, but she actually comes off as an interesting character by comparison. Maybe that’s why she’s everyone’s waifu. After all, even Myra Hindley seems cool when standing next to Kirino.

That says nothing about Kyosuke though, as he’s just so incredibly boring. And don’t give me that “You don’t understand! Kirino and Kyosuke are pulling the Boke and Tsukkomi routine!” crap. If the show’s intention was to be funny, then it failed by my perspective. There’s no particular wit or anything, and not even the meta nature of having characters in a slice-of-life anime adore a slice-of-life anime can really provide any form of intelligence. The show doesn’t really have anything new to say, instead relying on the “Look at these people being nerds! Isn’t that funny?” schtick that Big Bang Theory uses. Shouldn’t we be above the point-and-laugh phase of comedy already? Really, the whole idea of Oreimo’s concept becomes lost when they portray the tropes of the shows it makes fun of mostly straight.

Rating: 2/10 – Porpoise in heat (Bloody Marquis)

Photo Kano

Any series that opens with a dude’s wet dream has to be good, right? No? Damn.

This is the first anime in a long while that’s made me legitimately angry. It has bits and pieces of potential in there somewhere – a couple of the characters seem likeable enough and their interactions with the protagonist are generally fun – but the story’s dedication to voyeuristic fanservice is contemptible. The “hero” seems like he could be a cool guy, and happens to have some interesting friends, but then he joins a photography club full of perverts and I’m sure it’s all going to be downhill from there. (Especially since he keeps going on and on about how he is “becoming a different person.”)

Watching this first episode is a bizarre experience. Nothing particularly malicious appears to be happening, but it gives off this really rape-y atmosphere that made me feel a little uncomfortable. The opening theme is enjoyable enough, but the video accompanying it is so fanservice-laden as to become nauseating. Animation-wise, this is yet another show that Madhouse has wasted its considerable talent on. I wish I could say something like “at least it isn’t another Marvel anime” here, but I honestly would have preferred more of that shit over this.

Photo Kano is apparently based on a video game. I can only guess what you do in it. 1/10 – Foggle

Pretty Rhythm: Rainbow Live

Watching Pretty Rhythm: Rainbow Live is like hooking yourself up to an IV of straight sugar. It’s so goddamn brightly colored and saccharine (look! seven rainbows!) that it actually becomes nauseating. Between the cuddly pink penguins saying “love” over and over, the terrifying-but-cute glimpses into the uncanny valley via CG dance sequences, and the way every building looks like a brighter version of the Barney set, it’s hard not to recoil in horror during most of the episode. That said, this show clearly wasn’t made for me… it’s for five year old girls. There is absolutely nothing objectionable in this show; it’s the anime equivalent of Blue’s Clues or something. So yeah, I’m not going to rate it, because I can’t. If you enjoy stuff like this, or have kids, it might be worth a look, but everyone else should probably just ignore it. – Foggle

RDG: Red Data Girl

RDG is allegedly some sort of paranormal action show based off an actual novel from five years ago. I say “allegedly” because there is hardly anything paranormal in it, no action whatsoever, and it seems to be bending over backwards to convince me its an adaptation of some Key game (or at least the opening titles were).

THE STORY SO FAR… An plain bland megame girl named Suzuhara lives an insecure life at a shrine in the middle of nowhere. Her one uncanny ability is to blow up any electronic device she physically comes in contact with, something that elicits interest from her mysterious Koyasu-knockoff benefactor.  Said creepy guy dumps on Suzuhara a hotheaded youth named Sagara (don’t get any ideas, FMP is way better than this show) who has been tasked to be her…. oh god… manservant. And that’s it. That’s the entire episode.

When I said novel instead of light novel, I wasn’t kidding. This show’s pacing is as slow as a turtle. So slow in fact that its likely to elicit a “that’s it?!?” style reaction from the home viewer. However… something positive can be said about Red Data Girl and that is it’s nowhere near as irritating and offensive as the shows that started last season’s clusterfuck. P.A. Works appears to be intentionally going for a subdued realistic approach here which explains the slow pace and muted color scheme. Compare that to overblown crap like Cuticle and Mondaiji and this comes off as something mildly refreshing.

All in all the worst I can say about RDG is its just kinda dull and that gets it a 7/10. – Lord Dalek

Sparrow’s Hotel

This is a show about a hotel. It lacks Basil Fawlty. Therefore it fails. 0/10 – Lord Dalek

Second Opinion!

I can only assume this is the lost pilot episode for a 1970’s gag anime that some guy found in his basement when he got drunk one night. Why he decided to release it to the public is anyone’s guess. 0/10 – Foggle

Toaru Kagaku no Railgun S

Oh, the Raildex franchise. I have never met a person who genuinely thought the shows were amazing, yet fans have flocked to seeing Touma & Misaka antics for years on end. While I guess I can respect the series for its world building, Railgun proves to not even pass that standard. Misaka is boring, has no screen presence, and does nothing to even come off as a main character. Many of the times that she actually does something seem like afterthoughts than parts of the plot. I suppose that’s better than what Saten, Uiharu, and… Kuroko do, but even a non-speaking cameo adds more to the show than any of those three. Hell, I don’t even know why Saten’s even part of the show besides to make the group emulate the Light Music Club by having 4 girls.

Just give me an episode where Accelerator kills all of them, and I’ll be happy.

Rating: 2/10 – Bloody Marquis

Uta no Prince-sama – Maji Love 2000%

Now out of high school, the boys of Starish are none the wiser, lazily hanging around in  trees while a scientific battery of PR geniuses (the ones that usually assemble idol groups comprised of nothing but letters and numbers) assist their quiet scheme of world domination. Also thrown into the fray is aspiring songwriter Nanami and her soulless pupil free eyes that just burn their way into the back of your skull.

As you can tell the plot of this show is just an empty white board. Its all about shots of the boys of Starish framed in a way that appeals directly to the show’s target demographic (hint: its not me). This is compounded by the fact that Nanami is so clearly a Mary Sue that I’m surprised she wasn’t the player character in a dating sim originally. A-1 obviously has an agenda here and knows exactly what to do with it no matter how narrow said agenda is which makes Prince-sama an utter slog.

