02.06
Yes, this series was finished months ago. Yes, no one heard about it or cared enough to watch it. Yes, I’m going to post a review for it.
Have you ever been having sex and as you were nearing orgasm an obese hobo thrust himself into the room and ejaculated all over your face? No? Well, neither have I. But that theoretical semen… that semen would be Ookami Kakushi. This series not only proves that Ryukishi07 can rehash Higurashi, it proves that he can turn it into utter shit in the process. Had I been working at the network which aired this catastrophe, not only would I have had it pulled from the schedule, I would have fed every print, every storyboard, and every concept drawing to the wolves – pun absolutely intended.
Let’s start with the story (1/10). At first, it merely seems like a pathetic and shameless knock off of Higurashi; reminiscent of what Friedberg and Seltzer (don’t know them? look ’em up) would probably do if they were given the opportunity to produce Cicadas Movie. But no, this is just the tip of the shit iceberg, because it gets worse. It begins with a flash-forward to a point later on in the series (OH GEE WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE), which is painfully stupid without the proper context and even worse once you know what’s actually going on.
The story really starts with our hero, Hiroshi, moving to a new town with his father and lame sister. “Lame” has a double meaning in this case, by the way, as not only do her legs not work, she is probably one of the least interesting characters in the show (and that’s really saying something). Hiroshi is the new kid on the block, but it isn’t hard for him to make friends; in fact, every character in the show save the ubiquitous creepy Furude Rika-lookalike seems to crave the taste of his dick. See, this is due to a special pheromone his body unwittingly produces that makes the local yokels hungry like the wolf. There are multiple scenes involving one of his (or perhaps his only) male friend(s) trying to make out with him. Under normal circumstances, I’d consider this blatant wish fulfillment on the part of the writer, but after seeing how big the boobs were on EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER in Umineko, I’m convinced that it’s just fanservice.
Chaos erupts throughout the city. Citizens begin slowly turning into wolves like honest, hard-working Americans turned into dirty Commie bastards during the Cold War. Not that the show really gives a shit about the outbreak, as only about a minute per episode is devoted to these scenes. There’s some secret, ancient society devoted to exterminating these furry pests, but we wouldn’t be able to focus on the supah kawaii antics of Hiroshi and his mini-harem if the story decided to expound too heavily on their history or their work, so it doesn’t. Eventually, some guy – who might as well be sporting a curly mustache and evil smirk – randomly stumbles into the series and announces that he will be the antagonist from this point forward. I’d compare him to Takano Miyo, but that would be too easy, since they’re pretty much the exact same fucking character (except this guy is completely one-dimensional with tacked on motives and makes Genocyber look like great literature).
I’ve already talked quite a bit about the characters (1/10), but there’s something I need to make perfectly clear; as you may have noticed, there is a recurring theme throughout this review: aside from Hiroshi, I haven’t mentioned any characters by name. This is because every single character was so terribly written and developed that I was never able to actually learn any of their names or differentiate between them by anything other than their voices or looks. Let’s do a quick break-down (with the aide of MAL to help me match names to faces):
Hiroshi – Our protagonist. Accidentally castrated instead of circumcised at birth, which explains his appearance, voice, and lack of courage or assertiveness. One of the least likable characters in the entire series due to his bratty attitude and general stupidity.
Mana – Hiroshi’s sister. Cries a bunch. Probably wants to fuck her brother. Unimportant story-wise.
Masaaki – Hiroshi’s dad. Loves to tell stupid stories. Probably the best character in the anime, but not because he’s interesting; he’s simply less uninteresting than every other character. Unimportant story-wise.
Isuzu – Shameless Rena clone, personality-wise, but without any of her good points. Probably the worst character in the series.
Kaname – The smart one. Has no personality to speak of. The most boring character in the series. A piece of cardboard would be more interesting to talk to.
Nemuru – Anti-social girl who acts like a prick to everyone.
Kannon – Anti-social magical girl who acts like a prick to everyone and kills wolves in her spare time. Has the same voice actor as Nemuru (see where I’m going with this?).
Kaori – Plays music. Has some kind of terminal illness that is never really explained. Disappears from the series without much explanation near the end. Unimportant story-wise.
Issei – Gay for Hiroshi. This makes him a bad guy. Way to reinforce the anime being homophobic stereotype, guys. Isuzu’s brother.
Sakaki – The bad guy. Has stupid plans that never really amount to anything and is incapable of using a gun properly.
Detracting from my enjoyment (1/10) even further, the final episode is a comedy special. That’s right, not only is the story slow-paced and mind-bogglingly boring, it can’t even fill up an entire half-season. This episode is about as funny as being force-fed a popsicle made of frozen diarrhea. If you thought Higurashi’s comedy was bad, well, just imagine it without the lovable characters. Now make it ten times worse and add in some poorly-done fanservice. That’s the final episode of Ookami Kakushi in a nutshell.
The art and character designs (1/10) are so unabashedly generic that you won’t be able to tell the difference between this series and every other half-hearted, mediocre anime out there. The animation is about on par with Filmation or Studio DEEN on a bad day.
The sound in general (5/10) isn’t anything to write home about, but none of it is bad. The OP and ED are unmemorable but inoffensive and the voice acting is fairly standard.
TL;DR:
Story – 1/10 (Beyond awful)
Characters – 1/10 (Boring enough to put you to sleep)
Enjoyment – 1/10 (Not one bit)
Art/Animation – 1/10 (Walt Disney is rolling over in his grave)
Sound – 5/10 (Passable)
Overall – 1/10 (I’d marathon Umineko in its entirety before I’d subject myself to another minute of this bullshit)
–Foggle
Originally posted on Friday, July 23, 2010.