02.06
Episode 5: The Scenery With No One to Care About
Last time on Clannad, it was revealed that Fuko’s the centerpiece for the show’s first arc. More specifically, she’s the comatose little sister to a character we only saw once so far.
Now put that fistful of sleeping pills away, for the worst has yet to some.
After putting two and two together, Tomoya starts playing Scully and remarks on how mental it is for a ghost to be living in the school. More practical situations start running through his mouth; like how it might just be a girl who believes she’s Ms. Ibuki’s sister. But this is Clannad, so rationality plays no hand in this world.
The two decide to meet the woman in question, who Tomoya recognizes as the “really pretty” girl that he gave bread to a couple episodes ago. Then, Ms. Ibuki wonders if the two are a couple, which Nagisa denies like Hell. And after being told that Tomoya’s single, she starts:
And she goes:
Then she moes the fuck up.
Argh, how the relationship teases ache.
With blush hour over, Nagisa congratulates Ms. Ibuki about the wedding soon after. But the fact is, Ms. Ibuki never told anyone besides her dear sister Fuko. And Fuko’s comatose. You know? That her dear sister’s in a coma? Right? You got that? Because just in case you didn’t hear it the first time, she ends up repeating the same thing ad nauseum.
And she goes on about how her sister’s color looks better, because green hair and jaundice eyes are definitely signs of optimum health. However, her sister’s condition makes her question whether or not she should get married.
What? There’s being selfless and there’s being thickheaded. It’s not like your husband’s going to go, “BITCH, I REFUSE TO GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SEE SISTER. NOW GO MAKE ME DINNER OR I PUNCH YOU IN FACE!”
After Ms. Ibuki leaves, Nagisa angsts about how she didn’t have the heart to tell her that Fuko’s at school. Tomoya asks her why the fuck not, to which she replies, “But I feel like it’s not something you should say out loud without regard for someone’s feelings.” Then she cries about how Fuko and her precious stars. Tomoya then wonders why they aren’t going ahead with the drama club, but Nagisa moans about how helping Fuko has become the top priority.
Hey, Nagisa. Fuck you and your feelings. Just have Fuko and Ms. Ibuki meet, cue heartfelt moment between sisters, and go on to your drama club. Don’t start up some bloody plot thread about helping Fuko find her path in life when it’s standing right in front of you. But what am I talking about? Something ridiculously absurd and convenient for drama’s sake would probably happen to stop the two from meeting anyway.
Anyway, the two take Fuko to the Furukawa’s. Fuko takes an alias to make sure they don’t know she’s related to the Ibuki’s. And of course, Mrs. Furukawa almost immediately asks what her last name is. But as time have proved over and over again, Fuko is slower than an amputee tortoise and decides to take the last name of the family next door, “Isogai”. Tomoya pulls the “ZOMG EET’S A COINCIDENCE!” card, and everything goes perfectly well. Because bringing home the asocial girl with a knife is always the right thing to do.
After that, Tomoya goes to the dorm and finds a horde of guys running out. The landlady, Misae Sagara, complains about how the guys keep being peeping toms. Then, Sunohara pops in. And before he can say anything, Sagara beats the fuck out of him.
So yeah, a blue-haired, abusive woman named Sagara? Goddamn it, KyoAni. Stop reminding me of shows I should be watching instead of this.
After Sunohara reminds us that he’s a blight upon the male gender, Tomoya tells him that they have to take care of Fuko. Not being there for most of the previous bouts with her, Sunohara reasonably yells, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” So I guess he’s seemingly gained tact after that beating. Good for him.
At the Furukawa’s, Tomoya finds the entire family carving wooden stars with Fuko, to the detriment of actually keeping shop. Afterward, they leave after being remembering they have lives. Tomoya is in awe of how many stars there are, remarking on how the floor resembles the night sky. However, Fuko corrects him by saying that they’re starfish.
Then Nagisa gushes about how cute they are.
*insert your own paraphrasing of a certain Dover Boys quote here*
At school, Fuko’s out giving starfish to people without any reminder of what they’re for. Tomoya asks her why she isn’t seeing her sister yet, to which she utters, “I… I really would like to, but I don’t know if my voice will reach her.” In short, she’s shy and giving out starfish is her cry for help.
After staring at a wall for the last ten minutes, I resumed the episode just as the three go to the library and meet Droopy. Fuko gives her a starfish, and she just kind of has this “…uh” reaction to it.