3/10 – Lord Dalek

Valvrave The Liberator (Kakumeiki Valvrave)

Haruto’s kind of a dork. Nearly everybody at his fancy prep school hates him. His dumbass girlfriend constantly upstages him in competitive eating contests. And his usage of metaphors when strange pale albino bishounen threaten his life leaves something to be desired. Things for our hero go from bad to worse when Space Nazis from the Third Space Reich (I kid you not!) invade the Dyson Sphere in which he lives and start shooting the shit including… dumbass girlfriend (SURPRISE!). What’s Haruto to do but jump into a conveniently located giant robot, and fight back for 50+ episodes while getting a major boost to his facebook account!

Valvrave is Nippon Sunrise’s 40th Anniversary show and it celebrates said anniversary by sticking every mecha show cliche they’ve acquired in said period of time, stirred them around counterclockwise, and served it to you as a pot of bouillabaisse instead of clam chowder. The main difference this time is that piloting the Valvrave robot has a nastier side-effect than either the Guymelefs or Knightmare Frames but even nasty side-effects have become a Sunrise cliche that we kinda expect them.

I’m still a softee for this kind of stuff but when it gets THIS predictable its only worth a 6/10. – Lord Dalek

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.

I’m hoping for series on our side of the world to follow suit in terms of modern Japanese titles. Instead of Game of Thrones, “My Inbred Son Couldn’t Be This Insane!” sounds much catchier.

Some apathetic delinquent who moans about how much life sucks gets his ass thrown to a club in order to find some friends. He meets a girl who happens to be kind of a horrible person on the outside, but is actually slightly less horrible on the inside. The tradition of Rumiko Takahashi manga is followed with such a homogenous style that makes Inuyasha seem ambitious. More girls with tired and predictable personalities get introduced almost as if you’re in a high school reunion. Random scenes about how unlucky the protagonist is at love occur with the regularity of a binge drinking session. Heartfelt moment happens out of nowhere since heartfelt moments are somehow important for gag shows. Cue the BD releases where nipples and panty shots are added in. Mix for 3 minutes. And voila, we have a waste of 24 minutes.

* Best served medium rare with a splash of drain cleaner.

Rating: 1/10 – Bloody Marquis

Zettai Bouei Leviathan

There are three magical girls who turn into dragons or mermaids or whatever, I dunno. Brock from Pokemon and some other guys accost our heroic trio (+1 Zelda fairy), who proceed to make fun of them for being ugly. Then they go to the bar – where no one drinks alcohol – and engage in a light tussle, which gets them kicked out. That’s it. The end.

Our protagonist is named Leviatan (no “h”), and she does fuck all. In fact, nobody does anything of merit in this episode. As of right now, there are no characters in this show – just husks molded into shapes vaguely resembling human bodies. No one has a discernable personality, and outside of some light exposition, we are given no insight into anything whatsoever. The “plot”, if you can call it that, moves at a snail’s pace despite the shortened runtime of 20 minutes and doesn’t really seem to make much of an impact on the world or its inhabitants.

This being a Gonzo production, it’s not much of a looker. The artwork is borderline okay, but the animation is as awful as you’d expect. Meanwhile, the voice acting and music are unmemorable at best. The OP is unfitting guitar-heavy rock for some reason. I guess that’s indicative of Leviathan as a whole; it’s a big ol’ mess, with no rhyme or reason to it. This show is without purpose, and has no reason to exist (yet). 2/10 – Foggle

TL;DR

CHECK IT OUT
Attack On Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin) – 9/10
Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet (Suisei no Gargantia) – 9/10
Hataraku Maou-sama! – 9/10
Dansai Bunri no Crime Edge – 8/10

MAYBE CHECK IT OUT
RDG: Red Data Girl – 7/10
Haiyore! Nyaruko-san W – 6.5/10
Aiura – 6/10
Aku no Hana – 6/10
Ginga Kikoutai Majestic Prince – 6/10
Namiuchigiwa no Muromi-san – 6/10
Valvrave The Liberator (Kakumeiki Valvrave) – 6/10
Arata Kangatari – 5/10

DON’T CHECK IT OUT
Date A Live – 4/10
Karneval – 4/10
Uta no Prince-sama – Maji Love 2000% – 3/10
Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai 2 – 2/10
Toaru Kagaku no Railgun S – 2/10
Zettai Bouei Leviathan – 2/10
Ketsuekigata-kun! – 1.5/10
Hentai Prince and the Stony Cat – 1/10
Hyakka Ryouran: Samurai Bride – 1/10
Mobile Suit Gundam Seed Destiny HD Remaster – 1/10
Photo Kano – 1/10
Sparrow’s Hotel – 1/10
Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. – 1/10

IS TO CAN BE THE CHECKING OUT PLEASE
Chibi Devi!, Season 2 – ??/999
Pretty Rhythm: Rainbow Live – ***/1741617

———

Our Rating Scale

Many websites rate shows on a scale of 7-10, with the other 6 numbers on there simply for posterity’s sake. That’s fucking stupid. We here at AR proudly use roughly 250% as many numbers as IGN when scoring anime!

10 – Masterpiece
9 – Superb
8 – Great
7 – Good
6 – Above Average
5 – Average
4 – Below Average
3 – Bad
2 – Terrible
1 – Unwatchable

Psycho-Pass is one of those shows with a decent enough first half, only to drop the ball come the second batch of episodes.

Honestly, Psycho-Pass never broke new ground even in the first half of the series, but what it did it did well. In a sea of moe titles, it was the first anime cop drama I’ve seen in a good long while, so that alone was reason enough for me to watch it. The first arc pretty much establishes the cast of characters, the whole futuristic Minority Report style way of policing things, and the villain out to prove that the current system of judging criminals is faulty. It was all full of things that have been done before, but it was just such a nice deviation from what has become the norm for anime as of late that I didn’t mind.

And then the second arc started.

As of the typing of this post, I still have no idea what the guys behind Psycho-Pass were thinking when they introduced the incredibly meme-able term “hyper oats.” Yes, technically the stakes were raised in that rather than threatening a major area of Japan, the entire economic structure of the country was being threatened, but the means taken to follow through with such just seemed so ridiculous and out of place for the series. The ongoing theme in the first arc was the whole concept of who decides your fate and what justice truly means, with characters and their actions reflecting said concepts accordingly. So for the theme to be nearly dropped in its entirety in latter episodes was heavily disappointing.

