02.06
Episode 6 – The Older and Younger Sister’s Plot Contrivance
It’s morning, and Tomoya has been introduced to the sight of Mrs. Furukawa’s star bread. Lined up on all the rows of the bakery, Nagisa’s mom takes an abnormal pride in how she “designed every single one of them, from cream-filled to jam-filled.” After Tomoya bemoans her for concocting such a horrid idea, she falls into a Degrassi moment and complains that her husband said the same thing. Unlike the previous bouts with Baking Blue Screen of Death, she quickly gets back to her feet and asks Tomoya to try one. He doesn’t want any, which makes her go into another Degrassi moment and how she can’t do it alone with the husband. And then Tomoya remarks how quick she was to perceive such.
The matriarch drags herself away in time for Nagisa and Fuko to enter scene. Apparently, Mrs. Furukawa just missed a phone call that Fuko recalls as, “He was breathing heavily and laughing a lot and then he kept saying ’I love you, I love you’ over and over.” And then he screamed once he realized whom he was talking to.
The Creed of Furukawa: Be hot, be naughty, and be courteous.
Fuko cums again, which Tomoya realizes is trigged by the starfish. He then makes an odd hypothesis about how Fuko might never recover, and will become stuck in a future where she will become the herald of a Berserkesque universe surrounded by porn music and badly drawn ghosts.
Tell me why, tell me why, tell me what you want?
I don’t know why; don’t know why, why I watch this show.
And of course, Nagisa gets mesmerized and wants Tomoya to tell more about it. He ignores her and shoves a juice box up Fuko’s nose again to interrupt her orgasm. Despite this, she still manages to fulfill the poorly worded euphemism department with “And my throat is all wet for some reason.”
Tomoya finds success in how he has mastered “Shooting Juice Up the Nose!” Next, he shall accomplish the arduous task of mastering “Putting Hat on the Head!” as well as “Walking With Daughter In Snow!”
At school, we are given more scenes of Fuko trying and failing to hand out starfish to random kids. While this hasn’t drawn the attention of normal people, it has done a fine job luring the paedophiles in. Three guys jump in and mutter about how they’re going to start a “Fuko Fan Club” because of how touched they are at seeing a little girl giving out stuff without explaining what they’re for. Fuko quite obviously doesn’t want to be even near them. Then they run away after confusing Tomoya for Fuko’s brother, which just seems insulting to say the least.
The three decide to concoct a plan to distribute as many starfish as possible by taking advantage of the upcoming Founder’s Festival. But fuck productivity, because Sunohara quickly joins the gang with the desire to help. However, Fuko doesn’t want him because he’s weird by special girl standards. In order to prove his worth, Sunohara decides to go into a carving contest with Fuko. The one to carve a Nue—a Japanese chimera—first wins. Fuko misinterprets it as having the “tail of a bitch” so you’d assume she’ll give it purple hair. Nagisa, making Fuko seem like a MENSA member, asks if she could go see a Nue at the Zoo. It’s times like these that I feel Tomoya’s pain.
As the competition ends, Fuko turns out to have carved a frog. Drowning in his pride, Sunohara tactlessly cuts himself and renders her the winner. Yeah, wasn’t this school supposed to have the most kids graduate and go to college?
With arts & crafts time over, Nagisa finally decides that the Founder’s Festival is the best time that Ms. Ibuki should meet Fuko. And you couldn’t do it before, why?
She also jokes about how they’ve essentially become Fuko’s parents, only to blush again because nobody can admit their goddamn feelings in this show.
The two then stumble upon Future Tomoya and find out that he’s Ms. Ibuki’s fiancé. After telling him the plan, Future Tomoya decides that this might be something that will “lift her little spirits”. However, Ms. Ibuki is having doubts since she quit teaching there. But after being told Fuko’s around, she decides to go and make Nagisa sob like a stillborn again.
Next day, they find Fuko asleep and surrounded by starfish. As Tomoya gives her a piggyback ride to school, Mr. Furukawa scoffs at his weakness by saying, “Quit your bellyaching kid! If you were any kind of real man, you should be able to juggle a girl or two without a sweat.” I think I may have found a character I like in this show.
As they walk to school, Tomoya moans about how Fuko always has her guard up when in front of normal people, but Nagisa scolds him again and says that they should treasure Fuko and how she’ll reunite with her sister. Fuko soon wakes up and talks about how she had a wet dream that involved playing with Tomoya at a beach.
They go to an auditorium and say that Fuko should be there, who then gives Nagisa a starfish despite how she probably already has one.
After that, the three find the paedophiles again who are selling starfish merchandise in the hopes of helping Fuko’s cause, which causes her to cum again. It seems that the orgasm was so long that when she snaps out of it, she’s in a maid’s outfit along with Kyou and Ryou. And because this is a school festival, you can never have too many underage maids, right?! When being told that she can offer people starfish with notice, she blurts out, “ARE YOU SHORT OF STARFISH?!” This somehow gives Tomoya an award for mastering “Leaving Her At A Different Place!”
Soon after waiting on tables, Fuko has become well known throughout the school for reasons unknown to any sane viewer. Nagisa then proclaims that she wants drama club members with just as much dedication as Fuko, which just feels kind of sad if you ask me.
Nagisa and Tomoya get a brief visit from Sunohara, who tries to admit his feelings for the former. But just as a second goes by, they ignore him. I would say he’s getting cock-blocked, but that would imply there was an actual cock to block.
Sunohara starts wandering around in search of poontang, only to come across a bear that roundhouse kicks him through a window. The bear takes off its head to reveal Tomoyo, who has decided to become a furry in order to achieve anonymity. She also accepts Fuko’s starfish on the basis that it’s hand-made, contrasting that which wants its hands all over DEM LEGS.
Fuko goes, “She’s a very kind person.” in an attempt to create an illusion that she’s more than just a punch line to poorly-executed comedy relief. Nagisa then remembers about Sunohara, but Tomoya just shrugs it off.
The girl from the entrance ceremony—the one who looks like Tashigi from One Piece—also appears and decides to not be a bitch for once by accepting the wedding invitation. Yay for bipolarity!
After a round of montages, the three finally decide to confront Ms. Ibuki. However, drama occurs when they realize that she can only see the two of them… wait, why can’t she see Fuko? Everyone else could interact with her just fine. If even a trio of toddler-lovers can see Fuko clear as day, I don’t see why her bleeding sister can’t. Just because it’s supernatural doesn’t mean you can’t explain why they can’t meet. This is fucking bullshit, I can’t believe that this–*cuts*
Editor: Sorry for the rant there. As soon as we get the kinks out of our recap slave, we’ll be able to present to you the next wholesome installment of Kicking Clannad In the Nads! Be seeing you…
Originally posted on Monday, August 1, 2011.