Then Droopy gets told that it’s for a wedding invitation, and she tells Fuko to do her best. Tomoya notes how she has a very high tolerance level for these kinds of things. Is this show actually confirming my belief that she’s stoned all the time?
At the hall, Fuko starts antagonizing Tomoya about how he’s the natural enemy. After Nagisa scolds him for no reason whatsoever, Fuko creams herself again. Tomoya decides to take advantage of Fuko’s orgasm and uses Ryou to pretend that he’s become a girl. So when Fuko finishes cumming herself, she finds our friendly neighborhood doormat standing in front of her, who says that she’s Okazaki after being given the Jusenkyo treatment. Despite giving the worst delivery possible, Fuko believes it, because she’s retar—special. She’s very special. She’s almost as special as a headless chicken.
Then she gets scared that she “might just turn a futa or something.” You are childish enough to make starfish and hand them out to people, yet you know what a futa is? ARGH!
Kyou comes in and tells Tomoya to fuck off from her sister. Upon seeing Kyou, Ryou, and Tomoya together, Fuko comes to the conclusion that there are 3 Okazakis. And to hammer it further, a title appears, saying that Tomoya mastered the ability of “Switching the Person You’re Talking To”!
God, I’d rather re-watch A Serbian Film or The Human Centipede than this. At least those were funny.
Kyou and Ryou subsequently get starfishes, and then Fuko essentially makes them perform glamour shots without a camera. Nagisa waxes lyrical about how they’re so beautiful, only for Tomoya to note that they’re a gorilla and hamster on the inside. Kyou quickly throws a star in his face for being a cunt, and quickly defends its usage to Fuko as being “object of great offensive power.” She quickly goes “A flying starfish… IT’S POSSIBLE!”
Thank God, that’s over. Now Fuko starts walking down the halls and meets a girl she talked to at the school entrance ceremony. She hands a starfish to her, but is rejected because exams supersede all sappy affairs.
Feeling crushed, Fuko laments how she never actually went to a class. Wait, why hasn’t a teacher kicked you out yet for excessive truancy and general incompetence? And where the hell are any of the teachers? Are you seriously telling me that this girl has been wandering through the school without at least one adult going, “The hell are you doing here? Go to class or get your ass out.”
But being Clannad, this lapse in logic isn’t even touched upon. And instead, the gang decides to arrange a faux-class for Fuko to have. As always, they find an empty classroom, and get Mrs. Furukawa since any actual teachers have been swallowed up by the cracks in time. They could’ve gotten Ms. Ibuki, but drama has forbidden it.
And during roll call, we get this example of a dub being too faithful.
“My name is Youhei Sunohara. Sunohara is written with a ‘spring’ and a ‘field’.”
Yeah, Sentai Filmworks, you know some of the audience watching this probably won’t know what that’s supposed to mean? Couldn’t you have him say something like “Sunohara is Japanese for ‘spring field”? Not only would that make more sense to casual fans, but it would also be a nod to another of Greg Ayres’ roles, thereby satisfying the more meticulous dub fans.
But no, you insist on the viewers to find out what the kanji used for Sunohara is in order to understand what he’s talking about.
Kyou immediately calls Sunohara an idiot, though Mrs. Furukawa consoles him by saying “It’s his energy. It covers his idiocy.”
Nagisa soon whines about how the boys aren’t taking a make-believe class seriously. But after being asked to be class leader for her anal-retentiveness, she instead picks Fuko to do it. And to open the rounds, she states, “My name is Fuko Isogai, and I like starfish.” It’s sounds as dumb as you think it is.
Mrs. Furukawa then gives her the bedroom eyes and talks about how everybody should get along. And before the finger-painting can begin, Fuko’s first actions as class leader are to make everybody bow and stand up.
Between that, there’s a random shot of Hitler sitting at a table outside the school. Yeah, I know. Just go with it.
As Fuko is writing on the chalkboard, Tomoya muses to himself about how “she’s a little different, but she still seems like an ordinary girl.”
My good sir, I bring about the question as to what your view of an ordinary girl is!
To close it off, the only relative positive thing I can say about this episode was that the soundtrack was good, though unfitting. Otherwise, I need to refill my anti-depressants. Hope you like the next entry! I know I won’t.
Originally posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2011.