Later episodes explaining character backstories seemed uninspired and unnecessary. In the case of Enforcer Yayoi, I absolutely didn’t care for her backstory, which just served to interrupt the flow following the climax that was the episode preceding it. Meanwhile, characters that you would assume to have more thematically apparent roles are short-changed. Masaoka, an inspector from the days way before the Sybil System was even created, would seem like an endless source of interesting writing for the series. All that potential, however, is flushed away, with him being used as a mere plot device for the sake of Kogami, who’s busy being a badass to really make you care that he’s hunting down Makashima.

Come the series’ climax and final showdown between Makashima and Kogami, it’s apparent that the show is hinting that some things require outside-of-the-law Batman-type justice… or at least you’d think that, but then you have Akane representing the mindset of every other character in the show insisting that proper justice must exist within the law, even going as far as restricting all her actions to fall in line with the Sybil System which she clearly disagrees with. Themes just end up being jumbled together in a big mess and you’re not really sure what to make of it.

In the end, I feel like Psycho-Pass took on a bit more than it could handle. Even with all its faults, though, it was a nice change of pace from recent anime and was a fun hyper-oats-induced ride, if anything.

I haven’t seen all that many Ghibli movies, and the ones I have seen I’ve already forgotten. So forgive me if my agreeing with the majority that says Children Who Chase Lost Voices is a Ghibli-esque film comes off with some negative undertones.

The story centers around Asuna, a young girl that stumbles upon the secrets of another world when she is saved by a mysterious boy who fends off a rather fantastical-looking creature. As expected, she is soon caught up in the mystical world herself as she tags alongside her substitute teacher, Mr. Morisaki, as they make their way through the world of Agartha so that he may resurrect his dead wife.

I must say, while Asuna is established from the start as a very resourceful and strong heroine, to have the real plot kick in by having her be a traveling-buddy for her sub is rather odd. Not only are Morisaki’s intentions immoral (“unnatural?” Whatever word works for wishing to bring dead people back), but with exception to some backstory later in the film, we get little to no character building for his part. I’m just saying that for a film like this where the journey makes up a majority of the story, it’s a bit odd when those along for said journey don’t really interact all that well together… even in an “unlikely partnership” sense. While I’m on the topic, you’d think that considering the title of the movie, there’d be a larger cast of kid characters. I was personally hoping for at least something along the lines of The Goonies when I started watching and felt a bit disappointed when I found the title alone was a mislead.

That’s not to say that Lost Voices is a bad movie, though. It’s top notch animation and vibrant use of colors really makes the world of Agartha come to life. And from the bright clothing, scenery, and occasional out-of-place violent monsters, the animation really does a good job of further fleshing out the mystical world. It’s just that at least in the manner it was represented in, I really felt like I was watching something clearly out of my age demographic.

And, of course, there’s the standard abrupt ending that I should have come to expect from any and all movies directed by Makoto Shinkai. In some cases, leaving things open for the viewers to continue works, like in 5 Centimeters per Second. This was not one of those times. There were so many questions left unanswered as well as certain character arcs simply left hanging that I couldn’t help but think Shinkai just put too much faith in me to assume a happy ending for the cast, even though the final scene of the movie far from hinted at one (if anything, the final scene felt like a lead-in to some disturbing epilogue).

So taking the pretty animation, journey-centric story, and “don’t think about it” ending, I’m pretty much convinced Children Who Chase Lost Voices was Shinkai’s dabbling in the child demographic. It wasn’t really my thing, but I’m sure some kiddies were left with some long lasting disturbing memories of slain Agarthan monsters and… iunno, whatever else kids like that was in this movie.

With two Makoto Shinkai works under my belt, I still wasn’t sure of the direction his movies were going. While both Voices of a Distant Star and The Place Promised in Our Early Days leaned more towards romantic dramas in sci-fi settings, I remained skeptical as to how many different takes of the same theme Shinkai could pull off. Thankfully, 5 Centimeters per Second breaks the mold of the previous two movies, if only slightly.

While 5 Centimeters Per Second was released a mere three years after The Place Promised in Our Early Days, production values seem significantly greater than Shinkai’s previous works. Rather than giving a sci-fi twist as was the norm with his previous movies, 5cm is set firmly in the real world, and its beautiful animation clearly takes note of such. With details from panning scenes of cherry blossoms, to the old washed out look of train stations, the movie takes commonplace Japanese settings and animates them in such a way that if it weren’t for the character designs, you would think you were watching a live action movie. Such attention to detail was a nice touch and better sets the groundwork for the story to take place.

The film is divided into three acts, each focusing on the daily life of Takaki, a young boy we follow from childhood to early adulthood. Similar to Voices of a Distant Star, 5cm does an excellent job of making the viewers care for Takaki while also raising the tension between his possible love interest through their not seeing each other for extended periods of time. And while we never learn all that much about him as a person, the fact that we as an audience witness key moments throughout his life is enough to form an attachment to him.

Now, at the expense of breaking the semi-coherent flow of this post, I have to mention that reviewing this movie without giving any spoilers is difficult, but I’ll try to be as vague as possible.

5cm is one of those movies that acts more as an experience than a movie in the traditional sense. That’s not to say it’s disgustingly avant-garde. On the contrary, its very real portrayal of its characters and the lives they carry on with forms for more than I could ask for from a story. As you go from act to act, you realize that the movie as a whole can’t have an end because life is just one of those things that is constantly happening around us—if not one person’s, then another’s (again, I swear the movie isn’t as artsy-fartsy as I’m making it seem).

It’s in keeping that message along with its top-notch animation (even by today’s standards) that makes 5 Centimeters per Second an excellent movie, and my favorite of the Shinkai films I’ve seen.

Okay, so…Homestuck.

You’ve heard the name. You’ve heard…things. 14-year-old kids talk excitedly about it in the back of the class as they fill binders full of their John/Dave yaois. Convention-goers mutter about people in gray makeup with candy-corn horns and police light-colored glasses roving around and forming photo groups. Bryan Lee O’Malley offhandedly mentions Scott Pilgrim and Homestuck in the same breath. But no one seems to be willing to try and explain what Homestuck even is, much less tell you if you’ll like it.

In the simplest of terms, Homestuck is an ongoing web comic that is infamous for it’s frequent updates (usually in small batches of 3 to 6 pages at a time, as often as every day). It’s about some kids who play a video game that triggers the end of the universe, and they have to play through the game’s story until the end, whereupon if they defeat the Big Bad, the universe will be saved. Simultaneously, in another galaxy, a group of aliens called “trolls” (first introduced under the guise of internet trolls) have also started a session of the game, and through the use of advanced technology make contact with the kids, ultimately to work together to understand why the game (and subsequently the universe) is broken.

To reiterate though, that’s the plot in only the simplest of terms. Homestuck has only been alive for a few years, following the popularity of creator Andrew Hussie’s other web comic foray, “Problem Sleuth”, but the comic already boasts nearly 8000 pages, 150 unique characters, and more tangents than your overdue trig homework. One reason the comic is so big is because many of the pages consist solely of a single panel with no text that can be read through rapidly. Other pages consist of a series of short animated gifs, intimidating walls of dialog, fully realized Flash animation sequences, and even fully playable Myst-style games loaded with extra dialog and easter eggs and crazy foreshadowing. The sheer size and scope of the comic, coupled with it’s enormous cast (that 150 is NOT including alternate “doomed” timeline selves, clones, robots, etc), is so deeply fleshed out that it can take any sane person months to catch up from the beginning, even with speed-reading, if any retention of continuity and cohesion is expected.

Seeing as this article is written for an animation blog though, I’m gonna talk mostly about the animation seen in Homestuck. The first thing that needs to be mentioned is Hussie’s simplistic, MSPaint-driven style. Characters are usually rendered with minimal detail, which ultimately makes animation and sprite reusability much easier. In both the gifs and the full Flash sequences, “noodle arms” are frequently employed (often very spastically), and most everybody’s skin is paste white (not Caucasian white, though there is an inside joke on that matter). Backgrounds and some foreground items (usually props or weapons) will sometimes use colorized clip art from various sources. What makes the animation quality though, is the way all of these sparse or “shortcut” methods are brought together to form an animated sequence.

All of the Flash sequences are accompanied by original, fan-composed or commissioned music, and are used as the basis for the direction of the animation. Sometimes, in the case of more intense or introspective moments, a more detailed art style is used as well. Overall though, the Flash animations are usually used for distinct action sequences, usually involving several different points of view or concurrent plotlines. A lot of quick cuts and flashing transitions will occur throughout them, and it’s strongly recommended that anyone prone to bouts of epilepsy stay away from Homestuck, because quick-flashing, vibrant colors are a series staple, especially where the animations are concerned.

Taking all of this into account, Homestuck boasts some of the most perfectly-timed and well-executed Flash sequences in recent memory. Most of them are used to magnify one small, critical piece of the plot, as opposed to expanding the plot as a whole. Each sequence can last anywhere from less than a minute to the grandiose “Cascade” sequence, which carries on for well past the 10-minute mark. The animation sequences are one of the biggest highlights of the comic, so much so that waiting for the next one can and has driven fans to various forms of stir-crazy insanity. Nearly every Flash animation ends in a way that only raises new questions, and they’re all but guaranteed to excite and confuse the poor reader/viewer with a new series of twisty details to flail over (a great example would be *SPOILERS* Dirk very suddenly losing his head *END SPOILERS* at the end of an animation in Act 6). http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=007138

Okay, so it’s questionably artistic and takes forever to read because of all the backstory and legend and world-building, but what makes Homestuck so amazing? What sets it apart from other web comics or animated things? The answer is in the characters. We meet the characters and see their interactions at first through a detached, game-based narrative, where the viewer seems to be the one putting in commands for John to do, then later we start seeing more a more dialog-driven approach, all of which is handled through color-coded chat logs between the characters. As anyone who spends a lot of time talking via IM to “internet friends” can tell you, this is a very easy way to learn how to connect and understand a person in a way that in-person contact cannot. Since we’re able to connect and understand the way these characters grow, we’re able to attach to them that much easier, which drives the way we feel about the events that go down in the story. We seem them struggle and learn and grow and make mistakes and suddenly the quest to complete the game becomes personal for us. It’s that character-driven story that makes Homestuck endearing.

Well, that and the fact that the frontman for ICP takes on a preisdential role, Betty Crocker is a power-hungry industrialist corporation driven by an alien sea witch, a guy with Kamina glasses slices a meteor in half with a katana, a black-robed servant stabs his queen and steals her magic ring then fuses with an immortal god-dog and sets out to cause all kinds of untold damage all because he didn’t want to wear a funny hat, and two enormous cosmic snakes have violent glowy starsex that ends in mpreg as a juggalo clown in purple pajamas with fake pixie wings watches from the background. That’s all kind of endearing too.

Ultimately, Homestuck is a thriving mass of constant world-building and character development, and the Flash animations are super impressive. Is it accessible or recommended for everyone? Absolutely not. It requires hard dedication and an ASS-TON of reading before you even really get into it. But it is one of the most important webcomics on the scene right now, and it is, after all, popular enough to overfund a Kickstarter for a video game spin-off by about $1.7 million OVER its intended goal, so it can’t be all that bad, can it?

…can it?

I liked Voices of a Distant Star. It was the first Makoto Shinkai work I watched, and considering it was less than half an hour long, I think it was able to make the most of every minute it was allotted. Details and backstory that established the OVA’s world were given second seat to the characters due to its time constraints, and for the most part, I’d say it was the right call. The Place Promised in Our Early Days takes a similar concept, but in the wrong direction.

Doing a quick skim through posters of Shinkai’s works, The Place Promised in Our Early Days looked to be the most interesting of the bunch. Main couple playing the violin, an open meadow, complimentary colors, and a long yet intriguing title… I honestly thought this movie was going to be my favorite of the available Shinkai movies. And then I watched it.

Clocking in at around an hour and a half, the movie essentially took what made Voices of a Distant Star interesting, and made them not so interesting. In Voices, the intrigue of the short taking place on a fictional Earth in the midst of an intergalactic war was that the actual war itself was kept rather vague. It made for a foreboding type of feel, like you were always on your toes because you weren’t exactly sure what the war would mean for the main characters. The Place Promised in Our Early Days takes a similar approach to explaining the setting of its own world, except it just came off as an incredible slog to get through.

There’s something going on with Japan being separated and occupied by the US and “the Union”… something about a massive tower with a purpose that nobody’s exactly sure about… it’s all kept very vague, and even when things get clarified by the movie’s end, it’s not exactly done so for the best. While Voices was short enough that I was willing to accept any explanation (or lack thereof), Early Days is clearly long enough for a proper explanation to be given and thus better establish the story from the get-go, and yet for some reason, viewers are still left in the dark until the final act when I’m too bored to pay attention anymore.

The cast is equally boring to watch. You’re introduced to main guys Hiroki and Takuya in their early teens, with main girl Sayuri introduced shortly after. With there being two male leads, you’d think there’d be some kind of love triangle involved. However, Takuya ends up being yet another means to poorly explain the political problems their world is currently undergoing, while the real couple to root for without any doubts is Hiroki and Sayuri. You find that Hiroki and Takuya are building a plane, while Sayuri, being as useful as most love interests, is just there for the ride.

Three years pass, and the trio has gone their separate ways. And as current political events start to reach disastrous proportions, bits of science fiction begin to work their way into the story, only further complicating the plot. While all the political talk at least made an effort of giving a direction to the movie, most of that is undone when the sci-fi talk is introduced, leading to viewers asking just why certain things have to happen that way, and why characters act the way they do.

By the end of the movie, the plot has become a convoluted mess that even the somewhat endearing-ness of the movies’ main couple and at times poignant soundtrack can’t fix.

I’ve honestly never heard of Makoto Shinkai before the trailer for The Garden of Words came out, but the overall style and drama the trailer hinted at was enough to pique my interests. And whaddya know, a couple weeks later, crunchyroll just so happened to be streaming his better known movies for public visual consumption. How convenient.

One of the first Japanese dramas I ever looked into in some form was Saikano: The Last Love Song on This Little Planet. I didn’t read past the first half of the series for one reason or another, but my lasting impressions of the series remain as follows: unnecessary sex, and a war-time situation that’s never really explained all that much in favor of focusing on the main couple. Makoto Shinkai’s Voices of a Distant Star is pretty much that latter part, except done in such a way that I actually don’t mind it.

The OVA tells the story of Mikako, a young girl taken to fight some far-off war in a giant robot (y’know, typical anime stuff) and Noboru, the boy she leaves behind. The only means of communication with each other while Mikako’s off fighting aliens and the like in space is via texting. But the real problem comes when the time it takes for texts to reach each other increases the farther out Mikako travels.

The whole idea of kids being sent to fight aliens in a galactic war of some sort has been done to death, even by the time this OVA came out, but it’s able to give a certain twist that I at least find significant enough for it to stand out on its own right. Clocking in at only 25 minutes, Voices of a Distant Star doesn’t exactly have all the time in the world to flesh out the details of what this galactic war entails and why kids have to fight in it, and it’s clearly aware of such. Sure, it’ll give some brief moments of exposition here and there, but there seems to be an intentional lack of focus given towards such information simply because we as the viewers don’t have to know every nook and cranny reason behind things.

But that’s not to say the film makes any sacrifices for the sake of time. If anything, it handles its story-telling and pacing in such a way that you feel you’re not short-changed or densely uh… “over-changed” either.

Sure, you’re given the futuristic setting of intergalactic war, but the real heart of the story comes in the form of Mikako and Noboru’s interactions. As the two send each other messages literally traveling light-years to reach their recipient, there’s a certain level of anxiety the characters have that I’m sure most are familiar with. Letter-exchanging in general seems to be a lost art form, especially by today’s standards, so to be witness to these two children struggling to find just the right words to tell the other about their mundane day-in-the-life is endearing, to say the least. And to have such happen while the elephant in the room that is the alien war is only vaguely mentioned in their letters makes the characters that much more relatable. Regardless of time and setting, I think we can all agree that during times of war, people do their best to try and think of something less depressing when conversing with others, even if it comes in a form as simple as saying what you’ve been up to lately. It’s that level of relatability that really makes this OVA.

“This is how you know you’re living in the future: when the pornography bears no earthly resemblance to sex as even the filthiest of us know it. You may as well be renting DVDs of aliens fucking.”
— Warren Ellis

I could never get with all that Tale of the Fisherman’s Wife shit. I mean, if you want to see a giant octopus penetrate a woman (or man… or dog), that’s cool; not my thing, though. But that’s the lighthearted stuff, the videos readily available for all the world to see. Spend a couple of days perusing Japan’s animated pornography output and you’ll find babies being raped to death, maggots crawling into and (literally) eating a woman’s vagina, spiders laying eggs in a woman’s anus, and other such delights. Does sex cease being erotic when it’s rape, and when said rapist is a giant wasp? I suppose that’s for you to decide, but yes. Yes it does.

My recent experiences viewing hentai with the other thaumatropes (strictly for scientific purposes… no, really. I’m serious.), while nowhere near as disturbing as the aforementioned scenarios, have led me to draw conclusions about Japanese cartoon porn that are none too flattering. The five artistic endeavors in which we partook – Oni Chichi, Shounen Maid Kuro-kun, Enzai, Aki Sora, and Pigeon Blood – each contained at least one notable, erection-deflating problem. For the sake of my sanity, I will list but a single issue per anime; these are child rape, child rape, child rape, underage incest, and vagina mouth, respectively.

It makes sense when you think about it, sure. Half the time, what you see in hentai is exactly the kind of sex people can’t or won’t do in live action porn. And it’s animated, so obviously no one is actually getting hurt (though I do wonder how a rape victim would react to seeing Oni Chichi or Enzai). But these are still ideas studios came up with, animated, and had customers lining up to pay for [“lol, buying porn” — ed.]. Fun fact: thousands of people are fapping to pretend children getting pretend raped right now. You’re welcome.

Bear in mind that this article isn’t intended as an indictment of your fetishes, whatever they may be. I’m not that much of an asshole, and almost everyone enjoys some unintelligibly kinky stuff. As long as it stays within the realm of fantasy, you can jerk to whatever you want, no matter how depraved! Regardless, the general concept behind stuff like Kuro-kun disturbs me greatly; though to be fair, there exists nothing in hentai as horrible as actual child porn or “crush” (don’t Google that). But please don’t try to tell me that forced shit eating or nipple fisting or whatever is some sort of sacred cow, because I will laugh at you.

Something important to remember about hentai videos is that 99% of them are both badly drawn and badly animated, reminiscent of those “vintage” 70’s pornos with the weird haircuts and sub-snuff film video quality. You know, the ones more likely to remind you of how John Holmes was basically a serial killer than make you pop a boner. And because Custer’s Revenge proved that there’s nothing hotter than a bunch of pixels going at it, there’s almost always a cavalcade of distortion blocks obscuring the genitalia. Such malarkey must be rectified with utmost haste, as this heinous censorship is clearly defying the rights of any and all of Japan’s talented artistic provocateurs.

Today, we will be discussing two of the previously mentioned “masterpieces” – Shounen Maid Kuro-kun and Pigeon Blood. I shall begin with the former, as despite the fact that it’s literally about child rape, it’s far less insane than the latter. That said, I feel like I should be put on some sort of list after watching Kuro-kun. Really, the only thing keeping this movie from being branded illegal, then subsequently stuffed with FBI tracking devices and shared through Limewire is the fact that it’s animated. As far as I can recall, the plot of this anime is that some orphan kid (Kuro) was sad and lonely, so an older dude who looks like Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh! (Miisu) pretended to be his friend so he could repeatedly rape him and turn him into his sex slave personal maid. Kuro is a pretty terrible maid, though; I mean, he only spends maybe 20 seconds of the episode actually cleaning anything! The rest of the time he’s bathing or being molested and/or fucked. Such gross incompetence is inexcusable – if I was Miisu, I’d have fired him after the first day.

The cute, inseparable pair get into such wacky hijinks as tying Kuro to a gynecological chair then penetrating his puckered little boy asshole and watching Kuro get clean in the bathtub through its glass bottom. There’s this one really cool part where Kuro is covered in food and Miisu uses a banana peel to jerk him off. Then, he covers his anus in butter and fucks him. I had to pause the film at this point, as I was outright disgusted by their terrible table manners. Seriously, these guys are old enough to know better than to play with their food during dinner! This is absolutely disgraceful considering the wealth from which Miisu descends; he’s no proper gentlemen, I tell you what.

The movie seems to end with Kuro beginning to enjoy his sexual slavery, which is probably a turn-off for the kind of people who’d actually want to watch this in the first place. So yeah, F- there, fellas… I figured the studio that made other shota yaoi “classics” like Boku no Pico would have known better. The lack of sexy grandpas disappointed me as well, making Kuro-kun far inferior to Pico on the GILF front. But yeah, if you like seeing small children get sexually violated against their will, you’ll love Kuro-kun. (Yo, Kitty Media or whoever, if you pick this shit up for western distribution, you can use that quote on the cover art free of charge!)

Next, we have Pigeon Blood, a lovely harem comedy starring a confused young man and his posse of two moe girls, a domineering latex-clad woman, and a mature office lady with glasses. They’re always getting into fun shenanigans like filling a girl’s bowels with a mysterious white substance and kicking her in the stomach until she sprays liquid shit everywhere. The plot revolves around turning one of the girls, Rita, into the ultimate slave, capable of enduring the most humiliating stuff and winning them some sort of contest. It’s kind of like The iDOLM@STER if the iDOLM@STER girls enjoyed jamming needles into each others’ clitorises (clitori?). The “protagonist” of this two-part epic is named Chris, which is totally awesome, because it enables me to easily insert myself into the action and imagine that I am some creepy pale bastard who likes forcing people to drink their own piss after extracting it with a catheter.

One of the most interesting things about Pigeon Blood is that, for some reason, it was allowed to be released uncensored. Maybe it’s because the production values are absolutely terrible (it looks like an early 90’s anime, and that’s being generous), guaranteeing that almost no one will get aroused by it, but still… why this of all hentai? The climactic reveal in the second episode is that one of the characters – she probably has a real name, but we just called her Ninja Maid – has a vagina mouth. I don’t mean that as some metaphor because she gets fucked in the mouth a lot, I mean that she actually has a fully-detailed vagina for a mouth. It excretes fluid when she gets horny and everything. Needless to say, this anime instantly became the most disturbing Call of Cthulhu adaptation ever.

The animators utilizing the newfound freedom of uncensored sexual organs to literally give someone a vagina mouth is the hentai equivalent of using a $100,000 budget to finance a four hour porn flick consisting solely of closeup shots of someone rubbing their taint while Tim Curry reads Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness in the background. Wait, that actually sounds kind of awesome. Anyway, this is probably the reason why Japan never lets pornographers release their films without that mosaic shit; because they end up abusing this privilege to create such monstrosities as Pigeon Blood.

At one point early on, the phrase “Frankenstein’s monster of shemale cocks” becomes an objective description. It’s about 20 inches long, and a third of it is just white cloth stapled to the actual penis. One of the other girls had two dicks, but that was less weird for some reason. Just seemed par for the course by that point, y’know? And when your second episode begins with CGI diarrhea splattering all over the camera and ends with a large group of muscle-bound “jizz slaves” gang-raping an underage-looking girl who fucks them so hard that they actually die, you have to ask yourself… who, exactly, is your target audience? The nightmare-inducing stupidity of the sexual content when coupled with the godawful production values ensures that there are maybe ten people on the entire planet who’d want to watch this anime unironically, half of whom are probably in prison right now.

So yeah, about those jizz slaves. They’re, like, six feet tall, wear gimp masks, have humongous muscles, and all look like clones of each other. They also have around five seconds of sexual stamina apiece, and growl like wild animals as they sink their meat into Rita’s holes. They cum everywhere – literally – and all of them die bloody deaths by the time the credits roll. As if you needed another reason to purposefully avoid this hentai, right? Wanking to this catastrophe is like masturbating to the horses in My Little Pony… you just don’t do it. If you do do it, please don’t tell me. Really, don’t. It’s worth noting that this anime is actually based on a visual novel, which – from what I can tell – doesn’t contain diarrhea, jizz slaves, or a vagina mouth. It does, however, feature a baby getting beaten to death by the dominatrix. So, you know, yeah. One step forward, two steps back. At the same time, though, I’m pretty sure the baby scene is actually supposed to be horrifying and wasn’t intended as erotic. But what do I know? Either way, I don’t think anyone involved with Pigeon Blood was mentally sound at the time of its production.

Ladies and gentlemen, hentai. This is what porn has become. I hope you’re fucking happy.

I’ve never made any pretenses about what my favorite manga is. And no one else has ever made any pretenses about the fact that there are only maybe ten people in the US who read it.

Excel Saga is a black comedy about relatively normal people who unwittingly become involved in a low-impact battle for world city domination. It features absolutely no cutesy aliens or reset button shenanigans, and relies more on wry wit than silly slapstick for humor. More likely to delve into socio-political satire than loudly spew random references to obscure anime, this manga defies expectations by being, well, intelligent. More often than not, it can be seen as high comedy, with jokes that are actually quite subtle and layered compared to what one might expect from glancing at the colorful costumes or watching JC Staff’s 1999 anime “adaptation”. In fact, only a couple of episodes from the famously zany anime even vaguely resemble the manga in anything other than character names and basic art design.

That anime built up expectations for Viz’s initial 2003 release of the manga… and thus was the death of Excel Saga‘s English-speaking fanbase. Many people who’d love the manga probably hated the anime (so they never read it), and many people who loved the anime probably hated the manga (so they dropped it early on). Meanwhile, author Rikdo Koshi’s high-level writing style resulted in subpar, unfunny scanlations of only the earliest volumes, invariably causing those who’d rather try before they buy to opt out on purchasing Excel Saga. The manga was DOA in non-Japanese territories simply because it didn’t have an audience.

The gears grinded even further to a halt when two crucial installments, books 7 and 8, went out of print. Because very few libraries actually stocked volumes of Excel Saga, scans were basically nonexistent, and these particular installments went for $50+ at internet storefronts, this prevented many potential fans who missed out on the anime’s hype train from getting into the series at all. They’ve finally resurfaced as digital copies on Viz’s online manga outlet, but that was only after more than five years passed in which the market for new releases of Excel Saga was open almost exclusively to existing fans. This coupled with a new release schedule entailing only one volume per year ensured the fanbase’s stagnation and eventual placement on life support. However, all of the aforementioned factors most likely mean that Viz was losing money every time they released a new Excel Saga book, so they’re to be commended for never dropping the series in the first place.

Speaking of Viz, their localization of Excel Saga is absolutely brilliant, to the point where I couldn’t imagine reading anyone else’s translation. Rarely can this be said about any product released by a major distribution company, but it truly reads like a labor of love. So much care and effort is put into each and every line of dialogue – especially in later volumes – that I wouldn’t be surprised if the translation team was actually just Rikdo in disguise. The skillful English localization ensures that the humor almost never misses a beat, and showcases the excellent writing talent of both the original author and the guys/gals at Viz.

While the surprisingly complex science fiction storyline and still relevant, culture-defying satire serve as a nice backdrop for Excel Saga‘s humor, the characters and their relationships are the true heart of this series. Unlike many manga these days, the cast consists almost entirely of adults, each of them highly flawed, but all of them extremely endearing. Every character is unique, and receives an impressive amount of development over the course of Excel Saga’s 15 year run. While a lesser writer would struggle to make these people come across as relatable in spite of their quirks, Rikdo seems to pull this off almost effortlessly.

As a basic example, take Iwata; he has terrible luck and isn’t very smart, but everything about him is just so earnest. His unflinching optimism and determination are not only respectable, they’re downright loveable. In any other manga, he’d be the butt of every joke, receiving constant abuse for daring to speak his mind. But aside from a few situations that might actually be intended to parody such stereotypical slapstick, he’s mostly just portrayed as one of the guys. Or, how about Elgala; she comes from a family of wealth, thinks too highly of herself, and often speaks her innermost thoughts aloud. So obviously you’re supposed to hate her, right? Wrong. There are many occasions where she does nice things for others with no personal gain, and under it all, it really seems that she’s just a little insecure because she desperately wants to be liked. For the most part, she’s portrayed as good-natured but socially maladjusted rather than obnoxious and mean-spirited. In turn, her banter with Excel is frequently loaded with genuine wit and good humor, making them a hilarious comedic duo on par with many of fiction’s best.

In spite of having a title character, Excel Saga doesn’t solely focus on one person or group of people. It’s an ensemble cast through and through, and there are  many chapters in which Excel doesn’t even appear at all. While some have complained about the slow pacing of the story, I consider the plot little more than an excuse for these characters to exist and have meaningful interactions with each other. The leisurely pace allows for more development and more banter: the meat and potatoes of this series. You’ll grow attached to nearly every cast member, and Rikdo seems to understand how to avoid overusing any single one of them.

Another high point of this manga is how it treats its female characters. Now sure, it has its fair share of sexed-up fanservice shots in the latter half of the story, but the women in Excel Saga are portrayed as strong, intelligent (relatively speaking, of course), independent, and often more capable than the men. It does this without resorting to making the male characters utterly useless emotion buckets (as in, say, Mirai Nikki), and comes across as a natural portrayal of human beings, regardless of perceived notions about sex and gender. It’s ironic that one of the few manga to actually do this properly is a comedy written by a dude who got his start doing porn, while many of the more serious and dramatic series out there continue to fall prey to the same insulting tropes and stereotypes.

Most importantly, Rikdo never forgets to make his characters fun to read about. Excel is instantly likeable as a protagonist – her self-motivation, strong work ethic, and crazy imagination all come together to create someone who can make readers laugh, but still want to root for. There’s also Dr. Kabapu, a man both highly corrupt and equally well-meaning, the lovelorn Watanabe, whose portrayal is disturbingly realistic in spite of its absurdism, Professor Shiouji (pedophilia jokes have never been more tasteful or hilarious), and many more. Overall, the characters in Excel Saga rarely seem two-dimensional, and in spite of their flaws, it feels like you’re mostly reading about legitimately good people. Because of this, laughs don’t ever seem forced or uncomfortable, even given Excel Saga‘s penchant for dark humor.

There are lots of words in Excel Saga. Indeed, the dialogue usually takes up just as much of any given page as the art; however, it’s rarely expository, nor does it imply that Rikdo needs an editor or wants to write a novel. Much of the humor in this manga is conveyed through dialogue, and the characters are very chatty. The large amount of dialogue is – honestly – welcome since it’s so well written, but Fukuoka’s inhabitants aren’t just talking to hear themselves talk; a reason for the long-winded conversations is almost always evident. And it’s a win/win scenario regardless: more dialogue = more humor + more character development = better humor + better characters. I’m not sure that equation is mathematically sound, but I passed algebra with a C-, so it doesn’t matter. Eventually, you’ll learn to differentiate between the cast members based on the way they speak alone – each person has their own distinct voice, as in real life.

One of my favorite things about this series (and any great comedy, really) is that the characters don’t realize how what they’re doing and saying is funny. For instance, when Excel comes up with crazy conspiracy theories, she does it with a straight face, truly believing that ridiculous Illuminati garble makes more sense than the notion that she could have brought something negative upon herself. Too often writers fall into the trap of letting their characters in on the joke, which almost always severely reduces the effect of the humor. And while the dialogue is witty to a fault, it never feels like it’s trying too hard to be “smart”, it flows very naturally throughout. It’s difficult to explain, but Rikdo just understands the inner workings of comedy. The timing is always spot on, and every volume contains at least a few very subtle jokes that require multiple passes to grasp – a little reward for the dedicated reader.

As for the art, it starts out fairly basic, but the later volumes are very nice to look at. The progression from the first book to the final one is almost seamless when you’re reading it, but it’s changed and developed a lot since 1996. As of today, Rikdo’s style is awesome and unmistakeable, seemingly taking heavy inspiration from both eastern and western comics/cartoons. He also draws some of the best facial expressions I’ve ever seen; sometimes the artwork makes me laugh even harder than the dialogue.

Admittedly, Excel Saga is a slow burn, so not all of this is evident from the get-go. The first chapter in particular is a poor indicator of the excellence to come, meaning the free sample provided on Viz’s digital manga service may, unfortunately, do more to drive people away from the series than draw them to it. It’s not until a few volumes in (#5 for most people) that you’re likely to get hooked, but if you’re like me, you certainly will. That said, the first couple of books are actually much funnier after you’ve read the later ones, so while they may seem a bit slow or ordinary the first time through, they’re quite good in hindsight.

Excel Saga is hilarious, attractive, and unique. It has all the makings of a comic that could be – and should be – hugely popular, but it’s doomed to wallow in obscurity forever because of the circumstances surrounding its release outside of Japan. Sure, the story can be unintelligible at times if you aren’t willing to re-read previous volumes before jumping into the newest one, and the humor does fall flat on the rare occasion that it delves into more stereotypical gag manga territory, but it’s something I wish everyone would read, and I know no one does.

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You can buy digital copies of volumes 1-19 (as of the time of this writing) here: http://www.vizmanga.com/excel-saga (woo, third time linking this!)
Volumes 1-24 also exist in print, though good luck finding a copy of 7 or 8 that isn’t overpriced.
Volume 25 will be released on April 9th, presumably both print and digital.

EDIT: It seems that Viz may have decided to drop the license for Excel Saga immediately after releasing the 27th and final volume. Because of this, the digital releases can no longer be purchased from Viz Manga, and the series is now difficult to get into once again.

Psycho-Pass is one of those unapologetically brutal shows that hits the ground running and continually pummels you with depressing truths, and yet for some reason you welcome each and every blow.

Of the new anime that premiered last season, Psycho-Pass’ blatant grittiness was definitely enough to warrant at least some attention in an age where most anime rely on the whole concept of moe. Even the series’ chief director made a point in an interview that the m-word mustn’t even be spoken among staff. Though such a push towards the gritty made people wonder what the deal was with having the show be told through the eyes of female lead Akane, whose design alone screamed moe. It would be one thing to use Akane’s character to completely turn the moe archetype on its head, but even through the series “second season” (for sake of simplicity, I’ll just call the episodes where the opening theme is changed as “season 2”) her character just seems to be there for the sake of having at least one thing to offset all the violence and mental mindgames the series goes through on a regular basis.

Drama outside the show aside, Psycho-Pass is still a breath of fresh air from what current mainstream anime has become. Its premise is essentially that of Minority Report, with the Psycho-Pass serving as an indicator of individuals’ mental states, personalities, and probabilities of committing crimes (thanks, Wikipedia!). Those with high Psycho-Pass readings are imprisoned, and (if you’re lucky) could still be given a job as an Enforcer, limited to movement solely within the Public Safety Bureau working under Inspectors. It’s one of those shows that slowly introduces you to its world and excessive terminologies episode by episode, but while watching you never feel overwhelmed by anything, with any confusion you may have spurring you on rather than deterring you.

That’s not to say that the series is too busy introducing you to its world that it doesn’t bother with any plot. On the contrary, you follow rookie Inspector Akane as she takes on cases involving “latent criminals” along with vet Inspector Gino and their ragtag team of Enforcer misfits. And if you know my taste in shows, you’ll know that the second I’m able to apply the term “ragtag misfits” to a show, I’ll more than likely be a fan. While most of the Enforcers are given bit duties with exception to the series’ badass Ko, each one has their own quirk that makes them enjoyable to watch. Add to this the fact that they’re technically criminals and you have an interesting dynamic between the Enforcers and Inspectors.

As the first season comes to a close, you get a good feel for characters Akane and Ko in particular. Akane struggles with whether or not the Sybil System is a justified means in apprehending criminals, while Ko uses his latent criminal status to continually push the envelope in terms of what he sees as dishing out justice. It can be watered down to the whole idea of distinguishing between what’s right and what the law says is right, but it deals with such issues in an intriguing manner that keeps me wanting more.